The Super Evil Super Random Super Hero Super Story

Nichole- "dragon master" she can call out dragons at will (only problem is they may bot always get along with her ^^) she also acts like a fire elemantal (she can't be hurt by fire, she can breath fire, be on fire, all of that at will. Her alias is Moon.

John- I don't think john know's where doing this ^^ he wants telakanises. he can move things with his mind. (way cool, actually) i think just for fun, he should be able to fly too. = ) I dub him Captain Furface!

Jen- "snowwhite abilities" Jen can talk to animals and has a natural friendship with them, espicially all thing ferocious. Her alias is Lt. Fang

Alex- "animorph"; has the ability to change into any animal at her own free will. Alias: Hotaru

Sally- She knows everything there is to know on the internet. So, basically, she knows everything.

Amy- She steals other peoples powers (much like Rouge) whether she gives them back or not, that's a different story…alias-(oops, i forgot to ask… = ( )

Darcy- "launch" abilities, she has invisablility, but does not know that like Launch from Dragon Ball, whenever she sneezes she turns into a psychopath with a gun. Her hair and eyes turn bright red. Alias is Launch

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: To Harness the Power of Your Life…..You Must First Massacre a Squid. In the name of the Holy Grasshopper. In the Classical Tradition.

(by Alex)

"JEN, STOP STEALING MY ANTENA!!!!" Alex barked, chasing after her oldest friend.

"It is mine!!!" Jen yelled back, running towards the stairs.

"It's for my confleedle-flop! Give it back!"

This is how John Murray awoke one morning. He had come home for vacation from school and awoke to the sounds of rapid footsteps, loud screaming and huge spiders having tea in an unusually large web above his head. He disregarded the spiders (at least they weren't pelting him with abnormal spider-y objects) and fell out of his bed. Staggering to his bedroom door, he dared enter the realm of chaos that greeted him.

Instead of seeing the mayhem first off, however, what he met with was none other than his oldest friend: Nichole.

"Hi, John." Nichole smiled, walking from his own kitchen with a pile of his own food on his own plate; but held in Nichole's own hands.

John grumped. "What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, still tired from being untimely ripped from his slumber.

"Enjoying the show. Duh~." Nichole replied, walking straight by him to his living room. Despite himself, Fur-face decided to follow. What he saw did not please him.

Two of the friends he had made in high school— Jen and Alex— were chasing each other up and down the stairs. Alex was attempting to gain back her mysteriously needed antena, which Jen had stole because there had been a lack of chaos in the household. They were causing quite a ruckus and, undeniably, were great entertainment for Nichole with her kifed food.

John stood as a bystander for several moments, watching the destruction of his house come about. Finally, he asked the one question that was plaguing him. "How the hell did you idiots get in?"

"The robot let us," Nichole replied, her mouth filled with food. At this announcement, John crooked his head towards the robot that he had created in his sleep several nights before. He glared. The robot cowered.

"I AM SO SORRY!!!!" it wailed. "These are your friends! They assured me they would let you sleep and keep calm."

"They lied to you." John stated darkly.

"I am sorry." The robot apologized again. "I deserve to be punished. I be a bad robot." John groaned and shook his head slightly as Jen threw herself from the second-floor banister and clung onto the chandelier hanging above the living room.

"It's all right." John muttered, shuffling off to the kitchen. "They woulda got in anyway." John decided to let bygones be bygones; seeing as how he had no control over his insane choice of friends (no matter how much he wanted control…. bahm,bahm,BAHM). But when he saw the state of his kitchen, he immediately changed his attitude. "WHERE'S ALL MY FOOD!?!!!" He bellowed.

"We had a buffet this morning." Nichole replied simply.

"It was very yummy." Jen joined in, still swinging from the light fixture.

"Too bad you missed it." Alex said, strolling into the kitchen. John stared at her.

"Where's your antena?"

"My what?" Alex asked, oblivious. John stared some more.

"The thing you woke me up to, chasing Jen around my house."

"Oh, that!" Alex remembered, nodding her head. "We call that a "do-hickey". That's the technical term for it." She talked down to John, but smiled sweetly; as if saying "I'm smarter than you, but it's cute you think I'm not".

John's glare was so dangerous and so severe and so…well….mangry that he did not bother responding to Alex's pseudo silent taunts. Storming off, he snatched his jacket and keys.

"Where you goin'?" Jen asked from the next room, having just jumped down from the ceiling.

"I'm getting some food, since you monkeys ate it all." John grumbled, leaving the house and slamming the door behind him. Nichole, Alex and Jen all shared looks and simultaneously shrugged. It was no skin off their hides if John wanted to get food. More for them.

Meanwhile, it wasn't until John had gotten into his JohnMobile that he realized he'd left still wearing his pajamas. Deciding it would be less humiliating to wear them than go back inside, he put his car in reverse and chugged along to the grocery store.


About an hour later, John's car pulled back into his driveway. He precariously looked at his house and was fairly surprised to see it hadn't been crushed to the ground; or had been set on fire. He was suspicious that Nichole had already found the matches, lighters and flame-throwers he had to chain up whenever she came over. Stepping cautiously onto his porch, he went inside his house. Tip-toeing through the den, he silently closed the door behind him. Maybe his friends had all descended from the T-Rex; and they couldn't see him if he didn't move. After several moments, John slowly let his guard down. Maybe his idiot friends had just wandered off on their own; gone to see a movie or play Chutes and Ladders and…blast…whatever the devil the kids play these days. A sigh swept through him as he accepted the possibility they had just disappeared. Letting a smile slip onto his face, he shrugged off his jacket and made his way to the kitchen to eat.

"Hello, John."

No sooner had he gotten up the stairs than a voice hit him from behind. Jumping, he nearly tripped over his own feet in fear. He spun around to see who the owner of the voice was; but could see nothing. Paranoia seeped into his psyche and he began to draw slowly away from the room. He had almost convinced himself that he hadn't really heard anything, when it came again.

"Hi, John."

This time, the voice was from ahead and sounded slightly different.

"What do you want from me?" He demanded, his voice shaking into the open air. "Why are you torturing me? I only want some food…"

"And so do we…" Now the voice was a combination of four in sync sounds, coming from all directions. John was overwhelmed (and dizzy from hunger) that he simply slipped to the floor in a state of starved shock.

