Friend Quotes

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~Quotes found in friends? Put them here.~1
by the way, please place NEW QUOTES at the top to appease our once master admin, Mr. Murray.

Nichole: my co-workers and I agree that to work at Treats you have to be crazy and insane and I'm all three!"

John: What's a "Harry Potter" recipe? Double bubble, toil and trouble?

Emily: How do you get a [wine] cork out? YOUR TEETH!

"Ian… French toast is not a method of determining long-term relationship results!!!" -John

Jen:So who do we blame for putting the cups to the right of the sink?
Nichole: My mum, she put them there.
Jen: Nah, Nate. I'm going to go with Nate.

"The only thing worse than a rock star is someone who thinks they're a rock star." -John

Ali: That's like, six inches per hour!
John: Don't make me say's just too easy. Just like your mom!
John: what did I do?
Nichole: what haven't you done?
John: Ali's mom!

Ali: When did it become eleven o'clock?
Jen: (checks the clock) about four minutes ago.

Ali: I can't help it. my mind goes to dangerous places.
Jen: Like Mordor? Mordor is pretty dangerous…

(talking to truck outside) "are you just sitting there watching the storm? Because if you are, I approve." -Nichole

"Every answer to the questions you're about to ask for the next minutes is 'no'".- Will, to Matt

Ali: my sister doesn't know how to spell 'does'. She always says dose-like a dose of medicine.
Annie:how old is she?
Annie:/frowns. maybe she doesn't get it.

Ian: you fried orphans?
Annie: it's the best way to cook an orphan, don't you know?

Ali:I didn't go blah I went BLAH.

"Killing Ali was one of the funnest things I've done all summer!" -Annie

"I can't tank the DM!" -Nate

"I don't bark at black people on the TV, though."
~ Ali

NATE: /shows Ali his dragon
ALI: Is that yours?
NATE: Yup.
ALI: Hmm. Mine's bigger.

"My co-worker's so fat, she needs the Jaws of Life to clip her toenails."
~ Nichole

"I say we go back to the old days and just blame Nate."
~ Jen

"Christ isn't Christian!? Now that's just silly!"
~ Jen

ALI: What the hell, Jesus!? Hiding in the closet!
JEN: I know! Jesus is supposed to save, not steal her hiding spot!

NICHOLE: What happened [in Hellraiser]?
ALI: /sigh. Well, his brother just came out of the closet. …hahahaha

JEN: John said anyone can become a sorority girl.
ALI: It's true. Talbot's one.

"This is why your man makes the big bucks: I can make cookies and run a business at the same time."
~ John (to Jen)

ALI: You're the one who couldn't tell one black guy from the other!
JEN: They all look alike! So do white chicks.

ALI: (talking about the phonetic alphabet) I don't usually remember anything beyond "delta". Oh! But I do know F, U, C, K.
NICHOLE: You would.

"You're Canadian cheese. Don't start with me, cheese."
~ Annie

"She took the dragon out of the bag. This is the one she has to fight tomorrow."
~ Steph

"[Jen's phone] is telling me a line and a fish button. Where's the fish button!?"
~ Ian

"What important thing do you have to say to me? …smiley face. FUCK YOU!"
~ Jen

JOHN: Nobody loves you here!
ALI: I'm making pancakes.

JOHN: Psh. Immigrants.
ALI: Who? Canadians?

WAITER: What's wrong with nerds? I'm the king of nerds!
JEN: [Ali's] a Trekkie.
WAITER: …oh.

"I haven't taken Finger Painting 101 because I'm not an English major."
~ John

"I don't have enough energy to squint."
~ Ali

"Oh, look. I drew a missile for this one."
~ Jen

"'I'm in your house.'
'Who's this?'
'I don't know. You called me.'"
~ Jen

"Next time I buy a box of Wheaties and it gets to the end, you guys can battle for it."
~ Ali

ALI: Bleh
JEN: Blah!
JOHN: Blah!
/awkward pause.
ALI: Nichole?

NICHOLE: Did you let Kai in?
JEN: He's in the toilet.

ALI: /walks into Nichole's room. Dishes are dooone~.
ALI & NICHOLE: Duh duh duh-DUH!

"Bliss is a big cup of chocolate pudding and a glass of milk at midnight when you feel like you have nothing better to do."
~ Will

/singing along. "Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery that all started with the Big Bang. AAAHHH!"
~ Ali

NICHOLE: I would be a jackass shark.
STEPH: I would be a jackass…..shark.

