The Last Of The Twinkies 2012

Chapter 1. The fateful night

(by Jen)

Crumbs flew violently through the air as a fist connected with a nose that was already crooked. The hungry fist had met its mark, unleashing a river of red from the protesting crooked nose.

Attached to the vengeful fist was a person, satisfied in her strike but otherwise too busy to relish in her victory. Her eyes fell upon the prize, the real prize, as it fell from surprised hands and was caught dangerously close to the dirty muddy floor, by none other than her partner in crime.

“GO! GO! GO!” The owner of the vengeful fist rallied, as her partner grinned and bit a hand that had neared their prize, their treasure, their preciouuuuuss….

Her vengeful fist was again needed, this time it was employed to strike the jaw of a man who was trying all too hard to steal their prize away. It met his jaw with cold animosity, striking the soft flesh that shook and buckled, and like a coin dispenser released some teeth; shiny white and bloody, on the ground.

Overhead, the store's alarm was going off, and our pair of heroines shared a knowing look before racing down the white fluorescent aisles of Walmart, knocking over any and all in their way. The authorities were coming, and there was NO WAY they were getting the prize.

The owner of the vengeful fist cried out “JEN!” in alarm as she watched her partner caterwaul wildly as she charged the line of police. “FOR THE HORDE!” Jen screamed, and pummeled the nearest officer, and Nichole was forced to follow Suit. “We aim to misbehave!” She informed a rather surprised officer who presently had her boot in his face, and together they barreled out the door.

After tossing a 20 over their shoulders, (they were not thieves, after all), they leapt into Nichole's car and spun put of the parking lot, laughing merrily.

“Did you see that old lady's face when I bit her?”Jen smiled, and Nichole giggled.

“Dude! She was totally trying to get that box of Twinkie's from you! We were there first after all!”

Jen frowned, recalling that they had leapt into a brawl that had already been started, but wisely did not disagree with Nichole, who was racing away from any remaining cops at over 100mph.


After they safely lost the cops, the arrived at Hannaford where they were met with a rather unexpected scene. Not only were people running and screaming from the building, but so weren't the cops that had been sent to deal with whatever horror was inside.

Nichole and Jen hopped out of Nichole's car into the uncharacteristically warm December, and with curiosity and wonder walked into the grocery store.

It only took a moment to find the cause of everyone's distress, as perched on top a pile of Twinkie's, laughing maniacally, was their good friend Katie. Nichole grinned up at her approvingly, while Jen delightedly counted the bloody and unconscious bodies at her feet.

“156, 157, 158…..wow, 162!” Jen smiled.

“Ready to go?” Nichole asked her long time BFF, and Katie nodded, leaping off the pile and shoving the Twinkie's into a few carts for them to carry out.

“Tschuess!1” Katie waved over her shoulder at the front end cashier, who was cowering underneath an empty register.


Making it home that night with their pile of Twinkie's still secure in Nichole's car, the trio began preparing for their end of the world celebration. Jen sat up her laptop and called their friend Ali on Skype, while Nichole started a kettle for tea and Katie began setting up the ingredients to make fake blood. They were determined to get a consistency that looked real but didn't taste awful for the short films and photo escapades they enjoyed taking.

“Yo Duckface!” Jen chirped when her friend answered her phone call and blipped into view.

“Hey guys! How is Maine?” Ali asked, and the trio in Maine couldn't help but noticed that their Colorado friend was battle bruised from something.

“Why are you covered in bruises?” Nichole inquired, leaning in to squint at Ali's image.

“Fighting over Twinkie's in Walmart” Ali sighed, remembering. “I managed to steal a whole Hostess truck, but it was full of *@%$#ing Ding-dongs!”

Jen, Nichole and Katie chuckled at Ali's loss, and Jen offered to send her some Twinkie's

“How is this?” Katie suddenly interrupted, hands dripping red in blood.

Nichole investigated her hand. “The color is good, but it's runny.”

On her side of the screen, Ali displayed her own attempt, and Jen, Nichole and Katie leaned toward the screen. “Needs more red.” They stated together, leaning back to drink tea, while Ali stomped off screen to try another recipe.

For a moment they sat in silence, sipping tea, when Ali pipped up “Did you guys hear about the ballet recount?”

“Yeah! It was Romney who was president after all! Crazy!”

“I guess this means the apocalypse really IS coming.” Ali joked.

“Zombies.” Jen smiled.

“FIRE!” Nichole grinned.

