The Grand Stories


The beginning of the end….(or the end of the beginning..)

(by Jen)

It was a solemn day. A day so serious, it even started raining at one point,
but stopped when no one went outside to play in the puddles. Yes, even the
track team ignored the puddles. For something very solemn indeed had
happened. The last of the stories written by the evil for had been written.
There would be no more tales if Goku and killer bunnies taking over the
world, no more random soap operas involving chocolate syrup, to destroy a
plot that had yet to take place, and there would be no more witch burning.
For reasons unknown, they simply had to stop, and the writers and their
friends had to move on with their lives. Perhaps undergo therapy for several
long years, but they all knew therapy would not help. The stories had
driven them to insanity, and there simply was no turning back.

But now, many many years have passed. What ever happened to the characters
once involved in the search for the alusive plot? Where are the authors
now, that many, many years have passed?

Alex beamed happily as she looked up at her new house. It was a two story
victorian style, in a cozy part of England. "Isn't it great? Our own house
in England!" Alex jumped so high she almost did a back flip. Her wife
Heather laughed. "It's wonderful Ali!"

Alex remembered telling her friends she planned to move to England one day,
and she hoped that Jen wasn't serious when she told Ali that Ali was on her
stalking list. To be honest, Alex had forgotten about her old high school
friends. After college, they all moved off in their own directions. Jen
moved to Florida with Casey, Sally went to live in china for a while, John
decided to move to…well, we don't know where he went…and Amy stayed at
camp wigwam as she had almost taken over by the time Alex left for

Although she wondered what everyone else was up to, she mostly hoped Jen
would not live up to her promise to come stalk her. She was happy, and she
didn't need Jen attacking her in her new England home.

Meanwhile, in China;

"I'm tired of China" Sally decided. "where shall I go?" she took a globe
out of her pocket (the sally in the stories could do this, why not this one
too?) and gave it a spin. "Ah, England" As Sally was already on a plane to
England, she felt she had made a wise choice. Soon enough the plane landed,
and Sally quickly founded her own dojo in the country. This was, oddly
enough, right across the road from Ali's new home. "Hurray! I want to learn
karate!" Alex cheered, noticing the dojo. She ran in to sign up and meet the
sensai. "wait" she said, noticing Sally. "I know you…" "yes" Sally
answered wisely. "Sally? But it's been many, many years…" Sally nodded
impatiently. Alex gasped. "oh my god! what are you doing here in England?!"
"founding my own dojo" Sally answered, bored with Alex. "can i learn karate
here?" "yes"

Meanwhile, in Florida;

"I think it's time we move to Japan to spend the rest of our lives." Casey
announced. He had finally saved up enough money and just wanted to go. Jen
glared angrily at the wall. "you make me feel old! How old am I? All I know
is, it's been many, many years since the last story was written." "what are
you talking about?" Casey asked. "you're 25." "oh, ok…" Jen frowned and
started packing her bags.

John was busy being an engineer and doing enginerry things, when he
suddenly thought to himself, "I've never been to England, except for that
one time I went to England." He nodded, as this was true, and decided to
make haste and go immediatly to England. Surely, his l33t engineering skillz
would be needed in England. Luckily, he happened to be in Scotland at the
time, no one knows why, not even John. But he made sure to bring Will.
They're like Batman and Robin, they come as a set. "Pack up your things!"
John yelled to Will. "we're going to England" "Ok" Will responded. "World
of warcraft servers are down again anyway."

Alex came back from karate practice exhausted, so exhausted in fact, she
thought some one had been following her. But there are no stalkers in
England, right? As she opened the door, she looked hopefully around for
Heather, but as the door was locked, she realized that Heather must still
be at work. Then Alex heard a strange noise behind her, sort of like the
sound of a ninja sneaking up on you….

"Hello Alex…" Came a soft evil voice behind her. "YOU!" Alex cried,
jumping around to face the evil that most certainly was Jen. "AHH!" a dark
form came at her in a stabbing motion, and tackled Alex to the ground.
"JEN! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" She yelled to her attacker. The form stood
up and frowned at her. "Alex, it's me, Amy. I'm evil too, you know" Amy
shook her head in dissapointment at Alex. Alex shook with rage. "GET OUT OF
MY HOUSE!!! " "No" replied Amy. "it;s been many, many years, and you should
be happy to see your old friends again. Amy declared. "Did you bring Sally
here to England too?"

"No Alex, the stories did.

They brought me here too. There is no escape from what we have begun."

Alex looked away as the horror of what she had said over took her. She would
never be able to escape Jen, Amy and John's torture. Alex clenched her
fists and grit her teeth. "no, I don't believe you!" She turned back to Amy,
only to find her gone without a trace.

Alex sat down on the couch in great confusion. The fact that they never
found a plot to the story, that must be what Amy was talking about. But it's
a story. It doesn't have a soul…it can't haunt them, can it? But if the
story did have a soul, then as long as the stories remained plotless, the
evil soul of the stories simply would not rest. "Oh god, what have we done?"

On the plane, Casey and Jen were getting tired of the plane flight. "I wish
I was home" Casey sighed. "This was your idea!" Jen mumbled angrily. "where
are we?" Casey asked the flight attendant. "Right over England. Look,
there's a new dojo!" She pointed out the window. Jen frowned. "should we be
flying over England to get to Japan?" "the pilot likes the scenic route!"
the flight attendant smiled cheerfully. Jen growled. "alright, that's it.
you know what? I'm getting off here." She then made a break for the door,
somehow managed to get it open (we have no idea how this happened) and she
began free falling. As she started falling, she began contemplating how to
survive the landing. Luckily, killer bunnie was there and told her what to
do. Approaching the earth, Jen desperatly hoped that Killer bunnie knew what
he was talking about. "WHAP!!!" Jen went into a coma.

John and Will arrived in England the next day, and moved into a nice England
home that was convienently located next to a neato dojo. "Hey John, check
out what happened on the news!" Will Pointed at his laptop. "Someone jumped
out of a plane right here in the countryside and actually managed to
survive the fall!" John had a fleeting image if Jen jumping out of a plane
and subconsiously hit himself in the head. "Ow" he mummbeld. "Did they say
who it was?" he asked Will. "No, they're still in a como, so they don't know
who it is, but apparently the finace called, and said he had to go home
because he forgot he had a raid to go to that night. "Well, it couldn't be
jen, because why would she still be engaged and not married after many,
many years?" Although he grumpily remembered that he had not been invited
to Jen's wedding, if it even had occured.

Alex was sitting in a rocking chair, mumbeling about the stories. She
thought for sure she had seen John and Will move into the rental house
across the street. Was she going crazy? She had not seen Amy since Amy's
odd apearance,(if she had even seen Amy that day at all, considering that
Alex was perhaps going bonkers) but at least she could comfort herself in
the fact that she had not seen Jen. If she saw Jen, then she would know for
sure that the stories were coming back to haunt them…or, Jen had managed
to get everyone into a conspiracy to drive Alex crazy, once and for all.
Alex shuddered and clicked on the tv, to sooth her swirling mind. "And the
girl who amazingly survived the plane fall has come out of her coma today.
She claims that a questionable flight attendant cheerfully drove her mad and
pushed her towards her action. However, she says she owes her life to a
stuffed animal, she calls killer bunnie." Alex froze. "NO!" There was only
one person stupid enough to do something like that AND have a stuffed animal
named killer bunnie!

It had to be-

Alex didn't know what to think, but surely she would find the answers if
she visited Jen in the hospital. Jen was evil, she must be causing all of
this! …revenge..revenge for what? For ignoring Jen's war threats in
college? For allowing herself to drift away from her friends? Alex got up
to get her car keys, but instead her hand fell apon the chicken nugget in a
trench coat.


John looked up in tome to see someone running by, arms flailing, and
screaming bloody murder. "That looked like Ali" John thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Jen had been released from the hospital and was aimlessly
wandering the countryside. She heard a scream in the distance, and decided
to go investigate.

There she was, one of Jen's favorite people in the whole world to
torture, and she was running in circles and screaming bloody murder. Jen
was delighted. How could Jen further torture Alex in her already dire
circumstance? She picked up a rock and lobbed it at Ali's head, knocking her
out. "Now to find some rope!" Jen danced over to Alex and dragged her
cheerfully through the woods. Unknown to Jen however, her other favorite
person to torture was also nearby…

Realizing it must have been Ali that John saw, he decided to go investigate.
When he finally caught up with her however, what did he find? Jen laughing
maniacly, tying an unconcious Alex to some train tracks. "Jen!" John yelled
in surprise and anger. 'why are both Jen and Ali in england?" John wondered,
then decided that Jen must really be stalking Alex. "Let her go, Jen!" John
yelled, storming up to them. Jen froze in confusion. John and Alex both in
England? Why wasn't Jen invited? Then she looked at Alex, tied to the train
tracks, and realized why Jen wasn't invited to England with John and Alex.
Jen glared at john, preparing to fight him. Just then, however, Sally
wandered onto the scene. She froze when she saw them. Jen was in a very poor
fighting stance, John was standing there menacingly, and Ali appeared to be
sleeping on the railroad tracks. "Hello" Sally greeted the unusual group.
"IT HAS BEGUN!" Amy cried, jumping out from behind a bush. "what's going on
here?" John asked, thinking that everyone must be playing a trick on him.

"It's the stories" Amy answered. "Ever since they were created, we became
stuck inside them. We are missing the plot in the stories…and in our
lives. Because the plot was never found, or when it was, it was continously
destroyed, the story simply can not end. It's what brought us here to
England. The plot lies, here, somewhere."

Jen raised a suspicious eyebrow. "how does Amy know so much?" "Because
chicken nugget in a trench coat told me everything." There was a collective
gasp as he appeared on Amy's shoulder. Alex awoke and continued screaming,
and john decided to use the distraction to free her. "wait!" John cried.
"I was good! I had nothing to do with the stories!" "But you gave us ideas
for it, and you were even a character in Chocolate Syrup….you know, it
ended with a random hobo army attacking something and a random soap?" Jen
offered. "yes, you're no better then the rest of us, especially now that
Jen has turned you evil." Amy agreed. John frowned at the two of them. "How
come you two always team up against me?" Jen thought about it, then decided
not to answer.

"So, what? we have to find the plot here in England?" Alex asked. "Where
else?" Sally nodded. "It could be anywhere." Jen said dramatically. "We could
spend our whole lives searching, and we may never find it." Alex threw a
rock at Jen's head. "Ow!" Jen cringed. "that's where the ground hit my
head!" John glared at Jen and remembered the plane incident. "Jen, that
wasn't you who jumped form the plane, was it?" He asked angrily. Jen ignored
the question. "Come on you guys! Let's go find that plot!"

As Alex did not take the story from Jen like she was told to, Jen was forced
to continue on with the story. "The story must go on!" Jen declared.

She then walked two hours to the nearest lake so she could sit and ponder
the meaning of plot. "Perhaps" Jen decided. "I just have to do something
more plot worthy in my life." Jen thought about this. 'But what?" Rubbing
her chin and lost in thought, Jen tried really, really hard to remember why
the sky was blue. John had told her before, she had learned it in science
class, and even Casey had explained it to her. She wondered how they managed
to keep trying to explain these things to Jen in all her randomness, as it
was clear that the knowledge, of why the sky was blue simply was not Jen's to
posses, and as soon as she found out, inevitably she would forget again.
This made Jen realize she needed to start a band. "no wait" Jen realized.
"I'm getting off track." She thought some more about the plot, and realized
she needed a way to make her life less meaningless. Perhaps being evil
wasn't working out for her. Maybe for once, she should try being good?

"Thunk!" Jen fell over as a coconut hit her on the head. "Ah!" Jen
grumbeled, and looked up to see a bird fly away. "A swallow?" Jen frowned
her hardest, then noticed a note on the coconut. "help! I'm trapped in a
box! Follow the bird!" Jen was impressed. "where'd they get a coconut in
England?" She followed the bird to a box. She was surprised she had not
seen it there before, and became immediatly suspicious. "Hello box. I'm here
to open you up!" She glared at the box, but the box did not respond. She
then tried making small talk with the box. "You know, mr. box..the weather
here in England sure is pleasant…hard to believe…anything…unpleasant …
could ever happen here…" She glanced at the box, and it remained silent.
"I wonder why the sky appears bluer here….don't you, mr ARGH!!" Jen leaped
at the box and began stabbing it ferociously. Soon she carved a hole in it,
and stepped back to admire her rescue operation. Soon enough, a head
cautiously poked out, and looked at her in surprise. "Jen?" apperantly, the
head knew Jen. It then leaped out of the box, revealing that it was not in
fact a floating head trapped in an anti social box, but was indeed a person,
one that Jen knew. "Nichole?" Jen frowned, then nodded. "I knew you'd show
up eventually." "Huh?" Nichole looked at her in surprise. Jen shrugged as
if she didn't know what she had been talking about. "Jen! A witch trapped me
in that box!" She then glared in every direction, willing the witch to come
out so Nichole could smite her. "not now Nichole, I'm looking for the plot
of my life." "You mean love?" Nichole asked, still glaring. "No, plot" "Oh"
And then they walked back to Sally's dojo together.

"Sally" Jen began "We don't have anywhere to live. Can we stay here?" "Ok"
Sally agreed, knowing that that would happen eventually. "NICHOLE!!!!" Alex
charged through everyone and almost landed on her. "I knew you'd end up here!
You wrote in the last story!" Nichole nodded. "yeah, Jen told me about the
missing plot." "Ah, yes, I recall a Christmas gone wrong, thanks to Jen's
random attack on Santa Claus." Jen frowned. "Why am I more evil in the
stories then I am in real life?" Sally glared at her. "This is real life
Jen." "Ah…" Jen nodded slowly, not believing her.

Alex pointed out the window. "what's John building? It looks scary…" They
all looked out the window to see John building a giant mechanical moose.
"HEY!" Jen yelled angrily. "He's trying to be more evil then me!" Jen ran
out the door cursing, and everyone else agreed that Jen had some severe
emotional problems that needed to be dealt with.

"Stand away from the moose John!" Jen stomped over. John decided to ignore
her. "Sorry Jen, now that I'm evil, I'm just more evil then you. Even Killer
Bunnie says so." Jen gasped. "Killer bunnie wouldn't say that! " "oh
really?" John grinned as Killer bunnie apeared on his shoulder. "NO! OH MY
GOD! NO!!!" Jen screamed in horror. "Killer bunnie! How could you?!" Killer
bunnie did not answer. Seething with anger, Jen kicked John's robot moose
and stomped off into the forest.

She soon came apon the ocean and started pacing. "How dare he be more evil
then me! Now what am I supposed to do? Make him good again?!"

"You must be more evil." Came a voice. Jen turned in surprise, then gasped
when she saw the orange tree frog sitting on a branch before her. "Master
frog!" she cried. "You;re just not evil enough anymore. To be evil,
you must do evil things. " Jen thought this over. "Worse then tying Alex to
the train tracks?" Master frog nodded. "Much, much worse. You must be the
villain of the story. No story can have heroes with no villain to fight. By
being the villain, you will become more evil then John, and create a plot at
the same time." "But how, master frog?" "Just give it some time, you'll
know what to do…"

Jen understood that most of her friends are evil, and so they may side with
her if she becomes the villain. But there was one person that Jen could
count on as an enemy. Alex.

John decided he was going to help find the plot by creating a giant plot
finding moose. He spent the rest of the day working on it, but Jen's kicking
it had offended the moose, and it was too busy sulking to talk to anyone.
He realized he had to force Jen to apologize to the moose, otherwise he'd
never know if the moose even worked. He set out to find her, but England was
a pretty big place, and Jen could be anywhere, including under a rock. So
he looked under some rocks and checked some various shrubberies, before
heading back to Sally's dojo to wait for her return. Everyone discluding
Jen was there discussing the plot.

The muffin conspiracy

(by Nichole)

"I bet the muffins from hell has the plot!" Nichole stated suddenly
while tapping her pointer finger against the table she was sitting on. "The
Blueberry muffin was their leader the last time i saw them and he hates
because we wouldn't eat him and his followers. Remember Ali?!" She turn
to face the girl sitting beside her, in a chair. "I remember! Stupid evil
muffins…" She mutters. "Muffins?" John asked with a raised eyebrow.
"That tried to get you to eat them?" "Yes! Ask Jen the next time you see
her!" Nichole yelled at him.

Just then a random stranger walked into Ali's house. She was dressed
in all black and she looked somewhat familiar to Nichole and Ali. "Hey
aren't you Jen's mother…. that weird lady with that really long stair case?"
Nichole asked as she pointed at the women. "The one Jen made it up only
to fall down it a second later?" Ail added. "That sounds like something
Jen would do." Sally said with a shake of her head. "It was kind of funny
to watch, really." Nichole stated as she grinned.
The lady, did not answer any of them, only turned and walked back out
of the house, muttering something about 'not enough bad blood here'. Silence
filled the room after the woman left. No one move either and slowly the big
grandfather clock somewhere in the next room ticked away as the seconds
crept by. "Ali, tap dance." Nichole ordered quickly and loudly. "No
way!" "I could go blind." John said with a sigh. "I would laugh, 'cause Alex
doesn't know how to dance let alone tap dance!" Sally laughed. "Shut
up!" Alex cried. "I'm hungry." Nichole stated as she hoped off the table and
headed for Ali's kitchen. "What do you have to eat, Ali?" She called
back to her friend. "Stay out of my kitchen!" Ali ordered as she ran after

The tale of the bloody fridge

(by Jen)2

Suddenly, Jen broke through the door leading to Ali's kitchen and stood in
front of them, eyes narrowed in angry suspicion, and completly covered in
blood. She looked as though a dinosour had traveled in a time capsule to the
future, just to chew her up and spit her out. "JEN!" JOhn yelled angrily,
and started to tell her that she needed to apologize to the moose, but Jen
turned and hit him in the head with a frying pan. "you be quiet duck face!!"
Jen yelled, and began barricading Ali's kitchen door with the fridge. "This
time, there will be no next time!!" She then began mumbeling to herself,
while everyone sat back in quiet confusion.

"So…" Sally broke the silence after some time had gone by. "Why are we
barricading ourselves in Ali's kitchen?" Jen stopped and looked at her. "Oh,
this is Ali's house?" she asked, blinking stupidly. "YES GOD DAMNIT! NOW GET
OUT!!!" Ali suddenly decided to stand up for herself. Jen nodded and picked
up the fridge with a grevious amount of effort. "Good night everyone" Jen
said, walking through the door with Ali's fridge balanced carefully on her

Jen walked for two hours with the fridge on her back before stopping at a
small house in the middle of a field. It looked just like a peasant house
from one of the Trogdor games, so Jen decided to take it over and wait for
Trogdor to try and burninate her. If she could defeat Trogdor, then she
would be evil, because everyone loves Trogdor, right? Not to mention, it
would throw off all the peasants, as not having anything to oppress them,
they would flourish and invent silly things like holy hand grenades.

Setting the fridge down, Jen baracaded herself in the peasant house and
began to wait. While eating out of Ali's fridge at the same time, of course.

Roughly two hours after Jen left the premises with Ali's fridge, John and
Will walked back to their cottage only to find it barricaded with some sort
of large kitchen appliance. "Jen?" John yelled, wondering what on earth she
thought she was doing. "Ou is there?" Came a badly faked French accent from
above them. John and Will looked up to see Nichole standing there on their
roof. "Hey!! Get out of our house!" "Dis is not your house, you zilly zilly
Englishman!" Nichole yelled. She stood triumphantly above them, waving a
French flag. "Damnit Nichole! Get off my roof!" "Nevahr!" She yelled and
began throwing shoes at him.

Eventually, because of all the yelling going on, Sally had to come out of
her dojo to investigate. "What seems to be the matter?" She asked John, who
was suddenly donning a suit of armor. Will was sitting on the ground nearby
with his laptop, oblivious to his whereabouts. He raised a sword and
pointed it at the door, where a fridge covered in Jen's bloody hand prints
lay jammed up against the wall and door frame. "Yon fridge is thine problem"
Sally looked at him strangely and decided to interrogate the fridge. She had
no more luck at it then when Jen had tried making pleasant conversation with
the box that had held Nichole captive. So she tried a different stratedgy.
She went back into her house and then came back with a stereo.

Calmly, sally confidently turned the sound all the way up, and then pushed
"play" and the stereo began to blast angry German music. This made Jen
wander out of the house to investigate. "You! " John yelled at Jen, and he
whacked her across the head with a shoe. "oi!" Jen yelped and then began
sneezing uncontrolably. "you idiot!" Amy yelled, walking through john's
front door. "you hit her 'sneeze button' " and so Amy turned and kicked Jen
in the face, which made her stop sneezing. Jen decided to stay on the
ground, feeling safe there.

"wait.." John paused, realizing Amy had emerged from the same door that had
been blocked by the bloody fridge. "Where did Ali's fridge go?" They looked
around, but sally already knew the answer. "English fridges hate German
music." "Oh.." Nichole nodded slowly. She had ditched all of the shoes she
had been throwing at john in his room, and had calmly joined them when no
one was looking. Ali also wandered over, wondering why everyone was hanging
out in front of John's house at 3 in the morning. "don't you guys have jobs
to go to?" she grumbled at them. This made Nichole smile. "i'm gunna get a
job in england!!" she yelled happily. "remember Ali, you and sally are the
only ones here who actually intended to come to England. the rest of us just
ended up here." Jen mumbled, her face still in the dirt.