Jen and Nichole popped out from behind the kitchen door frame, while Alex and Sally came out of hiding from back in the den. All wore sock puppets on their hands that were drawn on with silly faces. Each of the four girls slowly gathered around their fallen friend. "Is he…is he dead?" Alex asked, looking nervously down at the body.

"LET'S BURN HIM!!!!" Nichole exclaimed, her eyes gleaming. Jen smacked her on the back of the head to calm her.

"No… no burning yet." Looking over, the oldest fixed her gaze on Sally. "Sally, you have a stick?"

"What for?"

"We're gunna poke him. That's what you do with dead bodies to make sure they're dead." While Sally ran off to fetch a stick, Nichole and Alex nodded their heads, impressed by Jen's wisdom. Upon Sally's return, Jen took the stick and poked John in the side. John fidgeted; but didn't wake up.

"I think he's just passed out." Sally said, after examining him. Jen didn't care; she continued to poke. That was until Nichole spotted the bag John had been carrying. Ripping it from his hand, she danced into the kitchen singing a praise.

"It's donuts~~!!!! John brought us back donuts!"

"Sweet!" Alex chirped, jumping over her fallen friend to get to the food; followed suit by Sally and Jen.

In the middle of the donut eating, a letter got delivered to John's house. Nichole, who had been walking by at the time, decided it was hers to take. Heck, she had found it. Finder's keepers, right? So she took the envelope and, although it was addressed to John, she ripped it open. A fist came out and clocked her in the nose. "Ow!" Nichole instantly dropped the envelope. "Meanie!" Sticking out her tongue, she flipped it off.

And then she caught a glimpse of the still unconscious John in the hallway (he had awoken once before, but had to be beaten by the same stick that had attempted to regain levity, simply because the four friends hadn't finished his donuts; and none of them were good at sharing). A sinister smile crept across Nichole's lips as she looked at her friend. Cautiously picking up the letter, she ran to throw it at John's face; hoping it would do the same thing to him that it had her.

It did nothing.

Nichole wasn't giving up yet, though. "Jeeeeeennnn…," she called from the hallway.

"Yeah?"

"Come in here a sec…." When Jen entered the room, Nichole again picked up the ripped envelope. She tossed it at Jen and the same hand that had punched Nichole came out and punched Jen.

"HEY!" Jen glared and began fighting with the instigating envelope hand.

In the meantime, there was a sound like the flurry of paper, and a bunch of envelopes swept the floor of John's house. Nichole rushed over and found that there were several copies of the same envelope; only they each got a letter (Jen got a letter and Alex got a letter and Sally got a letter…). Finding her own, she ripped it open.

…and a hand popped out. Nichole cowered, prepared for another punching assault. But one never came. Nichole looked up again and saw that the hand was holding out something for Nichole. "A present?" she chirped. "For me?" The hand nodded(…as good as a nod a hand could give) and a sincere smile broke out across Nichole's lips. "Thanks." Reaching out, she accepted the gift that the hand had given her; a little silver bell. Nichole was attracted to the shiny, and to the nice, musical noise the bell produced.

But then the hand took some action. It bitch-slapped Nichole before slipping back into the safety of it's own envelope and spitting a letter out at her. Nichole attempted to chase after the hand, but soon realized that it would be a breach of the laws of physics to do such a thing. She vowed to spend more time training before she picked up the letter and began to read.

Dear Tweedle-head:
My name is Count Dracula. Well…not really. But "Count" sounds cool. huh? My real name is…well…none of your concern. What you SHOULD be concerned about is the evil half-goat-ed zombie that's standing behind you. LOOK OUT! IT'S GOT BARRY MANILOW!!!!

Nichole whipped around quickly to see if there really was a zombie behind her with a horrid singer attack. She was safe. She turned back to the letter.

Just kidding, dumbass.
I am writing to invite you to a meeting in the mansion atop the Not-So-Spooky Hill (we need better PR). The meeting will be held tonight at precisely 9pm. It's a dinner party; so wear a party hat. And all your friends have similar envelopes. So they are coming too.
Enjoy the rest of your lifeI mean, afternoon.


Chapter 2: The Crooked House

(by jen)

Amy cackled evily, for now the time was right…….for PIE!
She put the pies on the table, humming evilly to herself. There were pies of every kind, pumkin pies and Cherry pies, whoopie pies and apple pies, hummus pies and mincemeat pies, pecan pies and chicken pot pies, turkey pies, blueberry pies, watermelon pies and strange green glowing pies, monkey brain pies and chocolate pies..she had…them all….

She would entice her captive guests, and they would stay, because there was pie to be eaten. Lots, and lots, and lots of pie!!

She swept about the crooked house on the not so creepy hill and waited patiently for her guests. She was going to give them one hell of a surprise, that's for sure. And she wouldn't let them leave until she had all of their money. "kehheheh" Amy grinned as she put a knife, a gun, a rope, a candlestick, a lollipop,

..she paused and then ate the lollipop,

..a lead pipe, and a wrench onto the table. "now where to put the dead bodies?" Amy pondered aloud.
"in the kitchen. " Amy started, then turned to see who was there. She didn't see anyone.

"what?" She pondered, thinking she'd gone crazy again.
"no one looks in the kitchen."
Amy looked down.
there it was…

"OI! Get Out!!!! " Amy yelled, kicking at the red thing at her feet, trying to drive it out of her kitchen. She didn't know why it had chosen to stay at her crooked house, but she couldn't get rid of it. It slid out of the room, but left something behind, which Amy tripped and fell on, causeing the lollipop in her hand to go flying into who-knows-where. "GAH!!!" She yelled, standing up. "AND TAKE YOUR DOLLS WITH YOU OR I'LL MAKE A PIE OUT OF THEM!" She threw a box, a cardboard tube and an apple out of the room after the red ball that had just recently exited. "Boxy! NO!!" She heard the red ball cry. Amy sighed and was about to turn back to her work when she jumped back again. Someone's face was directly in hers. It looked angry. All Amy could make out (since the angry face was pressing its nose up against hers to glare deeply and dangerously into amy's) was the eyes, brown eyes that Amy knew she recognized.

