Our Own Little Sci Fi Adventure

Talking on Skype one night, we decided to do a reenactment of a classic "The Stories" segment we created in high school. Basically, Chocolate Syrup takes all the classic, horrid and cheesy cliches of soap operas and plays them out. It's fun, it's idiotic, it's….a work of art.

**we do not own any of the sci-fi stuff that is in here = ) **

Here's a listing of the Sci-Fi series we are intending to use (please note that not ALL the things on this page will be mentioned, or will have a major impact. This is just so we, as authors, can keep track of the series. But if you would like to suggest something, we would love to hear it! :D Sci-Fi References

(Further) Introduction

Does this story require further introduction? Probably not, but we shall give it one anyway. As our "active readers" may know, our stories generally range from the random to the absurd, to the absolute insanity of any piece of English literature you may ever have set your eyes upon. This is not new to us. Unfortunately, this misguided genre does not seem to satisfy the creator of this here website. He has complained (on several occasions) that he can't make heads nor tales of our crazed writing styles. As much fun as it may be (and I assure you: it's quite fun) to torture the bloke, the active authors of this wonderful website wanted to appease him — if only for this one time. Therefore, we've reached a compromise: this story is going to have some serious overtones to it. However, because the creator of this website does not actually participate in writing the stories, we will include some insanity (AKA the random spin off of soap opera events).
Should I also mention that we are not soap opera connoisseurs, so any soap opera parallels are completely and ignorantly coincidental. We play only on the cliché and mundane. We just make it…shall I say…more theatrical.

Chapter 1: The Beginning (..we think).

(by Alex)

The Doctor1 glared at the inner workings of the TARDIS2. Rubbing his chin, he heaved a sigh. She'd been protesting a while, not willing to cooperate with him. Usually such behavior coincided with the departure of another companion on board. He had recently been forced to leave Donna behind but, as tragic as that was, the Doctor feared Donna's disappearance was not the result of the TARDIS' upset. He feared it was more because of Rose Tyler.

Another deep sigh escaped the Doctor's smooth lips as his eyes glanced off into nothingness. Pools of tears circulated at the base of his eyes. Instinctively, the time-old Timelord cleared his throat, shrugged his shoulders and tossed his head in a perfected "tough guy" gesture to hide his sadness behind the mask. Rose was long gone now, and had her own Doctor.

There was a sudden active blip on one of the screens inside the TARDIS that brought the Doctor back down to reality. He stared at the image, trying to make it out, all the while unawares that the TARDIS was heading straight for that very spot.

  • * *

On the other side of our story is exactly where the little blip was broadcasting from. All completely ignorant of the path their fates would cross in exactly fourteen minutes and fifty-three seconds, Jen and Alex were hanging out in Alex's dorm room. It was shortly after lunch on a Thursday afternoon and the two of them had time to kill between classes. Alex was thumbing through one of her text books for her Anthropology class while Jen was trying to find the equivalent to "y" in her algebra homework. Jen's auburn eyebrows fell on her eyes as her pale brow furrowed in concentration. Alex, sensing her friend's distress, glanced over. Her dark brown eyes caught the small section above her glasses to watch Jen struggle. Right before Jen was about to throw her pencil out of the window, Alex intervened. "Want me to look at it?"

At the end of her rope, Jen sighed heavily and dropped her head in defeat. She shoved her book towards Alex. Alex took a look at the problem.

z = yb + (2 + ac) - 3

Alex stared blankly at the equation. "Z equals y times b….what?" She muttered to herself. She gazed over it, her brain steadfastly going nowhere at the speed of light, she finally sighed and gave up. "I give up." She reiterated, tossing the book back to Jen. Shrugging helplessly, she apologized. "Sorry."

Jen sighed and nodded her head grimly as her fingers traced the side of the book to close it. "It's not your fault," she muttered, also feeling helpless. "My professor's probably an alien in disguise." The two time-old friends ignored the foreshadowing they weren't yet aware played an essential part in this story when Alex glanced at her clock. A smile flew across her lips as she turned back to Jen, her eyes lit up. Jen knew that look, but was in no mood for a mysterious rendezvous. Before she could open her mouth to object, Alex interrupted. "Buttons is back from class!"

Jen's eyes gazed suspiciously in wonder at her friend, curious as to whether Alex had suddenly acquired ESP or Buttons Radar. It was lost on her how Alex could have such information; until she remembered. Buttons (the codename for one John Murray) had had his class schedule memorized by Jen and Alex for such occasions as this. More to the fact, John had been avoiding the two of them since he had discovered his schedule had been memorized the week before. It was only a matter of time, however, before this creature of habit returned to his daily routine.

Lucky for them, today was precisely that day.

A smile cascaded across Jen's lips as well as she leaped to her feet Alex grabbed her room keys and the two friends bolted for the door and ran down the hallway to the staircase. John lived two floors beneath Alex, in another wing of the building. Unawares that he was soon to be a victim, John walked at a calm pace back to his room. Meanwhile, Jen and Alex flew down the staircases and speeds that would impress the Road Runner. Right before John's key made contact with the lock, he heard a disturbance in the form of a shout from down the hall.


Looking over, startled, John's pale blue eyes fell on Jen and Alex who were stampeding down the hall. A look of panic painted across John's face as he suddenly became overwhelmed with an urgent need to be inside his room and protected. Fumbling with his key, it so happened that the same unfortunate circumstance befell him that effected everyone else in his given situation. Panic caused John to not properly hold the key to unlock the door and disappear inside. Thus, he became the official prey of the two weird girls he'd had the displeasure of meeting way back in high school. Jen dove for John, her body colliding with John's waist. The force of her body made John stumble enough to fall to the floor with a resounding THUD! Alex, unable to stop so abruptly, demonstrated a perfect example of one of Newton's Laws of Physics: an Alex in motion must stay in motion. Tripping over one of John's feet as he lay sprawled on the floor, Alex let out a final yelp before echoing the thud from the two bodies who fell before her. From somewhere down the hall, another young male resident opened their dormitory door to examine the situation. He must have been a veteran for these antics, because he merely sighed in disgust, rolled his eyes, shook his head and stepped back into his room. The door slammed shut behind him. Jen glanced up to look at the door. "Hmm," she mumbled. "I guess we annoyed Max again."

"Bah," Alex grumbled, moving to sit up. She dusted herself off as she continued talking. "He should be able to handle it."

Jen sat up and looked back at John. Buttons wasn't moving; he just lay there, completely motionless. Jen reached into the pocket of her trademark jean jacket and pulled out a stick; something she'd conveniently started carrying the day before. Leaning closer, she poked John in the shoulder. "Are you dead?" She asked, continually poking him in a rhythmic fashion. After the fifth or sixth poke, John's opposing arm flew out and gripped the stick mid-poke. Eyes remaining closed, he muttered between clenched teeth.

"Don't. Poke. Me."

"He's alive!" Alex remarked. Jen's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, but why doesn't he move?"

"I'm dead." John grumbled.

"If you're dead, why're you talkin'?" Alex asked, hands pressed to her hips. "Dead men tell no tales."

The silence that fell after that moment was loud and prominent. Several seconds passed before he sighed in submission. Alex smirked with victory; a kind of smile that shouted "I WIN!" in large streamers across the hallway, and banners flying through the air behind crop duster planes. She did not need to utter the words herself; the smile was more than enough.