(ali writing)

"Then why even bother coming to England?!" Alex growled, holding her
fists at her sides. All her friends looked at her in sequence and got
that same small smile and twinkle in their eye as they watched the Short
One. Taking a few steps back, Alex decided this was NOT the best place
to be in at the moment. "Uh… guys…?"
"We came…" Jen started coolly, raising from the ground while dirt
ate away at her face. "Because," as she talked, the red-haired girl moved
closer to her prey. "YOU wouldn't answer any of our emails!" Upon
finishing, Jen ripped her mini crocodile from her pocket and started beating
the shit outta Alex. Pushing her onto the ground, she continued to beat
her until…
"What the hell do you think you're doing to my hikari!?"
Catching everyone's attention, all of the fiends looked up from their
malicious hanging-over spectical of Alex getting beaten up. Not half a
dozen feet from them stood a very aggrivated girl with long brown hair
pulled back into a ponytail. The shorter one stood at the scene before
her, but her gaze looked sat most threateningly on Jen.
"HEATHER!" Alex called from the ground, bruises arising from being
beaten up by her so-called friends. "Help… me…"
"Oh, HELL~ no!" Heather stated, surprising them all. She walked over to
Jen and pulled her up from her girlfriend before tossing Jen aside
(Jen, meanwhile, fighting and kicking and snarling like a disgruntled three
year old). Helping Alex up from the ground, she dusted her off before
glaring at everyone else. Seeking aid in her lover's arms, Alex hugged
Heather while the older of the two continued to eye Alex's stalkers.
"You're Heather?" Nichole asked excitedly, walking up to her and
beaming. "OMIGOD yay!"
"You're Nichole, right?" Heather asked, recognizing Nichole from
various photos. "What the hell happened here? And why did you guys start
beating up my koi without me?"
The jaws dropped open on everyone present except Heather. Alex stepped
away from her girlfriend, looking slightly hurt and puppy-eyed. All her
friends, however, had an opposite effect and began smiling at the idea
of Heather wanting to join in. John burst out laughing, clutching her
stomach from the excessiveness of it all; Jen fell to her knees on the
ground while laughing and Nichole beamed at Heather.
"You," Nichole stated, placing a hand on Heather's small shoulders.
"Are my new best friend."

Unfriendly neighbors

(jen writing)
Feeling betrayed and defeated, Alex ran crying into John and Will house and slammed the door shut. "Alex!" John cried in despair, "Get out of my house!" He waved his fist angrily to no avail. Nichole patted him on the back. "there there John, just go take over Ali's house." "Hell no!" Heather yelled, while running back to her house to secure it;s safety. However, she was too late, as Killer Bunnie had arrived before her and was now "re-decorating"

Jen learned the art of redecorating from Killer Bunnie himself, and had practiced it on Ali's room many a time. Hence Ali knew exactly what to expect from the evil art of redecorating, and apon learning that it was bout to happen to her new and expensive dream house in England, She decided to take revenge apon John and his new side kick Killer Bunnie, by destroying every valuble looking thing in John's house.

The group sensed that a battle was about to begin between John and Heather, as both of their partners were off destroying each other's houses. "John! get that rabbit out of my house!" Heather yelled. "When you get that witch out of that house!" John yelled just as loud. Heather slapped John. "Don't call her a witch!" John slapped Heather. "I will if I want to!" "Stop destroying valuble artifacts!" Will yelled angrilly, hunched over his computer with his eyes closed. Jen gasped. "oh my god! he's leveling in his sleep!" "but he can't!" John turned away from Heather. "he's already at the level cap!" "wham!!!" Heather used John's distraction to hit him with an over sized turkey. John immediatly went unconsious. "Ha ha!" Heather cried in triumph, and turned toward her house to try and exterminate killer bunnie.

Nichole followed to help, while Sally sighed and went home. Jen and Amy exchanged looks. They both liked Killer Bunnie, even if he had joined John's side, in which they were sure he had valid reasons for doing so, but helping killer Bunnie at the moment would mean joining John's side, which was something they found themselves unwilling to do. "Let's go get them." Jen sighed. Amy growled her agrement.

With that they both jumped into motion, charging Nichole and Heather and knocking their two unsuspecting victims to the ground. "Quick! get the door!" Amy yelled to Jen, who obidiantly picked up John and launched him through Ali's front door while Amy restrained Nichole and Heather. "What a gentlemen" Jen grinned, stepping on John's head. "Getting the door for us ladies." As Amy stepped through the door she whistled, and Ali's fridge flew loyally to the doorway, where it blocked all future intruders. They looked around Ali's house in horror.

It actually looked nice. It had a midi-evil look to it, and it was as if they had stepped back into the past. "sweet!" Jen cried. Amy however, frowned. "my my, killer bunnie sure has outdone himself this time, hasn't he?" "Why's that?" Jen asked, dragging John into the closet. "Well, look how nice the place looks." Amy pointed out. Jen locked the closet door and then looked around Ali's house. "Killer bunnie is on Ali's side?!!" Jen asked in horror. "no Jen. right now Ali is destroying John's house, because she thinks that killer Bunnie is destroying her dream house. " They looked out the window to see that john's house across the street was now billowing smoke and there was a shower of objects being thrown out various windows. "So when Ali finds out her house has been improved instead of destroyed, she's going to have a huge guilt trip." Amy finished. "and then?" Jen asked. "and then she'll die." Said Amy solemly. "weak" Jen frowned. "so what do we do?" "wreak Ali's house and kidnap killer bunnie. that way, Heather and Ali lose because their house is destroyed, John loses because his house is destroyed, Nichole loses because she didn't accomplish anything, and killer bunnie loses because he gets kidnapped by none other then us." "Excellent" Jen grinned evily.

They set out to do their dirty deed, and soon enough they were not only throwing things out of Ali's house, but also making new holes in the walls and ceilings to throw things out of. "Let us in!" Nichole yelled from outside, while Jen and Amy carried the couch the the window. "Heave, ho!!" The couch went flying out the window. Then came the tv, the bathroom mirror, the master bed, the guest bed the set on a controlled fire, then they threw out several ceiling panels, clogged the toilet some new clothes from Ali's room, painted random parts of the house pink and puke yellow, stuffed the expensive china up the chimney, and finally climbed up to the roof and dumped all of Ali's personal journals and stories over the side of the house.

Now to capture Killer Bunnie. This was no easy task, as Killer Bunnie knew something bad was about to happen to him, he set up a barracade and made himself a small castle in the middle of Ali's living room to hide away in. Amy and Jen walked cautiously up to the castle, which pointed a cannon in their direction. Amy mummbaled a plan to Jen and jen smiled at the cannon. "ok bunnie, out you get!" while Jen dived fearlessly at the castle that held the menacing rabbit, Amy lifted up John from the closet and threw in in the way as a cannonball flew at Jen. It of course hit john instead, and it looked like he wouldn't be waking up for a few days. Taking the moment of confusion, Amy then karate chopped the castle and broke it in two. As the castle split apart Killer bunnie flew out in a blinding blur of while fluffy light, and was gone under the sofa before John even hit the ground.

Jen cried despairingly in German, and Amy flew across the room in Killer Bunnie's persute. Next thing Jen knew, Amy was also under the couch and there were horrible sounds coming from where they had disapeared. Fearing the worst, Jen picked up ali's phone and called Sally. "Jen," sally sighed before jen could say a word. "it's 5 in the morning. what do you want?" "oh, hello Sally." Jen smiled pleasantly. Sally put her cell phone away and walked over some broken glass to where Jen stood. "how did you get in when Nichole and Heather couldn't?" "Remember the German music." Sally gestured to the fridge, which was cowering in the corner. Jen nodded. "so where are Nichole and Heather?" "in the fridge." Sally sighed. "it ate them." "oh" Jen nodded, then pointed to john. "I think we killed him. You can fix that, right?" sally nodded. "yeah, it can wait until tomorrow though. it's been a long night." Jen nodded in agreement. "GOT HIM!!" Amy yelled merrily, her arms covered in bite marks and blood. "excellent!" Jen smiled. "Should we kidnap John too?" "who would care?" Amy shrugged. They marched out the door.

A fridge-d escape

(by Nichole)

Somewhere deep dark unknown regains of a random fridge sat Nichole and
Heather. They stared that their surroundings, both trying to figure out
what the hell just happen. “We were eaten, weren’t we?” Nichole asked
Heather. “Yep.” Heather nodded. “Dammit! This is Jen’s fault!” Nichole yelled. “Most
likely, in the end isn’t always her fault?” Heather asked. “Yea.” “So
this shouldn’t be that surprising…. right?” “Heather-chan, a fridge ate
Nichole turned to look at her new best friend with wide eyes. Heather
blinked, looked away for a moment then glanced back to Nichole. “Ew.
That’s just gross.” “I KNOW!!” Nichole yelled once more then fell backwards.
“How are we going to get out?” Heather asked. A moment of silence pasted
between the two girls. “Wait.. Heather-chan you’re a pharaoh of the past
right?” Yea… what of it?” She asked as she stared at Nichole. Jumping to her
feet, Nichole turned to face the old pharaoh. “I’m a pharaoh of the present
and you’re a pharaoh of the past! If we combine our shadow magic we should
be able to get out of here!” Heather’s eyes went wide and she too jumped
up and grabbed Nichole’s hands. “Lets get going then! We have a Jen to kill!!”

Both girls closed their eyes and held tightly onto the other’s hands as
they called their dark magic. No stupid riming spell was uttered or any
other hand motions, they just stood there in complete silence with their eyes
closed. After about 10 minutes had passed the girls where wrapped in a
blackish purple cloud and with a snapping sound they disappeared.

When the opened their eyes they stood next to the remains of the evil
fridge that ate them. “Take that you bastard of a thing!” Nichole yelled at
it. “Stupid thing, trying to eat pharaohs. Someone should have warned
it…” Heather said before clapping Nichole on her shoulder then walking off
to kind her koi. Nichole stood there a moment before her stomach growled
loud enough that the whole block could hear. “You’re not hungry.” She told
it. “I fed you like two days ago! You can’t be-“ GROWL!!!! “Find! I’ll feed you!” and she runs for Sally's house looking for something to eat. “FOOOOOOOOOD!!” She sang. “LOVELY FOOD!”


(By Alex)
So that was it. They were all dead. Nothing more would become of the
story because they all had DIED.

(…oops. Just kidding. A little foreshadow for ya).

Instead of being dead, they were all in many different places at once.
(but, truly, is that any worse than death?). Amy, Jen and Sally were
all sleeping messily on Sally's doujo floor on rented futons, Heather had
ran home to try and find her love while Nichole stole away in Sally's
house to get food. John was still knocked out (as everyone liked it) and
Will… well, let's not include Will in this.

Heather burst into her home to find it destroyed. Artifacts where
strewn everywhere, furniture was blown up, blood was spilled all over the
floor. Heather ignored all these things and went straight to her yaoi
collection. Seeing that was okay (because there was a magic spell
protecting it), she left the house. She could sense her girlfriend was nowhere


"…mhmm…. maaaarrrsshmelllloooooowwwsss….. John Lennon liked
marshmelllloooowwwwws… I wonder if the rest of the Beatles…….
liked……. marshmellows……."

(just for future reference, she wasn't actually sleep-talking).


"Ooooh~~!!! Bacon!" Salvating at the sight of the meat, she licked her
lips and carnivourously bit into the food, savouring its delicious-ness
that it ignited on her tastebuds. Suddenly, the fridge grew irritated.
A black cloud illuminating the room, it grew large and cued the evil
music with the end of it's electrical cord.


"Heather… I'm afraid!" Ali whined softly like a puppy, cowering
against a huge SORRY game that was staring at her face, holding up picket
signs that read: PLAY ME!


Amy was running away with Killer Bunny. The two were to rendeivous at a
certain spot in the middle of the night and forge a new life in space
together. It would not be easy; but they would make it work.


"I'm coming, inu-chan!" Heather shouted heroically as she burst into
the pantry. Stealing an apple, she then headed back on track of searching
for Ali.


"Let's make s'mores!" Jen exclaimed, jumping up in her spot on the
floor and sleep walking to the kitchen

(just for future reference: she wasn't actually sleep walking, either)


"Who dare disturbs my slumber~~?!!!??!" The fridge commanded in a
billowing voice.


"Heather!!! Don't make me pick the card! I don't wanna go back another
three spaces!! Nooooo!!!!" Ali screamed in terror.


Amy checked her watch as her right foot tapped with impatience. The
other hand resting on her hip, she angrily looked into the agreed
direction the Killer Bunny would come from. "Dammit. If he's late, we'll NEVER
catch that ship to Zanarkand!"


"Don't give up on me yet, koi! I am coming!! I promise!" Running up a
circular staircase, it was only the small voice in the back of her head
that whispered she might be caught in the wrong building.


"Dammit, no Hershey's. What kinda s'mores can you make without


"I only wanted a sandwich, your highness Refridgerator. Don't hurt




"…I wonder if I can get away with ripping off Final Fantasy. Will
they sue me?"


"Why the hell is this happening!? We aren't doing any of this! This is
all a LIE~! We are all sleeping and imagining all of this!!! AND I
SHALL PROVE IT!" Taking out her Keyblade, Heather stabbed a place on the
concreate wall surrounding her and the spell was broken. She looked
around to see she was still standing outside her house with the intent of
finding her girlfriend and all that had happened had not, in fact,

"Who made that spell?" Heather muttered. "Is there an evil sorceror
threatening to overtake us?" Pondering on this for several minutes, she
shrugged. Sheathing her Keyblade, she ran off to find her love. The last
thing she did was mutter, "This better not be a reference to my koi
being a witch again. Because I know that's not true."

Dangerous Conspiracies

(by jen)
or is it true? *dun dun duunnnn!!*
It didn't take long for Heather to find Alex, because Alex was still by the fridge where she had left her. "alex, are you ok?" "yeah….but something really weird happened." "what was that?" "John was outside talking to the moose, and then there was this bright light,…" Alex's vioce faded as she looked into the darkness outside with a forlorn expression. "and?" "and then they both disapeared…" "OW!" Alex and Heather both pinched each other at the same time to make sure they we'rnt dreaming. "so what does this mean?" "John is a witch?" Alex shrugged. "BURN HIM! BURN HIM!" "burn who?" Nichole asked, walking therough the space where alex's door should have been. "John, for being a witch." Nichole shook her head. "I thought we were chasing Jen for getting us eaten by the fridge?" "no, no…you want to get John, this was all his fault after all." Jen added swiftly from behind Nichole. "ah…ok" Nichole agreed, lighting a torch she had ready.

and then Nichole, heather and Alex set off into the night to find John and have him burned for his witchcraft. Meanwhile, Jen set off to do her own evil work.

she walked down a cobbled road that lead over a bridge and into London. This was the place where legendary evil once took place. The Tower of London, the beheadings of King Henry's wives, the witch trials and in the very place Jen now stood, Jack the ripper had wandered late at night in his deadly hunt for blood. Jen frowned slightly as she came to an alleyway blanketed in darkness. She squnited, trying to see past the shadows, but her eyes couldn't adjust. Nevertheless, she plundered onward. After coming out of the alley way, she found herself right where she wanted to be. In front of the orphanege. Recently, she had tried to adopt a child, but was rejected for several reasons. Now Jen was there for revenge. She opened up her jacket pocket to see what she had brought for the deed. Gun powder and a lighter, some spray paint and a rubber duckie. She nodded, then marched into the orhanage. Painting the words '911!' and then a huge smily face. She then snuck up to the kids in each room. "nighty night and fairy dust!" Jen cried, sprinkeling gun powder on their sleeping faces. Dancing from room to room, Jen continued this practice until she ran out of gun powder. Just as she was leaving however, lighter in hand, she was stopped by a small gunpowederless child at the door.

"why would you want to do such a horrible thing?" the little boy asked."because i'm evil kid. Now either run for your life or come here so i can sprinkle gun powder on your head." "Spare our lives" The boy cried, tears streaming down his little english face. "We have apple soda" Jen immediatly gasped and grabbed the child. "Where is it boy!? where is the apple soda!!?" Shaking, he pointed to a closet where a mellow green glow was emmiting from around the doors edges. "how did i not notice that before?" Jen asked herself and set the boy down. Opening the door and finding apple sodas galore, she grinned. "There is hope for this place yet!!" Then she smiled and said, "as long as there is apple soda here, I will protect this place." She smiled and then evacuated the children from the gun powder infested building to a much nicer orphanege across the street. "Now." Jen said turning to the old orphanage. "To get alll that apple soda. " As she started to cross the street however, a bright light came hurtalling in her direction. It seemed that while Nichole, Alex and Heather were trying to find John to burn him, they unwittingly angered John's mechanical moose in their attempt to interogate it. Now this 30 foot tall mechanical monster was chasing the fire weilding witch burners around London. "WATCH OUT!!!" Jen cried in horror as they came dangerously close to the old orhpanage. "JEN! IT'S GUNNA EAT US!" Nichole cried, running toward Jen. "Hide in that building!" Jen yelled angrily, pointing next to where the apple sodas were, but Nichole, Heather and Alex ran into the old orphanage instead. "BOOOOOM!!!" Jen was thrown across the street and who knows what happened to the others as the building exploded. "NOOOO!!!!" Jen cried in horror. "THE APPLE SODA!!!!!!!" Shaking with rage, Jen looked at the moose in terrible anger. "i hate you." she growled and marched off back toward sally's dojo.

"hello Jen" Sally greeted her as she returned. "Hey" Jen mummbeld and raided the fridge. She looked up to see John and Will playing WoW in the next room. Her face darkening, Jen yelled at John. "Nichole, Alex and Heather were looking for you." "Oh, did they find me?" John asked, not caring. "no, i think they died." John looked up with a weird expression. "how?" "i killed them. " she drew out a butcher knife and pointed it at john, her eyes glowing red. "and thanks to your dumb moose, YOU'RE NEXT!" Jen then leapt across the room at John, screaming about her lost apple soda, when Sally suddenly interviened. "Dinner time!" She yelled at Jen, throwing mashed potatoes at her head. "wham!" the pot hit Jen on the side of the head and knocked her out cold. meanwhile, …….

Amy stood on the street corner with killer bunnie tucked safely under her arm, in his escapeless box. She grinned to hersf as she contemplated the evil things she would do now that she had the notorious rabbit in her possesion. But her victory was short lived, because as she crossed the cold London street and explosion went off not far away at all. But when Amy stopped to consider the cause of the burning building and flaming shrapnel that whizzed by, she saw standing before her none other then the chicken nugget in a trench coat himself. "How could you abandon me for this useless ball of fur and teeth?" he growled, small beedy eyes glaring up at her. "it's not how it seems nugget." Amy sneered at him. Chicken nugget in a ttrenchcoat stomped his feet in rage. "IT'S EXACTLY HOW IT SEEMS!" He pointed at the rabbit. "THIS RABBIT MUST BE DESTROYED! YOU;RE NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR THE PLOT BECAUSE HE'S GETTING IN YOUR WAY! DO YOU WANT TO BE STUCK IN THE STORY FOREVER?" Amy grinned slyly as she pulled a gun from her pocket. "actually, yes chicken nugget. If we stay here in the story we will live forever. isn't that better then finding the plot to our lives?" Chicken nugget in a trench coat shook his head. "to live without meaning?! there's no point!!" Amy sighed delacatly as she pointed the gun at chicken nugget in a trench coat." i'll take my plotless life, to live forever. for power. you don't understand chicken nugget. and you never will." BANG! the street lay eirriely silent after the second explosion of violent sound that night. Amy placed the gun back into her inside pocket and walked off into the London night, down a cobbled road that lead over a bridge and out of London. This was the place where legendary evil once took place. The Tower of London, the beheadings of King Henry's wives, the witch trials and in the very place Amy now stood, Jack the ripper had wandered late at night in his deadly hunt for blood. Amy was now the antagonist to our plotless story.


(by Nichole)
Nichole danced around in the remains of the burning building. She was singing something about fire as the other two sat together in what was left of one of the corners. Around them was shield that stopped the fire from hurting them but did not stop them from watching Nichole. "I
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove fire!!" she sang out as she
twisted and jumped around. "Can we leave now, Heather-koi?" Hitomi-chan asked softly. "I think it might be wise if we did so." Heather replied.

Calling on her dark magic, the old pharaoh popped the shield that had been
protecting them. With the shield gone the two ran from the building, trying
to find anyone who might be able to put out of the fire.

What no one noticed was how much of London was being destroyed and that no
one from London was around any more. Frankly the only ones left were them
and anyone else that might pop up only to be killed. The pharaoh and her koi
glanced at each other, while Nichole sang and danced around in the flames
behind them. "I'm starting to worry about her…" Heather stated as she looked
behind herself. "Don't be, this is who she is. She'll be fine once the fires
out." Hitomi-chan said. "Then again she might be sad that her fire was
killed….oh well! Not my problem!" The two walked off, leaving Nichole
YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nichole screamed.

A terrible way to die……….