"I can't call him Mexican? OK. Get Dora the Explorer outta here!"
~ Steph

"I'd rather get punched in the face by a baby than play Ghost Valley."
~ Sam

"They were so gay they scared cruise ships? Jesus! That's pretty gay!"
~ John

ANNIE: Do you want [the laser pointer] back?
JOHN: No..?
ANNIE: /shoves the laser pointer up her nose

JEN: I don't wanna play Minecraft. I wanna read Fruits Basket!
JOHN, MATT & IAN: Whaaaaat?

JEN: Don't snort at me.
JOHN: Snort
NATE: Snort

"It's OK, Matt. We listen to reason. …Trampolines don't exist either."
~ John

JOHN: You're a pufferfish!
MATT: What?

"I'm starting to like him. He's an asshole, but he's an asshole in all the shows I like."
~ Jen (about Wesley Crusher)

"You didn't see what went on upstairs! These three helped steal my pants!"
~ Nate

"If you tell kids their epidermis is showing they tend to look down."

"There was a big bang. Lots of people died. But you know, that's just how dinner goes."

"My boob liked it but I didn't."
~ Katie

ANNIE: My head was in Molly's crotch! It was ridiculous!
JOHN: Can we quote that?

"All I hear is nonsense and hot gas."
~ Sam (to Tiffany)

"We really need to stop dancing by the pizza."
~ John

~ Steph

"Your ankles are like knives!"
~ Jen (to Nate)

"I don't know if I can finish this. Especially with the chicken coming. I think I might throw up. …but I will eat this cookie."
~ Sam

Andrew: DO ME!!! *punch*

Cam: If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

CAM: Crazy dude attacked me!
MATT: He punched me!
CAM: That's a load of crap.

NATE: You wake up to see John with a shit-eating grin on his face.
MATT: Okay, who let the shit out?

Nate: "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!"

JOHN: I don't know if they're laughing at my jokes or because I just stopped talking.
ALI & NICHOLE: … /burst out laughing

"I'm not evil. I'm just…bored."
~ Ali

"Turn right on Willie Way! …I mean White Avenue."
~ Elayna

"That makes sense! Someone died."
~ Alicia

"Actually Ali was there when I bought it and the other person let it slip…so obviously it's Nate's fault."
~ Jen

"I need to make sure I bring extra cameras for my battery."
~ Ali

"I put too much coffee in my creamer!"
~ Ali

SAM: /fake singing. When I grow up, I wanna have boobies.
STEPH: Are you guys talking about Justin Bieber?

"I don't want your stupid genes in my offspring."
~ Jen

"You can have a threesome with only two people. …Time travel's awesome!"
~ John

[walks by and stares at Ali under the table] "Such a dork. Sitting under the table with a Pokemon blanket, reading Star Trek."
~ Jen (to Ali)

"I do believe I commanded thee to move."
~ Nichole

JOHN: I beg forth to differ!
ANNIE: Keep begging.

"Alright, blood suckers: I'll bite."
~ Jen

"I may be black but [Steph] does NOT have to talk to me like that."
~ Sam

"Because you're an Army cat and you're all that you can be."
~ Jen (to Kai)

ALI: Is that scientific?
NICHOLE: No, that's Nichole-tific.

ALI: Psh.
NICHOLE: Psh yourself.
ALI: And Batman

STEPH: I hate it when you have to fire glue sticks!
JEN: Well maybe if they weren't lazy Mexican glue sticks.

"If Oscar[Ali's mum's dog] were human, he'd be a black dude. I don't know why. I think it's cuz he's always barking."
~ Elayna

John: No… a Root Canal isn't actually all that scary.
Aaron: But what if you were ALIVE?!

NICHOLE (to jen): "You smell like artificial cherries, just so you know"
JEN: "That's what my mouth tastes case you wanted to know.."
NICHOLE: "Not really, but thanks"

JOHN: I'm actually really happy I'm wearing pants right now.
JACLYN: We're not.

/John hits Jaclyn with a nunchuck. "Ow. …do it again."
~ Jaclyn

"You can't steal my brofist."
~ Cameron

"Nichole! Now you must swim through the Sea of Knowledge!"
~ Jen

JOSH T.: I think that's the second time I've seen Kevin Bacon's ass.
JOSH H.: You keep track?

STEPH: I see tits, though.
JOSH T: Not Kevin Bacon's tits, though.