John still refused to get up, even when faced with such irrefutable logic. And Buttons would have continued his façade of the living dead had not an all too familiar alien noise caught the trios ears. They each stopped instantaneously and turned to the window to listen intently to the noise.

"Is it..?" Alex started.

"It can't be.." Jen debated.

"Impossible," John breathed.

And yet each one was as correct as they were in error. The noise they each heard was exactly what they thought it was, but none of them could fathom the reality of the situation. In unison, the three pairs of eyes met and their mouths fell open in astonished wonder. None of them had to guess or inquire what the other was thinking; they each had the same racing thoughts.

The Doctor had arrived.

Chapter 2: Not what you expected

(By Jen)

Three pairs of feet sprinted down the main hall and stopped right as a familiar blue box faded in and out of view. The three stood awestruck at what had to be the most wonderful box in all of time and space, as it finally remained unfaded and stood before them like a god.

After a few minutes, they looked carefully at each other. Why didn't he come out? John was the first one to move forward. Out of the three of them, he was the most interested in having his own TARDIS, at least he thought so, and the other two, out of a momentary respect for the fact that it was he who introduced them to the series of Doctor Who did not object.

"Do you suppose he's here because of my math teacher?" Jen frowned as John put his ear up to the door to listen. "What about your math teacher?" John asked. "He's definitely an alien." Jen was sure of this. "You just suck at math." "John, this was no regular math." Alex stood up for her generally clueless friend. John looked up from listening to the door to frown at the two of them. But as he did, it was something behind them that really caught his attention.


All three of them had yelled in unison, as when John turned his back to the TARDIS, the doors came springing open and a two headed being sprang out shooting at what was behind Jen and Alex, which was a grotesque greenish blob of a thing shouting shouting something probably very obscene.

There was momentary silence as the strange alien blob thing toppled backwards and fell with an unvictorious splut.

They looked at the alien.

Then they looked at the two headed being that they hoped was the Doctor.

He stood grinning with both heads at the three of them.

He grinned at Alex. Alex tilted her head in confusion.

He grinned at Jen. Jen smiled back awkwardly.

He grinned at John. John glared. "YOU'RE NOT THE DOCTOR."

"Doctor who?" The two headed being asked while grinning with the other head.

"EXACTLY!" John remarked.

Now it was the two headed being's turn to look confused. He turned and looked back in the TARDIS. "This isn't my ship." He frowned. "HA! I knew it." John smirked. "How did you know?" Jen asked. "Time Lords don't have two heads." "Time Lords? Never heard of them." "Alright.." Alex asked, her hopes had been raised, she needed to find out who this person was and why he had stolen her chance to meet the Doctor from her..because now we was angry. "So what planet are you from, TARDIS thief?" "I'm from a planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse. I was the president of the Universe, you know." The two headed being crossed his arms in front of him and grinned again.

"You're Zaphod Beeblebrox." Alex was still glaring at him. He had the Heart of Gold. WHY did he also get the TARDIS?! And WHERE was the Doctor?! "And..this is a Vogon?" Jen had already commenced poking the dead creature with a stick. It made strange slurping noises wherever it was jabbed. "That's correct. We were about to fall into a sun, so Dent turned on the improbability drive." "So you somehow ended up in the TARDIS?" John asked. "yep." "So what happened to the Heart of Gold? Do you suppose the Doctor is on it?"

5 pairs of eyes looked inquiringly at each other. With the Infinite Improbability Drive, anything could be possible…

It took a moment for all of it to sink in. “odd, that the TARDIS would land here though..” Jen frowned, eyeing it and wanting to venture inside. “Well..” John said brightening a little, “the TARDIS is a living thing, it must have come here for some reason. There must be something here..” Alex, Jen, John and Zaphod looked around in anticipation. All they saw was a parking lot and an empty street.

“Bogus.” Zaphod sneered. He turned and marched into the TARDIS. Not wanting to miss out, Jen, Alex and John went to dive in after him. They barely made it through the door as it closed and the two headed ex-president looked at them in irritation. “Look cats, unless you know how to fly this box, get out!” “Let me try!” John stepped forward confidently and looked over the switches while Zaphod watched. He located the button that the Doctor always used and pressed it. the TARDIS made a sullen noise and refused to do anything. they tried another noise. The same thing happened. No matter what they hit or how they pleaded, the TARDIS refused to move and would instead grummble at their efforts.

“Ok, so the answer is elsewhere.” Alex frowned. Jen nodded and opened the door. “Let's go find out what we need here.” Stepping back into the bright sunlight, they found Katie standing outside. “HEY!” she grinned at seeing them. “KATIE! WE HAVE TO FIND THE DOCTOR! HE'S MISSING!!” “WHAT?!?!?!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Katie gasped in horror and then looked at Zaphod. She gasped again. “you haven't read the good book, have you?” Jen frowned. “This is Zaphod Beeblebrox, ex-president of the Universe. He's tastless and unthoughtful, and that's why people like him.” “ah, nice to meet you…” Katie smiled.

There was a metalic clicking noise and a voice mournfully rose from the TARDIS; “No one likes me, and why should they? Brain the size of a planet, but no redeeming qualities to speak of…don't bother introducing yourself, I know you don't really care about meeting me…” They looked up in a mix of joy and horror (on Zaphod's part) to see Marvin roll depressedly out of the Tardis to meet them. “Oh, heeey Marvin, glad to see yah…” Zaphod frowned. “Don't bother pretending to be happy on my acount..” Marvin sighed.

Chapter 3: The Search Begins

(by Ali)

Ali saw Marvin and resisted the urge to cross the floor of the TARDIS and hug him. John and Jen glanced around, taken in by the TARDIS and all it's beauty. Katie, at the same time, looked like she was trying to surpress an urge to say something. Her face started turning red as she held her breath so she wouldn't speak. Although her hold on life was much too strong and she ended up opening her mouth to breathe anyway. As she did so, the words she was holding slipped from her mouth: "It's bigger on the inside." As soon as she was finished speaking, she slapped her hands over her mouth and looked around her in horror. Her three best friends all glared at her momentarily. Zaphod, meanwhile, looked around the ship and replied noncommittally:

"Huh. I suppose it is."

Chapter 3: Because that last bit wasn't enough to be a full chapter.

(by Jen)

Little did they realize that Katie knew why the TARDIS was there.

Hours earlier, Katie had been fast asleep, lost in a world of fantasy and surreality. She was the Captain of the spaceship Serenity, and she was leaning calmly against the control board while she watched stars fly past them. In front of her stood a tall man named Jareth. She was triumphant, as she had successfully delivered a large crate of Wonderflownium to the Goblin king Jareth on the planet Magrathia, and he now rewarded her with the power to call on him and his goblins to do her bidding when needed. She took the favor immediatly, and asked him to help her get rid of all the squirrels. Jareth was surprised by this, and asked her why she would want this? She explained that once she had a dream of a dancing squirrel that bit her and turned her vision green, and ever since was afraid of them. Jareth sighed, and sadly informed her that squirrels were in fact goblins, and he could not help her in this task. Katie gasped, devastated. She delivered a crate of Wonderflownium to //Squirrels?!!//

Katie had woken up screaming. She leapt out of bed, half expecting to see squirrels surrounding her with a freeze ray, but saw nothing. Catching her breath, she decided sleep would be impossible and was about to leave her room when she notice a dark shadow in her closet. She immediatly stiffened, fear and cation running through her, and she edged forward to investigate.

