An Open Letter to My Family
You sit around in a house of lies. You all tell each other the same thing:
'It's despicable. How could she. What nerve.'
You all judge and talk and gossip.
You know nothing of the truth, yet you speak.
You speak lies.
I can't fathom the irony.
You all think that I am the lesser one.
I am the outsider.
I don't belong.
What a joke.
I am the only one who seems to care
About the truth.
I Am the only one who dares speak up.
Something wicked lies in your house of lies
And it's not me.
I love how you all talk
You whisper, you plot.
You feel like your absence will be felt by me.
It won't.
You feel like you can threaten me,
Threaten to take away my own children.
For what?
For feeding them?
Making sure they are healthy?
Making sure they are happy?
I suppose that last part would make you angry.
Me keeping my children protected from all of you
Would mean that their happiness would be secured
What a joke you all are.
You judge me for trying to be a good person.
It's funny you all claim to believe in a god.
For what purpose? So you can feel superior?
I think you feel superior without believing.
You would feel superior to a genius
Superior to a savior
Superior to anyone
You belittle and mettle
You crucify and disengage
You think that preying on someone's guilt
Makes you a better person
You are all manipulative fuck ups.
You blame me when there is no blame
You blame my husband and my children (if you could)
When they have nothing but innocence on their side
They are blameless and yet you find fault.
Somehow it is a game to you all
'Blame the victim,'
You all say in jest.
'The guilty could never do wrong'.
What could the guilty ever do?
You claim the guilty could take away her children.
Who cares?
You never want to see them anyway
You are too proud to admit you hate being around your grandkids
They are "too loud"
"Too obnoxious"
"Too annoying"
"Too noisy"
They are a "disturbance"
And yet you claim you fear their absence
I always wondered what was wrong with me
What did I do wrong?
What could I do better?
But it was never me
Why would it be?
I am a kind and attentive person
I care about people
I always cared about all of you
And what happened?
At the first sight of conflict
You pretend like I never existed
You wonder why I would turn my back to you
It is because you are nothing to me
For three decades you have done nothing
But try to push me further into the ground
When I tried to stand up for myself
You would belittle me
Trick me
Tease me
Until I fell down again
You were scared
You were worried I might be smarter than you
Have a talent you don't possess
Be more compassionate
Understand things in a different way
You were intimidated
That is why you think so little of me
You are a joke
You are a laughingstock
Why did I spend so many nights upset?
Why do I find myself upset right now?
You have made it very clear that you want
Nothing to do with me
I want nothing to do with you
I wanted nothing to do with you first
I am still a broken hearted child
Wondering why no one wants her around
A family should care about you
A family should be there for you
You do none of that
You can not run away fast enough
I am so done with all of you
You are FAKE and STUPID and NAIVE
You are BRAIN DEAD and INSINCERE and COLD
You don't love
You don't feel
You don't have empathy (clearly)
You are a thing of my past
I want to show my children that people are CARING
People are LOVING
People are KIND and people HELP OUT EACH OTHER
The best thing I can do for my children
Is to protect them from YOU
Where you will show no love, compassion
No kindness or excitement
You know only WRATH
And MANIPULATION
And ANGER
And BITTERNESS
And HATE
And JEALOUSY
And my children will no longer know you
And neither will I.