(after an associate reads off the amount needed for payment) "See, now you want me to pay. And I thought we were becoming friends. That's it! Friendship over!"
~ Customer at Kohl's

"Wait. Do trains fuck boats now?"
~ Andrew

"You just had your English corrected by an Engineering major. Do you know what level that puts you at now?"
~ John

ALI: Well, I guess you don't need to know math to know fashion.
EMILY: Apparently not.

STEPH: What did you say?
JEN: Nothing about your mother.

"I'm saving myself for cheesy fries."
~ Nichole

JEN: Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay…all night and then nothing.
MEGAN: I woulda killed him.

"It is now my mission to eat all of the cookies before they get back. …I'll be in the kitchen."
~ Jen

"I know I can count on you to destroy the evidence."
~ Ali (to Jen)

"Stop humping my turkey!"
~ Nichole (to Sam)

"Yeah, I had a boyfriend. No, wait!"
~ Nate

"Anything Nate can do, I can do better."
~ John

ALI: David Tennant [as the Doctor] left some huge shoes to fill.
JEN: Yup. You would need a clown.

"I bring tidings of peanuts and beer…except it's chips and Sprite."
~ John

"I only had to tell [Jen] twice to open her mouth."
~ Nichole

"She looks so comfortable. Dammit!"
~ Steph

JOHN: I'd do her in a second.
NICHOLE: Really John? That long?
JEN: Yeah, he doesn't take that long.

JOHN: You guys are impossible.
JEN: We're not possible?
NICHOLE: Do you wanna be?

"You can buy a Golden Snitch! …although I'm pretty sure that's silver."
~ Nichole

"It's like 95% fish, 5% dragon."
~ Steph

"Good day. Called Ali a turd, almost choked Nichole…you guys are gunna hate me by the end of the snow day."
~ Jen

"No, don't look! I have a lot of butt sex!"

"What are you doing with your pants down your hands? I mean…"
~ Sam

ASHLEY: Uh, Jason, where would you be?
JASON: Hiding
ASHLEY: Why would you do that?
JASON: It's Halloween!

SAM: Oh, yes! Oh god, Ali! Aw, yeah! /deep breaths followed by a satisfied sigh
ALI: You're done already?

/runs into the livingroom. "I just made Nichole's night by being naked!"
~ Jen

"Ooh. Floppy bread. It flops." (Nichole and Ali start laughing) "It's FLOPPY!"
~ Steph

NICHOLE: You're gonna be gone for what? Three, four days?
STEPH: Which is why I'm gonna sandwich you and leave.

"I'm learning. Someday I'll evolve into something better."
~ Nate

"I can't be trusted to give things back. It's better if I just hold onto it."
~ John

JEN: Give them some respect. They might love Christmas as much as we love Halloween.
NICHOLE: Nonsense.

ALI: Get over yo'self
JEN: Pfft. Do you know how hard that is? I'm awesome.

"Yes, Ali, I'm bringing my laundry to the bog water while everyone watches constellations."
~ Nichole

"I don't know what to call a third."
~ Jen

NICHOLE: I swear I closed that [barn] door.
JEN: You did. [The cats] know how to open it.
ALI: They're velociraptors!

"I went to the University of Awesome!"
~ Katie

"I asked you guys why you would always travel together, know each other… and you give me 'he fixed my broken fridge'."
~ John

MEGAN: If you're against the family and Will's your twin brother…wouldn't James be offed?
JAMIE: That's a good point!
JAMES: I'm Belgian. It's OK.

"Roll your 'shroom."
~ Katie

"I have $10 and an appearance of 11. I'm fucked."
~ Katie

"Ok. Fruck."
~ Jamie

"I'll have the whole Jamaican mafia on their asses."
~ Jamie

"Hark! A ruckus!"
~ Katie

JOHN: He's not listening to you.

"Well, Jamie's laughing his ass off so something purple must've happened."
~ Ian

ALI: I woke up.
MEGAN: I rolled a one.
JOHN: You wake the fuck up.

KATIE: Honey, this one's leaking.
JAMES: I'll give you a tampon.

"Stop smoking the USB stick!"
~ John

"I'll jab my pick-axe into his head but that would kill him too."
~ Katie

"SOULS! It's time to feed!"
~ Katie

ALI: But how do you know!?
KATIE: Because he's never died before!!

"Roll your meterology."
~ Katie

KATIE: I'm on a plane!
JOHN: Motherfucker?