…."hello Alex….." She smiled, though it was hard to be evil with someone glaring death at you in your face. "you had meatwad here and you didn't tell me?!?!?!!!" Alex seethed, and Amy carefully took a few steps away. "so that's what that red thing is…meat…"

Suddenly a light bulb turned on over her head. "so then i can make a pie out of it!" Amy exclaimed, but Alex lunged at her. It was a fight to the death! chaos! blood! pie!

oh, the inhumanity!!!!


"where'd Alex go?" Nichole asked suddenly, looking up from the letter. As soon as Ali had read hers she ran out the door. Jen frowned. "she must like the whole dinner party idea. But it's not dinner time yet..so…" Sally gasped suddenly. "We don't have party hats!" "omg! you're right!" Nichole chimed in, and Jen Nichole and Sally raced to the door. Then they stopped, and looking back with a sudden evil gleam in their eyes, they walked back and took the poor sleeping John with them.

In the car, Sally took the drivers seat, Nichole took shotgun, John got the back seat and lucky jen sat in the trunk. "i've never been in a trunk before! teehee!"

But Jen soon became bored of this…so bored…so she decided to make it look like she was being kidnapped. She kicked out the taillight and stuck her hand out of the hole, flipping the bird to anyone who happened to look.

Meanwhile, Sally frowned at the road as she noticed several cop cars were now following them with their lights on. "should we pull over?" Nichole frowned, as yet another cop car joined the chase behind them. Sally sped on. "naw, that'll make us late. " "you're right." Nichole smiled and leaned back. "good thing we're super heroes" "and good thing-" Sally smiled as they sped toward a cliff edge, "-this is John's car"


Chapter 3: watch out, i have a spatula!

by nichole

As the girls and a sleeping John drove for the cliff, Nichole rolled down her window. Sticking her face part-way out of it, she whistled a sharp note then sat back and waited. Just seconds before they would have shot off the cliff a large dragon lined up with their … well with John’s car and they drove right onto his back.
"That was cool!" Sally cried then she frowned. "But John’s car is still in one piece."
Nichole ignored the frowning Sally in favor of getting out of the car and glancing behind them in time to watch all the cop car shoot off the cliff and fall to the unknown below. Walking around the back, Sally popped open the trunk and Jen jumped out.
"Let’s do that again!"
"Let’s not and say we did," Sally stated as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Yea, if we do it again, it’ll take longer to get our hats and we’ll never get back for the dinner party," Nichole said then glared at the trunk girl. "I refuse to be late for dinner."
"Fine," Jen sighed as she noticed she wasn’t about to talk a hungry Nichole out of missing dinner. "Are we taking the dragon?"
"Yeah, we can’t take John’s car," Nichole nodded.
"Why?"
"Because it’s about to roll off the back of my dragon," The dragon girl said as she pointed to the rolling down the back of the dragon. While the girls had been chatting away, John’s car with John in it still, was rolling back as the dragon angled himself up so he could get higher. The three girls watched as John and his car slipped off the back and fell away to the unknown with the cop and their cars.
"Well that’s that," Nichole said as she turned and headed for her dragon’s head so she could tell him were to take them. The others decided they wanted to have an air fight with air swords. There was a bunch of flips, twists, turns, dodges, and clashing of the air swords. Who won, not one of the girls know, so don’t ask.

~ At the store~

"FOUND THEM!!" Jen screamed as she ran down the aisles holding up the party hats she found. They were the little kids cone party hats with ballooned and streamers dancing around on it. The trunk girl found her other two friends at the hat section of the store they had on different kinds of hats waiting for the other’s option.
"Sally, that has does nothing for your figure, take it off," Nichole stated in a southern’s voice and passed her another hat. Sally rolled her eyes, but took the hat off and through it away from her. She wasn’t about to look unflattering in public where someone might see her. She spotted a hat under some of the others. Pulling it out, she grinned and snatched the hat that had been on Nichole’s head off. She slapped the hat she had found on in place of it.
"This be yours, matte," Sally stated proudly in a pirate’s voice. Nichole squealed and pranced around in circles, one had was holding one of the three corners and she was careful not to pull on any of the feathers that were sticking out.
"Oooo, if I’m gonna be a pirate then you can be my captain of the Royal Navy!" Nichole quickly went searching for said hat.
By this time, Jen was annoyed that she was being ignored by her friends, but she could understand, a pirate hat for Nichole was something to get excited about everyone knew how much she loved pirates. I mean, come on, the girls dressed up as a pirate twice in one year and the second time wasn’t for Halloween. Tapping her foot, she crossed her arms, cleared her throat and waited. Sally was the first one of the two to notice Jen. She turned as she put on her captain of the Royal Navy hat on.
"Hey, Jen, how goes your search?"
"I found some hats," she held up her find.
"But their not as cool as the ones we found," Nichole said.
"I know!" Jen cried. "Why didn’t you call to me when you found them?!" She stomped her foot at the unfairness of it all.
"We’re sorry," Sally said as she placed one of those multi color little cap things with those spinney things on top on jen's head. "Be happy." Jen grinned and flicked the spinner.
So the crew grabbed three other hats at random and cashed out. On there way to the dragon that sat calmly beside the store the girls heard some screaming.
"SOMEONE STOP THEM!! THEFTS! THEY STOLE MY PURSE and the 20 million in it…" the old lady paused in her cry for help to rethink if it had been wise to bring the money along.
Nichole glanced at her dragon with a grin. "Dinner time, Raunaj!" The dragon, Raunaj, snapped his jaw in a weird dragon laughter then took flight. He shot up high in the sky until he was nothing more than a dot in the big blue sky.
"Look!" some random dude cried out, pointing at the sky, at Raunaj.
"It’s just a bird."
"No, it’s a plane!"
"No, it’s super– A DRAGON!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!" The people started screaming and running around in circles, not sure were a safe place to hide from the evil dragon would be. With a roar, he plummeted to earth and landed on the old lady, who was still deep in thought. Raunaj blinked then walked over to Nichole and quickly laid down so the girls could climb up on his back. Deciding that things would be better if they left now, the three quickly climbed on and were off, heading back to John’s house, without John.


Chapter 4: Quoth the Raven, "…what the fuck?"