She edged closer, and froze. Too big to be a squirrel she assessed. She moved closer. Not big enough to be a freeze ray… Closer…could it be her imagination? ..Closer..a stalker?..still closer…could it be a bunch of squirrels?! ..she moved back a few steps… no… she moved closer again. "AH HA!" she yelled finally, hitting the shadow with all her force and realizing in that same instant, that's exactly what it was…

With a crash, she fell into her closet and began screaming, grappleing with some invisible force until she finally managed to free herself and crawl to her bedroom door. After escaping her room, she marched off to get ready for school. (For Katie, grappeling with shadows first thing in the morning is a usual event).

Katie soon realized that something seemed off however, but couldn't place it.

Chapter 3: Because I Wasn't Done Yet, Dammit

(by Ali)

A shiver ran down the length of Katie's spine as she was pulled back into the present day in the TARDIS. She looked around, apparently having to regain her location. It did not take her long to notice that things had taken a turn for the worst. And with the infamous President of the Universe in their presence, such a turn for the worst was not completely unexpected. Zaphod was busy pushing every available button within reach (and a few out of reach which only became in reach through a little creative engineering). Sounds on every scale imaginable were echoing throughout the Police Box. John was attempting to stop him from causing any more chaos. Unfortunately for him, he was way over his head in this case. Zaphod continued to push numerous amount of buttons and starting to re-push buttons.

"Guys…" Ali said cautiously, looking around her as a new sound entered the cycle; something very unlike the others. "What's that sound?"

"Shut up, witch." John growled, still attempting to grapple with Zaphod. He let out a loud yelp of pain when Zaphod's second head bit John's wrist. Ali, angry with John, yelled something obscene to him that was cut out by the loud shrieking of the very sound Ali was trying to warn about. It sounded like a very high pitched train whistle. It emitted throughout the entire cabin of the TARDIS before Zaphod, Jen, John, Katie and Ali were ejected fiercely from the police box and lay out on the pavement. The front door slammed shut before the light on the top of the TARDIS started flashing around like a small lighthouse and the police box started disappearing. Jen jumped up before the others and ran towards the box screaming, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as it faded into the air. She just about reached it before it disappeared altogether and her hand slipped through nothingness.

Zaphod, meanwhile, stood up and started to diplomatically wipe the dirt off from his finely pressed clothes. He did not pay attention and therefore was caught off guard when a flying Jen hit him in the stomach, knocking him back into the dirt. (Jen, Katie and Ali all stood up and started brushing themselves off, far enough away to have a safety bumper between themselves and the two fighting). "Why! Did! You! Do! THAT!??!" Jen asked, pounding Zaphod's chest with a heavy punch between every word break.

"What are you hitting me for?" Zaphod asked, finally pushing her off when she used up all her immediate vengeful energy.

"YOU LOST THE TARDIS!!!" Jen screamed at him.

"Well………..yeah." Zaphod admitted, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal. "So?"

"SO!?!" Ali demanded, getting into the ongoing fight. "The single-most amazing piece of machinery that can travel through time and space and you LOST IT!?!???!!!"

Zaphod glared at the two of them. "My ship is better."

"YOU LOST THE TARDIS!" Jen, Ali and John all yelled at him. Zaphod still showed no sign of remorse. The three of them should have realized that the President of the Universe would show no concern for the loss of someone else's personal property.

Katie, meanwhile, was still standing a few feet away. Her words took her friends (and Zaphod) back into reality. "Hey, guys…I think we lost something else."

"What?" Jen asked, an edge to her voice left over from her aggravation at the two-headed President.

"The robot-dude….the guy with the head that he bragged was the size of a planet.."

"Marvin," Ali corrected automatically.

"Yeah, him." Katie said. "He was in the police box."

Chapter 4: There is more then one blue box?

(by Jen)

There was a mixed emotion surrounding the group. Some were distraught over the loss of their chronically depressed metal friend. Zaphod was indifferent, but cared more about the loss of the spaceship. Katie was distracted, as just then she saw a random car drive by, and it reminded her of what had been out of place earlier that morning. "AAAHHH!" She screamed, half out of realization, and half because that's what Katie does. Everyone looked at her. "I remember why I'm here!" she cried. Alex raised an eyebrow. "Does it have to do with 42?" "No!" Katie yelled, and started walking towards John's car.

Uncertainly, they all followed her, waiting for her to explain. "On the way here today, I saw a big blue box. I didn't know what it was at first.." "Was it the TARDIS?" John asked. "No. I investigated, and do you know what it was?!" Katue stopped walking, and Jen walked into her. Katie's eyes were lit up in excitement, and Alex chirped "What was it? What was it?" "It was…the phantom tollbooth!" Katie grinned. "Whoah..what's that doing here? I didn't think you were bored and depressed with your life.." Jen frowned at Katie. "I don't know why, but we're getting John's car, and we're driving to Dictionopolis!" Katie decreed, and Alex cheered. John shook his head. "If we're going to use my car, we're going to Digitopolis." "No!" Katie stomped. "Yes!" John yelled back. They fought back and forth the entire way to John's car, only to discover that Ali's car was right next to it. "Let's split up then." They all agreed.

So, John, Alex and Zaphod got in John's car to go to Digitopolis, and Katie and Jen took Alex's car to go to Dictionolpois, where they would do who-knows-what, but at least they were doing something.

Chapter 5: Beyond Expectations

(by Katie)

"So Katie must be driving, since Jen can't," John deduced, watching from his rear view mirror as the two girls piled into Ali's car.

"Katie can't either, not legally," Ali reminded John. Horrific realization caused her eyes to widen as she fully comprehended the danger her car was in.

"Jen! Provide music, bitte3!" Katie barked as she threw the tape deck plug-in to her first mate before starting the car with the keys she had at some point stolen, as was her wont. She also had John's keys, which she dragged from her pocket to keep handy for the purpose of chucking them out the window at Halifax, John's car, as she cruised by.

"Yeah, feel that motor rumble," Katie murmured as she caressed the steering wheel with her palms, then pulsed her foot on the gas to rev the engine. Unfortunately, Jen had helpfully taken the car out of park and they were hurled forward.

From the rear view mirror, John saw the faces of Katie and Jen become elongated with screaming, at the same time growing larger with what he assumed was increased proximity.

"My keys! Where are my keys!?" He shrieked, scrambling to search his pockets.

"My caaaaaar!" Ali wailed.

Seconds before Halifax suffered a collision from the rear, Jen reached over and spun the wheel hard to one side. The car banked in that direction, John's keys flying out the opposite window.

"I didn't know we could take a corner on one wheel," she grinned from against her window. Katie pulled herself back into place with the help of her seat belt and the wheel and landed the car safely on four wheels again.

"Me neither. What else can we do?"

"There's a ramp!" Jen cried, flinging her arm forward to indicate such a structure.