MEGAN: Are there peanuts on the plane?
KATIE: Complimentary, I hope.
MEGAN: Well, yeah. I don't pay for peanuts.

"Running sounds like a good idea right now, doesn't it?"
~ Jamie

"Splodey! Let's go!"
~ Katie

"So my husband's dead. I need consoling."
~ Katie

"He's gonna have to find some other messiahs!"
~ Will

"Tell us we're saving the world and I'll feel better."
~ Katie

"They're bookist!"
~ Katie

MEGAN: Does everything taste like chicken, or does chicken taste like everything?

"Selma Hayek is swinging back and forth?"
~ Katie


"Even if you don't believe in evolution, why would god create a chicken?"
~ John

"I just cut someone off. And I didn't get honked at! Good day."
~ Jen

"We are vaginas!"
~ Jen

"Had I known it was there, I would've eaten it."
~ Nichole

NATE: Is it really stealing if you have consent?
ALI: Yes. No. NO! I didn't mean to say "yes"

"That's the most horrific thing I've heard all day!"

SAM: Don't do it, Cynthia!
/ten seconds later…
STEPH: Her name's Beverly!

"I love taking comas!"
~ Nate's Josh

"Well if you use a little charmander clothes will fall off."
~ Nate's Josh

"She's not even crazy in a sensical way!"
~ Cam

"You're double entangouring me!"
~ Steph

"Two girl Tony's and two boy Andrews. It fits."

"Guys, I don't think it's safe here. We should go rollerskating."
~ Ali

"I'm sorry. I had nothing to do with this. I just think it's funny."
~ John

"If this scene [where the bears are eating salmon in Brother Bear] was in Finding Nemo, it would be highly morbid."
~ John

"I proved it wasn't October because it's September. But that was child's play."
~ Katie

"Something fell off your face."
~ Sam

JOHN: You're drunk.
CAM: I'm aware of that. But you're still wrong!

"I know my Constitution. You're an idiot!"
~ Cam

"California loses!"

"When god made the universe, he had a root beer float."
~ Jen

JEN: Who's Pudge?
JOHN: Pudge controls the weather.

NATE: Fifteen minutes into the movie and I'm already lost
ALI: So, basically, you see the guys without heads? They're dead.

NICHOLE: Attic, closet? Isn't it the same thing? [Anne Frank] lived somewhere.
NATE: And then she lived in an oven.

"I'm quoting you. Shut the fuck up."

"They might use it as a lawn ornament. Ron would do that, too. Some people might have flamingos or gravestones…no. Ron needs to get a MOTHER FUCKIN' BOAT."
~ Ali

"You're a tri-whore, John."
~ Andrew

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her read."
~ Margaret Douglas? (horticulturalist)

"He ate me! He took my head and he bit it!"

"I just got wa-buffeted."

JEN: /sigh. We're always disagreeing on something.
ALI: No, we're not.

Jen: I'm a hussy, that's what i do.
(Andrew, from across the room): You're a hussy and a Jew?

Jen: (speaking to Jess) So how is the baby?
Whitney: I aborted it and mixed it into your cereal. Enjoy.

"This one is parishable and this one doesn't."

TODD: So many new people to meet and eat.
STEPH: Only if you're playing HvZ
TODD: …legally.

"Centipedes are weird; they have way too many legs for me to like them."

JOHN: Left some chocolate in the pockets for that nigger.
STEPH: Such a violent word.
JOHN: What? "Chocolate"?

WILL: Go catch the bus.
WILL: Simon says go catch the bus.

[talking about biochemistry] "I don't understand this French."

"It's Earth Day, silly! I just saw so many tits and dicks, it's ridiculous."

"I had a pet dinosaur once. It ate pride. It ate people. I had to put it down because it ate my pet stick…"

"I'm Ali's friend now. We're going to hell together."

"OK, fine. Hump my arm. I don't care."

"I am gonna talk to your computer. Hi Ali's computer. Ali is a witch. She probably casts spells on you. I know its a hard life, but hang in there. She might give you feet someday, then you can run away!"

BUTLER: You realize it's against my contract to help you, right?
ANDREW: Well, then, how are you going to feed me a sandwich?

"It's scary cuz he's ugly."

JEN: *trying to hypnotize* You are feeling veeerrryyyy sleeeeepyyyy…
ALI: No, I'm not.
JEN: OK. I'll get a mallet.

"You had me at Asian."

"It's awesome! I love pie!"