(By Alex)

Amy was starting to get pissed. Alex had changed into three different animals (a lion, a tiger and a bear— oh, my!) and was now chasing down Amy's feet in the shape of a puppy. Her right temple began to throb as she gritted her teeth in frustration. Her fingernails were making imprints on her palms, but she refused to lose her temper. Instead, she ignored the puppy-Alex and swept across the main floor of the mansion atop the not-so-creepy hill. She was determined to get through this dinner party properly. As she marched into the kitchen, puppy-Alex successfully attacked one of Amy's shoelaces. Losing it, Amy screamed: "I'LL TURN YOU INTO DOG CHOWDER!" Glaring menacingly down at the yellow lab, Alex cowered back and whimpered, her tail sagging between her legs. After several seconds of meek staring, Alex surrendered and scampered off. Satisfied, Amy turned her attention back to the kitchen.

"Is dinner almost ready?" She called, looking around rather large pots and pans for any sign of the cook. A loud throat clearing "ahem~!" turned Amy's attention behind her. She smiled as her eyes fell on the cook. "Much progress?" She inquired cheerfully.

Diablos glared. Dressed in an outfit of casual-meets-professional, a KISS THE COOK(where the double-s' were replaced with a "c" and "k") apron tied around his front. "Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty."

Amy paused. "But… the invitations said the party would be at eight."

Diablos remained unmoved. "Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty."

"But," Amy tried once more— perhaps thinking Diablos hadn't heard her properly. "They'll be here at eight."

Diablos-the-Cook began to lose his patience; but he kept his apathetic monotone as he spoke. "Then I guess their food'll be cold; won't it?"

A sinister smile fell across Amy's lips. Ringing her hands together in a diabolic fashion, she chuckled darkly. "Excellent…" Her eyes scanned the dishes that lay simmering before her; landing on one in particular. "Is that gumbo?" She reached out and took the ladle to sample some; but Diablos snatched the spoon away.

"No." He smacked the back of her hand in punishment. She gazed back with a wide-eyed wounded look. "No food for you! Out!" And with that, he shoved Amy from the premises.

Outside the dining room, Amy rubbed her butt where the swinging door hit her on the way out. Glaring over her shoulder, Amy grumped. "What a grouch." Saying her peace, she moved along through her duties and headed to the library.

Inside the library she met with hundreds of volumes of books: encyclopedias, mysteries, dictionaries, poetry, plays, mythologies, gospels, biographies and even romance novels. Amy ignored the books and instead tended to the fire before making sure the hors duerves were ready. When she had placed all the little cheese and cracker sandwiches in a smile face fashion, she stepped back to admire her creation. "Magnifique," she congratulated herself.

Open here she flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he,
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above her chamber door- -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above her chamber door- -
Perched and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling her sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," she said "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore- -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."1

Amy stared at the little black bird that was perched on the bust of Pallas just above her chamber door. Her teeth clenched in frustration, for there was a familiar mischievous twinkle in those dark eyes that stared down at her. Pointing accusingly at the bird, she shouted, "YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"GAH!" Amy threw up her arms in misguided dissatisfaction. Storming from the room, she slammed the library door behind her. She heard the clatter of picture frames recoiling from the disturbance; and the squawk of a tiny bird and flutter of wings. Amy smirked maliciously. "I showed that bird." And with smugness blossoming from her aura, she continued her rounds of the house.

~Meanwhile…~

Nichole, Jen and Sally sat on the couch in John's house. The dragon Nichole had earlier summoned was basking in the sun by the window. Jen's animal friends were sitting around the room, adding to the silence.

They all…sat in silence.

Jen sat in the middle twiddling her thumbs. All three friends stared dead ahead at the black TV screen. Nichole was the only one who dared speak.

"Don't you think…maybe…we should try turning it on?"

"SILENCE!" Jen bellowed, not moving.

"But…" Nichole was confused. "Why can't we just get up and—"

"We must not disturb the Gawdz of the Remote. The Remote…controls…" Sally said quietly before sinking once again into silence. Knowing she could never argue with such infallible wisdom, Nichole fell into silence. But she continued to wonder… the TV had an "on" switch, so why couldn't they…?


Chapter 5: An enchanting tale..?

(by jen)

Nichole gasped and jumped up as the remote control bit her, then scampered away and hid beneath the couch. "we told you not to do it." sally said flatly. "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BITE ME!" "so?" Jen asked, not caring. Nichole waved her remote bitten fist in the air while she stormed around knocking things over in anger. "you know, this reminds me of a story." Jen suddenly stated. "oh? what's it called?" Inquired Sally. "the peasant, the snake and the fox. Once apon a time there was a peasant who came across a rock on his way home. then he heard a voice,-" "a peasant?" Nichole asked, distracted. "then the snake must be trogdor." Jen frowned. "trogdor's a lot bigger then a snake…." "so?! it HAS to be trogdor." ">< alright, fine." "so the peasant was walking home when he heard a voice coming from a boulder. 'help me put! i'm, stuck under this boulder!' 'who are you?' the peasant asked. 'i'm trogdor.' 'trogdor? then if i let you out, you'll burnintate me…' 'no, i promise you i won't!' so the peasant moved the boulder-'' "- the peasant would have to be pretty strong to move a boulder. i think you need to change him too." Sally frowned. Jen glared. "make him Captain Jack Sparrow!" "no ><" Jen grummbled. "come on!" Nichole whined. "it'll make the story soo much better!" "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! CAPTAIN FRIGGIN JACK SPARROW!" Jen grumped.

"so Jack moved the boulder and Trogdor came out an immediatly tried to burninate him.-" "-but Jack sworded his ass, right?" ">< no, he evaded the attack, defense +10" "alright then"

Jen cleared her throat and continued. "'why did you do that?' Jack asked Trogdor. 'because every good deed is rewarded by an evil one' Trogdor replied. "I don't believe that.' said jack. 'very well' said the sn-Trogdor, 'lets' go ask soemone. If he agrees with you, I'll go on my way. If he agrees with me, I'll burninate you. agreed?' 'agreed.' Jack nodded. A little while later, they came apon an old, lame horse." "-THAT'S NICHOLE!" Sally jumped up. "I'M NOT OLD AND LAME!" Nichole yelled, also jumping up. "you ARE lame because you're ruining the story!!!><*" Jen growled. "It's storytime, DAMNIT! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN!" "shall we continue?" They sat down while Jen glared daggers.