John got out of his car to order an end to this malarkey, which he knew was a futile attempt because it has never worked and never will. He bent and picked up his keys, opening his mouth to commence with the yelling when something white and metallic flashed past only inches from his out thrust head. He was pelted with tiny stones and his head still spun from the close call as well as the war cry of "WHOOOOO!" that ripped behind the car's wake. He whipped around to watch as Ali's car mounted the convenient ramp.

"NOOOOOO!" Ali screamed as her car became airborn, in a totally not mother bird-like reaction as her baby took flight.

"WHEEEEEE—AUGH!" Jen and Katie's ongoing yell of delight was choked by the surprise of Ian suddenly being on the wind shield.

"Hiya!" Ian's greeting was muffled by the glass as the car's nose tipped downward, indicating descent. "Where're you off to? Can I come too?" Through the spaces of the window not occupied by Ian, the ground and a small building became apparent.

"Did they even make it through the tollbooth?" John grumbled, exasperated. He squinted, deciding that the smoldering wreckage in the distance was technically beyond the tollbooth, even if no toll had been paid. When he got no answer, he looked back to his car, where Ali sat, her mouth open in shock, a broken woman.

Chapter 6: Things Begin to Get a Little Bit More Complicated

by Ali

John shrugged as Katie and Jen drove off in his car and the scene faded off into the distance. He turned around to start walking towards his own car.456 After he got his keys back, he had no reason to wait to get to Digitopolis. But there did turn out to be something in his way. A shattered woman sat at his feet and prevented him from moving. He could go around her, but he saw the blank look of shock and chose not to just ditch her. Kneeling down, he moved (arguably) uncomfortably close and stared at Ali.

No response. Even after several seconds, there was no response. Eyes squinting in suspicion, he raised his right hand above his head and slapped her.

Ali glared up at John and growled. "What the hell was that for, you jerk?"

"We can't afford for you to be a broken woman right now," John said, trying to be calm and collected but sounding irritable. Grabbing a hold of Ali's wrist, he dragged her up from the ground. "Come on, we need to go." Shoving her in his car, he slammed the door shut. He moved to go back to get behind the wheel when he ran into Zaphod. The two of them stood and stared at each other for a moment before John barked, "Are you going to get out of my way?"


"Because we are leaving! We need to get to Digitopolis and you need to get your Presidential butt in the car." Zaphod normally would have challenged John to a Fish Slapping Dance on his rudeness, but was so shocked that he immediately obeyed. Getting into the backseat, all the passengers were in Halifax and were ready to go. Taking a deep breath of resolution, John marched towards his driver's side. "Now," he announced in victory. "I can finally get this mission onwards."

"Uhm….captain, my captain?" Zaphod said, sticking his two heads out of the window. John glared at him.

"What?" He growled.

"I..uhm…don't think you're the driver…"

John's annoyance was slowly slipping into confusion. "What do you mean?" He was almost terrified to ask. Instead of answering, he pointed towards the front seat. Feeling uneasiness overwhelm him, he lowered his mutantly tall body to look through the window. Ali had ripped the steering wheel off the right side of the car and was busy assembling it onto the left dashboard. "JESUS CHRIST, ALI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!??!!!!" His mouth had fallen permanently open in shock.

"Fixing it," Ali replied in a matter-of-fact tone. When the steering wheel was appropriately lodged onto the dashboard, she looked over at John and smiled. "Well, get in."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" John yelled. "How…why….how did you even DO that!?"

Ali smiled and shrugged. "I watch a lot of Top Gear7."


"So much you know," she mumbled. "Now get in the damned car, Buttons. We were supposed to get there twenty minutes ago." Not knowing what else to do (he hadn't seen half as many Top Gear episodes as she had), John speechlessly got in the car. As Ali started the engine and put it into gear, John could do nothing but stare at her.

Several minutes passed before John could speak again. When he did, he choked out, "So…why did you do that?"

Ali shrugged. "What do you care? Halifax doesn't work anymore anyway."

Chapter 7: Great Expectations!

(by Jen)

Dust curled up from underneath the tires and mixed with the spits and sputters of smoke spewing out the engine. The car, however, did not cease. Trees were a blur outside the window, and there was the muffled sound of a human voice emmiting from somewhere near the front bumper of the car.

"Katie?" Jen frowned as the car was momentarily airborne, sailing over the crest of a hill and landing with a loud crash.

"Yes?" Katie's eyes were narrowed slits, squinting at the barely visible road through the clouds of dust and billows of smoke that were greeting the front windshield.

"You know Ian's currently attached to our front bumper, right?"

There was a long pause as Katie took a particularly sharp right turn that required her full attention at the speed she was going.

"He is?" The car was again airborne, and there was another landing crash!

"Yeah, you ran him over right before we passed the tollbooth." Jen said as she watched a squirrel attempt to cross the road and fail as it met the wraith of Katie's driving.

"HAHAHAHA!" Katie jeered triumphantly. "Did you see that?!" Katie danced in her seat a moment, while Jen smiled politly.

"So, about Ian.." Jen tried again.

"Oh, right." Katie said distractedly, and proceeded to slam on the breaks.


Ian's figure was launched into the distance and dissapeared behind some trees.

"Is he alive?" Katie gasped, suddenly wide eyed.
Jen leaned forward, and started suddenly. She had caught in her periferal vision Ian's reflection in the rear view mirror. Jen turned around to glare at him, which made Katie realize he was alive and in the back of the car.

"So I see you've improved your ''sha-joop'' skills." Katie noted, and Ian smiled. "Indeed, I have. Where are we?"

Jen and Katie shared a look. "We're in Expectations now."

"Ah" Ian nodded. "And what are we doing here?"

"Having great expectations of the things to come?" Katie mused.

"Then in that case" Jen decided, "I expect Nate will show up sometime soon."
"Yes!" Katie agreed.

No sooner had she said that, then Nate ran out of the woods, weilding a sword and fencing with a creature from Doldrums, a place where thinking and laughing were not allowed.

Nate managed to thwart the beast, and Jen, Katie and Ian looked on in amusement.

"What are you guys doing here?" Nate asked in surprise when he saw the trio.

"Shut up and get in" Jen declared. "We're going to Dictionopolis, damnit."

Chapter 8: Paint it black

(By Jen)

John was now angrilly stuck with the britishly modified version of his car (dubbed Halifax) and Alex busied herself with making car noises and beeping a horn that thanks to her no longer worked.

John was so filled with rage that he hardly knew what to do. It had been bad enough when Jen had backed into Halifax a year previously, but at least that was an accident (or so he hoped). But this was outright inconsideration, much like the time his roommates drank the last of his eggnog without asking.

Now this event too was stuck in his head, flipping and floating around his angry mind like a cloud of bats flapping at his face…But there was more…because as he was frozen in anger watching a mentally confused Alex drive his nonfunctional car, Zaphod Beeblebrox decided to join in the fun (why not, he was bored out of his minds) and he began painting John's car a bright and utterly horrendous puce color while welding several of the doors shut. (He was preparing it for space travel and needed it to be air tight). John didn't know where the paint came from. He just suddenly realized there was lots of it, and surely all of this insanity was the final straw.