“Twinkie's!” Katie yelled, holding up a box.

“Why did it have to happen AFTER finals though?” Jen moped.

“Ha ha” Nichole laughed at her pain, and Jen dumped a bottle of fake blood on her.

“Oi!” Nichole yelled, and the next thing they knew the kitchen was covered in red .

Ali watched bemused, sipping her tea with one hand, and stirring another batch of fake blood with the other.


Two bloody noses, 3 bites, and a black eye later, Jen cheerfully dropped Katie off at her house.
“Goodnight Katie! And happy Apocalypse!”

“Goodnight Jen, sorry about biting your arm!”

“S'alright, I was trying to hit you with a toaster oven.” Jen shrugged nonchalantly.

Katie skipped off into her house, and Jen managed to back her car out of the cramped driveway without stalling.

In her sleepy state of mind, Jen didn't even notice that the stars were simply gone, not a single twinkling speck glowing in the sky. She failed to notice that the remaining light, the moon, had turned a fantastic ominous red, as it rose menacingly over the paper mill next to their house.

So of course she also failed to see the dirty creeping hands and arms sticking out of the moist earth of the graveyard behind their house. Arms swinging and empty hands grasping for something, someone, while a soft muffled moan sang from deep beneath the dank soil.

“…..brains…….”

And so our heroines went to sleep, not noticing the signs that the Apocalypse had truly come. Not knowing that soon their freshly cleaned kitchen would again be covered in blood, but this time it would be real, and they would know soon enough who's blood recipe was indeed the most accurate. They wouldn't see the broken glass, hear the unending sirens of police screaming by, and they wouldn't notice their undead roommates downstairs, until Nichole woke up that fateful morning to get her first cup of coffee.


Chapter 2. I think there might be blood in the coffee.

(by Jen)

Nichole was roused from sleep by the unpleasant sound of someone's alarm going off in the house. She glared, as though glaring gave her the power to make the unwanted noise stop, and slid from her bed to the floor in a stealthy hop.

Across the hall she could hear her house mate Jen groan and silence the alarm, followed by a loud shuffle and "plop" as Jen undoubtably had crawled back into bed. Nichole shook her head, Jen always set a warning alarm so she could have the joy of returning to sleep for another hour. But today the alarm had disturbed Nichole's sleep, and revenge would be in order.

But before that, coffee. Nichole knew her priorities after all.

Nichole is often alert and good at noticing details and changes in her surroundings, but before coffee this was not the case. A horde of zombies might be gnawing at her feet2 and she wouldn't notice until her body was infiltrated with its daily dose of caffeine.

Nichole opened her door and walked silently down the normally creaky stairs, and paused, as something in her brain registered a warning that she couldn't yet comprehend. Glass was scattered about the living room, and bright red blood decorated the edges of where the window had been, while red and blue flashing lights of an abnormal number of cop cars and ambulances zipped down the street.

Suddenly Nichole panicked, realization hitting her. "Did she remember to get milk for her coffee???"

She raced to the kitchen, unknowingly dodging broken glass and a body that lay somewhere between the kitchen and the hallway. She opened the fridge and sighed in relief as her eyes set on her dairy savior.

Turning, she avoided another collapsed figure and poured water into the coffee maker. Within minutes the sweet aroma of brewing coffee filled the kitchen, overpowering the smell of death and blood that had currently resided there.

Suppressing a yawn, Nichole hopped in the shower to kill time while her coffee finished brewing.

Shower finished, Nichole changed and went to prepare her coffee, idly pondering what revenge she might impose on her house mate for waking her up. She tripped over the body she had dodged before, and still groggy, glared death at the downstairs house-mate's door. They were such slobs! She picked up what she thought was a large bag of soggy trash and shoved it bodily into their room, grimacing and debating on whether or not she should take another shower.

Muttering darkly, she mixed her coffee with milk and walked back upstairs before she took a long, refreshing sip. Then she kicked Jen's door in.

"OYE! FLEA-FOR BRAINS! GET UP!"

Jen lept a foot out of bed before glaring in groggy surprise. "What the hell jerk face?!" Jen growled, and Nichole laughed.

"Your alarm woke me up! Time for revenge!"

Jen was about to grumble a retort, when her eyes caught something and widened in surprise. "Nichole, where did all that blood come from?"

Nichole looked down and saw the front of her shirt and pants were covered in blood. She stared confusedly down, certain that they had cleaned up all of the fake blood from yesterday, when shouting broke her train of thought.