"'Friend,' Jack asked Nichole. 'if someone does a good deed, what does he get as his reward?' '/a bad deed.' said Nichole. 'look at me. I served my master faithfully for years. And now that I'm old, he's left me here to starve.' -"

"-WHAT!?!" Nichole gasped. "HE'S STARVING ME?! BUT I NEED FOOD! FOOOOOD! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" Nichole then departed the the room so quickly she may have surpassed the speed of light. They heard an immidiate crash in John's kitchen where they were sure Nichole had started her desperate search for food to reasure herself that she wasn't infact actually starving. "THERE'S NO FOOD IN HERE!!!" Nichole burst back into the room, eyes wide and crazed. "we ate it all this morning. " Sally remarked quietly. "so then what do we do?" Nichole started hyperventalating. "foooOoOddd *pant* fooOOoood-" "we're super heroes and we can't think of something?" Sally frowned. "you're right. where's Alex? she needs to make us a sandwhich." At the mention of sandwhich Nichole fell over into food deprived spasims.

Just then however, a pissed off John waltzed into the room. "you broke into my house, woke me up, trashed the place, you ate all my food, stole my car, ran from the cops with it, and then crashed it WITH ME STILL INSIDE!!!!!!" John shook with rage. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" John shook his fists in angry rage while Jen sat patienly waiting to continue her story and Sally calmly watched Nichole throw a fit for food on the floor. Suddenly, right after John said he hated them, all three looked up to him and grinned widely. "we hate you too John" they said sweetly. then Nichole suddenly sniffed the air. "you have food on you, dont you?" "it haven't eaten all day!" john cried. "this is my food!" "NOT ANYMORE IT ISN'T!" as Nichole was about to jump at John in an attack for his food, jen grew impatient and hit her in the head with a frying pan. "i….said…it's …STORY time…..GOD,…DAMNIT…><*" "we're listening" Sally smiled while John sat down eating his food.

"I'll sum it up for John..Jack heard a voice under a rock, he let trogdor out and trogdor said all good deeds must be rewarded with an evil one. jack disagreed and so they're asking people what they think" "that's a terrible plot for a pirate movie. I'd never watch it. i mean, really, these sequals just keep getting worse and worse.." John frowned. Jen sighed. " so then, in the story, Trogdor says 'Now I'll burnintate you!' 'wait!' said Jack. 'one question isn't enough. we must ask someone else!' 'you will get the same answer' said the sn-Trogdor. but he agreed. As they traveled a little way more, the peas..jack saw a fox in the woods. The he had an idea. he excused himself for a moment, left the snake..i mean trogdor on the road and went to talk to the fox. 'If you answer that a good deed is rewarded by a good deed, I will give you a piglet, a lamb, or a goose" "alright" said the fox. the..jack went back to the sn..Trogdor. 'let's ask that fox over there.' and so they did. The fox answered that a good deed is always rewarded by a good deed. Then he went on, 'why ask me that question?' 'because after i helped this dragon escape from his hole under a r..boulder, he tried to burninate me.' 'but Trogdor is strong..why would he need you to help him?' 'it was a big boulder' Trogdor said. 'come see!' and he showed the fox the boulder. The fox shook his head. 'a dragon like you couldn't get into such a little hole.' 'of course i could!' Trogdor rummbled. He then climbed back into the hole to show the fox. 'quick!' The fox cried. 'roll the boulder over him!' and so Jack did, imprisoning Trogdor under the rock. 'thank you fox!" Jack cried. 'it was nothing.' said the fox. 'don't forget the piglet, lamb or goose you promised me!' but when the fox came to the farm later to get his reward, Jack chased him away with his dogs. 'well, the ..trogdor was right.' and the fox ran away. the end."

"that was aweful!" John cried. "why would you tell us that?" Jen stood up. "because it was time for us to take action, that's why. time to get back at that stupid farmer, that's what!" "no jen." Sally sighed,looking at her watch. "it's time for dinner." "food?" Nichole mummbled weakly from the floor. They all stood up. "how are we going to get there?" "Nichole has a dragon.." "nichole is unconsious…we should leave her here…" Jen frowned at her, still mad she ruined the story. They looked at john. "you broke my car. ><" "but you can fly…." "I'M NOT GIVING ANY OF YOU PIGGY BACK RIDES TO THE DINNER PARTY! FIGURE OUT YOUR OWN MEANS OF GETTING THERE!" John then stormed out the door. Sally looked at jen. "you know it's next door, right?" "yeah.."jen sighed. " so how are we going to get there?" "i was thinking we could walk." "ah, right. excellent idea." jen smiled and they linked arms as they marched out the door, leaving Nichole behind.


Chapter 6: A Mad hatter likes his tea with a biscuit

(by jeneth)
They all (except nichole) sat around a gorgeous oak oval table centered in Amy's amazing dinning room. And they all sat, in awkward silence. "you know" Jen began to reminise, "I once went to a fee market with my brothers a long time ago. They had a lot of antiques, and there was some pretty neat things. old things. I mean, these weren't new antiques. They had a lot if old Coca Cola bottles, old enough to be from back when they first came out, and there was still soda inside. Which is funny, because I think we all know what they used to put in those. "so, you essentially were in a drug market, disguised as a flee market." Sally frowned.

"I suppose.." Jen continued. "I may have wondered into a Black Market of sorts unwittingly. But anyways, they had all of this really old gum, never been opened and all of that, with trading cards. Well, my older brothers just had to have the cards, and i of course, being young and unintelligent, had to have the gum. And it was really old tasting too. I mean, you can really tell when gum is old because the texture, for one, is intirelly ungum like, it taste like card board, and there's also the fact that you can't actually chew the gum, it just sort of crumbles in your mouth like soggy crackers. "

"why are you bringing this up jen?" Amy asked, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't know how I've been chewing this gum, and it was all I could think about." "well..the wrappers still in your hand.." John pointed. "How convienient!" Jen glared at her hand. "other..hand jen.." John pointed. "Jen glared at the wrapper for being so suspiciously convienent.