John, in a mindnumbed, angry fit of rage, yelled his anguish over all the things in his head in a word; "CAR-NOG-PUCE-ARRRGGGHHHHH!" and before Zaphod or Ali could react, John head butted the back of his car with his head and sent it slowly teetering down a rather steep hill.

As the car started rolling John noticed his mistake and watched in near dispair as his car gathered speed in a direction opposite from him.

Zaphod and Ali screamed from the car, and though John hated to see his car fly over the cliff into the ocean, he felt a moment of satisfaction for having some kind of vengance.8

John decided with a shrug that a witch like Ali and a two headed alien like Zaphod would be fine even trapped under water in a car, and decided to follow his stomach's plea for more eggnog. He walked off toward the nearest store.

Meanwhile, Katie, Jen, Nate and Ian drove through the winding curving roads of the Doldrums.

Chapter 8.5: Dear Journal

(by Ian)

Dear Journal… today I finished sha-jooping after twenty-three straight days. All and all, I think it was a good idea, though it left me kinda hungry. I hope wherever we're going, there's some food. Maybe I could even pick up a Moxie! I was reading some of my early entries I gave you, journal, and it's really sad. I wasn't always so carefree as I am now! =D I was always so mopey and depressed… I don't really remember back then. I hope I didn't do anything crazy, like wear crazy clothes or go goth or something! It was around the time I met Cthulhu my life changed for the better! All and all, he just wanted a friend to talk to too, and then we were all happy! He gave his journal to read, but it makes me woozy with all its symbols and stars and things and stuff. You know, now that I think of it, this place has a distinct lack of trees. Maybe I've been here before and killed them all! o.o It's too bad I forgot my sword at home… my mom keeps throwing it out. She says it's just a stick. Oh! I think they're trying to get my attention! I guess I'm needed. I'll talk again later, Mr. Journal! Thanks for listening! Your friend, Ian. Oh! Oh! Say Hi to Cthulhu for me, k? Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! You know, what his old friends used to say! That should cheer him up! ^_^ alrighty - off for real!

Ian closed his journal and slipped it into his blue backpack he mysteriously kept on his back that no one had noticed before. He coughed briefly and straightened his collar before regally addressing the group, "So what lies in Dictionopolis?"

Chapter 9: Snausages

(By Jen)

Jen frowned at Ian. "Dictionaries". As soon as she said that though, there was a large WHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!! and the car was suddenly in the air. "What's going on? How are you making it fly, Katie?" Nate asked in bewilderment as the car climbed higher and higher in the air. "IIIII DDDOOOONNN'TTTT KKKKKKKKKKKKNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!" Katie wailed as the car pivoted northward and flew illegal speeds (the speed limit sign on the road below them stated 50mph and they were going at least twice that, yikes).


Our heroes9 dusted themselves off to see that the car had flipped over and spat them out and was now flying back toward the Doldrums without them.

"what did we do??" Ian frowned. As the others stood dumbfounded, Katie glared at Jen, and Jen sheepishly shrugged. "Oops."

Nate and Ian turned to look at her in confusion. "Oops? Did you do this?" Ian asked. "I should have known!" Nate harrumphed. "I may have jumped to conclusions in saying Dictionopolous contains dictionaries. Hence…" Jen trailed off to let Katie finish; "-We are now on the Island of Conclusions."


….."though…" Jen mummbled half to herself…"i don't think what I said was really jumping to conclusions…very suspicious.."

"So how do we get off the island?" Nate asked. Jen and Katie pointed to the open ocean. "We swim through the sea of knowledge."

"Or;" Came a voice from behind them, "Use this handy Star gate!" Nate, Katie, Ian and Jen turned around to see none other than Amy standing proudly next to an active Stargate. "hubba-whaaaaa?" They gasped in surprise. Amy was nonchallant about this, she had a habit of randomly appearing like this.

"How did you get a hold of a Stargate?" Katie inquired. "Well…" Amy pondered her explanation, "I was tracking down the black coyote..he had eaten all of the deer I had been researching in Alabama..and then the next year when I went to Maine to research raccoons, there he was again, eating all of my raccoons! Then I went to Canada to research seals, THERE HE WAS AGAIN, EATING THE SEALS!!!" Amy waved her fists in aggrivation. "And finally while in Yellow Stone when I was studying Grizzly bears, thinking there was no way he could get to a grizzly cub with it's mother gaurding it…I WAS WRONG!!! HE ATE ALL OF THEM AND THAT STUPID COYOTE IS TRYING TO DESTROY MY SCIENTIFIC CAREER!!!!" Amy stomped and swore her anger and her face grew more serious while the others watched in awkward silence…"So I swore to find him, and went off into the woods alone. For weeks there was no sign, but finally I hit a trail. I should have known it was a trap, he had left a trail of dead baby deer, raccoons, seal and grizzly cubs..impressive since this was in Texas…so finally I caught up to him, and just as I was about to hit him with the tranquilizer gun, he sprung a trap that wrapped around my foot and threw me into a stargate!!!!"

"Whoah." Jen gasped. "Yeah, it doesn't end there. I was lost in space for a while, and believe it or not I think one of the planets I ended up on was Planet Vageta…impossible as that might seem…" Amy trailed off.

"But anyways..you ended up here."
"But if we go through the Star Gate, where will we end up?"
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters! We could never find our way back! We could be lost forever!!!"

The group exchanged looks. "Ok, let's go."

Chapter 10: Deep Sea Diving

(By Jeneth)

They were sinking, deeper into the dark water, and all Zaphod bothered to do was stretch, look out the window and shrug, "Well this is not how I imagine my death.." Ali whimpered as she realized that because Zaphod welded the doors shut, they were going to suffocate. She also realized that although yes, she had wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with, she had not imagined it would end so soon, and not to mention she never got to meet the Doctor. Just this pompus two headed, three armed alien who thought he was a real froody guy. Ali was drowning in her own embarrasment. How could she spend her last moments alive with someone who could take an amazing robot like Marvin for granted???

Just as things were getting bad, (and they had been getting really bad) the car suddenly stopped moving. "Wha?" They looked out the window and saw they had not yet hit the bottom.

The car wobbled, then was suddenly launched straight up!!! It went higher and higher, 200ft,
150 ft,
and soon Ali and Zaphod could see the top of the water, it was so close!!! But it's ascent was slowing…

20ft away..
13ft.."No!! We were so close!!!"
20 ft

Zaphod and Ali banged their fists in anger on the glass, just as the car again wobbled, and shot up again!

The car flew up out of the water and bounced onto dry land. Ali and Zaphod at least had the chance of being discovered by Umaine police and rescued from the welded shut car…But as they looked out at the water, an eeirie being rose from the depths and approached them.

"What the Zark is that?!" Zaphod panicked, as the being reached up and removed its strange looking head.
"Andrew!!" Ali cried joyfully.

Andrew had been learning to deep sea dive with his own hand made equipment (He punched some metal and plastic into the right shapes and such) and when the car landed on him, he thought it was his arch nemesis Sabertooth (since Andrew resembles Wolverine) but instead it just turned out to be John's car with Ali and a strange two-headed person in it.

Andrew approached the car and punched the door off. "You saved us!" Ali cried, thankful her final moments were not with Zaphod. "What happened?" Andrew asked, perplexed by their strange appearance undersea in a car. "John got mad at us and pushed his car into the water.." "Ah, I see." Andrew just smiled, not passing any judgement at all. "Why would he do that?" "uh..well…we may have pissed him off…He left to go get eggnog." Ali shrugged.