(by Jen)
Despite everyone having their own home, sally's dojo had become the place to be, and even John and Will had abandoned their happy cottage to live in sally's dinning room playing WoW.
As to be expected, when Ali and Heather walked back into sally's dojo, despite the fact that Jen appeared to be sleeping on the floor with mashed potato surronding her, they had completly forgotten why they were covered in ashes and how this was all John's fault, because of his evil witchery and his stupid plot finding moose. But because they forgot, they were able to sit down to a nice dinner and wonder where Nichole had disapeared to.

Nichole had not forgotten the fire. She was still rolling in flaming embers and doing a little fire dance. But soon enough she realized she was not alone. Above the roar of the flames she could make out a faint moan and the soft scraping of dragging feet in the dirt. She looked up bracing herself for some kind of monster, another Jack the Ripper perhaps, but she saw nothing and no one. "hello?" she called, wondering if she had imagined it. But no, squinting at the ground she could see a small tiny form dragging itself toward the warmth of the flames. "Chicken Nugget?" she gasped.

Jen had finally woken up and was wondering why she had wasted a perfectly good meal by sleeping in it. John and Ali however were getting in another argument, and things were getting heated. "STOP CALLING ME A WITCH!!!" She screamed, throwing pots and pans at him. "No!" he cried, trying to protect himself, and the next thing they knew everyone was in the battle. "Look what you did John! You made a scene and now everyone's angry!!" Jen grumped removing a fork from her arm. "She Started It!" He yelled, pointing at Ali, who continued throwing cutlery in all directions in her blind rage. Suddenly Nichole burst through the door holding a wounded chicken nugget. "Zomg! what happened?!" Jen cried, standing up at seeing Nichole rush in. "SOMEONE SHOT CHICKEN NUGGET IN A TRENCH COAT!!!" Everyone gasped, but Ali, who was still throwing knives at this point couldn't stop herself in time and watched in horror as a knife sailed into Chicken Nugget In a Trench coat. "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sally cried in anguish.

Complete pandamonium broke out as soon enough everyone was beating up everyone. Jen dived at Ali but missed and hit john, who fell into Will, who happened to be weilding an epic sword with +50 fire damage chance on hit, which hit Chicken Nugget square in the head. "AAHH!!" Nichole yelled, seeing Chicken nugget on fire, but then immediatly became amused by the fire. Ali, trying to make things right, then snatched him and ran him into the sink full of water and dirty dishes. Sally however dived on Ali to try and wrestle him away to what she thought was safety, but instead she was unknowingly forcing Ali to drown chicken nugget. John however realized what was going on and tackeled sally and Ali so that Chicken nugget could breathe again. However, the three of them hitting the ground at once caused the chandelier to fall and it of course, landed on Chicken Nugget. Jen picked up a lead pipe to fight off everyone who was trying to save Chicken Nugget, and as Heather Picked Chicken Nugget up screaming "WHO SHOT YOU CHICKEN NUGGET?!!" Jen screamed "there's a spider on his head! I'll get it!!" She then swung at Chicken Nugget and hit him out of her hand. He flew straight up into the sky, higher and higher, then as everyone watched in horror, fell right into Heather's mouth and dissapeared.3

Everyone rushed forward at once to try to look down Heather's throat. Heather however, was choking and turning blue. Everyone ran to her rescue only to topple on top of her. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A siring scream peirced the chaos and eveyrone finally managed to stand up and look at each other in mild confusion. heather stood up and looked at everyone else. …"he's gone…"

Rain splattered dismally on the dojo windows as everyone lay in silence pretending to be asleep, though despite desperate attempts and dangerous amounts of sleeping pills, sleep would bot break through their unrelenting insomnia. Sally closed her eyes but swore she could hear a pounding sound coming from somewhere in the dojo. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. *bam bam bam!* she closed her eyes again. *bam bam bam!* Tired but awake, she was completly unwilling to leave her bed where she had any chance at all of sleeping. *bam bam bam!* not again…*bam bam bam!* I'll ignore it… *bam BAM BAM!!* Sally sighed and sat up, shifted her weight and hopped grumpily to her feet.

She marched down the hall to see Jen banging her head on the wall. Sally sighed and grabbed jen's shirt, pulling her away from the wall. "couldnt find the plot" Jen murmured. "Chicken nugget….wonder what he tasted like?" *bam bam bam!* Sally looked at Jen and observed that she was not responcible for the noise.

Sally left Jen to her delirious musings after tying a pillow to her head, and wandered down the hall after the noise that apperently was not Jen. The pounding nosie got even louder as she neared the end of a hall.

Here she found Alex busy making wanted signs. Due to the fact that heather had accidently swallowed Chicken nugget (no thanks to jen) she had dissapeared to another country for fear that one of her "friends" would cut her open in hopes of saving chicken nugget in a trench coat.
Alex put her hammer down and looked up at sally. "hey sally" she greeted. "meh" Sally grumpily returned. *bam bam bam!* They looked up at the noise and sally gave Ali's inactive hammer a careful look as she went on to investigate the allusive noise. Alex followed, as she was tired of making wanted signs for the chicken nugget in a trench coat.

They found Nichole in the next room, ripping up floor boards in the kitchen. "Nichole…" Sally growled, watching her tear at the floor that Sally had so carefully placed there. Nichole looked up, eyes alight with vivid excitment. "looking for clues at the crime scene!" She chirped merrily, while hacking at the floor with a sword. Sally glared at her. "what evidence could be under the floorboards, when we all saw chicken nugget fly down heather's throat? Alex inquired. Nichole looked up, and in all seriousnes, remarked, "gremlins" "gremlins" Sally and Alex exchanged a look of wonder and suspicion. "you're tearing up my floor at 3am looking for gremlins who might have unnessisary evidence to a crime that we all witnessed." Nichole looked up again, and stared at Sally thoughtfully. Their eyes locked for a minute, Sally sending daggers and Nichole watching hers, wide eyed. "Yup" She nodded cheerfully.

As she turned back to further destroy Sally's floor, Sally raised her fists in attack, only to be cut off by John, who choose that moment to run into the room screaming that the dead were pounding on the walls and they were doomed to their plotlessness forever. Drawn by the loud noises, Jen and Will made their way to the Kitchen. Will surveyed the room and then set up his computer, Jen was still asleep (the only one who managed such a thing) and was quietly mumbeling about zombies after hearing John ranting.

Sally shook her head at the group, and wondered if she and Alex were the only two sane ones there. However, she then remembered Ali's signs and decided to rule her out. Moslty because the signs didnt actually have words on them, just desperate looking scribbles, and badly copied pictures of what Sally decided must be Chicken nugget, though it was debatable. 'surely, this would be an insane place to raise a child' Sally thought suddenly, and out of nowhere. jen however, seemed to sence the tremendous evil of this thought and her eyes opened slowly as an evil grin spread across her face. *bam bam bam!!* the loud banging came from the front door, and everyone looked up, distracted from their own insanity.

Who could be pounding on Sally's dojo doors at three in the morning in the pouring rain? "amy is still missing" Ali pondered, looking suspiciously at the door. "and Heather might have figured out how to rescue chicken nugget.." Jen shrugged. "or it could be his ghost!" Nichole screamed. "or maybe…" Jen gasped, eyes widening in fear "it could be FLUFFY AND EVIL!!!" Sally frowned at Jen while John looked confused. "stalker" Sally replied. "but i'm right here!" John whined. "YOU'RE NOT FLUFFY OR EVIL!!!" Alex hit john with a duck. "it could be The Jolly Green Giant tm" John shrugged. "what?!" Alex yelled glaring at John. "where did that duck come from?" Jen asked Alex. "i bet it's those cloaked guys from the Lord of the Ring" "Dementors!" Jen paniced. "no Jen that's something completly diffrent…" "nuh uh" Jen grumped. *BAM BAM BAM!!!* the door swung open………..

The plot baby…

(Jen decides to ruin peoples lives in the story…)
(let's see how many lines i can cross to express my aggrivation at people ah.hhah..ha…)

"why, it's only Doctor Washerman." Jen greeted a man who walked though the door and went straight to Nichole. "I have terrible news. You're pregnant, and the baby is due any second." Everyone stood in curious horror and looked at Nichole for some kind of explanation. Will stood up and pointed dramaticlly at her. "I KNEW YOU'VE BEEN UNFAITHFUL!!" Everyone looked even more confused as Will began packing up his things and storming angrily out of the kitchen. "Will and Nichole??" John frowned. ", he's mad because I was always out of town when he wanted to go raiding with someone." Nichole shrugged. "I dont feel that that really explains it" Sally grinned. "I have more news." Doctor Washerman continued, eyes fixed on Nichole. "WHAT??!!" She gasped. "as you know, the father is not human. " "Nichole" Jen half grinned. "JEN!!!" John yelled at her prevertedness. "YOU WERN'T SUPPOSED TO HEAR ME SAY THAT!!!" Jen yelled back. "WHAT??!!" Sally yelled. "The baby you're about to give birth to may hold the plot to the story!" Doctor Washerman exclaimed dramaticly. "QUICK!! PUT HER ON THE TABLE AND GET THE PLOT BABY OUT!!" Jen yelled, waiving her fists. "WHAT??? NOOO!!" Nichole jumped back from the others, who were circling her with malicious intent.

"I dont think so! No one's giving birth at all!!" Everyone looked up to see Amy standing in the doorway with Killer Bunnie on her shoulder. "damn you Amy!!! I wanted to be the antagonist!!" jen kicked the floor angrily. "my hero??" Nichole pondered, then changed her mind as Amy came at her with a clothes hanger. Nichole screamed and ran out the door towards London. "she wont make it very far!! after her!!" Everyone ran toward the door at once, and so of course when they got there no one could fit through it, so they struggeled for a few minutes before they finally made it through.

IN the city everyone split up, and Ali found herself alone, desperatly looking for Nichole. There was still some smoldering embers left from the gunpowder Jen had left behind, and much to Ali's horror she could see the place where Chicken Nugget had been shot. She stood in wonder for a moment and then looked around her, trying to see through the darkness of the abandoned town. Amung the empty shadows and staring windows, expresionless in their quiet sleep, Ali saw a single candle light flickering from within one of the houses. "Nichole?" she breathed. She had hoped to be the first to find her, and the light simply had to be her.

She moved forward with uneven excited steps, trying to be slow and quiet but at the same time unable to do so. Looking through the window that the light flickered through, she could see Nichole's shadow standing motionless with her back to the window. Alex moved quickly to the door and swung it open with a strength she did not know she possessed. "I FOUND YOU!!!" she yelled, and with a loud BANG!! the door flew off it's hinges and rested dormantly on the floor. The shadow looked up and to Ali's horror found it wasn't Nichole at all. "oops..uhm.." She murmured, as a crumpled old man gazed bewitchingly at her though old tired eyes. "don't be so hasty to leave young lady, after all, you did knock down my door in to get here." Ali looked at him sheepishly and started to appologize profously. The man simply raised his hand to silence her and folded his fingers together in his lap. "you want to be the protagonist, dont you?" "huh?" Ali gasped, looking at him uncertainly. "you need to save the story, and find the plot. but you also need to keep your friends safe. safe from the antagonist, and safe from each other." "wh-what…uh….what?" Ali stuttered. "what protects people?" he asked. Ali thought for a moment. "samurai?" she shrugged. The man stared at her, his eyes flickered from the light of the candle, and a smile creased his wrinkled face. "There are some samurai suits for sale." He pointed out the window to a small store that was all lit up. was it like that a few minutes ago?? "what??" Ali asked again, completly baffled. "over there." he pointed again. "just make sure you buy the right one, or you wont be a might be…something else…" A sudden horrific thought crossed Ali's mind as she pictured herself accidently buying a witch costume..the look on john's face…. Ali shook her head and ran out the door, while the old man began cackeling. She turned to look back before entering the costume shop, but the candle was out and the house looked as if no one has been there in centuries.

Alex walked into the small lit up store and was surronded by costumes, suits, laces and uniforms. She looked up and down the isles and tried to figure out what she even came in for. Everything was so demanding and seemed to be calling her name. "HEY" came a soft but gruff voice right next to her ear, and she looked to see a gremlin perched on her shoulder. "HEY!" she yelled angrily he meerly responded "HEY" in his cool reply. "I'm here to help you find what you're looking for, chicky. So simmer down and tell me what the word is." Alex found herself thrown a little bit by his lingo, but decided to ignore the akwardness of the situation and just go along with it. "I'm looking for…" She started, but at seeing all the many interesting costumes in the room, when it came to what she was looking for her mind didn't go blank, it exploded with random thoughts. "that witch costume would be perfect to trick john into wearing, or maybe jen for starting the witch trails in the first place, or that soldiers uniform would be neat, and then there's this chicken costume, but why would i want that? i dont need it..but i want it…" as her scattered mind kept going, the gremlin on her shoulder simply smiled and began playing music as ali faded into delusion.

and then ali saw it, hanging just to the left, and she didnt know what it was but she knew that it was what she had come for. In her delusion, she had forgotten how to turn, so to help fix this problem she started teetering to the left, her hands outstretched and the gremlin played his mind numbing music. her hands reached closer, closer, and with one final move she jumped through the air and landed sideways on the floor, clutching the sleeve of what she had hoped to be the samurai costume, but was instead….

Alex opened her eyes to find herself on the ground. She looked about to find that she was no longer in the store, but was outside. She stood up. "where did the samurai costume go?" then she looked down at herself. "AAHH!" she cried. She had grabbed the ninja costume instead. "FUCK!" she grummped.

But after she uttered those words her ninja senses felt someone coming in her direction. before she even knew what she was doing, she was racing silently down the nearest alley, so she could watched from the shadows. She didn't see anyone however, and frowned as she leaned against the cold wall wondering what she had heard. But she also could not shake the feeling of being watched, and she shivered as she looked into every shadow and saw one..except…suddenly black shadows seemed to move out of the walls themselves and circled ali in a sinister fashion. "what do you want?" ali asked fearfully. "your soul" one chuckled, and they moved toward her again. " dont want to fight you!" she cried, and then began running away. However, as she did so, her attackers rushed her and began throwing attacks. Ali blocked all of these attacks completly accidentally, and couldn't believe her eyes. She picked up a trash can lid to block the attacks, but instead as she swung it to protect herself, she hacked off one of the heads of her attackers. "OMG!" she yelled in horror, and tried to surrender to the bad people (who now looked very mad) by throwing the lid to the ground, but it instead hit the wall and bounced back into her hands, just in time to sever another head. "I'm sorry!!" she cried, as an endless crowd of shadows advanced her in a rage, but as much as she tried to cower or run from the attack, she only found herself covered in more and more blood, as her ninja costume made her hack and slash her opponents.

Soon enough, completly exhausted, ali found herself standing in the alley once again alone, bodies strewn about and what appeared to be no survivors. She gasped and then fell to the ground, unharmed.

Meanwhile, Sally wandered not far from where Ali was. She wasn't really sure if she believed that nichole was going to give birth to the plot baby, but didn't really care to fund out either. it's much funner to find the plot on her own, she didn't need some baby created by an unearthly father telling her what the plot of her life is. Things had a way of being confusing enough, and people telling her what to do and how to think didn't make anything better. In between thoughts Sally looked up to see a small store just in front of her, and wondered what a store would be doing open this late. (3 in the morning)

She walked in and was surprised to be surrounded by costumes over every veriaty. "odd place for a costume shop" she thought, and began thoughtfully looking things over. Why had she come here? did she care? the place seemed alright…legit.. she looked in a mirror to see a gremlin perched on her shoulder. "Hello…" She trailed, and the gremlin grinned and began playing the lute. She pondered this, but as she tried to think she became more and more confused, and soon enough she found herself walking up to a cowboy suit, she nodded, then fell into it.

Sally stood up again to find herself outside, guns in both hands and a ciggarette in her mouth. Everytime she put a gun down or spat the ciggarette out, they would end up back in thier places. Sally sighed in irritation and tried at least to remove the hat from her head. No luck. What's a cowgirl without her hat? Sitting on a curb, she watched as Nichole ran franticlly by. She paused when she saw Sally, but when Sally made no move to chase her she seemed to grow confident and walked up to her. "Where'd you get the cowboy hat?" she asked. "There" Sally pointed at the store, and went back to staring in frustration at the ground. "Thanks!" Nichole smiled.

A few minutes later Nichole emerged, but you couldn't really tell it was her at all. "a horse costume?" Sally asked, then shrugged. she picked up a saddle that appeared magically out of her hands and then jumped on Nichole. "Giddyup!" She cried and the two of them rode off deeper into London.

Jen watched thoughtfully from where Sally had stood just moments before. She had seen Nichole go into the store, and a horse not Nichole, had come out. What's up with that? She decided it was best to find out for herself. Entering the store with a keen caution, Jen rolled and jumped about the store for ten minutes before she actually figured out what the store sold. "Costumes??" She pondered. "neat" She grinned, and reached for a costume in the corner. "excellent" came a little voice, and Jen noticed as she grabbed a helmet with two horns coming out of it a gremlin smiling and drinking what jen knew was apple soda. "HEY!!!!" she cried angrilly and then fell onto the ground. Dusting herself off, she looked up to see John standing there looking at her in surprise. "WHAT?!" she yelled. "since when did you grow a beard?" "What???" Jen paniced and wheeled around, finding no reflective surface she then looked down at herself to try and see the beard for herself. She was clad in leather armor, beard down to her hips, long pointed sword… "aw" She sighed. "i'm a Mongolian." Jophn laughed at her until he turned blue in the face, while Jen glared back. "alright John, you go into the store and we'll see who the fool is then!" She managed to push him in, and not long after John emerged, covered in a cloak and smiling. "what are you?" Jen asked. John swept his cloak aside and pulled out a lightsaber. "Jedi!!" "GODDAMNIT I HATE YOU!!!" Jen yelled in yet another fit of rage. "come on, we've got to get nichole before amy does. have you seen her?" "yeah" Jen nodded. "she turned into a horse and sally rode her off into the deeper part of london. John looked at her. "you do realize how bad that sounds, right?" Jen glared in the other direction. "shut up and lets go get her."

meanwhile, ali had also learned of nichole turning into a horse, so she was dutifully building a wall to try to pen nichole in. But as she kept building, she noticed thast parts of the wall were being ruined. at this rate, it would never be finnished and nichole would escape with the plot baby. Becoming angry, ali decided to keep building and then hide to see who was destroying her wall. not long after she hid she saw jen come running up with a shild and sword and she began breaking ali's wall. "god damn Mongolians!!" Ali yelled angrilly while Jen retreated. She waved her fists angrilly while in the distance she could hear jen call "i cant help it! i'm sorry! good job makiing the wall!" Ali frowned and decided to double her efforts. she could hear the sounds of hoofs on cobble stone…

Sure enough, Nichole came racing around the corner, and stopped just before hitting ali's wall. she was trapped… "ha haha!!" Ali laughed. surrender the plot baby!!" ali laughed, thinking she had won. or so she thought, because just then jen's mongolian instincts took over and she bagan tearing a great big hole in ali's wall. "Jen no!!" Ali cried, and Nichole climbed up the rubble Jen had made to the very top of the wall. Just as she was about to jump to freedom however, John jumped out of the shadows. "It ends here!!" he yelled, and drew his light saber out, pointing it at Nichole with an evil gleam in his eye. "you wouldn't" she breathed, but it was to late, even though Sally remained calmly on Nichole, John swung the light saber and Nichole was forced to plummet down the side of the wall. She crashed with a loud 'thud" and Sally mearly dusted herself off. "i broke my leg!" she cried. Sally shook her head. "well, horse's no good with n' broken leg..guess i'll have ter put er down" and before anyone could stop her, Sally shot Nichole. "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ali cried in dramatic horror.

But before anyone could mourn the death of Nichole, a dark cloud covered the moon and a wicked voice schreetched to them from behind. "stand back now my pretties, i'm here to avenge the death of my sister, the wicked witch of the west. where did that wretched girl and her friends go to?" Amy swept over them on a broom and stopped when she saw Nichole. "eeeh heeh heee! Toto! you mangy mutt, come her and we'll make Dorithy come and get you! eeh hee hee, into my secret laaaiir…" And then Amy Picked up Nichole's tail (which had somehow fallen off) and then rode away on her broom stick. "I feel somehow offended by all of this.." Jen pondered, then tripped on her beard, and fell down the wall, landing safely on Nichole. "If I wasn't a Mongolian, maybe I could arrest someone for this…" Jen thought aloud, then proceeded to the costume store to try another costume, or get her money back somehow. John and Sally, however, suspicious of Jen's motives, decided to follow her to confront the little gremlin in the store. His mind tricks made it very hard to pick out the costume they had really wanted. They left a flaberghasted Ninja Ali behind, who could only ponder what had just happened.

At the costume store, Sally, John and Jen became immidiatly confused and disoriented by the magic of the strange store and the lute playing gremlin. "ha ha!" Jen cried. you can't sit on all of our shoulders! I want my money…in the…is that a turkey vulture costume???!" Jen gasped. However, In Jen's sudden rush to grab the pink feathered garment before her, she forgot sally was in the way and trampled over her friend. Jen flew a little sideways of her goal and disapeard out of the store as she had laid her hands on something… Sally meanwhile shrugged and grabbed the costume closest to her, and disapeared, while John tried very hard to not fall for the same trap as the others. But it wasn't easy…he wanted all of the costumes in the store, and didn't know why..they all looked interesting and yet he tried to stay away from them, to try and grab the wrecthed gremlin and demand answers…but what questions did he have to ask? Grabbing a costume from the corner, he looked at the gremlin and demanded angrilly, "does this go with my eyes?!"