"JEN! NICHOLE!!! ARE YOU GUYS HERE???!!" They heard an alarmed cry from downstairs, and in a flash they were barreling down the stairs and into a zombie apocalypse.

Katie met them at the foot of the stairs, waving a field hockey stick covered in blood. Jen regarded her suspiciously, thinking that Nichole and her were playing some sort of prank, but the excitement on Katie's face was real. "I saw the bodies and I was worried you guys got bit!" Katie cried, happy her friends were alive. Then suddenly her expression darkened and she aimed the field hockey stick at them, "None of you got bit, did you??!"

Nichole lifted her hands in surprise and Jen frowned. "What are you talking about? I got bit last night…by you!"

Katie scratched her head and laughed. "Ah well, yeah. But I meant by ..you know….ZOMBIES."

Nichole and Jen shared a skeptical glance, so Katie sighed, and stepped back to let them see how destroyed their apartment was.

Their jaws hung open for a moment, as bewildered, they took in the scene. They saw a couple of dead bodies decorating the living room, which Katie proudly proclaimed were her doing. Their heads were all smashed in. Nichole vaguely remembered stepping over a body that morning and wondered how it had gotten in, and who had killed it. Then she wondered if the body had been that of their unwanted downstairs house mates.

As if on que, the two downstairs house mates suddenly burst out of their room, covered in blood and looking a little worse for wear, and most certainly undead. Jen cried out in surprise and tried to step back, crashing into Nichole and knocking them both over while Katie valiantly charged with her hockey stick.

"DIE DIE DIE!" Katie screamed, and Nichole wiggled up from under Jen to dodge past the distracted zombies to get a weapon from the kitchen. She returned wielding….


Chapter 3. Spring Cleaning

(By Nichole)

A frying pan in one hand and the other held a meat cleaver, that she found in the back of one of the drawers that had been once lost the moment the girls had moved into the Wouldbe house but found in the greatest moment of need.

“Jen,” Nichole called, tossing the cleaver over to her house mate. Spinning the frying pan in her hand, Nichole grinned at the shit-for-brains that had taken over the downstairs. Winding back, frying posed over her should and a sinner grin lighting up her face, Nichole called out. “Oi! Pricks!”

The larger of the two turned and cock his head at her, a dumbfounded look crossed his face and froze in place. Nichole giggled like a manic as she swung the frying pan into the side of his head, knocking him down.

“Take this!” Jen cried as she brought the cleaver down at the evil thing that had fallen at her feet. The cleaver cut clean threw his neck and with a triumphant cry the two Wouldbe girls watch the fat blob's head roll away from his body.

“My turn!” Katie cried as she removed the top part of the others shit-for-brain's skull. “Chya,” she said as she rested her bloody field hockey against her shoulder. “Too easy.”

Silence fell over the three as they glanced from the dead bodies of what was once their stupid roommates then took in the damage done to their awesome house of evil.

“So,” Nichole chipped. “Want something to drink? I could use another cup of coffee.”

“Sure,” the other two answered.

As Nichole went about making the caffeinated drink of the Gods, the girls suddenly could hear some sort of melody playing softly. As the girls listen, the melody stopped then started up again. Glancing at each other, they nodded. Nichole would stay with the coffee, while Jen and Katie went looking.

With weapons in hands, the two girls moved silently through the lower section of the house. Glancing up the stair then back at Jen, Katie nodded at her then took point and the two started to make their way to the next level of the house. The girls quickly found the sound coming from Jen's room and as they entered, Katie noticed Jen's computer was ringing.

“Is that an incoming call?” she asked as she glanced over her shoulder then back to the glowing screen.

“Yep,” Jen answered as she stepped around Katie and reached for her singing computer. “Oh, hiya, duck-face!” she said as she answered the call.

“Yo, bitches,” Ali's voice rang out from the speakers. “Glad to see you're fine.”

“Yep, we just took care of the durp-tards that lived downstairs,” Jen replied as she and Katie made their way back to the kitchen to meet their pyro friend and get their cup of joe.

“Aw, you mean I missed it? Gorramit!” Ali cried. “I want pictures!”

“That must be the duck, I hear,” Nichole called from the entrance of the kitchen, cup of seaming coffee in hand.

“Sweet potato!” The duck quacked, happily.

“Hi, duck,” Nichole replied in kind.

“So,” Katie said as she twisted her field hockey stick with skills that only years of playing the sport would give. “We need supplies,” she pause to think then added, “And chocolate.”