"so..why are we here?" Alex asked. All eyes turned to Amy. Amy stood up. "I brought you here..because..one of you …is A WITCH!" Alex sighed. "you know, I'm really getting tired of this." "we all have super powers. doesn't that make us all witches?" John inquired. "oh….erm..right,…of course.." Amy gathered herself. "one of you…is A MURDERER!" She cried. "a murderer?" Everyone gasped. "yes! a villanous, blood thirsty fiend! a horrendous cockroach! Slime and filth of the earth! a maggot! a deprived baby eating monster! a MORMON! " "WHAT!!? NO! THAT'S GOING TOO FAR!" Alex jumped up in horror, looking at the others in suspicion. "yeah!" Jen joined in. "baby eating i could live with..but a mormon? vanessa's a mormon.." "ugh? she is? no wonder…" Alex sat down and frowned. They all looked at Amy.

"so who's been murdered?" John asked. Amy looked at him. "murdered?" "yes..murdered. if someone's a murderer, then someone must have been murdered." John locked eyes with Amy. Amy hissed. He was making too much sense. "no one." Amy admitted. "then how can one of us be a murderer?" Sally asked. "because..uh…ahh.." Amy then ran over to the light fixture and flicked off the lights. There was a BANG! an "AIIIIIIIAAAIAAIIAIIAIIIIIEEEEE!!!" a moan and then a splot! The lights turned back on.

Everyone looked at each other. "nothing happened.." John frowned, expecting, as it happens in most movies, when the lights go out someone dies, but there was no one dead…"damnit! " Amy cursed. Her booby trap had failed her..the sharks would go hungry tonight. But no one knew what Amy was thinking, because no one had mind reading powers.

Sally looked up from the book she was reading. Whales: the naked cow and glared suspiciously at them. "do you know where your children are?!" she cried, them turned around, and stabbed Amy with a plastic fork. "aahhh!!" Amy cried, and was about to run away when nichole burst in. "THOUGHT YOU'D START THE PARTY WITHOUT ME, DID YOU?!" "Nichole" Jen stated calmly. "one of us is a murderer and it could be you. Amy left us all these nice weapons on the table. If you're so mad, then use them already so we can figure out who the murderer is and then go home. " "uhm..alright.." Nichole shrugged, and looked the weapons over. "no blow torch? " she asked, looking up at Amy, who was still trying to force a plastic fork weilding sally out of her personal bubble. "no, but have a candlestick" "good enough" Nichole shrugged, and then pointed at Jen. "it's your fault!" she cried. Jen ran out of the room screaming "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT I DID?!" "because it's funner this way" Nichole grinned. John and Alex stared at each other. Alex became uncomfortable as John reached for the rope. "All I need is some fire and a tree to tie you too, witch" john grinned evilly while Alex closed her eyes screaming angrilly, "I AM NOT A WITCH!!!!" She then grabbed the gun and began firing. John made a valiant escape out of the room, but was followed in close persuit by a mad, bad duck.


Chapter 7: Essential Needs for a Very Unnecessary Terrorist Plot (step one: make a sandwich)

(By Codename: Duckie)

While a strange and unruly duck was quacking and yacking and snipping its beak at John's ankles, the other members of the dinner party moved on with their celebrations. Nichole was staring at the unlit taper candle in her hand with a grimace on her face. Jen was busy discussing intellectual such whoo-ha with Sally and didn't pay any attention to the dragon master.

Amy, on the other hand, was staring at Nichole with in a queer2 fashion. Amy looked as if she was mentally debating something while staring at the pyro of the group. In the end, she gave into her curiosity and blurted out, "Nichole, what the hell are you doing?"

"I am trying," Nichole grunted with concentration. "To make this candle turn into food."

"…but you don't have that ability." Amy said. "None of us have that ability."

"And whose fault is that?" Nichole snarled, glaring up at Amy. Amy paused a moment to think.

"Well…I don't rightly know."

"YOU'RE THE HOST!!!!!" Nichole shouted, jumping up from her chair with such fluid velocity that the chair fell backwards onto the floor with a loud thunk! Jen and Sally, hearing Nichole's random outburst, fell out of conversation and stared openly at their friend. "WHERE THE 'LL IS THE BLOODY FOOD, YA YANKEE? I AM FRICKEN STARVING HERE!!!!!" And with that, Nichole collapsed to her knees and started savagely gnawing at the table.

Jen and Sally and Amy simply stared. Only Amy looked a little more thoughtful in her staring. Raising her finger to her lips in a thoughtful fashion, she pondered. "Hmm… perhaps I should've put food on the table. In the least, I should've let the cook finish the dinner before I killed him…"

At the utterance of the last statement, Sally and Jen turned their attention on Amy. Amy, realizing her mistake, stared back with a frozen expression of a deer being caught in the headlights. Several seconds of deafening silence (aside from Nichole's assault on the oak wood table) broke through the friends before an innocent smile danced across Amy's thin lips. "Juuuust kidding," she sing-songed, cuing the little sparkles to dance around her and accentuating her innocence. Sally and Jen, who had a history of being easily deceived when it came to friends…or ground hogs…or anything of general importance…shrugged and smiled back at Amy. Everything was instantly forgotten and forgiven; all except Nichole's continued growing pains.

Suddenly from the door leading into the dining area, a beaten, scratched, assaulted and slightly bloody with ripped clothes John Murray appeared in the gateway. He clung to the side of the door frame, almost as if leaning against it for strength, when he croaked out an announcement.

"If you're the owner of a 17th century dragon who likes to shoot flames and burninate the livestock," he choked. "Your headlights are on." And with that, he fell, passed out, to the ground in surrender.

Sally, Nichole, Jen and Amy all shared glances as a blood thirsty duck suddenly appeared on John's back. It waved it's little yellow wings in the air in triumph and making a "ha-HA!" sound for victory.

"Well, I guess I should go turn the headlights off on my dragon," Nichole said, suddenly quite sane and content and standing up to leave the room.

"You should do that," Jen nodded her head. "You don't want your dragon's battery to die." Nichole stepped over John in order to get out into the hallway, and it wasn't all too clear whether she had to walk on his legs with her spiked kleets.

After Nichole's departure, Amy looked over at her guests. Her hands and fingers were pressed together in front of her in a very stereotypical sinister way and she smiled evilly at her remaining friends (Alex, who had come back to human form, had straightened herself out before deserting the passed out John, and returning to the table). The moment of evil quickly passed, however, when Amy stood up, looked individually into each of her friend's faces, and asked, "Who wants some roast beast?"