"Then let's go find him." Andrew decided. Zaphod seemed content to follow Andrew so Ali followed suit, wondering if John was going to be displeased if he knew they survived.

It was not long after they began their adventure that they ran into John again. He was happily drinking eggnog and watching the world go by. "He looks like the fool on the hill" Ali remarked, comparing him to a Beatles song. "hey John!" Andrew jogged over to him and John looked up, unaggressive to their approach. "Oh hey Andrew. It's been a really crazy day!" even as John said this, he knew that Andrew must be aware of this fact. Every day was kind of an oddity around here.

In fact…a lot of strange things in particular had happened this year. People didn't know what the cause was, they blamed global warming, President Obama, Meanbearpig, aliens, and even the impending doom of 2012. None of it made sense. Suddenly the island of Orono was surrounded by a cliff next to the ocean. A random forest crept in and engulfed one of the parking lots. Proffesors were acting strangly, and a lot of their teachings were not making sense. One day the entire world was suddenly convinced that it was the Norse religion that had it right all the time and nearly everyone switched. (There were a few exceptions, these people decided that some holly stick was showing them the true meaning of life and had developed a religion around it..) Nothing was making sense anymore but people were making the best of it.

John got up from his perch and whacked Ali upside the head. "OW!! What was that for?!" Ali yelled. "You know what you did." John glared at her and Zaphod. She didn't argue, but was still displeased.

So our four adventurers, now without a car and unable to travel through the Phantom Tollbooth, wandered off toward the mysterious forest to look for something to do, and to avoid doing their homework.

As they wandered aimlessly deeper and deeper into the forest, they came across several trees. Ok, so that's a dumb thing to write. They were in a forest, there were trees all over the place. But these trees were different. They were huge!!!

They stood tall, dark and looming in a circle amidst a small clearing from the other less menacing trees. They sort of looked like a circle of mobsters conspiring an evil plot.

At closer approach, they could see doors on each tree, each with a sign. The one closest said Horror.

"Horror?" questioned Andrew. They looked at the other trees and could see other signs… Soap Opera, Science Fiction, Comedy, The History Channel etc. The door to the Science fiction tree was wide open, with an occasional crawly thing darting out and dissapearing into the forest behind them.

"Look!" cried Ali, pointing at a tree, her face part horrified part excited. The tree labled Fantasy was shaking and something was knocking on the door from the other side.

"Should we open it?" Zaphod asked, showing interest despite his want to look cool and careless. "It could be a dragon!" "Or knight in shining armor!" "-or a damsil in distress" John retorted flatly. Andrew however decided this was a good reason to open the door (he could always pillage her) and found that just touching the handle was enough for it to swing open.

In a flurry of hooves and white, Andrew was knocked over by a rather good looking but quite distressed unicorn. His eyes were wide and he stared at them in surprise. "you!" it cried, voice sounding remarkably familiar. "Us?" Andrew inquired, dusting himself off.

"You guys, it's me Ron!" The unicorn cried. "I was walking through the woods trying to find the gym because, as you know, it keeps moving places around campus…10 and some weird winged creature flew at me and pushed me into this tree…where an evil sorceress found me and turned me into a unicorn because I wouldn't marry her!" Ron stomped is unicorn hooves into the soft forest floor.

"oh no!" cried Andrew at this story.
"oh….well…..we can't fix that…I don't think…" Ali frowned, feeling sort of bad for poor now unicorn Ron.
"You're screwed." said John rather bluntly.

Ron made a sad face (as well as a unicorn can) and the others stood there awkwardly. "So what do we do now?"
"find Ron a cure, I guess."

With that, they all turned to the Fantasy Tree.

Chapter 11: Methane Alert

(By Jen)

Back on campus, Todd and Steph were wondering why Jen and Ali were not in class. (Not having any idea that Jen was about to enter a Stargate to who-knows-where and Ali was about to jump in a tree to do battle against an evil sorceress.) They both sighed, this was their least favorite class, and usually had Jen and Ali there to keep them under control. But without their friends, Todd and Steph began whispering and chatting. They spoke in an odd, whispery language that no one but them could understand, and with their volume was presently left unchecked with the absence of Jen and Ali, they talked louder and louder in an asending hiss that soon was the only thing the entire class could hear.

The teacher, alarmed at the sudden tremendously loud hissing noise, paniced and told the class to go home, fearing a gas leak. Todd and Steph had no idea why they were allowed to leave class all of a sudden, they didn't hear any gas leaking….

After class was dismissed, Todd and Steph went down to their secret base, a basement that no one had known about for some reason underneath Nutting. They wanted to conspire their next evil and sinister plan…..

They were going to set off the CO2 and Methane gas alarms in class by farting, so once again they would be allowed to leave early.

Steph held up the bubbling concoction, "Me first!" she smiled, and downed the liquid. "Do you think it will work?" Todd asked, hopeful. The mixture was designed to enhance and extend the range of their farts with deadly persition. "Let's see.."

Steph then unleashed an enourmous fart that was so great it made the entire Nutting Hall rummble and shake. Above them, Dr. Ashworth was trying to locate the source of the mysterious hissing noise, and at the sudden rummble she paused, timid hands touching the side of her face in worry.

Todd laughed uprourasly, and eagerly grabbed the liquid while Steph winced at the mild pain in her bum. "That almost hurt" She frowned.

On the floor above, a low and terrible sound errupted from beneath the floor boards. It sounded like a tuba player serenading an overweight moose in heat.

"Holy shit!" Todd yelled, grabbing his rear out of excitment and pain, the force of the fart leaving a hole in his pants. Steph was rolling on the floor laughing uncontrolably, and above, a terrible smell was leaking from the basement and out to the world above.


Our old friend Nichole marched merrily onto Umaine Campus. She had driven up to visit everyone as a surprise, but much to her dismay and irritation was finding no one. I mean, no one at all. The entire campus was deserted except for a lone pet rock with a smiley face and handlebar mustache drawn on it.

Nichole stared at the pet rock with a feeling of distaste. "Where the hell is everyone?" she asked of no one in particular, not thinking that the rock would respond to her.

It didn't.

There was absolute silence in reply to her query, and this only served to piss Nichole off further. "HELLOOO?!?!" She tried again, and once again, not even the lone pet rock responded.

This lone pet rock, who represented the dissapearance of all her friends, of everyone from campus…some great evil that must have chased them away on the very same day she decided to visit them. She glared at the rock, and the pet rock sat there stupidly smiling at her his it's….mysterious…handlebar….mustache….

For some inexplicable reason Nichole felt inspired and attached to this lone and probably evil pet rock, and she had to posses it at once. She dove for it, flying through the air with great speed and velocity to insure it's capture and hit the ground with such a force that dust scattered upward in a cloud around her.

She looked in her hands and there it was. Smiling with absurd victory, she stood up and held the rock to admire. However, as soon as she did this her gaurd was lowered, and a rather large bird with a little man riding on top of it swooped down from the sky and stole the rock from her hands. "I stole the baby!" The little brownie cried as it flew away from the surprised and confused Nichole.