Outside, Everyone shook there heads in frustration for once again being unable to resist the costume trap. Sally was now a peasant, and wasted no time in disapearing to gather an angry mob to go hunt down Amy. Jen however couldn't figure out what costume she was until before Sally left she began hitting on her. "uh oh" Jen gasped. "I"M A HOOKER!!" Jen cried and was about to try and hide before John could see, but it was too late. He apeared at that moment and looked at her with an odd expresion. Standing there in old English clothes with a bloody knife in his hand, she realized that John had become Jack the Ripper. She tried to figure out what this meant. Jen frowned, then noticed john's knife. "ohh..he's gunna kiiilll meee…….FUCK!!!" jen started running for safety while John/Jack the ripper took off after her. "I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU!!!!" Jen screamed angrily while she ran.

Meanwhile, after several minutes of wandering Ali realized that Nichole might still have the plot baby..even if she was dead, so Ali ran back to try and save the plot baby..if it was even there…

But much to Ali's dismay and horror, she came back to find that Amy had yet again visited the costume shop. Now she was Marilyn Manson, and she had not only set fire to dead Nichole, but she was rocking out on top of the burning corpse. "GOD DAMNIT AMY! GET OFF!" Ali stormed up to her and pushed her off Nichole. But it was just too late. Nichole was really, really dead now.

Ali sighed and slapped Amy for her misdoings. "It was a fitting death" Amy replied. " she liked fire."

Secret Messages? Monkeys?

Jen continues to wreck the story, now with subliminal messages

since Jen was presently in a bad mood,, and no one was paying attention to the stories, she decided to fill the story with subliminal messages, because john had accused her of one earlier, and it was a false accusation! Grumpy Jen will now continue destroying the story in the only way she knows how….

It took a while, but finally everyone managed to get back to their own selves. Nichole may or may not be dead, but we'll leave her as she is for now, she can speak up if she wishes to. Nichole, for the soul purpose of Jen destroying the story with subliminal messages, will now become an allegory for something. Or, of course, someone?

Amy, John, Jen, Ali and Sally were now the only ones left standing, and looking at the destroyed scene of London, now 4:30 in the morning, they decided they had better go back to searching for the plot. Why had they been running around like maniacs all night? Surely, insanity had nothing to do with it, insanity isn't what we think it is anyways.

" so what do we do?" Ali shrugged. "i unno" John shook his head and pondered. "let's rebuild London." Sally decided. "Sounds fun" Jen agreed, already planning orange libraries and sinister gargoyles who eat old people in the town square. They proceeded to their task, and within in a few hours most of the work was done. Jen had built several horrendous looking statues of unknown creatures throughout the town, the most giant and terrifying overlooking the town hall's main window, where the city officials will feel constanly threatened during their tea time. Sally had managed to find the weird store that had driven them nuts last night, and decided to take it out for good. First she knocked on the door and waited for the "orange" goblin to come out. She abrubtly kicked him to the other side of the store and then stepped on his head for good measure. He growled at her and tried to threaten her, and for a moment Sally almost felt afraid, but with a quick smile and a determined stance, Sally lit a match and locked the goblin inside to burn with the deceptive building he created.

In it's place Sally built a garden with a huge water foutain and picnic tables, some swingsets, a playground, and a snackshack that sold Apple soda, amung other things. This pleased Jen, so she decided to run the snackshack for Sally for free, as long as she got to have as much Jones soda as she could handle. "you're going to get diabetes" Ali frowned at Jen as she downed another soda. "I probably already do" Jen grinned happily. "do you want to die young or something?!" Ali yelled, trying to take the soda away from Jen, but Jen refused to surrender the soda or answer her question. "what's wrong with your face!?!" Jen yelled angrily in reply, while pointing at a snotty nosed politian. "I have no time for soda." He replied, while stuffing his wallet with money that came out of his nose. "then how about finding a cure for cancer?" Jen grumped bitterly. "who cares?" he replied, while Jen began pulling a gun out of her jacket. It's bright orange color was a dead giveaway to it's fakeness, but never the less, after shooting at the politian for ten minutes, the police finally came to take her away. "I'm sorry I let you down Sally, the snackshack is important, but i swear to god, i wanna beat that asshole up!" She thrashed against the police while Sally calmly watched. "i should have noticed the signs!! why didn't i see them???!" Jen then pointed at several signs that read 'please do not shoot at people. it's terribly rude.' Sally then appointed John as the snackshack owner, and he threw out the Jones soda when no one was looking.

"hey" ali frowned suddenly." Nichole was right here. where is she now? there's a church in her place." Ali pointed at a big impressive looking church, in which at the very top, they could barely make out a cross jutting through the clouds. It had to be almost 9 miles high, and the sheer physics of its existance was just absurd.

" I didn't think you could build anything that high." Sally frowned looking up. "who built it?" "let's go inside and see." John lead the way in, but stopped when he realized that everyone was walking behind him and not beside him. Throughly annoyed, he turned around, picked Ali up, and threw her in the building. Once inside, they saw many church goes, but what they saw surprised them. They had watched people go inside, but all they saw inside the church was monkeys. "my god, the church is de-evolving them.." Amy gasped in horror. They were everywhere, monkeys hanging off the ceiling, monkey's in the aisles, monkeys on the floor and they were all staring in a trance like state at the front of the church.

Here a giant "orange" gorilla was cunducting a sermon. "Withhold not chastisement from a boy; if you beat him with a rod he will not die. Beat him with the rod, and you will save him from the nether world. (Proverbs 23:13-14 NAB)" Amy, Ali, John and Sally all exchanced looks. "shut up." Amy growled. The gorilla continued. "if one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)" The monkeys 'oohed' their agreement to this statement. The gorilla only grinned when Amy and John started stating their disgust. "God hates homosexuals, and he hates America for standing up for them. Thank god for 9/11, thank god for katrina, and thank god, for aids. (actual things christian extremists have said)" The monkey's at this, began dancing and screamingm and they all started fliging shit at the alter to show their approval to this statment. Our four heroes (jen excluded because she's in jail, but if she was there she'd be mad too) then outburst with rage and prepared to haul the stupid monkey outside. "what do you mean god hates Americans? he is an American. He came here with Columbus and he'll die here in America too. " Sally pointed out to the gorilla. And as they approached the gorilla a baboon came forward from the crowd. "you'll have to leave, if you are only here to spread messages of hate." "HATE? HATE?! YOU'RE THE ASSHOLES WHO ARE SAYING HOMOSEXUALS SHOULD DIE!! HOW IS THAT NOT HATEFUL?!" Alex turned red with rage. "yes, but it's the word of god, and he's perfect." "perfect?" John frowned in disgust. "the only reason he's perfect is because he doesn't exist." "enough!!!" the angry "orange" baboon said, raising a fist to them. Amy however was ready with her own fist, and as quickly as the fight started it was over, one dead baboon with four fist prints imprinted forever on his de-evolved face. The hall was quiet as the monkey's looked at them in rage. "HEATHENS! THEY HAVE DISOBEYED OUR GOD! WE WILL SLAY THEM AND DRINK THEIR BLOOD!! THAT'S WHAT GOD WOULD WANT!!" The monkeys' charged while our heroes quickly turned tail and ran for their lives from the church of blindness.


Jen had not made any friends at jail. Instead, they put her in solitary confindment, and accused her of obsessive drug use. To vent her anger, she stood in the middle of the cell and sang children's songs at the top of her lungs. When even the police wouldn't come back Jen sat down on the floor and awaited rescue. Just as she started waiting however, Sally, Ali, John and Amy came marching in through the back door. " I didn't notice that was there.." jen frowned. "let's go get some ice cream." Amy grinned. ( a happy ending for now, lol)

Not long after icecream……..

Jen stared angrilly at the wall while the shrink paced around her like a hungry shark. "you're a threat to society." she exclaimed, pointing a finger at jen. "for shooting a polititian?" Jen grumped. "It was terribly rude." the shrink countered. " I didn't see the sign." "They took the signs down anyway." "what?" Jen yelled, randomly feeling betrayed. " They found it unnessisary." "YOUR FACE! ><" Jen retorted. "and who's 'they' ?" "Nichole's followers." The shrink nodded, the continued a rant about something. Jen was about to ask her to explain this oddity, when she looked up and noticed money was falling out of the shrink's mouth. jen was tempted to pick it up, but looking at it again she noticed it was covered in blood. " that..fake blood?" Jen asked quietly. "no, childrens."Disgusted and wondering who the real monster was here, Jen promptly picked up a pumkin from beside her and dropped it on the shrink's head to stop her from talking. "YOU'RE A QUACK!" Jen yelled, then stormed out of the room.

After marching outside she ran into her friends. "Jen, did you get treatment?" " I put a pumkin on her head" jen nodded sereanly. "jen, we put you in there beacuse you overdosed on applesoda and shot the president of something." " He had it coming!" Jen yelled angrily. " He didn't care about finding the cure for cancer at all!" Alex sighed. "why do you care about finding the cure for cancer?" " Because" Jen breathed dramatically. "-I have cancer" "what, of the foot?" John rolled his eyes sarcastically. "I have cancer too." Sally admitted. "why didn;t you tell me?" Jen gasped. "why didn't you tell me?" Sally shrugged.

Jen started crying and sat on the corner. "I don't really have cancer." She sighed. "I just wanted to fit in." "I know" Sally smiled. "I don't have cancer either." "Well, that's a relief. " Amy smiled.

"So what do we do about the church?" John frowned. "blow it up." Amy and Alex grinned evily at this thought. "apperently" Jen began, " that was built for Nichole's followers. Maybe she's being held prisoner at the top?" " Only one way to find out!" They started toward the building when Sally sudden;t realized something. "we're not followers though, so we won't de-evolve when we go inside." "right…we need a cover or something so they don't kill us before we blow up thier stupid building." "Omg! they got Ali!!" "she's missing?" John asked looking around. However, just then Alex came back with several monkey costumes. "excellent." Amy grinned.

Carefully, our five heroes approached the nine mile tall church. " I am NOT taking the stairs!!" Alex cried. As they went inside the monkeys were still there and the Gorrilla was still preaching his terrible sermon. " Remember, my good followers of god, rape can be forgiven in god's eyes. For it says in the good book, 'If a man forces himself apon a woman who is not engaged, he must pay her father 7 silver, and marry the girl, for he hath violated her." While Amy, Ali, John, Sally and Jen frowned their disgust, they made their way to the staircase. " No elavator?" John frowned. "there's a pit to hell where the toilet should be." Jen shrugged. Sally kicked the door to the stairs angrilly and it opened to reveal an escalator. "sneaky bastards, arn't they?" Amy shook her head. They then stood on the escalator and awaited theor arrival to the top. Three days and 7 hours later they made it to the top. "THAT WAS SLOWER THEN WALKING!" John grumped. "If i have to listen to ONE MORE GOD DAMNED christian elavator song, I SWEAR TO SOMETHING I'm gunna rip someone's GOD DAMNED HEAD OFF!!!" Alex cried in pure hatred. "wasn't that bad" Jen shrugged. "just turn all the god's and jesus's to Meatwad and Snoopy and it's kinda nice." " Easy for you to say. " Alex mumbled angrily.

"seems though, we've arrived at the top." And so, they had. They were standing in the tallest part of the church, right inside the giant cross that stood atop the skyscrapper of a building. The room was a blinding, dull white, and was completly bare except for the door standing in front of them. It took a while to even notice the door, not that the room was big, but because everything was so outstandingly white the door didn't stand out at all. Finally Ali walked into it, only noticing it being different from the wall by the white letters etched into the door. 'Here lies the answers, but first, you must face your fears…'

Our heroes exchanged glances as they looked at the door. "what fears?" asked brave Amy, throwing back her shoulders in a heroic pose. Everyone shrugged and decided to go through the door. What could fears do anyway?

As soon as they entered the doors, each of them found themselves alone, seperated, and confused. "Hellloooo?" Alex called out into the dank darkness. "eeehh hheeh heeeh" came a whispered laugh not far away. Sh wasn't sure what was going on, but before she knew what happened someone was dragging her through the darkness toward a glimmering light. "come one ali, we have to get married." "NYAH?" Ali cried in alarm. She recognized the voice, but it couldn't be…"WHO ARE YOU?! WHY ARE WE…WHAT ARE YO-..WHAT'S GOING ON?" As they approached the light Ali could see a volcanoe jutting out of the clouds..they were apporoaching with alarming speed. Alex tried to struggle against the hand, but to no prevail. So instead she turned and looked desperatly at her captor. With the light of the oncoming volcano casting it's glare on them, she could see a face that make her recoil, hissing as she tried to get away. "I'LL NEVER MARRY YOU! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!" The figure meerly looked at her and smiled. "you don't have a chioce." Michael Jackson grinned. Before she knew it she landed on the ground next to several cloaked figures. Just as she was thiking it couldn't get any worse, one of the cloaked figured ran up screaming excitedly. "ALI! We're gunna be family for REAL now!!" As the large round fcae looked up at her and giggled foolishly, Ali let out a deafening scream. " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Falling to her knees Ali's thoughts raced in terror. 'not her..omg, not jocelyn..not' But just then She looked up to see Amy walking toward her holding a brown box. "wedding gift." Amy shrugged, then opened it, so that little flying fanged frogs came flying out of the box.

They began pulling at her ears and hair, while chanting some weird language. "er rous e ahli waykeh puh" "eah ouh etard" "esh e deah?" "ut at stiyc dow!!" Ali's eyes fluttered open to see John standing maliciouslty over her with a stick. "what happened?" Ali looked up, releaved to see the nightmare had ended. Amy pointed at Sally. "Sally hit you with the door as we were all walking in to the room of fears." Ali tried to remain calm, but felt horror struck that she hadn't even been into the room yet. "ah.." she nodded.

"come on" Sally shrugged suspiciously and walked into the room. Everyone left leaveing John and Ali momentarily behind. Wanting to stay where she was, she looked back at John to tell him to go on, but he waved the stick he was holding menacingly so she sighed and trudged after Amy, Sally and jen.

"look, it's us!" Jen beamed happily as she pointed to a wall covered in wanted posters, all pictures of John, Amy, Ali and Sally. "so we're our worst fears?" Sally frowned, nodding her head to the side as she considered this. "or, we could be the churches.." "heh" "well, wanted signs ought to give a reason..or" Amy smiled as she edged forward to read one of the posters, "-a price.." " a price?" Ali gasped. "yeah..dead or alive..a price on our heads" At this, everyone came closer to their wanted signs, wanting to see what their price was. All was silent for a few moments, then Amy stepped back glaring at the wall. "doesn't say anything." "neither does mine" Sally added, looking throughly disapointed. " I would have figured, " Jen sighed stepping back from her own sneering face on the wall, "they would have at least had me pegged for trying to burn down the orphanage or something.. we DID blow up half of london…doesn't that mean anything to these people?" Jen crossed her arms in anger while John shrugged at Ali. "guess not."

" so now what do we do?"
"what else?"
"we blow something up."

They then turned and marched passed to door to the room where the answers were supposed to be. There stood, as they had expected, a shiny red button that would surely blow something up. "how do we know that button's meant for us?" Jen frowned looking at it. "well, we're here, arn;t we? if it's not for us, it's not for anyone." John announced. "sounds like a john argument to me." countered Amy. "what's that supposed to mean?" Sally growled, sudden;y coming to his defense. "just press the button, buttons" Ali grinned, pushing John forward so that he hit the button in his attempt to keep himself from falling forward. "Hey!" he cried angrily, but soon enough they heard a terrible rumbeling in the distance. "Look! over therish!" Amy cried, pointing out the window. "That's by the cave i sulked at when John made that stupid plot finding moose!" jen exclaimed. "alright then..let's go!!"

They reached the cave to find nothing at all different. So, explosions don't solve everything.

A new plot twist


It was a subtle and silent realization that Amy had left their midsts. Where she had gone and why she had left was as much a mystery as whether or not they would ever find the plot to the story. She simply vanished, but I suppose, looking back, that was her way. "why would she leave?" asked a small confused voice from behind Alex, and she turned to see Jen looking dumbfounded at the place Amy had just been. Alex would miss Amy, but showed no signs of regret toward her disapearance as she meerly shrugged and sighed, looking across the cave to John and Sally, who seemed to be quietly argueing over something not far from them. "I guess we regroup and head back." Jen glared at the cave wall for a moment then nodded. "there's no point." she whispered as they gathered at the cave entrance. Rain was pouring down, pounding with the sudden terrible force of a flash flood. They watched the ocean waters grow closer, and while everyone but Ali scrambled out of the cave to escape the watery death, she paused, eyes squinting, as Jen's sudden negative thoughts ran through her head. 'there's no point..' why live if there was no plot in her life? why did she care about life? why…as her head began to fill with these cold thoughts, a hand reached out and pulled her out of the cave. She looked up in surprise to see John frowning at her. "care to drown today, do you?" he asked, while Ali struggled to make a weak smile. 'was that what she had wanted?'

Not long after they made to to Sally's dojo, soaking wet and shivering with cold.

Amy opened her eyes but could not see anything. tap tap tap.. she frowned at the noise, but due to lack of vision she could not decipher where it was coming from. tap tap tap it continued relentlessly and Amy wrinkled her nose in thought. dark room, relentless noise, had she been here before? But as she lay there listening to the noise, she realized there were voices too. "it's raining in here." came a rather grumpy voice from the other side of what Amy decided must be the wall. "that happens when you live with a cheapskate who won't fix the roof." sniffed a voice in angry reply. "i don't know how to do that." "you could hire someone." "why don't you hire someone?" "because-" there was a sound of wood scrapping against stone, and Amy imagined the second voice just stood up from their seat, "I have better things to do." "like what?" the other voice seemed to be a little nervous. "like what? LIKE WHAT?!" there was the sound of breaking glass as the second voice began moving about the room. "For Years Now We've Been At This, And Yet You STILL DON'T KNOW?!" after a pause everything went quiet. "I'm sorry Fluffy. dunno what I was thinking." fluffy??" Amy gasped, loud enough for the voices to hear her. "prisoner must be awake."

The door opened with a loud clang and Amy was blinded not by darkness but instead by the sudden rush of light. "wandering through the woods, were you?" Fluffy and Evil glared down at Amy, who looked up at them and didn't know what to say. "uh?" she managed. "my minnions found you, and brought you back. I never expected to find you here in england, and i must say, i do believe you are up to no good." Fluffy shook his head at Amy and then smiled to Evil. "But you'll tell us why you're here. I know you will." Evil looked back at Fluffy knowingly, and they moved forward to hoist her to her feet. Before Amy could protest or register what was going on, she was being dragged toward a door with a big, sinister looking 'x' on it.

That night everyone at dinner in silence, lost in their own thoughts. (that's right, we're back at Sally's) Ali stabbed her food numbly and Jen made a snowman out of her mashed potatoes. While ali was depressed, jen was in good spirits, though would strike up random fights with anyone who talked to her. So Jen was left to her misdeeds unscolded, no one had the patience for her anyways. John sat thoughtfully back while the others stabbed at their food. Despite the rain, he felt it was a nice day out, and remained quietly happy about his random good mood. Sally sat on the other side of the table, and wasn't even pretending to eat. Since she happend to cook that night, she wouldn't hurt her own feelings by not eating the food she slaved over the stove for. Sally was enjoying the rain too, and mindlessly tapped the table with her fingers as she watched it out the window.

"Tomorrow" Jen said looking up at glaring suspiciously at Ali. "we're going for a hike. i've heard rumors of a witch deep in the woods, if we find her she might be able to help us out." "whatever" Ali shrugged. " who needs a witch when you've got Ali?4" John grinned. Ali glared and sparks flew out her eyes, but she remained seated. "I hate you" she mumbled.

The next day they trudged slowly toward the trail Jen was hoping around in front of.

After making sure she was not alone, Jen started marching determindly into the woods. She would have prefered to walk behind, it's better to keep an eye on everyone that way, but she was the only one who knew where they were going, so she lead, but frowned throughly as she did it. The way was easy enough, the trail never forked or curved, it never frayed nor faltered, but Jen knew that if she didn't keep her eyes carefully on the trail in front of them it would dissapear into the forest, leaving them abandoned.

abandoned…Jen thought disdainfully, as a light pressure felt it's way to her head. a headache that didn't hurt, only sat on her mind like an unpleasant memory. "the forest is getting thicker" Jen frowned, watching the trail while the others moped behind. "we'd better not meet an old man with a gun out here.."ali frowned, recalling a story she had read before."agreed" John nodded. "where are we going anyway jen? are we really going to go see a witch?" Sally looked at jen, and Jen grinned devilishly. "no, we're going to find the grail.."

"they're after it Evil, I know it!" Came a voice behind the two evil silloettes. Amy couldn't tell who it was, she could barely make out Fluffy and Evil in the shady room, and the vioce was coming from a dark shadow behind them. "We'll find out why they're here." Fluffy snapped back at the voice, annoyed it had addressed Evil instead of him. "this one-" he said, turning to Amy" -will tell" Amy rose her head defiantly. "why would i do that?" "because, if you don't" Fluffy bared his teeth angrily "I'll eat you."

