I Can't Take This

AKA "Why I Hate Stephenie Meyer"

Return to Ducky's collection


Ali closed the screen of her laptop and sighed in exasperation as her laptop slipped off into hibernation. Jen, who happened to pass by at that moment, looked at her best friend in concern. "What's up?"

"I can't take this anymore, Jen." Ali groaned, pushing her laptop aside and getting up from her seat next to Kai on the couch. "Even reading torched reviews of Stephenie Meyer's work drives me nuts. She's so talentless! How can she be so popular? Do people just not understand anymore what constitutes as good writing?"

Jen, understanding her roommate's distress, nodded her head. "I honestly don't know, Ali."

"I just don't understand it anymore," Ali continued, not feeling reassured by her roommate's sympathy. "It's like trying to fight with religious folks about their stupid beliefs that Noah really saved two of every species on the planet. I mean, come on! It's enough to make me want to claw my eyes out."

As if a light bulb had suddenly switched on in the recesses of Ali's mind, Ali ran to the kitchen. Concerned, Jen followed her and found her friend searching furiously through the utensil drawer. She pulled out a knife and in a moment of pure drama, pointed the blade towards her eyes.

"BAD ALI!" Jen shouted, grabbing the knife from her friend and slamming it down on the tabletop. She spun towards her friend and pointed her finger accusingly. "We don't stab out our eyes with knives!"

"Do you have an ulterior weapon?" Ali asked morbidly.

Jen groaned. "Ali, you can't let Stephenie Meyer get to you like that. She will win! And why destroy your love of books just because of some hack?"

"You're right." Ali replied, sounding more optimistic. Jen sighed in relief but her feelings were cut short when Ali continued her thought processes aloud. "I mean, even if I cut out my eyes, I'm sure there are versions of her stupid books in braille…so why not cut off my fingers, as well? Although they also have to be in audio book form as well….so I might as well try and destroy my eardrums."

"ENOUGH!" Jen yelled, shocking Ali back into reality. "This is moronic! Why would you do any of those things because of her?"

"But she's everywhere, Jen." Ali complained. "Her posters are mocking everyone, her movies are everywhere, her stupid characters are being enshrined and people are equating her fans with those of J.K. Rowling and that's just sacrilege! We have to escape the grips she has on these people, but I don't know if anyone really has the power to fight back."

"But people are fighting back." Jen reassured her. "People have whole blogs dedicated to her idiocy. Katie had her books highlighted and torn apart because of her horrible writing style. Hell, even most of the people who post on My Life is Average hate her and boast about the awesomeness of Harry Potter over Twilight! Not everyone is doomed to see her writing as literature, and she will not be listed as a most influential writer along with Shakespeare, Austen, Kipling, Dickens… this is just a fad, Ali, and sometimes you just have to let fads run their course."

"Maybe you're right," Ali sighed. "Maybe we should just hold off and wait until the people who are reading her books now grow up and realize how horrible she is."

Jen nodded her head, smiling at her friend. "I'm proud of you, Ali."

Ali nodded her head as well, her eyes unfocused from the world around the two of them. "And maybe we just need to hide off until then." She stepped around her oldest friend and headed back into the livingroom. Jen, confused, followed her.

Jen saw Ali take all the books she owned off the built in shelves in the livingroom and stack them in the corner near the bay windows of Wouldbe House. Jen watched in curiosity, not understanding fully what was taking place. Bradbury, Kipling, Austen, Geroux, Rand, Rowling, Stewart, Adams among others found themselves built in a fortress design that blocked Ali into a corner. Adding a bean bag against the wall was the final touch before Ali took her place inside. She took a book by Cornelia Funke off the top of one of the piles and opened it. Turning on her reading light, she looked up at Jen.

"Alert me when the fad is over." She said simply before burying herself in her book.

Jen groaned and rolled her eyes before walking away. Ali was going to be dramatic, and the only way to fight it was to just let her be.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 License.