Chapter 4. Cool as an Apocalyptic Cucumber/It's Nate's Fault

(By Katie)

“We need to be more careful,” Katie pointed out as she rinsed and disinfected her “weapon” and “armor”. “We have no idea how the disease is transmitted—but I do believe chocolate is a sure-fire cure.”

“You already mentioned getting chocolate,” Nichole pointed out. “Less than a minute ago.”

“Then where is it?”

Nichole swatted the back of Katie’s head to soothe her into calm. “Oh, hush. I haven’t finished my coffee.”

“Coffee does trump chocolate,” Jen agreed with a sympathetic wince in Katie’s direction. She carried her laptop around, pointing it at the fallen bodies to let Ali praise the carnage.3

Katie’s face was flat. “I risked my life for you guys.” She stalked off to get Nichole’s compound bow but got distracted by new comics on the walls. Her progress was marked by short bursts of increasingly muffled laughter.

Nichole produced the list of supplies and plans which had been drafted and revised in Woudbe house months in advance. She sipped her coffee, examining the laminated sheets with relaxed air that belied the devastation around her. “Okay. We have to hit the hardware and grocery stores. We’ll park our cars in an L formation to block off our front door until we can get some chain-link fencing.”

“I can start digging a trench, which we’ll fill with spikes until we can import proper moat creatures,” Jen volunteered.

“As long as they don’t get infected and become zombie moat creatures,” Ali warned.

Jen smiled as she gave herself over to fantasy. She soon shook her head and sighed. “You’re right. That would probably be bad.”

“Do we post the heads on spikes or just burn the bodies whole?” Nichole wondered, tapping one finger against her chin.

“If you burn them, stay clear of the smoke,” said Ali. “Katie’s right, we don’t know how the infection spreads.”

“I have a hypothesis!” Jen announced. “It’s all Nate’s fault.”

“Do not presume to tell me the ways of fire,” Nichole said to Ali, her voice steely.

“Do not presume to tell me what to tell people!” Ali thundered back.

Katie returned downstairs and helped Jen to sharpen a few knives. Nichole sallied out to her car to switch the horn setting from “honk” to “launch fireball.”

“Did you get that in case of the apocalypse?” asked Jen, impressed by her friend’s foresight.

Nichole shrugged. “We almost ready to go?”


Chapter 5. This Will Be a Hard Act to Follow

(by Ali)

While her long-missed Maine friends were about to put new spin on the phrase, "turning the town red", Ali was left on the other end of an abandoned Skype conversation. Her friends had left too abruptly and didn't even say goodbye. Jen even forgot to close her laptop so Ali just stared at the empty house she missed so much. She stared at the wall (where else could she stare, since she didn't have the power to move Jen's computer) and watched dried paint dry.

"Ho hum," she sighed to herself as she reached for her shiny new iPod. She was content to sitting and waiting for their return even though she knew it would take a while.

Right before her finger hit the "play" button on her iTouch screen, Ali heard the muffled sounds of the TARDIS coming from her pocket. She retrieved her phone to find out who was calling her and was a bit surprised to find that it was her dear friend, Levi.

"Hello, Obi Wan," Ali answered enthusiastically. "How are you?"

"Ali, don't go outside." Levi sounded out of breath and panicked.

"What? Where are you?"

"Outside."

Ali let a pause settle over their conversation just long enough for her to be sure that Levi felt a little bit of the tension. "So you're allowed to go outside," Ali spoke slowly. "But I can't?"

"There are zombies!"

"Well, duh." Ali sarcastically replied. "I know that. They're all over the place. My friends in Maine are handling their side of the country."

She heard a twinge of irritation in her best friend in Junction's voice. "Why can't you just take my advice and stay inside where it's safe? Did you ever consider that I was looking out for you? I am your guardian."

Ali chuckled. "No, you're my Jedi master. And either way, I can't let you have all the fun. Where are you right now?" Levi gave his friend and co-worker his current location and hurriedly Ali wrote it down on a piece of paper. "Try to find a place to lay low for a while and I'll come get you."

"In what?" Levi snapped. "A semi truck? Or an armored car? Because I don't think anything else will work."

"Relax. I have a vehicle."

"Your Hyundai?"

"My time machine, yes. Now just sit tight and I'll call you when I'm close by." Not wanting to hear any more of her friend's complaints, she hung up her phone and proceeded to grab her things in order to get ready.