An even better plot twist


Amy sat back in her cell again and pondered the questions she'd just been asked. It seemed that Fluffy and Evil were afraid of someone finding something of theirs, but they would not say what. Furthermore, they wanted a princess to keep in a tower.

"why would you need a princess?" Amy asked tilting her head and frowning. "well, not a REAL princess per say, but someone to look like one. If we lock her up in our tallest tower, then a dragon will come to gaurd the castle from anyone who might want to rescue said princess." Evil explained. "so are you going to make me that princess?" Amy asked. "If we have to, yes. I think you know a little too much about isn't your color, and that's the only princess dress we's too big for you too, and damnit, it has to look good!" Fluffy slammed one fist into his open palm, while Evil nodded vigorously. "so, if I said I know someone, you'll let me go?" Fluffy thought for a moment. "if you find us a good princess, yes, we'll let you go. Someone who looks stunning in pink." "Excellent" Amy grinned devilishly.

Amy didn't feel bad for giving John away, and now all she had to do was capture him for Fluffy and Evil, and she'd be free to go. She paced the cell while she waited for Fluffy and Evil to let her go capture John. The door at that moment slid open and three figures towerd in the opening. Fluffy, Evil, and..Diablos? yes, her evil alien high school teacher was there as well. "Wear this bracelet, so we know where you are." Fluffy slapped a bracelet on her wrist that she knew she couldn't get off by herself. "Now go find our princess!" Evil ordered as Amy eagerly ran out the door into the afternoon sunshine.

How It Came to Pass

(alex wrinting)
Twenty three and a half with a quarter minutes later (because Ali is too lazy to come up with a medium between the end and what she's already written)……..

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there was a tower. And in that tower, there was a man. And on that man, there was a dress. And on his head, there was a crown. And on his face, there was a scowl that made ALL the natives happy.

Clenching his shaking fists at his sides, his face began to redden. Raising his head to the heavens, he screamed loudly: "KAHN!!"

…and since the Star Trek alliteration wasn't caught by all, newly appointed Princess John Murray (in his pink puffy-armed dress with sequined crown to match) growled low in his throat. His eyes glowed red with the rage and passion of unmaintained fury. Steam spilled from the princess' ears, creating a much heated atmosphere throughout the room.

"Those bastards," he grumbled between clenched teeth. "How DARE they dress me up like this! I am of royal blood!"

And at that moment, even feather-haired John had to stop and think about what he'd just said. The statement that leaked from his mouth was DANGEROUSLY close to Princess Vespa in Spaceballs. Parody princess or not, Vespa was still a princess. And since John sounded like her… "Shit." John cursed himself out. Distracted by his pseudo pincess-y behavior, the rage began to leak from him. He took the opportunity to look around him and think of a way out of his mess.


Unbeknownst to out… *snort* "hero"(ine), two people were currently headed towards his tower du entrapment. Dressed in ridiculous shields and plates of armor that made up the ridiculous looking Camelot-esque outfits, two would-be bravado knights stormed the castle gates.

Of course, if they had been more efficient, they would have OPENED the gates prior to entering. As it happened, the two ran straight into the wrought iron gates. With an infamous CLANG! and CLASH! and CRASH! and CLAMBER! and other C-related metal-on-metal sounds, they fell.

The two "saviors" fell down and crashed together on the asphalt with a resound 'hmmph!'.

"Get off me!" Alex wailed, flailing her arms about like a fish out of water. In the meantime, Jen (her assailant) had already stood up and began brushing the dirt off her metal suit. She glanced down at her friend and rolled her eyes.

"Alex, get a grip." She stated. "We're here to rescue furface.; not play 'Go Fish'."

Alex stopped her flapping and immediately jumped to attention. "Actually," she announced. "That sounds like a splendid idea."

Jen's eyes lit up as a smile danced across her lips. "Yes!" She cheered. "We SHOULD play 'Go Fish'! It sounds terrific!" But then a frown painted her features. Her brow furrowed in worry. "But," she said, heartbroken. "We don't have cards."

"Poppycock." Alex waved that detail away. Reaching into a pocket that had been welded onto her armor, she pulled out a fresh deck of cards.

"HOORAY!!!" The two old friends exclaimed together, arms raised above their heads for emphasis. As they sat down on the cold, hard ground, Jen started thinking while Alex dealt the cards.

"Shouldn't we save John?" In the distance, the flame-blowing dragon bellowed in hunger.

"Meh. What for?" Alex asked before setting the 'Go Fish' pile in the middle and picking up her dealt hand. Jen couldn't help but notice that Alex made a VERY persuasive argument. Not wanting to challenge, she too picked up her hand. The two would-be knights began to play.

Princess John's Soliloquy

(alex writing)
(MEANWHILE… Up in the highest room of the tallest tower…)

Rumpelstiltskin, Rumpelstiltskin
Wherefore art thou Rumpelstiltskin?
Deny thy father and refuse thy toast
Or, if thou wilt not, please but spare my toaster
And I'll no longer be a furface.

Tis but thy dress that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a princess.
What's a dress? It's not hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other piece of clothing!
What's in a dress? Which that we call a Chinelle
By any other name would look as fabulous
So my clothes would, were not a dress be worn,
Retain that dear Godliness that is myself
Without the tiara. Dress, doff thy name
And for which a title that is no part of me
Take all myself.

A Twisted fairy tale….


Sally frowned as she looked back around the empty field. It had all happened so fast, she wasn't sure if it even did. They had stopped for a picnic on the way to the witch's house, or on the way to find the grail, whichever Jen had wanted, when suddenly Amy came running through the trees screaming John's name. She then grabbed him, turned and without further ado ran at full speed into the forest whence she came with a protesting John kicking and complaining over her shoulder. There was a long pause in which Ali and Jen stared at each other, then shrugged, as if they were going to allow John to be kidnapped by the antagonist without complaint. However, a sudden realization struck the two of them both at the same time Sally could have sworn she heard a light bulb turn on. "He's hiding something from us!" Jen declared, jumping to her feet and sticking a finger into the air. "Yes! maybe he's got the plot!" Ali agreed, jumping up too. "that's why he ran away so fast! He must have something!" Alex nodded to herself and then they both ran off to give chase. 'didn't they notice Amy taking him by force?' Sally pondered as she looked after where they had dissapeared. She would have followed, but couldn't help but notice that all of the picnic supplies where left, all for her. "Excellent!" She grinned, stacking sandwhich apon sandwhich apon sandwhich on her plate.

Alex was winning, and Jen knew this was no game…not any more……She looked up, sweat beaded on her forehead and her eyes narrowed despite herself . Alex grinned, leaning back with a hand full of cards, confident in her victory. "go fish!" she smiled and Jen cursed, grabbing the last card from the pile while Alex watched. "Got any 7's?" Alex asked, reaching out her hand because she already knew the answer. Jen sighed and put the cards in her hand. "you win. The dragon's name will be Xzzikskulwyun" (though Jen had really wanted to call it Captain Fire Face, but since Ali won she would have to refer to it by that name only in her head, so long as Ali couldn't read her mind and correct her..)

Putting down the cards, Alex looked up at the castle thoughtfully. "well, we have Xzzikskulwyun to watch for, and then there are those angry looking crocodiles in the moat..and this metal gate..we have to get past that..and some kind of weeed…" Ali shook her leg as she said 'weed' because there was one climbing up it as she spoke. Jen frowned and watched it's assent, and then unsheathed her battle axe. "I'll get it!!" She grinned. "Noooo! you'll cut my leg off!" Alex cried, but it was too late. The axe had already made contact….

Not far off, Sally paused from her picnic as she thought she heard a terrible scream and the sound of something falling to the ground. "sounded painfull.." she frowned. "care for lunch?" as added as Amy came walking through the woods to the clearing, grinning from ear to ear. "sure..wait..where's Jen and Ali?" Sally shrugged. "I heard a scream..maybe that was them?" "yeah..maybe.." Amy frowned as she sat down to eat a sanwhich. "after we eat, we'll go try and find them." Sally exclaimed suspiciously.

After lunch they followed jen and Alex's armor clad footprints back to the castle gates. Here they both gasped in horror at the scene they walked into. "my god…why would they spill so much ketchup onto the ground like this?" Amy gasped. "We needed those for our sandwhiches!" Sally cried angrily. They both stood in a huff until they saw what looked like wheelbarrow treads on the ground leading away from the scene and followed it, wondering what they would find.

"I didn't mean to Alex…" Jen frowned, pulling the wheelbarrow along behind her as she spoke. "I've never seen so much blood.." Alex said quietly from behind Jen. "well, there's a witch doctor right ahead…he'll put it back together.." "jesus christ" Ali spat. "it's like it bled on purpose, like it wanted to bleed.." Ali shook her head and Jen lifted up a bundle from the wheelbarow, the bundle was still spitting blood, and Alex and jen were both drenched in it. "Here." she nodded with her head to a rotting old hut in front of them. and they went inside catiously.

"lost yer foot missy?" an old hag smiled wickedly at the pair, and Jen turned a little green. "no, actually…" "we may have accedently chopped up something we needed…" Ali pointed to the bundle, and the witch doctor took it. He unwrapped it to reveal the weed that had been climbing up Ali's foot (which is still attached, by the way) and it was covered in blood. "it spoke to us as it was dying.." Jen said tearfully. "It knows the secrets of the owners of the castle and what they're hiding..and it must be the plot to the story, it must be!" "I didn't know a plant could bleed…" Ali frowned. The hag looked carefully at the two distraught adults and began cackeling, slapping her knee as though all of this was simply too much for her. "did it tell you it was bleeding real blood?" the hag asked. "well.." Jen frowned, recalling the episode…

see! i DIDN'T cut your stupid leg off! Jen stood triumphantly with the weed in her hand, but turned white when she realized the thing was looking at her. "eh?" she frowned. "Why…." it croaked, and Ali turned white too, "did you …*cough* cut me?" "uhm..because you know..being creepy?" Jen shrugged helplessly. "but..why?…*cough sputter* would you kill the thing that knows all the what you are looking for?" Jen almost dropped the weed in excitment. "YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND APPLE SODA??" The weed glared at her. "no..not something as mundane as that.." "IT'S NOT MUNDANE YOU STUPID PIECE OF GREENARD!" "greenard? Ali asked looking confused at Jen. "then what? what do you know?" Ali asked the weed. "i know…*cough* where the plot lies…." "where? ZOMG!! WHERE??!!!" Ali was shaking the weed now too. ""blood…" it cried, "you've made me bleed…blood…"

"….and then it died…" Ali shrugged. "but yeah, it did specify blood..kinda odd…" It's ketchup. that's a lying weed. Here, we'll mash it up and use it for other things." The hag took the dead ketchup laden weed from them and gave them some money for the corpse. Then Ali and Jen turned back toward the castle, only to find Sally and Amy standing next to the wheelbarrow in detective clothes. "ahah! we found them!" Sally cried happily. "OR.." Amy glared suspiciously…"we've found their clones.." judging by the evil gleam in Amy's eye, jen and Ali decided to make a run for it so they wouldn't have to find out how Amy decided if someone's a clone or not…

Tea Parties are FUUUNN!!

(alex writing)

"So…" Alex commented, placing down her beautiful antique China cup on the saucer in her opposing hand. "Let's recap, shall we?"

"But of course." Jen agreed, sipping a little of her tea after blowing on it.

"Sally was at a picnic, and Amy joined her."

"Right." Sally nodded her head.

"And in the meantime, Jen had cut off my leg."

"IT WAS THE WEED~!!!!" Jen exclaimed defensively, throwing a crumpet at Alex's head. Alex ignored her.

"And then there was a wheelbarrow… which was there for no real reason.. and a witch doctor… and then ketchup was involved… and somewhere along the lines, Sally and Amy decided to mug poor old Sherlock Holmes…"

Sally snorted shortly. "'Poor old'?" She repeated in disgust. "Yea, right."

Amy paused for a moment, looking between her friends and finally took her opportunity to speak up. "What the hell are we doing?" She demanded. Her three friends all glanced at her over their fine China dishes and their wonderful Tea Time set up.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked, oblivious.

"I mean, WHAT ARE WE DOING!?" Amy asked again loudly; as if assuming her friends were hard of hearing. The group sat in silence for a moment, thinking of the best way to answer said question.

"Uhm…" Jen finally started. "We're… drinking tea…?"

"WHY?" Amy asked.

They all were silent again.

"Well…" Sally theorized. "When we had no idea what to do next… we used to always have those random tea parties. We solved so many problems over a cup of tea." Alex and Jen nodded their head fervently in agreement.

"What problems have we ever solved over a cup o' Earl Grey?" All were hard-pressed to find a response to that. "I mean," Amy continued. "We have all moved on from high school, in one way or another. We are OLDER. You think we would be more MATURE."

They all stared at Amy. "Amy…" Alex began slowly, placing her tea cup and saucer down on the table beside the wicker chair she sat in. "We have John trapped in a tower in a pink dress and tiara. How mature is that?"

Finally being the one in silence, Amy grumbled to herself and fell back in her chair in defeat.

"I think Amy does have a point, though." Jen stated. "This is all kind of stupid. I mean, why are we having tea? It's not even the right time of DAY for tea."

"Thank you!" Amy sounded satisfied. Finally SOMEONE understood.

"We should be drinking coffee!" Jen finished. And Amy groaned and fell into remission.

But somewhere in that mess…. maybe because they felt sorry for making Amy so distressed… or maybe it was just because they were sick of all the stupid tea parties and wanted ACTION!!, they tossed aside their tea cups and tore down the wallpaper that made them look like they had been in an elegant English tea room. Still dawning their outfits from when Jen was still writing in the story, the would-be plot continued where Jen left off…….


"Come back here, you mangy clones!!!" Amy yelled with murderous intent as she and Sally chased after Jen and Alex. All four were headed towards the castle.

"Dammit!!!" Alex screamed. "What's with all the clones business!?! I mean, SERIOUSLY. Over the years, how many times have we tried to off each other because of an overzealous dumbass gets bored and wants to go on a clone or dopple-ganger rampage!?!"

"I don't think now's the time to bitch about this, Alex…" Jen shouted back warily. Apparently, the hot magma and lava that flowed underneath them roared with rage and anger and passion because, hell. If YOU were molten lava and were up in the thousands of degrees in hotness… wouldn't YOU want attention too?

"And why not?" Alex demanded. "Here we are, running across a very rickety bridge, headed towards a dragon with a name we can't pronounce; chased by two of our oldest friends who want more than cheap ketchup to be spilled tonight… we are here to capture or save (I'm still not sure which) a guy who hates us now… and I can't bitch about it!?!"

"ALEX, JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!" Jen finally screamed. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out some REALLY stale and hard mutton and bashed Alex on the side of the head; therefore disengaging her bitching complex for good. It also shut her up for a while, seeing as how that mutton was really old. Like, REALLY old. Like, older than dinosaur era old. And when Jen thought about the oldness of the mutton and how it could have met the dinosaurs, she was VERY MUCH tempted to leave Alex behind and go off on her own to interview the mutton. She had SO many questions about the dinosaurs. What were they like? Did they get along? What kind of rock bands did they make? She had a theory that the T-Rex would make a KILLER metal band drummer….

But as she glanced behind her, she saw Sally and Amy closing in. Opening her mouth, she let out a loud, blood curdling scream. "THIS IS FOR THE LEPRECHAUNS!" She yelled before tossing the mutton mallet weapon at her aggressors. It sailed past them and fell into the lava below; disintegrating immediately. Jen paused. "Aw, shit."

Her only alternative plan was now set in motion. She looked down at the barely conscious (or unconscious. Or sleeping) Alex on the bridge and hoisted her up. She tossed her as hard as she could and Alex flew several feet and landed hard on the ground, just beyond the edge of the bridge. Jen then ran for dear life. Once she reached her now definitely unconscious friend on the other side, she grabbed some large garden shears from her bag and cut through the strained rope on the rickety bridge. It finally broke and collapsed. She watched it fall and be destroyed into the river of magma several miles below where she stood.

When Jen turned, she found Sally and Amy had already reached her side of the bridge. They had kidnapped Alex and were running like maniacs toward the castle. They were chanting with glee— something about using Alex as a new Mrs. Nesbit (like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story) and Jen groaned prior to rolling her eyes. "Not another bloody tea party…" Either way, there was no where else for her to go than follow her friends. Trudging along, she made her way towards the mouth of the castle. Amy's and Sally's victory songs traveled back to her as she followed.

A little sigh of ….LOVE!

(jen writing)
Diablos sat behind a desk, rapping his fingers absentmindedly while he was lost deep in thought. Everything had become abstract since he saw her come in, pretty blue eyes and a child like pout as she was told to dawn the pink frilly dress and sparkeling tiarra. Fluffy had been impressed with Amy, this princess did look good in pink. He sent her out with evil praise and a pat on the back, (and then a boot out the door, he is evil after all), and then turned to secure the princess in her tower.

Diablos had smiled at the princess, but she didn't seem to notice him.(She was too busy throwing a tantrum). Downcast, Diablos gazed out the window at the dragon who had taken up immediate residence at the Princess's arrival to the tallest tower. The Dragon was kind of doopy looking, with a lopsided grin, a crooked tail, and two teeny tiny wings that could never lift off the ground. It also seemed to be allergic to something in the air, and whenever it sneezed tremendous jets of fire would blow in any random direction. Evil had half the notion to chase it off to try to get a new one, since it managed his flower bed he had worked so hard to put together. ..It was a nice castle, he had a nice place to live, even if Fluffy and Evil had moved in uninvited. But Diablos felt incomplete, that was at least, until he saw the princess…could he be….in love?

They were getting away from her, and jen glared at their backs. She was lucky that the hopscotch on the pavement had slowed them down, they had a hard time syncing it together while carrying ali in between them. Now Jen was at the hopscotch, and she just made it without falling over, only to look up and see Sally, Amy and Alex dissapear through the castle door. Jen opened the door and let it crash dramaticlly behind her. She had to save Alex, and beat up John for running away to be a ..well..she wasn't sure why he ran away, and assumed it was to join the circus, and he didn't want to tell them why he was going because then he'd have to reveal he didn't get a cool circus job but a rather dull or embarrassing one, like being the bearded lady for the freak show or something. 'I wouldn't write home about that misadventure, no sir' Jen nodded to herself as she looked about the castle for her friends. Perhaps she had to rescue all of them? So long as Amy didn't try to 'rescue' her…

What she found before her however was much like the room in the yellow submarine, where the beatles lived. A long blindingly white hallway filled with door after door after door, or identical looking doors. Whenever you opened one, behind your back strange creatures and things would fly around behind you. Jen immediatly became excited. "OMG! I bet one of these has …apple soda! and and and..a dinosaur!! zomg!!! a dinosaur with apple soda!! with a top hat! and a hot pink mohawk!!" *glee!!* Jen ran off to the nearest room, knowing that no doubt she'd find what she was looking for. But where had the other's gone?

Street Car Named DISASTER

(Alex writing….)

The three friends (being, at that moment, Amy, Sally and— the still— unconscious Alex) had finally stopped. Looking around them, a frown encompassed Amy's and Sally's faces.

"Does this look familiar to you?" Amy asked.

"Well, it does… kinda." Sally replied, looking around. "But I don't understand why we're here…"

"Yea," Amy said. "This doesn't look like a room that would be in a castle."

"Well… we are being told where we are, what to do and what to say by a gonzo 20 year old whose hyped up on caffeine…"

Amy nodded her head in agreement until what Sally said hit her. Glaring over at Sally, she demanded: "What?"

Sally looked at Amy like she had no idea what the other was talking about. Frowning slightly and shrugging, she said, "What? I didn't say anything." Amy didn't argue with that. She wasn't sure if she had actually heard Sally, or it was one of the many voices coming to keep her company again. I mean, after all: Alex was unconscious. Someone ELSE had to be there to annoy her. And Sally wouldn't do that. "So what do we do from here?"

Amy pondered the question. It seemed fairly obvious. There was only one thing they COULD do. They were in a large room with no way to get out aside from a VERY small door that they couldn't fit through; not in their present size, anyway. In the room with them was a table with a single chair beside it. On the table, there were two bottles. "It's just like Alice in Wonderland." Amy theorized. "We have to drink one of the bottles and then we shrink down… and we go through the door in our smaller size. It makes a lotta sense." As she made her way to the table, Sally said something to stop her.

"Wait. What if they're poison?"

Amy glanced over her shoulder. "You think they would do that?" She sounded horrified. Sally let out a solitary laugh.

"Why not? It wouldn't be the first time someone was killed in one of these pointless stories."

"You're right." Amy agreed. Picking a bottle up anyway, she turned back to her two friends. "Let's make Alex drink it first."

"Right." Sally nodded her head.

While the two had been talking, they had laid Alex along the far wall of the room. Amy and Sally then approached the unconscious girl and gave her the "medicine". It took several seconds to do anything, but it resulted in waking Alex up. Then, slowly and then faster and faster, the twenty year old began to shrink in size. "What's going on?" She demanded; her voice getting slightly higher in octave the smaller she got. Looking frantically between her friends, the confusion and panic sounded in her voice. "What's happening? Why am I getting smaller?"

