If I was to be completely honest with people and open and sincere….I suppose that I should start this post in admitting that the main reason I am writing here and not on my el jay………….is because I feel I have updated way too much in the past week. Once a day, if not twice. I have so few friends on LiveJournal now, and I'm sure they would appreciate the break. Not to mention that most of the posts have been about adventuring with friends and Call of Cthulhu…so, yeah. Break is good. ^^;
I also don't really expect anyone to find this and/or read it— but welcome you are. I wonder if this would be a good place to put something like this…..not that it matters. Because the forum clearly states that this is the place for people to post things where they don't otherwise belong. And, well…this kinda fits that perfectly.
At the moment, it is past 430am. Actually, it's getting closer to 5am. I am back from dropping Katie off at her house and am waiting for John to call to get back into Estabrooke, since I stole his MaineCard. If it wasn't for that little event, I would be sleeping right now. And I really~ should be. I have been pushing it way past it's limits lately and, as fun as it is, I guess it's really not a good thing. :(
A lot of things have happened since coming to Orono, and a lot of changes have been made. Coming back from Old Town at 430a yesterday got me contemplating things. It's weird how my mind tends to "awaken" and be more open at night and/or if I'm really tired. Something seemed to happen when I was down home last weekend that shifted things for me a bit. And I don't really know if anyone else can tell (I'm assuming they can't, since it's subtle transformations), but I noticed it. I am more open recently. More active. More..involved. At least I have been. And it's great. It's wonderful. I am pushing myself to be more assertive and it's managed to work. The weirdest part is that it seemed to work more efficiently if I really didn't pay attention to it. If I kinda just jumped right in when opportunity struck and didn't bother mingling about or kick myself for not doing something.
..I dunno. I just thought it was kinda awesome.
I've also been really flirty recently (aside from tonight, really. But that was due to other issues). That's just an "out there" proclamation…take it as you will. It doesn't mean too much. ^^; It just makes me happy to flirt with people— even though all of it has been in joking form (weeeeellllllllll…………99% of it, anyway ^_~)
I get really happy when I notice I'm changing and growing up. I love growing up. I also get really happy looking back and seeing how much I've evolved/grown over the last year+. I don't know (again) if anyone's noticed a difference, but I certainly know there's been major changes. And it's exciting. I like not knowing what's going to happen and what new challenges I'm going to face.
I guess in all this, I do really have a point. I am curious whether anyone has ever felt this way (more specifically about the last point). I have noticed a lot of changes in my closest friends over the last few years and I'm wondering how they approach/feel about their changes. Do you notice them? Are you happy with them? Do you think about it at all? How do you react to the changes? Do you find yourself scared to share your "new self" with some of your old friends? I've also noticed that I act very differently around my newer friends than around old ones. People tend to do that: they stick with the appearance that certain people see you. It's a subconscious reaction, and everyone does it (don't be ashamed! lol). But even at the beginning of the semester…when I spent all summer hanging around newer friends and being more outgoing and confident…and then coming back to my "old friends" where I slipped back into the archetype of the shy girl in the corner who speaks little and does less……..it's an interesting variation.
It all really boils down to this: I am a nerd. And unlike the kind of nerd whose into computers and video games (although I adore those, too), I am the kind of nerd who latches onto behavioral changes and personality variations and finds archetypes versus individual behavior utterly fascinating. So I like talking about it.
I'm just curious about others' reactions.
Anyway…..I suppose Buttons is coming back for the night (which means I CAN GO TO BED! ^^), so I should go. Thanks for reading. ^^