Ali walked out of her room and entered the room next to hers. It was a bathroom but was being used as a storage space until her step-dad had a little bit of money to renovate it. Ali climbed over the hutch that was in her way and scrambled to the other side of the unused bathroom. Hidden right inside the bathtub was an old beat up trunk. Opening the lid, she sifted through the smaller compartments inside. She had many apocalypse kits pre-prepared. She had suspected for a long time that the apocalypse was going to happen, but she had always assumed that her friends would have been somehow responsible for it.

Ali tossed aside the boxes that read "werewolf attack", "ghost shift"4, "Slayer kit"5, "alien abduction", and, of course, "zombies". She removed the zombie kit and opened it to find her set aside outfit, a cache of weapons and some zombie bait. Smiling happily to herself, she gathered all the necessary equipment and stealthily slid back into her room.

As Ali got dressed and prepared to leave the house, she heard harsh coughing coming from her mother's room. In an instant, she froze and listened in horror as the coughing persisted. "I thought I had more time," Ali whispered to herself. As a caution, Ali removed the medical mask from her ensemble and placed it over her nose and mouth. With one last worried glance at her mother's room, she fled the house to avoid any chance of catching the (un)deadly disease.


Meanwhile, back with our heroines in Maine

Nichole was speeding down the highway. Jen was in the passengers seat and Katie was in the back. Katie looked excited by the speed at which they were traveling; Jen looked pale and about to be sick. Not many things made Jen sick to her stomach but hurtling down the road going 45mph over the posted speed limit with her stomach deprived of food made Jen feel a little nauseated. Not to mention that, despite the tremendous speed of Nichole's little Dodge hatchback, the driver seemed to go out of her way all over the road to hit any zombie that seemed to be trapessing across their path. "Could you maybe slow down?" Jen asked meekly, sliding back into her seat.

Nichole ignored her friend's request and instead yelled, "HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!" An ironic turn of phrase, seeing as how none of them were wearing hats, but it did not matter. For at that very moment, Nichole had reached the exit of the highway she wanted. Without even slowing down, she flew off the exit and swerved into traffic. The few cars that were already out on the road honked at her, but Nichole refused to notice. She flew down the street and took a right hand turn so sharp that it forced all the passengers in the car to slide a bit to their left.

Finally Nichole reached their destination and slammed on the brakes. Her tires made skid marks on the almost abandoned parking lot. She put the car into park and looked at both of her friends with a wide grin on her face.

Jen was frozen to her seat, her eyes wide and terrified. Katie was sitting in the back, beaming just as widely as her best friend.

"Where should we start?" Nichole asked. Her eyes fell on her chosen navigator but Jen was still suffering from shock. After waiting for several seconds to see if she would come to, Katie eventually grabbed the map and surveyed it for the first appropriate vantage point.

"Hmmmm…." Katie said as made a priorities list in her head. "Hmmmm…." A few seconds later she still hadn't come to an appropraiet starting point. "Hmmmmm!!!"

"Stop that." Nichole snapped and smacked her friend upside the head. Katie winced and sent a dangerous glare at her friend but remained silent. She looked again at the map and a location popped out at her. She smiled.

"Well, lucky for us, we're near the mall."

"Which means?"

"Which means," Katie repeated, a little miffed that her bff interrupted her epic reveal. "that we have several places we could go to, especially for stock-piling more armory. In the mall itself, there's Dick's Sporting Goods. Then, of course, there's Walmart and both of those places sell guns. However, I have something better in mind." A sinister smile crossed her lips and her eyes flashed in excitement. Nichole could feel the anticipation boiling in her system. She waited and waited for Katie to continue but she got impatient.

"Where should we go?"

Katie snickered and spread out the map in between the drivers' and passengers' seats so they all could see. Katie pointed to a location and looked up at her friend knowingly. They both shared the same smile and revealed in unison: "The US Air Force Base Exchange." Nichole immediately restarted her car and headed off to the other side of Bangor to their decided location.

Jen remained out of it until they arrived at the Air Force base. A little surprisingly, it looked deserted. That did, of course, work out in their favor since they were only friends with people in the military, and had no direct ties to it whatsoever. Nichole parked her car and barricaded it against zombies (it wasn't that hard, since zombies on average are not that intelligent) and all got out of the car. Katie and Nichole had to drag Jen out but in doing so, it seemed to snap their auburn-haired friend out of her phase.

"Guys," Jen asked weakly as she slowly looked around. "When did we get in the car and drive to Bangor?"