Amy and Sally exchanged glances after Alex reached the smallest size she would get. The two looked mildly disappointed. "She didn't die…" Amy mumbled tragically.

"DIE!?" Alex squeaked.

"Yeah…" Sally sighed wistfully. "So…. what should we do now? Should we shrink ourselves?"

"I dunno." Amy contemplated, looking at the bottle in her hand. "We know it's not hazardous. But is there a way out of here when we don't have to drink shrinking solution? Cuz I gotta tell ya: I like my height the way it is."

"Me, too." Sally said. "But I don't see another door…"

"Oh? Is that what we're looking for?" Amy asked, sounding shocked. "Because there's a door right over there…" and she pointed. As Sally's eyes followed that direction, she soon saw it. It was painted to look like a wall, but she could clearly see the door handle now that it was pointed out.

"Great!" Sally beamed, getting up and breaking for the door. "We don't have to be small!!" Sharing the enthusiasm, Amy stood and went for the exit as well. In the meantime, Alex was still small on the floor.

"Wait!!!" She cried after her friends, frantically waving her arms around. "What about me?!"

"Sorry," Amy said, half disappeared behind the door on the other side. Only her head remained in the room, between the doorjamb and the door itself. "Small people not allowed." And then laughter echoed back to Alex's ears before the door was hastily closed and Alex was left alone.

"Dammit!" Alex cried. But she wasn't going to let her solitary existence bring her down. She made her way towards the only door that she could get to: the small one. Slipping through, she found herself in a whole other mind-blowing place…….



But, soft! What beauty through yonder room does break?
It is the east, and this princess is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and slay the envious dragon
Who is utterly weal and wings too pathetic,
That thou her maid art more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is pissed;
Her complexion is but yuck and icky
And none but rednecks to wear it, cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She talks, yet speaks only gibberish. What of that?
Her voice is deep; I will answer it.
I am too charming; tis not to me she curses out:
Two of the sweetest treats in all the world
Having some intrigue, do catch her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, 'stead of on me?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those treats,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through this beautiful castle come so bright
That birds would sing and I'd think it not right
See, how she looks in that beautiful gown!
O, if I were that dress upon that body,
That I might fall against that neck!

John suddenly looked up and glanced over at the person in the room with him. Narrowing his eyes, he turned to his addresser. "What are you doing?" He demanded.

Diablos paused a moment. "The balcony scene." He replied softly.

"…oh." John paused and stared. Diablos stared back. They stared at each other. And a stare was shared. "Why?" John finally said.

"You… could hear me?" was Diablos' response.

John's facial reaction read somewhere between 'DURH!' and 'Oh, gawd. Not ANOTHER one'. "Uhh… YEAH." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh." Diablos' face blossomed with crimson embarrassment. Twiddling his thumbs shyly in front of him, he looked down at his shoes. "You… weren't supposed to be able to hear me."

"Why the hell not?" The princess demanded.

"Because that was my… soliloquy. It…. wasn't perfected yet. I wanted you to hear it when it was finished…"

"…" (Another John stare took place!!)

((Aaaaaaaand, at that, we will leave the two "lovers" in their suspended suspense of anticipated romance… and move on!!))

(MEANWHILE… back with Alex…)

"Oompa-loompa, doo-pa-di-do. I've got another riddle for you…"

"OH-EM-GEE!!!! NOT THE OOMPA-LOOMPAS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alex screamed in blood curdling horror. "Get me out of here!!! GET ME OUT OF HEEEEERRREEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She clawed futilely at the door, looking for an escape.


~what will happen with Jen? Did she ever find her dinosaur f(r)iend? And what fate befalls the dear ol' tag-team of Sally and Amy? Do they make it to safety? Or do they fall victim to a horrible, twysted plot road named disaster? Find out more NEXT WEEK!5

And Disaster liked to drive super fast!

(by jen)
Little did Alex know, she wasn't the only one small sized. As Alex banged on the door, hoping for safety of sorts on the other side, a mouse came galloping by and lifted her through the air onto it's back. "aaaiiii!" Alex cried, as someone on the mouse hit her on the head. "good!" came the vioce beside her. "you've taken getting hit on the head lesson's, haven't you?" Jen grinned as they road the giant mouse to safety. "Why are you tiny too?" Alex gasped, confounded. "Being tall makes me look fat." Jen frowned. "ah.." Alex frowned. "and oh my god, food is awesome when you're this small!" Jen grinned foolishly. "so now what do we do?" Alex frowned.
"Since we're this tiny, we play horrible tricks on Sally and Amy and maybe even John, if we can find his sorry ass." "ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!"

The Return of a "Luff"-ed One

(Alex writing!)

So let's back-track por uno momento (por favor). So John Murray became a princess, was trapped in a tower, guarded by Fluffy and Evil's unpronouncably named dragon, a love sequence and two (poorly parodied) Shakespearean soliloquies later… John was still a princess, trapped in a tower guarded by Fluffy and Evil's unpronouncably named dragon and victim to Diablos' affections.

(And yes, he was still in a pink frilly dress with sparkling tiara to match; because some things are just FUNNY)

In the meantime, Jen and Alex were riding a mouse through a small door in a completely Alice in Wonderland pseudo-plagiarized scene. Amy and Sally were, at the same time, perfecting their Discrimination Against Short Peoples Skillz.

But through all this irrelevant B.S., there was something more pressing taking place. Something scary… and foreboding… and horrible… and disastrous… and evil knievel… and… and… and…

(Let's Take a Look~….)

{ZOOM IN to a draggy looking laboratory. The walls are covered with some sort of moss or slime thanks to years of abundant moisture. There are electronic thing-a-ma-jigs around the room, all looking sinister as well as "OOH LA-LA!". There was a cot- like table in the center of the room. Attached to the four posters of the table were long steel rods with chains that would raise the table to the open ceiling. (Why the ceiling was open on a closing-in storm, no one knows; and no one dared ask). Next to the table, holding a clipboard with several lab-looking sheets attached was a scruffy looking mad man. With a white coat. Because all evil scientists have to have white lab coats. …because that's how it works, you bitch. Now stfu.
The scientist looks excitedly around the room. Accompanying him was a small midget like man with a gigantic hump on the leg (because the back is SO~ overrated), was a bald old man. His "real" job was to be a substitute sweat shop owner for dear ol' Saint Nick during X-mas; but his part-time job was to work for this wacko.
Said wacko reveled in the thought of the oncoming storm and was shaking with the excitement of it all (that, and too much Starbucks *coffeecoffeecoffee!*). Looking around him with his craaaazzzeeedddd~~ eyes, he threw the clipboard over his shoulder in a frenzy}


The midget-half-something-or-other lab assistant growled low in his throat as his shiny coal black eyes surveyed his boss. "My name is Simon, you bastard." Picking up his cane/walking stick, he pressed the bottom end down hard on the tip of the scientist's shoe in revenge.

"YOW-wee!!!!!!!" The mad man screamed in pain, but he was a masochist, so it was okay. Yet too distracted by his mission, he moved towards his "specimen". On the table, lay a burned corpse. All but ash, the man gently cooed at the deceased. "Oh, my lovely. How I love you. My lovely little shnookums-poo. You and I will soon be reunited, my love. Yes, honey bunch."

(in the meantime, Simon/Igor made a gagging sound, rolled his eyes and placed cork earplugs in his ear in an attempt to save himself from any more disgusting baby talk).

"You never met the woman, you idjit." Simon grumbled, but kept his voice low enough for it not to reach the scientist's ears.

"The storm is coming!!!" The mad man replied in a heightened rush of panic and excitement. "IGOR! Flip the switch!"

"I TOLD YOU," the sidekick bellowed. "My name is SIMON!! How hard is that!?!" But he did as he was instructed. Slowly but surely, the completely beyond dead body started to rise up into the open ceiling that no one could explain why it was there. The table creaked and shook as the body rose, but it remained stable. As the body levitated towards the ceiling and open sky, the scientist (his name was Phillipe) began laughing maniacally.

And, to make a long story short, this all was fairly simple:

  • The body rose to the (open) roof
  • The storm came further overhead
  • Phillipe's laughing reached a hysterical high pitch, making Simon flinch
  • The lightening stuck
  • Phillipe cried out in triumph
  • The table was lowered
  • Phillipe examined
  • The body was even MORE dead… and therefore completely useless.
  • (Well,) Phillipe gets mad
  • Throws the body out with the trash
  • And so ends another pointless part in the story.

In the meantime… far, far away… after many distances of yards and miles and feet and inches and meters and liters(the latter to piss John off ^_~)… in a distant continent… under a distant hydrangea garden… in a different atmosphere… with its own time-space continuum… a hand rose out of the dirt; a hand belonging to NICHOLE!!!!!!

SHE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(by jeneth)

Back to the mad scientist scene, unknown to the scientist and his lab assistant, there was life in the ashes, and after it was thrown carelessly in the trash, it moved, crawling and dragging itself out of the rubble. It crawled, slithered even, in all grotescness with a vengance. With cold, wanting revenge in it's barely alive eyes….

"LOOK JEN!!" Alex pointed excitedly. "A MAP!!" "oh, thank Idle!" Jen smiled in relief. "Idle?" Alex asked. "Eric Idle! better then praising false deities. ^^" Jen smiled and Alex shook her head. "Any way, we need to figure out where we are." "well..this is a map of the castle..i think…." Jen scratched her head and looked at the map again. "it says we're on the moon." Alex pointed. "where's it say that?" Jen frowned. "There, that scribble." "you speak scribbleeze?" Jen asked, flabbergasted. "well, yeah ^^" Alex smiled. "but it doesn't explain how we got on the moon, or why there's no dungion..every castle's got to have a dungion." "right." "so…where are we?" "it doesn't say where we says the castle's on the moon..sort of..there's soemthing about an intergalatic time warp and such.." "so we could be on anybody's moon." Jen frowned. "or nobody's moon." Alex shrugged. "nobodies dead though.." Jen shook her head. " you know those handle little 'x''s they put on maps, you know, the ones that say 'you are here?'" "yeah?" "well, this one doesn't have one." "so it's a useless map." "this is stupid. i'm going to complain to the owner. I didn't come here to have my vacation get ruined by a map!" They both nodded in determination and hopped back onto thier mouse chariot. "Away!"

Sally and Amy had been wandering about for some time now, and were having a blast! They stole wolfman's glasses, (he's blind without them) met Scooby Doo, stole his scooby snacks, they climbed mount everest, found waldo, blew up dr. evil's lab, found the 11th demension, made clones of everyone, solved the mystery of the missing shoe, found out first hand where you go once you die, and discovered the secret ingrediant added to pizza that makes people everywhere crave it constantly. "Now what?" Amy asked, begining to feel tired. "Now we go in here!" Sally danced into a room with Amy dancing behind her. "It's much funner to dance then to walk." Amy and Sally agreed.

But what room of all rooms did they find themselves in next? It was the argument room, the very same from Monty Python, and Sally and Amy found themselves face to face with an argument pro. " no it's not." the famous John Cleese. " Yes, it is." countered Amy. "no, it's not." "you haven't tried it." sally frowned. "yes i have. that's how i came in this morning." "No you didn't." "Yes i did." "no, you didn't" "yes, i did." "your face!" Amy yelled suddenly. "your face." he responded cooly." "well your mama wears army boots." "no she doesn't." "why are you arguing with us? we haven't paid." "yes you have." "no we haven't." "you have." "haven't." "have." "haven't." (this argument goes on and on until finally, miraculously, John Cleese leaves to go to a ministry of funny walks meeting and leaves Sally and Amy to themselves in the argument room).

"Excellent." grinned Amy, as they both took a seat behind the desk and waited patiently for someone to walk in needed an argument. To their luck, just then Fluffy marched in looking eviler then ever. "What are you two doing here?" He asked, glaring at them. "What are you doing here?" Sally returned. "I'm asking you what you're doing here!" he yelled. "we're arguing." Amy responded. "Why are you arguing with me?" "your face." Sally shrugged. "my what?" "your faaaccee" Sally sighed in irritation. "what's that got to do with anything?" He yelled back. "If that wasn't your face-" Amy glared suspiciously while folding her hands on the desk in front of her, "-we might not want to argue with you." "But what difference does my face make?" Fluffy asked. "It goes back to your mother." Amy replied matter of factly. "my mother?" "yo mama." Sally nodded. "That's not funny." Fluffy galred. "keep my mama out of this." "only if you keep your face out of this argument." Sally glared back. "NO!!" "Then we're done with you." Amy smiled, hitting a button that opened a trap door beneath Fluffy's feet. "NO!! YOUR FACE!!!" Fluffy screamed as he fell. "Too late." Sally grinned as the trap door slammed shut. "where does that lead anyway?" "dunno…"

Jen and Alex had wandered into the tower! Being so small (still) getting in was easy, and they looked up, up up, to see John and Diablos standing in the room together. Diablos was presenting John with flowers, candies and stuffed animals. "Who keeps sending me all of this? " John asked, searching Diablos for clues. "someone who has fallen deeply, madly, unbelievable in love with-" before he could finish his sentence john sneezed. Alex had climbed to the nearest fan and was throwing pepper into it. Everyone started sneezing uncontrollably. "serves him right." Jen grumped, folding her arms in front of her. "Runs off to go play dress up with our old history teacher. ><" Jen continued to grummble while pepper filled the room. "come on Jen!" Alex yelled, burning revenge in her eyes. "Let's set his hair on fire!!!" "wait!" Jen grinned deviously. "do what you will, but i'm gunna go get some reinforcements." And Jen ran off to find some Brownies. (from willow, you guys should know that. ><*)

Fluffy fell and fell anf fell until he finally stopped falling. "I didn't fall through the earth! thanks, EM!" "who's eee ehm?" came a muffled vioce. "it's vcalled physics you dummy!" Fluffy grumped, turning his head every which way to find the voice. "ah, physics. Right now gravities got me down." the voice sighed. "where are you?" Fluffy asked, exhasperated. "down, stupid." the muffled voice growled, then stuck a hand up through the dirt. Fluffy stepped on it repeatedly. "OW!!!" The vioce yelped. "why'd you do that?!" "your hand looked like a spider." "so! you didn't need to stomp on it!" I'm evil, so yes, i did." "hmf." The muffled voice was extremly upset. "why are you underground?" "Gravity, DAMNIT!" The voice screamed. "Well…that sucks" Fluffy shrugged and walked off to figure out his surroundings. As he walked off, he could hear the leading muffled vioce fade away with every step he took in the opposing direction. "wait! help me out! i'm sorry!help!!!"

Meanwhile, Jen is disapointed because she had no luck was so ever at finding and Brownies, but she did manage to get back to her old height again. She walked into another room only to find Amy and Sally sitting behind a desk glaring at her evilly. Jen knew she was in trouble, and so she had to think fast. "moo!" she tried. "quack." countered Sally. "meow" Jen tried again. "BARK!BARK!" Amy yelled, standing up. "BAAAH!!" jen yelled triumphantly. "gobble gobble." Sally grinned quietly and hit the red button that made Jen fall through the floor. "BUCK BUCK BU-GAWK!!" Jen cried as she fell. "good comeback" Amy nodded, impressed.

Jen fell and fell and fell until she finally hit the ground. "damn gravity!" she grummbled. "Tell me about it." came a muffled voice. "ah, yes, mother earth. I think you'd know all about that." "I'm not mother earth. I'm nichole." "that's a nice name" "you act like you don't know me." "I don't get out much." Jen appologized. "there are bears outside." The vioce in the ground was quiet for a moment. "bears? well what about what's inside?" "what?!" Jen gasped, leaning closer to the ground." "huffelumps and woozels." The voice informed her. "good god!" Jen exclaimed. "what do we do?!" "you start.." came the voice, " getting me out of here." "out of where?" Jen frowned. "THE GROUND! GET ME OUT!" "haha, nice try." Jern grinned. "but if you're not mother earth, then you're a giant worm or a zombie. I'm not helping you." "Jen, when i get out of here, i'm going to makre you a zombie!!" Nichole growled. "Won't that be nice." Jen shrugged and walked off.

And you do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around… THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!

(by Alex-ETH)

Nichole was not liking the under the Earth thing she had going on. It was annoying. And dirty. And she was pretty sure there were worms. She could hear things (do worms make sounds)? And it seemed that everything was dark. Everything was always… so… dark. And now she no longer had anyone to talk to. She was lonely. A sad lonely hand… poor Nichole.

In another part of the castle:
John was up on the top of the chair and was yelling and screaming. He was holding up the skirt of his pretty poofy pink princess dress and stomping his feet repeatedly, while at the same time freaking out over something; Diablos just couldn't figure out what the hell was his love's problem. And he had to admit: it was giving him a headache. Rubbing the temple of his forehead, the infamous 8th grade history teacher of the "evil four" finally sighed heavily. Grabbing a chair, he whipped it to a stop beside John's. Storming up to stand on said furniture, Diablos yelled: "SHUDDUP!!" before bitch-slapping Princess John across the face.

The slapping sound was heard throughout the land. Everywhere in the castle, people stopped and held attention. The "heroes" wondered if the sound signaled the on-coming apocalypse they had all been waiting for… or if there was some deeper meaning behind it. They all soon decided that philosophical analysies of the event were unimportant (and altogether boring) so, in their turn, they all shrugged and moved on with their lives.

John, however, was looking at Diablos. The princess' bottom lip trembled as his eyes shone and sparkled through the tears that formed at the bases. His cheek was bright blistering red where he had been struck. As a single tear etched down his unshaven cheek, John let out a wail. "WHY DID YOU HIT ME!!?!" Crying hysterics, furface fell from his chair and scurried across the room to hide in the corner. Covering his face, he continued to shriek and scream in horror at his attacker. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!! YOU HIT ME!"

"I had to stop you screaming…" Diablos tried to explain as he crossed the room cautiously. He wanted to comfort his beloved; yet, at the same time, he didn't want to be murdered in a frenzy. Such horrible a death that would be. Ripped to shreds… blood everywhere… and the maid had quit last week. It complained of exhaustion, threats of stupidity and never being appreciated. Diablos failed to see how he could appreciate an It more than he had. After all, it was an It. I mean, come on.

"YoU dIdN't HaVe To HiT mE!!!!" John said, so distraught, he couldn't distinguish between capital and lower case letters (it's a disease. It's saddening). Knowing Diablos couldn't defend his honor and, at the same time, come out as the champion and Prince Charming to win his princess over… he said nothing and idled on the sidelines, waiting for John to stop crying. Diablos soon winced slightly in pain; he was starting to get a headache.

THEN! in a mad rush to save the universe from the attack of the killer monkeys on unicycles!!!! (oh, wait… no, it's just Alex)

"Save you from death, I can. Help you from this place, I won't."

"Why the hell not?" Alex grumbled, sitting atop her Yoda-talking mouse. They were rushing through the underground of the castle. There were lots of things to see, lots of things to do… and yet Alex was sitting on the back of a mouse with a scowl drawn on her face. She wasn't "feeling the love" on the back of a rodent whose words she had to self-translate to even begin to understand.

"Because an idiot are you," the mouse replied. "And a wise man am I."

"You're not a man." Alex countered. "You're a bloody mouse."

"Ah, but a man who makes a mouse also makes a man, does it not? For a mouse is a man but not a mouse with a tail of the circle of life which translates…" as the mouse rambled on, Alex's brain became so confused and dizzy from trying to keep up that her eyes began getting spinny and she soon fell off the back of the mouse and into a coma on the floor.

In the meantime, Jen was busy having fun walking through the castle in search of that infamous dungeon because she was bored and dungeons were always entertaining. Perhaps she would even find SNAPE in the dungeons! As that idea crossed her mind, she started running towards (what she hoped) led to the dungeons. Going through a Potions class with Snape would be awesome!!!

In twenty one and three circles with a half square and a millimeter of dust in trade for a liter of moss hide… Jen came to the dungeons.

Okay… so she came to a small floating cage with a skull inside.

"ME WANT!" Jen screamed happily. The cage was (as mentioned) floating— as it was suspended in mid-air, thanks to chains holding it from the stone ceiling. She lept from her perch on an ominous and precarious looking random cliff in the middle of a room, and she caught hold of the rusting bars. She broke off the padlock with her own hand and pulled herself inside. She grabbed the skull and smiled happily. She pulled the skull closer to her and started stroking the scalp. "Myyyyy preeeciooouuuussssssss." She slurred, smiling greedily. Her eyes gleamed as she continued to stroke the skull. Yet as her eyes gazed upon it, the longer her focus remained, her Smeagol-like imitations were replaced with something more sinister… more Shakespearean…

"Alas, poor Skull-ikin. I did not know you, Skully, perhaps a fellow of infinite teasing, of most horrible freakish nature. He hath borne me on his back for piggy-back rides a thousand times. And now I am alone in my imagination, I am! My heart rises at it! Here hang those bones I did not know at all, or ever. Where be your arms now, our toes, your eyes, your entire body that may be mutilated or made into a scarecrow to scare weasels? No one now to mock you, are you happy? Quite crest-fallen? Now get to the princess' chamber and tell him, let him confide in you of his deepest secrets, to this you can tell me the gossip so I can laugh at it. Pirthee, Skully, tell me one thing."

"…who are you talking to?"