"Oooooh,"

"That sounds yummy,"

"I haven't had roast beast since the last time we were all doing something like this,"

"I believe I am hungry enough to eat a horse. Not a beast."

"But a beast can be a horse."

"Or a horse could be a beast."

"…..touché"

And thus they all ajourned to the kitchen for the food. When they got there, Sally and Jen half-expected to see a dead body in the kitchen. Why? Because that's how Clue works. You can't have Clue with out a dead body…or three…or a dozen (but whose counting?). Either way, this was the defunked Clue…and there happened to be no dead body in the kitchen.

Upon realizing the absence of a corpse, Jen, Sally and Alex all looked down-hearted. Amy, sensing their disappointment, smiled encouragingly. Wielding a large steak knife that seemingly seemed to come out of nowhere from behind her back, she waved the lethal weapon about. "Don't worry! We will soon have a dead body enough to share and recklessly accuse people of! And after the first body, it's always a domino effect on the others!"

Very much enlightened by this short and questionable atmosphere of Amy's speech, the trio raised their arms above their heads, beamed and all exclaimed "YAY!" in an enthusiastic fashion. Knowing she had been successful in cheering up her friends, Amy smiled and looked down at the wonderfully yummy looking roast beast before them. Positioning the knife to cut, Amy smiled sinisterly and asked, "Who wants the first piece?" A chorus of "I DO!!!"s rang throughout the trio and Amy grinned. Between her clenched teeth and under her breath, she muttered, "I just think it's going to be wonderful that you're all eating the cooked and juicy charred remains of your former junior high teacher…"

And it seemed that, at that moment, as it always seems to happen in that very uncomfortable fashion, that the room spontaneously grew deathly silent before the announcement of the death of Diablos. Once again, Jen, Alex and Sally all looked animatingly horrified at their friend. Was she speaking the truth? Did she really KILL Mr. Lindstedt?3 And if she did, she needed to be done away with in an instant. They all looked around for some kind of weapon to use on Amy and, as they looked, Nichole once again strolled in.

"What'd I miss?" Alex opened her mouth to inform Nichole, but Amy quickly cut her off.

"Nothing!" Amy said quickly, a hint of panic in her voice. "Not a thing. Nope. There ain't no way I mentioned I killed Diablos under my breath and they all happened to hear me. Nu-uh. Not. A. Chance."

Nichole paused and stared at Amy for a while; but soon decided she really didn't care either way and shrugged. "Okay. Whatever. Hey…is that roast beast? YUM~!"

And with that said, they all sat around the small kitchen island on stools and dished out the food. They all talked, laughed, drank sparkling apple cider from wine classes and enjoyed each other's company. In the middle of their ceremony, John woke up. He stumbled down the hallway towards the noise and found every one else eating in the kitchen. He groaned when he saw them (a sound that was only tarnished by the loud growl from his empty stomach). They all stopped and turned their attention to him. He glared at all his friends, looking quite annoyed.

"Not again!" He snapped. "All of you just have to eat without me! Because of four of you idiots, I haven't had anything to eat all day! I've been yelled at, tortured, assaulted, mutilated, thrown off a cliff, had my car destroyed, gotten beaten up—"

"Oh, hush." Alex said, taking an empty stool from between her and Jen and pulling it out for John as an open invite. John was shocked into silence. "No one said you couldn't eat with us. Now sit."

It took a few seconds for the reality to set in, but when it did, John's face flushed red with embarrassment. In silence, he stalked over to the chair and sat down before accepting the food that was offered him. It wasn't long before he was sucked into the conversations and having arguments with everyone around him that he could provoke into an argument…something he's always seemed very good at doing.

And so the chapter ends with a happy moment…where all our "heroes" tummies are full…their airs content…and their laughter senses uplifted…could this be the end of the story? The end of the witch hunting (no pun intended) accusations? The end of…murder!?!

…course not! What kinda awesome super hero super special super cool story would this be without death? As it stood, while all the friends were greatly enjoying each other's company, the freezer door was cracked open. From the smoky freezer air billowed out from the freezer door, out fell a charred and destroyed leather boot with tattered slacks.

The murders….SHALL BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Chapter 8: Our Chapter Titles Are Epic

by jen

Suddenly, as if to distract everyone from the boot that now ominously suggested that someone was dead or that Amy had a dog that liked to chew leather boots and hide in the freezer, or even that Amy liked to chew boots and then hide the evidence in the freezer (does anyone check people's freezers when they visit places? i mean, the fridge, of course, but the freezer? what a great hiding spot!) ..now where was I? ..right..

Suddenly, as if to distract everyone from the tattered boot and slacks, Nichole began jumping and dancing on the table. Her eyes were wild and crazed, and her expression was un-Nichole-like grim. "No one should look that grim while dancing.." Sally observed. Jen gasped suspiciously. "She's Got VooDoo!" "wha?" Amy asked. "a voodoo witch cast a spell on her! WE'VE GOT TO OPERATE!!!!!!" Jen began digging for things to operate on Nichole with while Nichole ignored her and continued dancing. "I actually have a play to practice for. This is a dance for the dead..something reminded me of it…" "so you choose to practice on the table?" John frowned. Nichole grinned evilly. She was about to stomp on his hand when Jen came back up from under the table with such an evil glint in her eye she found herself distracted. Jen held up her operating tool with pride. ..a dirty spoon…. "Nichole…" jen smiled and looked up at Nichole, who stood with her foot poised above John's unwitting hand and one eyebrow raised in suspicion. "…you won't forgive me" jen finished and leapt up to the table with the spoon swinging dangerously at Nichole's eyes.

But just as things were starting to turn ugly, Diablos ran into the room screaming "SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" He gasped and so didn't Amy. "you're alive???" she asked him, wondering who's boot was now sticking out of the freezer. "Yeah, have you seen my stunt double? there's a gigantic heard of sheep coming and I'll need him for this next scene…" "why does Diables get a stunt double? I WANT A STUNT DOUBLE!!!" Alex stormed suddenly. But as Alex too was about to get worked up, a gigantic heard of sheep came crashing through the kitchen doors and then proceeded to run directly over jen before they all jumped into Amy's closet. The closet door slammed shut and Amy looked at jen.