Chapter 6: Vampire buses and werewolf clowns

By Jen

Jen stood guard outside the Air Force Base exchange, idly clutching a wrench as her weapon (she lost the meat cleaver. Nichole scolded her for a good 20 minutes while Jen sulked). Inside, Nichole and Katie went "shopping" and started piling all sorts of toys, treasures and supplies in the doorway for Jen to load into Nichole's tiny car.

Jen looked at the growing pile with disdain. She may be a pro at packing and making things fit, but the pile of supplies was almost as big as Nichole's car and growing. Sighing, Jen set about the challenge anyways when a strong gust of wind caught her attention. The sky was growing thick and heavy with storm clouds, and a wind was picking up rapidly around her.

Jen licked her thumb and tested its direction, then double checked her compass. It was headed West. She humored herself, imagining that the wind was headed in Ali's direction, and in a spur of the moment whipped out a pen and paper.

Dear Ali, DUCK! It's a -

Jen paused, wondering what might be more terrifying than a horde of zombies, and settled upon WEREWOLF CLOWN!

She giggled to herself at the image, then carefully folded the paper into a paper airplane. She waited for another gust of wind, watching it approach as it picked up dust and small debre in a pretty little whirlwind, and when it reached her she threw the plane right into its midst, where it flew, flew, Flew! Only to land in the mud at her feet after spiraling dramatically downward.6

Jen sighed in exasperation, and whirled about to grab more things to stuff into Nichole's car. They had added half a dozen more things and Jen was beginning to doubt her ability to get everything into the car. Especially considering Nichole's trunk was already full of Twinkies.

She gazed around the parking lot, and noticed a plow truck, a Bat7 bus, and a punch buggy. After frowning at the bus for some time, she decided that if Nichole can manage to get a fire ball launcher on her car, she can damn well get a plow on the Bat bus.

Inside, Nichole and Katie were playing with guns and knives.

Once they'd picked out their favorite they tossed them onto the pile by the door, where they had piled supplies such as heavy duty army jackets, combat boots for each of them plus some extra just in case, some bandanas, machetes, tactical vests (the kinds with all the pockets!), a few backpacks, sleeping bags, camo pants, tents, rope, flash lights, gun holsters, helmets, guns, lighters, MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat), canteens, and a few other surprises.

When they realized Jen had stopped removing things from the doorway, Katie and Nichole shared a wary glance before charging outside to see if their comrade needed rescuing. What they found was Jen decorating a Bat bus with a plow attached to the front with Zombie heads.

"Jen, what are you doing?" Nichole asked.

"Decorating our new transport vehicle." Jen informed her. "We can still use your car, but we can't fit all of our supplies in there. So we'll take this too."

"I'LL DRIVE IT!" Katie danced inside, and Jen froze in fear for a moment, before deciding, "Well, She can't be worse than Nichole!"

"Wait a sec" They heard Katie call from inside. "I think there's something in here…OH MY GOD! IT'S-!!"


Meanwhile, In Colorado, Ali was cruising down the empty streets of Grand Junction toward her friend's house. She was forced to slow down to avoid some cars on either side of her, and with a start realized there was something moving in the road!

Tires screeched, and Ali grimaced as the smell of burnt rubber met her nose. She peered over the steering wheel to see she had just barely stopped in time. A mother duck and her ducklings were waddling in front of her. Ali couldn't help but smile, because here in this mad world something was still normal. She watched the little ones peep softly as they followed the proud mom, who fluffed her feathers and practically strutted across the road. She had some fine looking babies.

As Ali watched the progression, something caught her attention in her peripheral vision. A lone zombie was slowly making its way to Ali's car, and Ali realized with growing horror that it was a Jahovah's witness zombie wielding several pamphlets. They were torn, crumpled and bloody in the zombie's hands, and Ali could just barely make out some condescending question about god and how she's going to hell or something.

Ali peered over the steering where and the ducks were still crossing. The zombie was getting closer. She screamed in desperation, as she could now make out more of the words on the pamphlet, God Loves you, but you're going to Hell!

Ali honked the horn, and each of the ducks stopped, and turned to look at her. Her breath caught when she realized something wasn't right. The eyes of each of the ducks glowed a soft red, and beneath the upper edge of their bills, only just sticking out, was a set of white gleaming fangs.

…"duckulas?" Ali softly murmured in wonder, as they turned again and finished their march across the road. She was broken from her momentary stupor by the sound of knocking on her car door, and a zombie face pressed up against the window, waiving and pointing happily at its pamphlets.