Nichole decided the pet rock was not that important, and turned to wander back towards some of the classrooms, maybe people were hiding in there….But as she rounded a corner, she found instead a large, gasseous creature creeping across the road. She hid, hoping it didn't see her, and watched in horror as the methane gas monster bent down to pick some pretty flowers. A man who had been hiding nearby ran past it screaming, but the monster ignored him. The flowers were so pretty. Nichole raised an eyebrow.

Chapter 12: Somewhere over the Stargate, 4 trolls wait


Nate, Ian, Jen, Amy and Katie all hoped into the Stargate, both excited and thinking "boy, this is an unintelligent decision.." but nevertheless they plunged through the aqueous barrier, and with a soft "splut" found themselves on unfamiliar territory.

Amy stood up in mild confusion, looking about her. "Are we in a house?"

Jen stood up to answer her but when they saw each other they both screamed. "Lion! I must capture you for science!" "Robot, I must capture you for science!"

Jen and Amy stared at each other. "You're a lion." Said Amy to Jen, who was indeed, a lion. "You're a robot." Jen said to Amy, who was indeed, a robot. "Yeah, yeah, and I'm a scarecrow, what of it?" Grummbled Ian, covered in straw and standing up to sulk at them. "Why Do I Have To Be The One In The Dress?!?!" Katie howled, hair done in pig tails and holding a basket with a little dog in it.

The others ignored Katies lament, and peered closer at the basket, wondering if that little fleabitten mutt was Nate.

Bam Bam Bam!! There came a knock on the door.
"Should we answer it?" Jen wimpered and hid in the corner.
"We should kill them for interupting our story" Amy grinned heartlessly.
"I like ponies." Ian grinned.
"Yip yip!" The little furball in Katie's basket suggested.
"I'll get it!" Katie announced, and skipped marrily to the door.

The door swung open, and 5 little men and women no taller than Katie's knee stood before them. "EEEEEEKKK!! Gremlins!!!!" Katie screamed dramatically and slammed the door. The others stared at her in wonder. "I thought Gremlins were green?" Jen asked from under the bed. "No, a gremlin as a kind of potato." Ian nodded knowingly. "Why didn't you kill any of them?" Amy glared. Katie frowned at Ian's sudden lack of knowledge, and Jen's sudden lack of courage and Amy's…well…Amy was fine.

"BAM BAM BAM!!" The knocking was more forceful and perhaps a bit insulted. Katie again opened the door and saw the small people again. While Katie resisted the urge to scream, Amy behind her, was resisting the urge to stomp on them. "What?!" Katie snapped.

A rather burly looking short man stepped forward. "Ma'am, this house is double parked on the wicked witch of the East. You're either going to have to park your house somewhere else or get out!"

They decided to leave since no one knew how to fly the house, and wandered off towards the yellow brick road. One of the little women hissed at them. "You can't go down that road, that's only for nobles and folks that we like!" Without a moments hesitation, Amy picked the little women up by the head, and threw her as hard as she could. The women sailed away making a terrible fuss, but Amy grinned all the more at this. The others (except Ian, he was too busy trying to confer with flowers) decided not to get on her ..evil side…


John was perplexed, as all of a sudden he was holding a hollowed out coconut. Ron glared at the coconut, his mortal enemy, as some years before he had cut his hoof..er..hand, whilst trying to break open a coconut and has never forgiven the coconut (or the knife) since.

"Don't you know what it's for?" Ali asked him. "Oh, right…Monty Python…" John frowned. He clopped the two halves together, and the group began trotting towards the nearest castle.


Katie was leading the group and merrily singing songs to herself, while Ian pranced beside her. Jen hovered fearfully in the middle of the group, and Amy was leaving a devistating trail of destruction behind them. Fields set on fire, houses torn apart, children missing (The children were what Amy decided was 'travel size' and had been putting them in her backpack) livestock murdered..it was terrible!

However, it was not long before they saw a castle rising up in the distance. "That must be the witches castle! I bet Nate's there!" Katie chirped from the front of the group. "A castle? But what if the bricks fall on us? Castles aren't very stable you know…" "Jen, shut up!" Amy yelled, hitting her with a cow. "Ah!" Jen cried in pain.

Deep inside the castle,
an evil figure stood, clocked in black and waving her hands about as she stirred a pot of lima beans. "I sense a great evil approaching," she said with a smile, sniffing the air. "-But also a great stupid." This was in reference to Ian the scarecrow. "I must to prepare my attack.." She wicked creature nodded and hobbled menacingly down the stairs.


"Well this can't be the right castle." Ron frowned. "Why not? They have redicoulous accents." Ali shrugged half heartedly, but knew he was right. "Yeah, those are just a bunch of Canadians." nodded Andrew.

As the group trudged away from the castle, the Canadians guffawed and then catapulted moose and polar bears at them. "RUN AWAY!!!!!" Ali screamed.

Meanwhile *gasp*

Nichole was thinking of how she should defeat the Methane monster. She hadn't a clue. But she figured if she charged it screaming….

Just as she was about to, someone grabbed her arm. "What are ya, stupid? You'll die, kid!" Todd shook his head at Nichole's foolishness, and she narrowed her eyes at him. "you." "Yes, me." Todd shrugged. Nichole couldn't think of a comeback, so she relaxed. "Follow me." Todd beconed, and lead her to his secret base under Nutting, where Steph was putting some complicated looking machenery together.

"ooooh" Nichole awed, seeing all the buttons and switches in the base. "What does this button do?" She asked, reaching for one. She pressed it. Nothing happened. She tried again, nothing. She hit another button, and still….nothing. "uh, yeah. I couldn't get Todd to stop pressing buttons, so I made lots of buttons that do absolutly nothing. That way he's occupied and doesn't annoy me." Steph explained. "I see." Nichole nodded, but still felt jaded somehow.

"So what's the plan?" Nichole inquired. "Well, since we made this monstrosity, so we have to get rid of it." Todd spoke sort of seriously. "It served it's purpose, all of our classes have been canceled." Steph smiled. "So now, we play Ghost Busters!" She handed Nichole a backpack, but Nichole hesitated. "But the Ghost Busters had 4 members.." "yeah, only after they hired a fourth." "But still." Nichole harrumphed. Todd sighed, and then dissapeared into the back. He came back with Ali's black cat, Eclipse. "This is the fourth member." He plopped the cat on the ground and equipped him with ghost buster gear. Nichole shrugged, this seemed alright.

Todd, Steph, Nichole and Eclipse wandered out into the blinding sunlight. Three of the four were humming the Ghostbusters theme song, while Eclipse padded calmly toward the terrible Methane Monster's smell.

"Look! There he is!" Steph pointed, and all four activated their guns. "DON'T CROSS THE-"

A terrible hiss and fizzle sound emmited from the accidently crossed beams, and with a horrendous explosion our four heroes, and one methane monster, were covered in white light.

"Ow!!!" "ARGH!" "Shit!" "Meroooow!"

Steph, Nichole, Todd and Eclipse rubbed their eyes in discomfort and gradually their eyes readjusted. Before them stood what was once the Methane Monster, now transformed into Captain Shakespere from the movie "Star Dust". They were also completly covered in candy. (This is what really happens when the beams are crossed, everything is covered in candy…..and sometimes tuna.) This was one of those times where there was tuna too, and Todd, Steph, Nichole and Eclipse began a great feast along with Captain Shakespere.