"It's wonderful. It's a heart attack on a plate. Just what I wanted tonight: a heart attack."

"Get off my sidewalk. I'm working this sidewalk."

"I hate it when the spine doesn't separate."

"I love you; I just love winning more."

"I was too busy gloating. You know: ruining your life."

"Good bread. French bread. The kind you knock on and it knocks back."

"I want to investigate the duckiness of him."

ANDY: We're accusing you of bad air.
JOHN: I'm a pollutant, I'm sorry. I'm an SUV!

"Are you arguing with your own idea?"

JOHN: Why don't you tell the captain what you see?
KATIE: Oh, right! Captain, [points dramatically to her right] LOOK!

JOHN: You find sexy lengerie!
MEGHAN: Ew. They're old people.

MEGHAN: Wait. The minister says "get the fuck in here"?
JOHN: Yes.
MEGHAN: What kinda church is this!?
JOHN: A kick-ass church!

JOHN: [to Matt] There's a good reason I'm keeping you ugly.
KATIE: [instant clarity] OH! You're a fish!

"GAY! We can buy a DOOR for $30!"

"I got you the gun you shot me with!"

JOHN: Wait! You're not a fisherman!
YUSEF: No, I'm a seaman

"We can brasier it to the car."

KATIE: [le gasp] The Deep Ones!?
JOHN: No, no, no. It's not THAT bad.
KATIE: ………the deepER ones?

JOHN: The rest of you find little pieces of cheese. They are delicious.
JEN: I eat the cheese.
ME: …you eat the cheese.
JEN: Hey, I finds it, I wants it.

"Who wants to walk upstairs to play pool? That's ridiculous!"

"Why do I need to be txt'd a happy face?"

"You almost made me fall on a person."

"Who the fuck buys a laptop with their laptop?"

"No, I'm not trying to push you off. I'm trying to hurt you."

"I fail at knitting, but I swear: by the end of the mission, all of these dogs will have sweaters."

"So he had a remarkably similar back of the head."

"Roll a drama."

"Where exactly are we going, because your mansion doesn't exist."

"At the spiritual warrior's request, I'm going to drink some alcohol."

"What? Medusa vaginas!?!"

"There better be fighting, or I'm starting one."

"So, in the very least, you fucked up."

"Somebody's following me. I don't like that."

"Oh, we have masks? Cool. We're fine, then."

"The Kobolt totally said 'butnam'. I wanna giggle."

"I heard a loud noise. Shut up and let me go."

"You can't be mad at someone when they grab your penis."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in 73% of all accidents involving falling objects."
~joke in Coffee News

"That's what happens when people fight me: They get eaten by fish. That's a fact."

"My family's inherently Batman."

"I want you out of me. All of you; not just one finger."

"Chuck Norris is too badass to have a uterus, and Mr. T is no one's bitch."

"Let's get drunk and watch Power Rangers!"

"I think it's safe to say I've gone insane. How're you?"

"He puts a smile in his pocket?"

ALI: Sounds like Walt Disney World.
KATIE: Or Story Land! Where fantasy lives!

"I suspect that they are aliens."

"Hey. Hey. I am more insane than you; cut that out."

"Butler's aren't human, they're subhuman!"

"Guys, I don't know if you know this, but this guy can't see."

"Where is your Cthulhu now?"

BUTLER: You realize it's against my contract to help you, right?
ANDREW: Well, then, how are you going to feed me a sandwich?

"I'm not having an argument with you! You don't know where tigers live!"

ANDREW: "What are you guys doing?"
JEN: "Are vampires real?"

"it looks like I got a dog hair [in my pencil holder] and it got inked up. Either that, or a blue dog got into my backpack."

GEOFF: I've been with the same girl for 8 years.
STEPH & SAM: "AAWWWWWW!" *Geoff falls off his chair*

John: " Matt's a suicide burner."

ALI: Will noticed me. :[
GEOFF: That's surprising.
(three seconds later from down the hall…)
Will: What are you talking about? I notice things!

Jen: Ron, how would you feel if you got turned into a unicorn?
RON: …horny

ALI & CAM discussing super powers.
ALI: What if you could talk to machines?
CAM: Why would I wanna do that? They don't have anything interesting to say.

"Chemistry's happening now; biology will happen later."

JEN: But if they don't have high calcium, they won't have strong teeth!
TODD: Cells don't have teeth.
JEN: They don't!? Then how will they CHOMP things!?