Ripped untimely from her moment of triumphant theatrical performance, Jen's eyes focused downward. A shimmery (even sparkly) image of a person was looking up at her. It obtained its own soft light source as it gazed up. But Jen seemed to recognize it. Taking a step closer, she looked alarmed. "Alex?"


"Why… why are you shimmering?" Jen asked, looking completely confused.

"I think I'm having an out-of-body experience…" Alex replied in wonder, studying herself.

"Oh…. that's cool."

Alex shrugged and smiled softly. "Yeah, I guess."

"So are you dead?" Jen asked, hopping down from the cage (she kept the skull).

"The last thing I remember, I self induced a coma."


"The mouse was pissing me off." Jen nodded her head in agreement, citing that had been one of her reasons for leaving Alex behind to begin with. The two friends then had nothing else to do and stood in silence, bouncing on the balls of their feet. When Alex started twiddling her thumbs and Jen began whistling, Alex said, "Wanna go find Amy and Sally?"

"Sure. Snape's not here, anyway."




by Nichole

So yeah, Nichole, by this time, was pissed. No i dont think pissed began to explain the amount of anger she was feeling right now. Not only had she been killed off (though she didn't mind the fire part) now she had to be trapped underground. UNDERGROUND FOR CHRIST SAKE!! Also she didn't know how she got there…. she had just woke up and TADA! she was there… or is it here….? GAH! Her head hurt. And she wasn't sure if it was because of the rocks that where packed in around her or because she was thinking to hard and she was running out of air…. Anywho, Jen happened to find her but then the she-devil left her. LEFT HER! When she got out she was going to kill Jen and see how she would liked to die then get trapped underground. Nichole snorted. She might like it. Jen was weird like that….

"THAT'S IT!!" Nichole cried out as her Shadow Realm powers kicked in, thanks to her anger. "IF NO ONES GUNNA HELP ME, I'LL SAVE MYSELF!!!" With that, Nichole vanished and soon reappeared above ground. Where she wasn't to sure yet, but hey! She wasn't trapped any more. She grinned to herself. "Boo-yea," she stated. Her grin grin grew wider. "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Then a bug flew into her mouth and Nichole thought she was going to die…. again. And this time there would be nothing cool about it. No fire, no nothing!! Swallowing the fly, she coughed and gagged. Then she smacked her lips together, poundering the taste in her mouth. "Hmm, taste like chicken…."

Hated One

(by Jen)

Nichole had done a terrible job with her entry. Why? Because now no one knows what to write next >< damn you nichole! always thinking of yourself!!

As Nichole was walking back toward the castle where Fluffy and Jen had gone to when suddenly a robot came flying out of nowhere. "THERE WILL BE NO ZOMBIES ALLOWED! VACATE THE PREMISES OR PREPARE TO BE HOGWASHED!" Nichole gave the robot an uncertain look, and replied "Hogwashed?" At the mention of the word the robot *stopsd miudsentance to go do soemthing else*

Oh Gawd. Look What You Idiots Left Me With

(by Alex)

{And since both Nichole and Jen didn't leave much in the way of improvising off of, Alex had to start something COMPLETELY different just to make ends meet. Sheesh, guys. Like, really. XP}

And so, just because they could, all the characters decided to take a break from their nonsensical world of out-of-boy experiences and Shakespearean soliloquies and could-be-but-we're-never-quite-certain-are-we? zombies and discrimination against short peoples and Johns dressed as Princesses and the evil (albeit VERY suspicious) returns of former-Teachers-that-once-were. Instead (since they couldn't very well sit around and do NOTHING), they decided to HAVE A HALLOWEEN BASH!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year again! The time of year when pumpkins are carved, apples are caramelized, dentists reap many patients complaining of severe toothaches and costumed fiends roam the night. And since it appeared that the evil witchery (irony, folks) of Christmas was threatening to consume all other holidays in its path… it was even MORE important that the group of evil friends celebrate Halloween and cause a scandalous wonder for such a glorious and fiendish a holiday.

* * * *

"OHH!! I want this one!!" Alex chirped, holding up a costume for consideration among friends.

"That's cool," Jen noted of the V for Vendetta outfit. Alex beamed in triumph— she was going to be V!! But as soon as she began her 'inward du happy dance', there was a loud sound that echoed throughout the store, sounding suspiciously of a loud "BONK!!" Flinching from the impact upon her head, Alex's (now glaring) eyes traveled sideways to land on John {who had been invited to join after he proved Jen's theory right: he had missed his "good ol' friends" too much. ^^}. John glared down at The Short One in a look that seemed to speak only annoyance.

"That's not original." He muttered.

"Your face!" Alex cried, unconsciously kifing Jen's 'wtf' insult.

"You should wear this." John smirked, grabbing something from the Halloween store's browsing racks and shoving it on Alex's head. She didn't even have to see it to know what it was; Señor Buttons was sooooo predictable.

"I'm not a bloody witch." Alex grumbled, snatching the hat from off her head and throwing it at John. John tried to duck out of the way, but it seemed to like John. In fact, it liked John so much that it flew directly at his head and found a home.

…a home which is didn't. Intend. To. Leave. *bahm,bahm,BAHM!!!*

John ripped and tugged and struggled with the hat, but it didn't come off (in the meantime, all his friends were laughing joyfully at such a sight). Alex smirked vengefully at her friend. "That's what you get. Karma's a bitch, innit, Murray?"

John glared coldly at Alex, but said nothing.

"HITOMI-CHAAAN!!" Nichole sang in a rush, running over to Alex. She stopped abruptly in front of her friend and showed off her discovered costume.

"Oooh…" Alex cooed in approval. "A pharaoh costume. VERY nice." Nichole's smile broadened.

"I like this one better!!" Amy exclaimed, ripping a Jack the Ripper costume from off the shelf. "LOOK!!!" Her eyes shown and sparkled as she looked over the details of the costume. "It even has an honest-to-gosh bloody real live murder weapon! I MUST HAVE IT!!!!!" Since she was practically drooling over the idea, it was when she started subtly shaking in excitement that her friends cleared a path between themselves and the cash register. But before Amy could rush to purchase her costume, there was a mysterious Yoda-sounding voice that seemed to whisper into all their ears at the same time; a calming, soothing sound.

"But you can't just chose something, duckies. The costume choses it's master." All six friends turned to stare down at a short gremlin that looked mysteriously familiar… but none of them decided to put the effort into who the gremlin reminded them of.

"Hooplah." Sally responded, sounding very sophisticated. All her friends frowned intellectually and looked to each other. Shrugging, they all nodded their heads in agreement.

"She has a point." Nichole said.

"You can't argue with her," Jen added. "She's like steel." In the meantime, Sally was holding a very strong eye contact holding contest thing with the little gremlin. The gremlin's eyes narrowed further; perhaps as an attempt to psych the karate master out. But Sally was unchanged.

"Touché." The gremlin acknowledged. "But as it stands, costumes still chose their master." {At which point all the friends turned their attention to Sally to hear her rebuttal; but Sally remained wisely silent. They all found her much more intellectual after her battle of wits}. "All my costumes do, anyway. And I don't believe that one really likes you…" He pointed absentmindedly towards Amy and the costume bag she held in her hand. As attention turned to Amy, the bag started fizzing and sparking.

"OWIE!!!" Amy cried out as an exceptionally large spark zapped her hand. Dropping the back as per reflex, as soon as it hit the floor, it scampered back to it's place on the shelf.

They all stared.

"Like I said," the gremlin spoke wistfully. "My costumes pick who they want to represent them."

"AND I'M NOT WORTHY TO BE A JACK THE RIPPER!?!?!" Amy exclaimed, her voice cracking as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"You hurt Amy's feelings." Sally said.

"Ooooohhh…." All other four (minus Amy and Sally) did the whole "attitude/*whatcha gonna do?" provocation to egg on a response from the gremlin {did you follow that?}.

"Oh, snap." Alex smiled, eagerly awaiting to see what would happen.

"Well…err…I…" The gremlin fumbled with his response. In all his history, he couldn't remember even making a customer cry before. How should he handle it? Should he pack up and move to Memphis? Would word travel to Memphis? Would he even be happy in Memphis? Now that he thought about it, he didn't think he could compete against the Elvis memorabilia in Memphis. So screw the Memphis. It would never work.

As the gremlin was lost in thought (and mumbling to himself) about Memphis, the rest of the friends seemed to lose interest in the conversation. They all wandered off to find other things in hopes that the costume they would look at would chose them back. Even Amy got over her Jack the Ripper rejection; there were plenty of other serial killers to impersonate on Halloween. The only one who seemed disappointed was Alex. She had wanted to see a conflict, dammit.

"Jorgansplosh!" She stomped her right foot before angrily turning to her right and prancing off to the corner of the store where they kept the cheerleader costume. She wanted to see if she could be a stoopid spoiled whore for Halloween; but also hoped through ALL hopes that said costumes would reject her. She didn't want to face the reality in which she could possibly be connected to a stoopid spoiled whore.

Jen and John were browsing through racks somewhat close to each other. Something off to the side caught Jen's eye and it didn't take her long to turn and gawk. The only problem was, she wasn't gawking at a kick-ass costume (well, not really). Instead, she was gaping at John.

"Uhm…. furface…?" Jen began cautiously, not sure how to approach the subject.

"Hmm?" John inquired, not looking up. He seemed interested in a cowboys and Indians costume (it was half-cowboy/half-Indian. How completely sociological!)

"Your… skin's turning green…"

"WHAT!?!" John shrieked, coming to attention as he heard Jen's confession. Rushing to a mirror, he looked in it. His face contorted into a look somewhere between horror and sadness.

"Yes…" the gremlin seemed to levitate towards John. He nodded wisely. "You have secured the hat upon your head. I am sorry to tell you, dear boy: you have been chosen by Her."

"Her?" John asked weakly, still studying his complexion in the mirror.

"Why, the Wicked Witch of the West." The gremlin replied simply.

"Wait…" Jen started, looking thoughtful. The gremlin's attention turned to the red head. "Does that mean we could be violating copyright laws by using her— I'm sorry, I mean 'Her'? Cuz, I gotta tell ya: I don't have enough money for a lawyer…"

"…" The gremlin stared. "Bitch, puh-lease. You're writing on fricken Wikipedia. Ain't no one gonna sue you on here. Unless it's for their sanity… then you're screwed." The gremlin then turned his attention back to John. "I'm sorry to say this, but you're going to turn into her by night's end."

"But… my face…" John weeped. "My beautiful… beautiful face… how can I go on!?!" (all his friends took a second to glance over at his drama king antics before ignoring him once more). "What will I do?"

"That'll be $49.97."

John stared blankly. "…what?"

"The costume," The gremlin explained. "Is $49.97."

"But… it possessed me!!" John wailed.

The gremlin shrugged. "Not my problem. It's in our store disclaimer, written at the desk and also on a poster on the wall."

"Jen…?" John asked, looking for help in his friend. Unfortunately for him, Jen only frowned and shrugged.

"Hey. It's a cruel world."

expectedly unexpected

(by Jen)

Jen really wanted to allow John to be unhappy with his witchiness…but she was dying for a fight and here was a gremlin to vent her sudden bought of anger apon. Also, John's unhappiness gave her a good excuse to get pissed off at something. "YOU LISTEN HERE FUCK NOSE!" John turned and stared at jen for her rediclously quick change of not caring at all to very very angry, and her odd use of the word 'fuck'. The gremlin turned to face her and a quizical sneer crossed his face. "MY MOTHER COULD BE A BETTER BUSINESS PERSON THEN YOU!!" "what do you know!" The gremlin squeaked. No one had ever talked to him this way before. Granted, his last place of business had been more mind numbing for the customers, they didn't have to pay him, he just took their whole wallet and they couldn't care less. But now he'd made a customer cry, and one was very audably yelling at him…what should he do? He thought he'd try a different apporach. "SICK HER!!" He yelled, pointing at Jen. All at once, the heads of the costumes all turned and fixed their eyeless gaze on Jen. "shit…" Jen gasped, not wanting that much of a fight. "YOUR MOTHER WEARS ARMY BOOTS! YOU GOD DAMNED SOULESS MUSHROOM LOVERS!!! ACK!!" Jen screamed and swung her fists around as the costumes started flying at her. Sally sighed and looked on. "dont worry Jen. Maybe one of the costumes will pick you and you'll be able to fight better." Sally grinned as a Samarai helmet landed itself apon her head and she pulled a sword from her clothing. "bwha ha ha" sally laughed.

Costume Fightin' Time!!!

"Awww… Sally got to be a samurai…" Alex pouted. "I wonder what I could be…" She gazed in wonder at the costumes surrounding her. Moving closer, she analyzed a few of them, running her fingers over a few choice items. All, however, stuck their noses up at her. Deciding there was only one way to go about it, Alex decided that she was going to commandeer a Cartmen trait. Giving herself puppy eyes, she made her voice sweet and whiny and spoke wistfully: "Isn't there no costume who wants to belong to me…?" She looked around after her act and saw that nothing had changed: all the costumes were being snobby. Growing annoyed, she stamped her foot one more time. "Gorrammit! There has to be something I could be!!" No sooner had she spoken then a costume lept into the air and swarmed towards her. It landed on her, covering and syncing with her clothes as it molded into it's owner. Alex looked down in excitement…

Only to see herself engulfed in green. A very familiar type of green…

"WHY THE FUCK AM I A TURTLE!?!" She yelled. "What good is a turtle going to do in helping my friend ward off the fiendish costumes!?!" (But again)No sooner had she spoke that (another) costume lept into the air and flew towards her. It (too) molded to her clothes and combined with the turtle costume. Dreading what she was going to be wearing next, curiosity overtook her and she looked down.

"…a cheetah." She said blandly. "How can I be a cheetah and a turtle at the same. Damned. Time?" To answer Alex's question, Nichole popped up out of nowhere and chirped:

"You're bipolar!"


While Amy furiously looked through the costumes in her wake, a sleeve of one zoomed out of the racks and wrapped onto her arm. Scaring her, Amy let out a yell before she was ripped inside the clothes rack to be synced with her new identity.


Jen was trying as hard as she could to fend off the attacks from the estranged costumes. The gremlin was laughing maniacally, unable to be able to do anything else than watch and…well…laugh maniacally. John was transforming faster and faster into the Wicked Witch of the West (or "W-cubed", since that's easier to write), but he was trying to help Jen fight. His clothes had started to change, following suit to his skin color. He had appreciated the extra help from Jen… even though he was sure her verbal attack on the owner of the store had little to do with defending him. Still, she was a friend.

Sally was busy fighting the outside costumes, but she was facing more difficulty. "They're growing in number!" Sally shouted in warning. "I need back up! Amy! Alex! Nichole! Stop fooling around and get your asses over here!!"

Just then, Amy jumped out of the costume rack to present her Gambit outfit. All her friends stopped whatever they were doing for a moment to compliment Amy. Amy, in the meantime, beamed at her praising. "I knew Gambit would come around." She chuckled darkly before joining the on-going battle.


"Fricken sweeeeeeet!" Nichole beamed as she started fusing with a pirate-ninja combo. A few feet away, the costumes that had bound themselves to Alex decided that Alex wasn't a great candidate for their rep (although it was more likely they were just running away from her screaming). Instead, there was one other that rose to take the place of the bipolar costume fusion.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Alex beamed, gazing in excitement down at her outfit. She was dressed as a gothic version of Cinderella, complete with a broom as a weapon. Grinning from ear to ear, she raced towards the fight to join in before it was too late.

trick trick or treating..

(by Jen)

The costumes were getting to be too much for her, despite help from a samari sally, wicked witch john, gambit amy, pharoah nichole and ali..also a witch? must be, she's got a broom…Jen had to convince a costume that she was evil enough to represent them, whichever was the most evil….between kicking and flailing costume arms and claws and the occasional glimpse of one of her comrades, jen saw the perfect way to show how evil she was…she grabbed it before another clawed costume finger could hit her down again, she coudn't fight them off as it was, but now with her prized possesion, she had to act fast before they surely killed her. "I AM THE MOST EVIL OF THEM ALL!!!!" Jen cried, baring her teeth and closing her eyes as she bit the head clean off of a small costume, and all the nearbye costumes gawked in horror as Jen triumpahntly threw the baby costume on the ground. "you just bit a babys head off?" Sally frowned at jen, who was laughing nefariously. "BBWWWAAAHAAHAHAAHAAA!!" She then started kicking puppy and kitten costumes in every direction while the costumes hesitated, not sure whether or not to keep fighting.

Then a sinister costume flitted it's way to the front of the other costumes. Jen hesitated when she saw the Hitler costume march out, beady eyes focused and a cold voice rang from the empty costume. But as he started commanding the costumes behind him, more sinister costumes shoved thier way to the front. Snape, Darth Vader, Atilla the Hun, Elizabeth Bathory, Count Vladimier, Elmer Fudd, Vageta, Piccolo, Plankten, the headless horsemen, Mr. scrooge, Grimjaw, Magneto, Captain Hook, Cruella Devil, the Butler, the oppresive government, killer rabbit, the knights who say nee!, Freeza, cell, that bad guy and his dog from the smurfs, lord voldermot, General Specific, Private Public, Angry scientist, and many other evil coustumes6 glared at Jen to show they were not intimidated by her evilness. But luckily, as things were looking grim (as they usually are) a costume flew between all the others and Before Jen knew what hit her she was covered in fur….

"FLUFFY?!" Amy yelled and pointed at Jen. "what?" Jen frowned and looked about her, trying to find her old role model. "you!! you're Fluffy!!" "I AM??!" Jen gasped and started dancing around merrily. "FLUFFY IS THE EVILEST OF THEM ALL!!!" Jen danced around laughing evilly while the costumes reluctantly gave up the fight. "so are you still going to make us pay?" John asked the gremlin. "yes! of course i am! you've wrecked my store and half of my costumes!!" "oh..I'll pay you." Jen grinned ear to ear and marched up to the gremlin. She held out a closed gist towards the gremlin, expected him to hold out his own in turn. In stead last minute she turned her palm to his face and punched him so he flew across the room. "BWAAAHAAAHAA HAAAAA!!!" Jen cackeled as she left the store, completly insane.

"so what do we do now?" Alex frowned as she watched jen stomping off back toward Fluffy's castle to take it over. Amy pulled a leash out of her pocket meant for jen. "we recapture Jen and then go trick or treating!" Amy smiled. "hurray!! TRICK OR TREATING!!!!!><!!!!!" Alex yelled it so loudly her face turned red, a great impersonation of team girl squad at that. "away!" they ran off into the night, leaving the gremlin snearing on the floor. "gunna call the poloce…shoulda gone to Memphis…."

Come here, you pain in the ass, and say ‘ello to my little friend!

(by Nichole)

Nichole raced off with her awesome pirate-ninja skills. Slipping into the shadows she darted around in search of Jen. Not sure how she was going to capture the crazy-minded girl, Nichole paused for a moment to think of a plan. Sitting down crossed legged, she crossed her arms over her chest and watched what was going on around her from the shadows. "Dog bones? No, she might be a picky eater. Lets see…" Nichole said as she started at the ground. "A fish to eat? No freaking way. Ummmm…." Nichole looked up just in time to see everyone else from their weird group run by her. Jumping to her feet she raced after them. "So does anyone have a plan for this? ‘Cause we need one, badly."

"What if we dump water on her?" John asked as he huffed along.

"That only works on you, witch," Sally stated.

"Shut up! Ali’s the witch!"

"I am not!" Ali cried and smacked John on the head with her broom.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, you're carrying a broom. Do you see me holding one?" John said with a grin on his face.

Ali just hit him again. "At lease my face isn’t green!!"

"Look here, Witch," Nichole stated from the other side of Ali. "If you don’t leave her alone I will dump water on you, a lot of water. To the point where you’ll drown before you can melt." She hissed as she pulled out one of her throwing knives and "walked" it along her knuckles without looking. Proof of her awesome kick ass ninja skills. John paled. "Damn right, bitch," Nichole said with a grin.

And then… they all got slain by anorexic masochists.

(by Alex)

So there she was…. sitting on her bed… talking to friends… eating orange goldfish (but, mommy, they don't TASTE like goldfish…) and then it struck her: none of this has anything to do with the story.

"You know…" Alex said (in "real time"). She stopped in the middle of her pursuit and placed her fingers to her chin in significant thoughtfulness. "I don't think we've been killed off in a while…"

"Huh?" Nichole asked, stopping (against her will) and turning to her friend. "What are you talking 'in a while'?!? I just came back from the dead!"

"Yeah!" John said, catching up with the conversation. "Die, zombie!!!" And he began using his evvvviiiiiiiilllllllllllllll wickedy-wickedy-whack witch powers against Nichole (which only resulted in a six foot tall guy with morbid green skin, raising his arms above his head and going: "OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!!" in a *spooky* voice). Nichole (and everyone else) ignored John. For he was just…. ahhh… a simpleton.

"What do you suggest, then?" Amy asked, coming up out of nowhere. Sally was following suit.