Back over the Rainbow:

Ila, Ali's double ganger and also the wicked witch of the west, was wickedly waiting for our wonderful heroes to unwitteingly fall into her wrinkled crutches……

Meanwhile, back in the tree of Fantasy;

John, Ron, Ali and Andrew were fast approaching the next castle on the list. They had climbed Cinderella's castle, found several castles of doom, all with princesses (and one had a pig, hmm) locked in some tower. So far, none had been the home of the evil witch who had turned Ron into a unicorn.

Weary from all their walking, they slowed down to rest just as they were about to cross a bridge.

"None shall pass!!!" Came a rather scary sounding voice from beneath the bridge.

Ali, John, Ron and Andrew exchanged glances. "Why does that voice sound familiar?" Ali pondered.

Four sillouettes climbed out from beneath the bridge and there was a collective gasp of horror!!!

Bluebell, Blabberwort, and Burly the trolls stood before them, a long with a face they all knew……..Matt.

John, Ali, Ron and Andrew glared at Matt and the three trolls who would not grant them passage across the bridge.

Matt shrugged at their glares, and tried to explain why he was hanging out with a bunch of trolls. "They accept me, you know, and they don't make fun of me all the time the way you guys do."

"So?" John retorted. "That doesn't mean you should go off cavorting with some trolls and telling people they can't cross bridges! Who do you think you are????"

Chapter 13: The conclusion

(by Jen)

John, Ali, Ron and Andrew glared at Matt and the three trolls who would not grant them passage across the bridge.

Matt shrugged at their glares, and tried to explain why he was hanging out with a bunch of trolls. "They accept me, you know, and they don't make fun of me all the time the way you guys do."

"So?" John retorted. "That doesn't mean you should go off cavorting with some trolls and telling people they can't cross bridges! Who do you think you are????"

Suddenly a disturbance in the near distance distracted the group from glaring at Matt, the betrayer.

a lion was thrown from a nearby bush by a rather angry looking tin Amy. She laughed evilly as Jen the lion yelped and tried to hide under a rock. She should know better then to piss Tin Amy off. They were followed by Dorothy Katie, who swung her basket (yip dog and all) at the pair in attempt to break the fight up. "Stop! We're almost to the wicked witches castle!!"

"Is sheeeee the wicked witch?" Dumb Scarecrow Ian asked from behind them, pointing at Dorothy Katie. Katie's eyes turned red. "NO I AM NOT THE WICKED WITCH!!!" She then turned and punched scarecrow Ian, who flew into a rather baffled Ali and Ron.

"Hey guys!" Andrew waved. "It's you guys!!!" Dorothy Katie cheered. "HERE!!! THEY'RE ALL YOURS NOW! suckers!" Katie then threw Tin Amy, Cowardly Jen and Scarecrow Ian at the group and then ran off laughing madly at her freedom from the trio far into the distance.

"uhhhmmmm…" Ron frowned a unicorn frown. (This action should be impossible for many reasons, but even so).
"Was that Katie in a dress?" Matt asked. Scarecrow Ian grinned foolishly at him and shook his head. "No, that was the wicked witch!!"

From the distance, a red slipper that Dorothy Katie threw hit Scarecrow Ian square in the head. "owww…" he whined, and an evil looked crossed Tin Amy's face. "You think that hurt, let ME hit you!!! bhwa ha ha aha haa ahahhaahahahahahaaaahahah hahahahahaha!!!!"

"Uhm…anyways, the witches castle is on the other side of the bridge." Andrew pointed. "But Matt and his new friends won't let us pass."

"How do you know it's the right castle?" Scarecrow Ian asked. Ali sighed. "Because it says on the front in big letters This Castle Belongs To The Wicked Witch Ila, And Yes, I Turned That Trendy Kid Named Ron Into A Unicorn." "So, yeah, obviously…" Cowardly Jen nodded from beneath the bridge that the trolls had left unguarded.

"Yes, " Scarecrow Ian persued, "But how do you know it's the right one?"

The others just frowned at him.

Suddenly, there was a wicked cackle form the castle, and the sprinkler system was turned on. "awww, lame!" "Now we're wet." Matt stated. "I'm melting!! meeeellllttttiiinnng!!!" Ian cried as he slowly bent closer to the ground like he was melting. "No Ian, the wicked witch melts from water, not us." John patted the still "melting" Ian on the shoulder. "Otherwise, I would have thrown a bucket of water on Ali a long time ago" he grinned. "Hey!!!" Ali yelled, and flailed her arms angrilly at him.

"Speaking of melting…" Cowardly Jen frowned, "whatever happened to Nate?" Ali looked at her dumbfounded. "You lost Nate?" "Well, he might be the Man behind the curtain…sounds like something he'd be…we just never made it to Emerald City."

"Actually, " Came a voice, "I got turned into a house. I fell on the wicked witch of the East, and the nice witch of the North turned me into a penguin. I've been waddling after you since you started walking on the yellow brick road." Nate the penguin squawked.

The group looked at the penguin who had suddenly appeared. They didn't know it was Nate, because all they heard was "skwaaaaaaaaaaack. Squawk squawk skwuaaauauuauaaack squawk squaaaaaawk squawwwkkk!"

"Alright, this is story has gotten too silly."

The group looked around at the sudden voice, confused. "Was that my conscience?" Scarecrow Ian wondered in awe. Ali smacked scarecrow Ian for asking so many dumb questions.

"What do you mean it's gotten too silly?" Cowardly Jen asked.

"Well, only you, Jen, have been writing in it. It has gotten too silly, and needs to be retired.""

"But, but but but but!" Cowardly Jen sputtered dispairingly.

"But what?"

"We never found Doctor Who!!!" Jen cried, clinging on her her last hope of keeping this story alive.

"here I am!" Doctor who cried happily.


"I've been on your back this whole time. You're so used to carrying a backpack around at school, you didn't even notice you were carrying me piggy back!"

"Aw, lame! Hax! Stupid! Gah!!!" Jen stomped angrily. "Why didn't you guys tell me friggin Doctor Who was on my back?"

"Because we thought you knew>?" Ali shrugged.

"alright then, you've had your fun. Now the story ends."

"Psh, I'll restart this story again when you all least expect it! DO YOU HEAR ME???? THIS ISN'T OVER!!"

and then, Jen woke up from her dream.

"Oh, god damnit!" She yelled angrily.


Why is there a penguin in her room?

Jen rolled out of bed to inspect the penguin, when a loud blasting noise distracted her. She flew open her bedroom door only to find Katie dressed up as Dorothy having a tea party with a unicorn, a Tin Amy, Burly, Balbberwort and Bluebell, Doctor Who, Sally, a Nichole, Todd, Steph and Eclipse who were covered in candy and tuna, Matt, a scarecrow Ian, John, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Marvin the paranoid Android, Andrew, Ali, the wicked witch from the West, and various other characters.

Jen stared at the group in confusion. "Hey guys, is this normal for real life?"

"What's real life?" Dorothy Katie asked.

Jen sighed. "Forget I asked…now give me some tea, please."

-END- (for now..)

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