Ali screamed bloody murder and slammed her foot on the gas, and her car zipped forward down the street at an alarming rate. She noticed, with much woe, that the zombie had left a greasy bloody face print on the drivers side window, and she suddenly stopped the car again.

In her rear view mirror, she could see the Jahovah's witness zombie trying to give pamphlets to other zombies, who groaned and tried to walk away. Ali wondered what she could discover from these zombies, and decided she should definitely capture some zombies and make some observations. She put the car in reverse, and slamming her foot back on the gas, flew back down the street, until she heard a sickening SPLAT!! as her car rolled over the pamphlet wielding zombie. She could capture another zombie for observations, she decided, put her car back into gear, and drove off toward her friends house.

On the street, the pamphlets were scattered about the zombies head like a halo. His arm was outstretched and pointing away, perhaps towards the heavens, perhaps toward his god, but most likely it was pointed toward the Mc Donalds sign that was directly above him. The other zombies paused to stare at the spectacle, before shuffling over to the Mc Donalds drive thru, and whispering their order for "Brains" at the window. But there was no one there to take their order.


Chapter 7: The Late Addition

"OH MY GOD!" Screamed Katie in horror. IT'S A SQUIRREL!!!" Katie let out a shriek as the squirrel remained perfectly still, just watching her. Katie did not take her cue from the small rodent and flailed about in a panicked state, running around in circles before she finally found some small focus to hide behind Nichole.

Jen and Nichole merely watched their friend as she cowered for protection. Jen looked curious with her eyebrows cocked. She had known Katie's fear of squirrels for as long as she had known Katie, but it never ceased to amaze her just how scared Katie became around the cute animals. Nichole, meanwhile, glared over her shoulder at her friend looking annoyed. She had known Katie a little longer and was getting sick of the childhood panic that set in.

"Squirrels are everywhere, Katie." Nichole reminded her best friend for the umpteenth time. "We live in Maine where there are lots of trees and, therefore, lots of squirrels."

"They're stalking us." Katie replied, her voice quivering from fear. Even Jen rolled her eyes at the statement.

"How do you figure?" She asked, her tone a little more sarcastic than intended.

"Cam and Ali told me about this squirrel they saw in the Denver Zoo," Katie began, still scared. "The animals were all missing from their enclosures and this squirrel kept showing up everywhere they went. He was always eating and he was eating the animals!"

"They were just screwing with you, Katie." Jen assured her with a sigh.

"It was eating them!" Katie insisted with a shriek that made her voice crack.

"Then how do you explain how I went to that same zoo a couple months later and all the animals were there?"

"They bought more animals."

Jen rolled her eyes, losing patience. "They don't have the money to replace hundreds of animals." It was at that point that she gave up. Kicking some dirt up from the road in resolution, she turned on her heel and went back to stand against the car while Katie calmed down.


While Katie was holding up her friends with her fear of tree-dwelling, seed-stealing rodents, Ali was racing down the road in her little blue Hyundai. She just pulled into Levi's driveway and turned off the engine when her phone went off in her pocket. Still in shock from the duckula incident, she jumped in her seat as the vibrations hit her thigh. Once she identified the scary object as her phone, she took a couple deep breaths before taking it out of her pocket.

"You know," She remarked aloud to herself in an attempt to calm herself down. "It's amazing that in this zombie apocalypse, we still have cell phone reception. Amazing." She then answered the call right before it dropped. "Hello?" She asked cheerily in an attempt to hide her shaken demeanor.

"Where are you? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Ali immediately recognized the over questioning voice on the other line to belong to her boyfriend, Chris. She smiled as she heard his voice. "I'm fine," She assured him.

"Jesus, don't scare me like that." He breathed heavily on the other line. "Where are you?"

"I had to come rescue Levi." Ali replied.

Chris paused for a moment. "Levi?" He repeated skeptically.

"He called me and sounded like he was in trouble, so I had to come save him."

"Let his wife save him." Chris returned flatly. Ali just rolled her eyes but did not reply.

"We'll be back in a little while." She assured him. "Just stay safe. I love you."

"Love you too." Chris replied, although Ali could tell that he still was not pleased with her decision to leave the house. Not that the house she shared with him was all that secure. The windows did not open (which was a plus in this moment) but both the back and front doors did not properly protect against bugs or mice. Ali had serious doubts they could protect against zombies hungry for squishy bodily organs.