"Yeah. Do you just want us to suddenly dig our own graves or something?" She started laughing, expecting all her friends to join in. However, her suggestion seemed to spark something within her comrades. They all smiled sinisterly and cast side long glances at Sally; as if to say "what a perfect-o idea, mon chere." Having the ability to read her friend's suggestive and pointed looks, she let out an elongated sigh. Turning, she trudged off as she muttered: "I'll get the shovels…"

"Hurray! We're gonna bury ourselves!!" Amy, Alex and Nichole chorused. John even seemed excited by the idea. He couldn't remember how long it'd been since he'd buried himself in six feet of cold Earth… in fact, it kind of surprised him that (considering his friends) he couldn't remember a time where he had buried himself in six feet of cold Earth. But he was looking forward to it.

As Sally came back with the shovels and the most enthusiastic of the group (Amy) dove their shovel into the dirt, Sally was the only one to voice any concern. "Wouldn't…. Jen feel really left out?" She asked. "I mean, I'm sure she would love to bury herself too… she might be upset when she learned we didn't invite her to bury herself alive."

Nichole shrugged, not caring. "Jen wanted to run off. No one forced her." Sally couldn't argue with such impassible logic. So, digging herself a hole in the ground, she attempted to bury herself in the Earth. Who knew? Maybe they would all have a meeting with a group of underwordly trick or treating fiends who lived in Halloweentown and wanted something different than Halloween all the time and a bipolar mayor with two faces…

But as Sally continued to dig, she shook off such an thought. It was much too cliche to hope for.

A Halloween Carol

They had all managed to bury themselves, excluding Jen of course, who was wandering the woods in complete insane delirioum, and Sally dropped her shovel to the ground with the one hand she hadn't managed to bury. Now, they wait…

It wasn't long before she found the castle. England had many castles, but this one, very few knew about. Marching up to Diablos' castle, she found no dragon to thwart her. The moat was crocodileless (much to Jen's agrievious disapointment) and no traps befell her when she kicked the door in. "GARRARAGAGAGAQ!!!!" Jen snarled, no longer feeling the need to use the english language. No one was in any of the main rooms, to Jen stomped up the stairs looking for people to throw out. "Fluffy, you're supposed to be taking care of those meddlesome kids, what are you doing back already?" "garahgbaarrraaarhrreer" Jen snarled, foaming viciosuly at the mouth. "uhm.." a hesitant Evil stepped back from the deranged swirlyeyed Fluffy. "right..then" Evil curtly nodded and turned to leave when Jen threw a hammer at his head. "OW!! THAT HURT!" Evil turned angrily towards Jen/Fluffy. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? I COULD HAVE LOST AN EYE!" "markelramareldnn" Jen frowned at him, then angrilly pointed at the hammer for him to pick it up. He did. she took it. She threw it at him again. Evil fell down this time and did not get back up, now with two painfull welts on his head.

Soon enough however, Fluffy came back victorious for convincing sally to tell the others to bury themselves. Now the meddlesome kids had been gotten rid of. He was coming up the steps only to trip on half dead coma induced Evil, lying next to a stray hammer. "what's going on here?" Fluffy frowned, and saw what looked like himself standing in a doorway. he pointed. Jen pointed. "you" Fluffy and Jen both said at the same time. Fluffy glared. Jen glared. Fluffy danced a polka, jen danced a polka. they were mirror image of each other, just like harpo and groucho. But while Fluffy was juggling 27 knives and jen was mirroring it, one of the knives went a tenth of an inch in the wrong direction. "AHAH!!!!!" Fluffy cried and dived at Jen, who dove head first down the staircase, giggling as she fell.

Alex opened her eyes…moonlight…and so she wasn't burried anymore..but where was she? where were they? Beside her, as she slowly pushed herself upwards, she heard a gasp from a comrade. "oh…wow…"

"HOLY SHIT!!" Alex screamed.

"REMEMBER THE GRAND STORIES!" Jen screamed as she shot the pope in the head.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

(by Alex)

Alex jerked forward as someone smacked her in the back of the head. Glaring behind her, she found Amy avoiding eye contact and whistling while she twiddled her thumbs. But it was John across the room who had an upraised hand. Pointing towards John, Alex demanded: "What was that for?"

Señor Buttons arched his eyebrows as his gaze slid towards Alex. "…huh?" was all he had to say in his defense.

"You hit me!" Alex shrieked.

"Did not." John said, still confused (but he was leaning towards annoyance. Why was he always being randomly blamed?).

"You did, too!" Nichole jumped in to support her friend. "I saw you!"

"I swear, I didn't!" John protested, lowering his arm and stomping his right foot.

"Maybe he hired a swallow. With a coconut." Nichole theorized, placing her left hand on her chin in a thoughtful position.

"Oh, can we please stop with all the Monty Python allegories?" John rolled his eyes.

In a united gasp of HORROR, each member of the party (excluding John, of course, because that would be a little…weird…) stepped back and simultaneously threw their hands over their mouths.

"BLASPHEMY!!" Alex shouted. Her friends followed suit by whispering to each other. "Blasphemy." "Blasphemy." "Blasphemous." "Hippopotamus."

And at the last remark, there was a moment where each stopped what they were doing to glare coldly over at a random orphan that stood near them. The orphan was then shot, because there was no need for hippopotamus utterances.

"But you hit me!" Alex accused, bringing the party back to their current moment of nonsense.

"I DIDN'T!" John shrieked. He didn't know why he was being blindly accused… why were his friends making fun of him?… mommy…

"If you didn't," Alex growled. "Then who did?"

"YEAH~?!" Her friends all sassed. John opened and shut his mouth several times, feeling cornered by his comrades. Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he took a step back and (in response) the group took a step closer. But then, before John could be attacked, there was a cackling laugh echoing towards their ears from behind.

"It was MEEE!!!" came the proclamation. All spun around to see Amy running up a spiraling, rickety staircase to a door with a glowing light at the very top of the stairs. The stairs looked to go up several flights, but that didn't stop Amy from KICKING ASS all over them stairs.

(take that, stairs. boo-ya).

Everyone brought their attention immediately back to Alex; as if saying: "Well??" Alex blushed in embarrassment, but shrugged nonchalantly. "So it was Amy and not John. Big deal." They all nodded.

"WHAT!?!" John demanded, aghast at the outcome. What the hell had just happened? It was all nonsense!! "Amy's the actual perpetrator, but doesn't get punished; and I had nothing to do with it and you wanted to KILL ME."

"What do you mean she's getting no punishment?" Nichole asked. "We gunna chase her up them stairs!" And so she bolted for the stairs. John lowered his head and sighed heavily. Was this the price he was going to have for Fate playing with his mind? In the end, he decided he didn't wanna think about it, so instead he ran for the stairs.

Meanwhile, Alex was just about to follow Mr. Fluffinator when Sally stopped her. "Then what did you yell 'HOLY SHIT!' for?" Sally asked.

"When?" Alex asked.

"Right before Jen shot the Pope."

"Jen shot the Pope?"


"Ooh. Neat-o."

"Definitely. But why…?"

"Oh." Alex paused and tried to remember. There passed several minutes of silence before Alex smiled like an airhead and shrugged. "I dunno!!" Spreading out her arms like wings, she made pathetic (and I mean TRULY PATHETIC— ants had to evolve into having hands and ears just so they could cover their ears from the sound) airplane noises and ran towards the stairs. Sally rolled her eyes but followed.

At the top of the stairs (how long, no one knew because Sally was the only one with a watch and it broke a long time ago… how long, no one knew because NO ONE ELSE HAD A WATCH. So after the Great Battle of Watching Timing Chaos was fought and several proud points were defeated, no one won and everyone realized their war was pointless so they stopped… but no one knew how long the battle raged on, so they couldn't legitimately put it in the history books and thus millions of children's lives would be raised ignorant of the battle that was fought over the lost time that happened when Sally's watch stopped working), Alex, Sally, John and Nichole found Amy dressed in a gothic/Victorian vamp robe.

"PRETTY!" Nichole chirped.

John's eyes narrowed. "Why are you dressed as a vampire?"

Amy smiled to reveal her elongated fangs— which were colored a familiar white, yellow and orange.

"Is that candy corn?" Sally asked, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"You have candy corn teeth!" Alex pointed. John groaned before shuffling off. He returned with a sash and threw it aggressively over Alex's head. Alex looked at the sash.

"Cap…tain…Ob…vi…ous…" Alex read slowly.

"You're a captain!?!" Nichole asked, pouting in jealousy.

"Neat." Sally congratulated. Alex beamed. John slapped his forehead.

"Ugh." John sighed.

"Uhm…. excuuuuuuse me?" Amy asked, her voice coming out in a slight hiss as she spoke. The four other people glanced over at her. "I thought we were on me now?"

"But Alex got promoted." Sally pointed out.

"Yeah, Amy. Don't be so selfish." Nichole stated. Amy's eyes burst into flame… which caught Nichole's attention. Close to drooling, she glued herself to Amy's side. "I'm your servant…"

Amy smirked in satisfaction. "That's more like it. Now… if I can have your attention." She cleared her throat for attention and the remaining three waited for her to continue. Amy waited for absolute silence before beginning again. Hands clasped in front of her, Amy's back arched authoritatively as she spoke. "One of you…" she paused to make eye contact with each member of the party. "Is dead."

Sally gasped. "I knew it!" Going up to Nichole, she stomped on the pyro's foot.

"YOW!" Nichole shrieked. Lifting the foot that had been assaulted and hopping on the other. Glaring up at Sally, her eyes narrowed. "What was that for?"


"IT'S NOT NICHOLE!!" Amy said, shouting to obliterate any further risings of dumbass wars. They were soooo trivial. The candy corn fanged Victorian goth vampire once again waited for complete silence. When she heard the 'ting' of the pin drop, she made her final announcement. "It's……John Murray."

"HUH!?!?!!!!" They all turned and stared, open-mouthed, at John.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Alex asked, looking on the verge of tears.

"I'm not dead!!!" John shrieked, now feeling it reasonable to fly blindingly into outrage. "Where did THAT come from!?!"

"From this." Amy said simply, holding up an obituary of one John Murray (1898-1975). There was a picture of an old man in a library wearing what looked like a smoking jacket. They all gasped collectively; caught somewhere between shock and grief. They all looked upon John with saddened eyes.

"That's why he's like that…" Nichole said softly, lowering her voice as a sign of respect. John twitched.

"Like what?" He demanded.

"He will be sorely missed…" Sally noted, solemnly nodding her head.

"I wanna cry." Alex sniffled loudly.

"Oh, cut this out." John snarled, losing his patience. "I ain't dead, alright. I'm standing right here. Besides that, I was born in '86! How could I die in 1975 when I wasn't born for another 11 years?"

"We should give him a eulogy." Nichole said, ignoring him. They all ignored him.

"Yea!" Sally and Amy and Alex chorused in agreement. "It may be a little late, but we can still say a few words on his behalf." Sally said.

"So whose going first?" Sally asked. They all looked amongst themselves; no one readily volunteered. John felt pissed by that, but couldn't explain why.

"I'll do it." Nichole volunteered. She grabbed the soap box that was always conveniently nearby in case of emergencies like this one and she stood on it. The rest of the group sat down in front of her and bowed their heads in grievance. John was standing back, hands folded over his chest. Growling, he muttered: "I can't believe this."

Nichole cleared her throat loudly and shot an angry glance at John in the background before she began. "We are gathered here today to honor John Murray. He was always a tall kid… with seemingly never combed hair… he was a geek, but we all appreciated his geekiness. It brought him great joy. He liked kites… and burning little kids with gigantic magnifying glasses angled just right under the sun…"

After Nichole's eulogy, she stepped down and Alex rose to speak her mind on John's behalf. "By the power invested in me by the state of NebraLouisinesee, I now pronounce you moose and buttons. You may now blow your noses." They all nodded grimly and did just that.

Everyone stood to say their final goodbyes to John (who was getting increasingly annoyed that they wouldn't accept his being ALIVE) and by the end of the ceremony, they adjourned for tea and cookies. As they spoke of John in fond memory, they heard the familiar sound of a wheelbarrow approaching, with someone shouting and ringing a gong. It was only right before the wheelbarrowed man reached them that they understood the man's mission: "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!! *gong* BRING OUT YOUR DEAD! gong*"

"oh! Looks like your ride is here, John!" Amy said.

"What!?!" John gaped.

"Sorry to see you go so soon," Nichole said in a rush, throwing whatever she could find into John's hand while they all shoved him towards the man before he passed. "But you're dead, so I suppose there's no time like the present to get moving into your afterlife."

"But I'm atheist." John stated.

"Don't matter. Yo dead." Alex shrugged right before Sally pushed him into the wheelbarrow and handed the man a copper piece. They all stood in the doorway waving goodbye to dear ol' dead John. And the moment he was out of sight, they all ran back into Amy's little room to play Parchezzi.

A Grave situation… and a little revenge…

by jen

Jen was being shoved in a box, no longer able to get away from Fluffy's mangry reaches, he threw her in a box and was now lugging her to the graveyard. "but i want to get out of the box!" she cried. "no" he stated firlmly. "You're friends buried them selves here, and i'm going to bury you here with them." Little did Fluffy know, But Jen was still capable of talking to boxes from her sleepless pre story days, so Jen asked the box what was happening. "we're gunna be buried. he's got a shovel, and he means to use it. " the box replied. "ah." Jen frowned. "is it bad then?" "terrible" said the box. "but it seems the ground is different then the other ground..something never know what we might see…" The box drifted to silence and jen listened as she heard Fluffy dump dirt onto the shallow grave she now shared with her self buried friends. Jen waited for a long time after Fluffy's footsteps faded away before she asked the box what was happening.

"is it safe?"she asked the box. there was a pause. "who are you?" the voice was not the boxes, but someone's from outside of it. Jen paused, not knowing who it could be. "I'm a person in a box. does it matter who i am, as long as i'm in a box?" The voice thought about this. "well, why wouldn't it matter?" "if i was a killer" Jen nodded to herself, "it wouldn't matter as long as i stayed in this box. i can't kill you from in here." The voice frowned (if voices could do such a thing) "How do i know you don't have a gun?" Jen pondered this. "how do i know that you dont have a gun?" "fair enough" said the voice. then there was awkward silence. "so are you going to come out of the box?" the voice asked. "maybe..are you going to come in?" "deffinetly not." "then i suppose i'll come out, but you'd better not have a gun." Jen frowned as she stood up and hoped out of the box she'd been buried in.

"it's you"Jen nodded at the former voice.
"it's me" john frowned at her.

"what where you doing in the box to begin with?" Jen shrugged. "it's an old habit i guess…" Jen looked around them, and saw they were in a big white room with no doors. "how'd we get in here?" "John pointed up, and to Jen's terrific delight saw a gigantic vulture gawking menacingly at them. "zomg!!!!! what a cute birdie!!!!" John frowned his unamusement while Jen danced around the room. "yeah, but how are we going to get out?" he asked. Jen stopped dancing and started digging through her pockets while glaring at the bird. The bird glared back. "GET DOWN HERE!" Jen suddenly yelled commandingly at the bird and held out a bird treat. It was somebody's arm, who's arm only Jen knew..but somebody's arm nonetheless…

The bird quickly flew down apon them and picked both of them up with ease. "whoosh!" Jen grinned while being strangled by the bird, and john was lucky enough to only have his upper arm pinched. The flew out of the room and onto an open meadow where the rest of our heroes were standing. Jen gave the bird the arm and watched it fly away again, rubbing her bruised neck. She turned to the others, who noticed jen but were still ignoring JOhn. "Jen! you're- " WHY DID YOU GUYS LEAVE ME BEHIND!!!!!!?!" Jen screamed angrilly. "Well..uh..we didn' see..john…" Jen didn't let them finish "THERE I WAS, BEING EATEN BY DINOSAURS AND HERE YOU ARE, STANDING IN A FRIGGIN MEADOW WITH DAISY'S AND COWS AND HAPPINESS AND SUNSHINE!! WHY??!! WHHYY??!!!" jen fell dramatically to her knees and cried. "you were in a box jen, not being eaten by dinosaurs…" John offered. "same thing!!!" Jen sniffed. "well, it hasn't been all sunshine and flowers." Amy pointed, still decked out with her candy corn teeth from earlier. "yeah" Ali added, looking gravely solemn. "John's dead." jen looked up from her grieving and frowned. "but i just saw him..he spoke to me…." Instead of turning around to see if john was actually still there, she glared at her freinds. She glared and glared and glared until she finally figured out who she thought she ought to be glaring at. She pointed. "you killed buttons……jen kill duck face "me??"Alex gasped as jen ran toward her in a rage. Sally, Nichole and Amy stood back, not knowing what to do, and john helplessly sat on the ground and waited for the fight to be over. "but i'm alive!!" he groaned, though no one would listen.

sitting back, not far off from the scene but unnotticed by our heroes, sat a familiar figure. the dead orphane boy sat and grinned as he watched jen violently persue his murderer. The Hippo god had risen him from the dead to seek revenge, and ah..revenge was great..soon jen would turn against everyone who was there and allowed him to be shot. the he could rest in peace…..

Lifes a bitch then you deal with it…..

by nichole

"We should have a party for John," Nichole exclaimed suddenly.
"What? Why?" Amy asked as she continued to watched Ali run for her life away from the thing known as Jen.
"Because," Nichole stated simply.
"Because, why?" Sally asked.
"Because it’s a reason to party."
"Since when do we need a reason to party?" Amy asked as she finally glanced at the girls standing with her.
Nichole shrugged. "Dunno."
"Never," Sally said. "We just have parties for no good reason, those are the best kinds."
"Right, so we should have a random-I’m-sorry-you-dead-John-party!" Nichole cried. "Jen! Ali! We’re gunna have a party for John! Come on!" The three girls turned and headed for Yankee Lanes that just happen to be behind them. "John liked to bowl, lets do it there!" Nichole stated as she pointed at it.
"Sounds good to me," Jen stated as she stopped beside Nichole with a nod.
"We can bowl too! We’ll have something to do this time!" Ali cheered.
"Unlike some of our other parties that all seem to flop and we don’t do half the things we plan out," Sally said as she rolled her eyes.
"Come on!" Nichole said as she headed inside. With the bowling lanes so she wanted to get bowling, but others from her party didn’t seem to hold the same excitement as she did. Ali ran inside and up to the shoe counter, glaring at the dude that was standing behind said counter she demanded her shoe size. The dude blinked at her before quickly handing over the pair of shoes. Ali grinned at him then ran to the chair so she could put on her bowling shoes.
The others followed her example, only with lest glaring and with some ‘please’ and ‘thank yous’. Well, not really. They all demanded their shoes. Some with hard glares and some with little ones. By the time to dude got to the end of the party he decided he was going to quit.
Now that they all have their shoes on and their names were in the computer, the group of friends, minus John, began to bowl. The girls kept running up to the jukebox and feeding it money and punching the numbers of the songs they wanted it to play for them. After the second dollar, Jen made a flying leap at it and kicked it right below the glass. The groups to this day isn’t sure what happen but the jukebox stood up and ran out of Yankee Lanes, crying.
So the group now had no music and still had hours to play. With a shrug, Jen bursted out into song and sure the others joined in. Don’t ask anyone what the song was call or if the groups of friends remember what they sang, for they’ll tell you they have no freaking clue what your talking about.
After hours of bowling th group left Yankee Lanes, in search of…. well, none of them knew what they were in search of. All the knew was that they were searching for something……
And that little orphan boy was shot by someone else then run over…. several times. He died without getting his so call revenge on Ali or the other people that rekilled him, because lifes a bitch like that.


Jen paused from bowling to look around. She had felt it…just for an inkling of a moment, there had been a plot…maybe not a big one, but something..sort of resemblant to a plot. …something to do with hippopotamuses? she pondered…noo..hippopotamuses arn't real… Jen frowned and walked over to where John say at a table, eating Pizza by himself.

"you look down john, what's up?" "they think i'm dead" John glared bitterly. Jen tilted her head and squinted at him. "you don't look dead. " "that's because i'm not. ><" John glared even harder. "ah" Jen leaned back. "that's good. ^^" John glared up at her. "yeah, but they can't even see me. now what am i supposed to do?" "they can't see you?" Jen asked, leaning forward again. "why can't they see you?" "because they think i'm dead! I donno! I don't know what's wrong with these people!!" John raised his voice and slammed his fist onto the table, making it shake. No one looked up, despite the loud noise.

Jen smiled. John glared. Jen pulled a knife out of her pocket. John glared suspiciously. Jen gave John the knife, while smiling most evilly. John glared uncertainly. He picked up the knife, and somehow knowing what to do he flung the knife at Nichole. Nichole fell forward with the knife in her foot, screamed and turned around to see who the attacker was. Jen stood up and locked eyes with Nichole, who then realized it must be the work of a ghost, and therefor must be john. Sally yanked the knife out of Nichole's foot. "it says hippopotamus" sally explained gravely, and they gasped to realize that the hippo god had chosen a new evil doer to do it's bidding. Jen smiled wickedly as she watched Nichole, Alex and Amy run out the door in persuit of a ghost John they couldn't see anyways.

Sally say down with John and Jen and took a piece of pizza. "you can see me too?" JOhn frowned at Sally. "i can see the dead, of course. One of my three powers is to die, you know." Sally then abruptly died and the three newly appointed antagonists sat in silence while eating pizza. (jen was just putting pieces in sally's mouth for her) Jen frowned as she looked at John. "i still dont think hippopotamuses exist though" John shrugged. "you'd better start, apparently we're working for one."

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