JEN: We need more Ali quotes
ALI: I don't really say anything all that funny.

"Who lives in a pineapple under a bridge? MATTHEW BRODEUR!"

"Just cuz you did it first doesn't mean you're better. I mean, look at Ford."

STEPH: I'll kick your balls up your throat!
TODD: I'll kick your balls up your throat!
STEPH: I don't have a throat!

LAURA: What did you put on my face?
TODD: Warm pee.

"No, he said that but I put it in your head."

"I have to study. The bear's watching me."

LAURA: You mean the one who looks like a phallus?
ALI: I like that quote. [meant to say:] It's subtle but harsh at the same time. [Instead blurted out…] It's soft but hard.

JEN: John is my precious little flower.
STEPH: Yeah, that you like to beat the shit out of.

"Ever wonder why they call it a blow job? Maybe cuz the guy blows if it's good."

"Oh, no. You're murdering people."

"Oh, look at this kid. Oh, you don't have to. It's James."

MATT: It's kinda cold in here. Oh, look. The window's open. Hey, Andrew, close the window.
ANDREW: You're a window.

ANDREW: Does that mean it's midnight?
ALI: In two minutes.
ALI: What?
ANDREW: ..I'm sleepy.

"Ah-ha! My titties are invisible."

"Doesn't everybody like dicks?"

"He's not being politically correct! He's being wrong."

"I'm all wet down here. WTF."

"Apparently these things do just happen."

*Nate hits Jen.*
NATE: You were open.
JEN: It's business hours.

STEPH: Oh, look, there's a squirrel over there. You should look.
ALI: No.
STEPH: *annoyed* Damn. Now I have to go get my own watermelon.

"When you come in last at everything, you start hooking!"

"He seems very culty."

"Roll a rape."

[quoting Matt] "'How many miles in a feet'?"

"You got called to the fucking cultist's office and got raped."

WILL: Andrew, you remember you shoved a roll of 20s up your ass.
ANDREW: If I pass my conceal, can I have money in my…
JOHN: NO! Dear God, no! Many times no!

"Books by Ian? That's an oxymoron."

MEGAN: Yup. I've noticed that, too.
JOHN: *shrugs* She's noticed that too.

"It has to be bitchy, not dicky."

"Ooh, Andy, drop something near my ass again."

"I'm being showered in Goldfish."

MATT: I've had enough of these Liberal Arts colleges
JOHN: Oh, they've had enough of you.

"We're playing Cthulhu! Graduation is the least of your worries!"

"When it comes to drugs and cult fanatics, just say no."
~Will (almighty voice from down the hall)

ANDREW: This isn't Winnie-the-Pooh.
JAMIE: The Huffleumps will find you.

"Your character's fat. How did he run away?"
~Andrew (to Matt)

"I rolled a toast!"

"Everybody looks sketchy as fuck. This is the abandoned warehouse."

"I don't see any images…" *page loads* "AHHHHHHH!" *slams laptop*
~ Bridgette

MATT: But then a squirrel can't knock out the power for the entire Eastern Seaboard.
JOHN: No, then the entire Eastern Seaboard will knock out all the squirrels!

WILL: Put a banana in your pillow.
RON: What did you say?
WILL & ALI: A banana
RON: Oh. I thought you said a water balloon out of mayonnaise.

"Just wanted you to know that you're wiping your tit and everyone knows."

JOHN: I'm an inductor and he's a capacitor.
CAM: Stop ruining Ethernet!

JEN: You don't like to be forked, do you?
NATE: No, I like to do the forking.

"I fork, therefore I am."
~ Will

*John stares at Jen and waits for her reaction*
JEN: What?

"You wanna get uninvited to the pool tonight? Cuz I'll forget!"
~ Steph

"It's cuz I just swallowed milk as you stabbed me."
~ Sam

"I don't talk retard. I'm sorry."

SAM: What the hell is a tellipede?
STEPH: It's like a centipede but with telli legs instead of milli.
SAM: ..don't you mean centi?

"Fuck! My inside leg!"
~ Sam

STEPH: You can't eat a cookie without reading the fortune first because you'll get a fortune like Jen's hooker one!
JEN: *sob*

TIFFANY: There are some guys I just don't wanna see shirtless.
JEN: *nods* Jabba the Hut.

STEPH: I don't know how I would feel if I were a chicken.
WILL: You'd feel peckish.

"No, Ian's not direct. He'd say I made a subtle gesture at you three weeks ago."

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