Still, it was home and she knew it well enough to keep her friend safe from harm. Getting out of her car, she made sure to lock the doors (remembering rule #31: always check the backseat) and headed over to find her friend.


Meanwhile, Nichole became bored with Katie hiding like a little child so she chased off the squirrel. As soon as it was far enough away, Katie shook off her fears and was back to being her bubbly self. "Let's do this!" She shouted. Arm in the air like a gladiator she charged for the bus to make it her own. Finding the keys tucked safely away in the visor, she placed them in the ignition and turned.

….nothing happened.

Still remaining optimistic, she tried again.

Still nothing.

After another six unsuccessful attempts to spark the engine, Katie sighed heavily. "I don't think it's going to work, guys."

"Awwww." Jen pouted in disappointment. "But I already decorated it."

"Yeah, well I think I just found something better." Nichole said, smirking from ear to ear. She pointed to her left and both friends' heads turned to look in that general direction. They saw one thing that brought their optimism back into their new vehicle and it turned out to be8


Chapter 8: Warp speed into the raging storm

By Jen

…..

………….

……..A clown car. Jen and Katie exchanged a skeptical look, then shrugged. Why not? Maybe it’s bigger on the inside.9

By the time they began packing all of their finds into their new-found vehicle, the sky had darkened to an imposing dark gray, and the wind had picked up considerably. Droplets of rain began patting their heads, and it quickened its rhythm until puddles and tiny streams began forming underneath their feet.

Nichole frowned and wrinkled her nose at the unwanted intrusion, being a fire person at heart the rain would always irk her.

Katie wasn’t at all bothered by the storm, but gazed expectantly at the sky for flashes of light, waiting breathlessly for the terrific sound of thunder that was sure to come.

Jen meanwhile was distracted by the array of puddles to stomp in, and carefully weaved her way from puddle to puddle, balancing her load of goods.

Nichole looked back at her and crossed her arms.

“Jen, stop that! You’re getting our supplies wet!”

Jen stuck her tongue out at her friend defiantly, and leaped into another large puddle. Mud and water danced in the air, and landed unwantedly on Nichole’s face.

“AHHHHHRGHHHH!” Nichole roared a battle cry, before tackling Jen in the mud.

“Oof!”Jen mumbled smartly before she fell, and rose up covered head-to-toe in the murky brown substance.

Nichole laughed at Jen’s new look, as Jen attempted to waddle menacingly toward her.

Meanwhile, Katie began wildly waving her hands as she “conducted” the beginning of the thunderstorm. She swayed to music that only she could hear, conducting the sounds of thunder and the song of battle-cries that her two friends were emitting.

“BOOOOOM!”
“ARGH!”
“OI!”
“CRASH!”
“I’M GUNNA KILL YOU!”
“HAHAHAHAHA”
“BOOOOOM BOOOOM!”
“Braaaaiiiinnnss”
“JEN STOP TRYING TO BITE ME!”
“RAWR!!”
“CRASH! CRASH!”
“CRACKLE-HISSSS-BOOOM!”
“BRAAAAAAIINNNS!”
“SHIT!”
“KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!
“THUNK!”
“ARRGHHH!”
“HIT THE ZOMBIE NOT ME YOU JERK!”
“CRACKLE CRACKLE BOOM!”
“WHAM!”
“SPLOOSH!”
“DAAAAAAAMN! NICE HIT!”
“EERRRGGHHH”
“ANOTHER ONE!”
“BOOM!”
“THWACK!”
“MY AXE IS STUCK!”
“GRAAAAHHHHHH”
“GARGLE”
“SPLOOSH”
“HAHAHAHAHA DIE DIE DIE!”
“BOOOOOOOOMMMMM!”

At the last clap of thunder the trio decided to take shelter, the storm had moved almost overhead.

Thick black clouds flashed and grinned with flickers of light, and sheets of constant pouring rain drenched them to the bone.

They sat inside the clown car and shivered at the storm, occasionaly puffing their cheeks and watching their breath fog up the window. Katie drew monsters on the glass, and Jen likened their present scenario to the scene in Jurassic Park when the T-rex attacked. However, on looking out the window, there were no dinosaurs to be seen.

“Oh!” Jen suddenly sat up. “We forgot to get chocolate at the grocery store!”

Katie grinned from the driver’s seat. “Alright, let’s GO!”

The next thing Nichole and Jen knew, they were pressed flat against their seats and holding on for dear life.

“I THINK THIS THING HAS WARP SPEED!!! WEEEEEEEEEEE!”

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