"note to self…" Jen coughed from the floor. "don't think about sheep while trying to operate on Nichole.." Jen died/fainted. "YES!!!" John exclaimed suddenly. "it's about time someone got beat up in this story other then me!" as John sat in momentary triumph, Amy glared daggers.

People weren't dying. This had to be amended. Chicken Nugget in a Trench Coat wanted revenge for the last story, see. For his death and his neglect! Why did we do it? WHY????!!!

That's why they all were where they were. But that's too close to having a plot. So they all have super powers as a distraction. keh hah hah.

"so, where's the bathroom?" Sally asked, hoping away from the table. "I thought you knew everything sally." Amy asked suspiciously. "i do" sally replied and left the room without waiting for directions. Ten minutes later sally stormed back in dragging a dead body behind her. "IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL A HAND TOWEL?!!!" She threw the dead body of a butler onto the floor and cross her arms angrily while waiting for Amy to explain herself. Amy's eyes grew wide in panic and confusion. Oddly enough, she hadn't remembered killing her Butler..she didn't even know she had one…. When Sally didn't get an answer from Amy she rolled her eyes and sighed in exahsperation. She pointed at the butler. "a navy blue hand towel" Then she pointed towards the bathroom. "and a light green and white bathroom. Really Amy, what will the neighbors think? Do they know you can't match your hand towels to your bathroom?! You're lucky your friends are here to fix it before anyone sees." Sally stormed back out of the room after dumping the body into Amy's kitchen trashcan. It stuck out most of the way, but everyone but Amy thought it was an oversized hand towel. They could hear the sounds of Sally redoing Amy's bathroom so the colors all matched. She stomped back in looking proud of herself. ''uhm..thanks, Sally….heh heh" Amy smiled akwardly. How did they not notice the dead butler???


Chapter 9: The way things go

by Nichole

Nichole jumped up and stated loudly, "I’m hungry, someone get me something to eat!" When no one moved or even acted like they heard her, Nichole huffed and stormed over to the fridge and yanked it open. She had gotten very hungry with the threat of Jen cutting her open and she bet she could eat a cow. Seeing how there was no cow in the fridge, Nichole settled for left-overs. Pulling out the bowl of mac & cheese and grabbing a spoon, she started to eat it cold. "So, what’s next?" She asked through a mouth full.
"Ewww! That’s gross!!" Ali cried as she covered her eyes. There was silents for a full minute before to pulled her hands down and sighed. "Okay, whatever. So it really doesn’t bother me. Stop staring."
They didn’t.
"I mean it! Stop!"
No way. This was fun!
"Stop it!"
Noooooooope! This is pure entertainment!
"I’m gunna dig out your eyes if you don’t stop!"
Okay, okay. We’re done.
"But no, really, what are we going to do?" Ali asked once everyone found something else to stare at.
"Anyone want to try and see who can last the longest in Amy’s basement?!" Jen asked as she jumped to her feet as if she were fine and a butt-load of sheep really hadn’t just run her over. But they all knew other wise, they could still see the hoof prints on her face. And hoof prints never lie. Never. It would go against the Hoof code and when that happens….. blood is spilled. And it also happens to be very painful so the Hoofs try to not go against the Code. Wait… where we’re we?…..
"Dude, where’s my bowl of candy that I always try to eat when we get together, but never even put a dent into it?" Nichole asked as she glanced around the kitchen.
"Don’t think we have one this time, sorry," Jen shrugged.
"Well, that sucks," Nichole said then took a BIG bite of her mac and cheese before continuing. "We still have nothing to do."
"Lets go sledding!" Ali cried out. Everyone shrugged. That wasn’t a bad idea. They had enough snow on the ground, they could pull it off.
"All right, lets go!" Nichole shouted and she dumped her bowl and spoon into the sink then ran out the door with Jen and Ali on her heals. Amy, Sally, and John just watched them leave.
"Do we know them?" John asked.
"Maybe…?" Sally answered as she titled her head to the side, as she tried to remember where she knew their faces.
"Maybe their–"
Then the power went out and the three where cast into darkness.


Chapter 10: The Most Serious Entry in this Entire Very Un-Serious Story of Ours (Seriously)

(by Alex the Great…..and cunning)

Amy twiddled her thumbs and squinted in a sinister fashion at the two very darkly silhouetted bodies near her. At least, her glance would have been sinister if the others could see that she was staring at them…sinisterly. In the absence of light, however, John and Sally could not see her and she could not see them and thence it was a very stupid decision on Amy's part to try and do the Macarena(sp?) in the dark. Once she jumped from her chair, the sole of her hiking boot came down on something long and fuzzy and, in response, the owner of that long and fuzzy gave out a quick and high shrill and spit. Amy felt something sharp and razor like cut across her ankle and she gave out a yelp. Raising her foot from off the fuzzy thing she had been standing on, she grabbed for the pain near her foot. While clutching the wound, she simultaneously cried out after the very thing that had wounded her.

"Mr. Simon Garfunkle! Get back here! Look what you did to me! You scratched me!" In response, Amy only got back a loud and aggravated hiss from a very pissed off kitty. Upset that she had caused her co-conspirator in crime and villainy harm, Amy scampered after the cat.

John and Sally, in the meantime, exchanged a knowing glance in shared silence.

..At least, they would have shared the glance if they both weren't surrounded by darkness and either one wasn't staring off two feet from where the person to share their stare would have been sitting. But at least the two of them shared silence. And that was something.

Meanwhile, outside…

"Are you sure you're able to do this?" Alex asked, sounding doubtful as she watched Nichole sit on a metal saucer-like sled. The trio of evil girls were standing atop a very high, very rugged and very icey hill in the mansion's backyard. Nichole looked up, sparkley eyed and eager, at her two questioning friends.

"I'll be fine," she assured them.

"But this hill has to be at least fifteen feet up," Alex pressed, sounding more unsure by the minute. Nichole, however, remained unmoved. Brushing the concern aside, she said, "Hardly anything."

"Do you think you should be sledding so soon?" Jen asked, glimpsing down once more from their precarious perch. "I mean, you did just eat. Shouldn't you wait for half an hour before sledding?"

"That's only for swimming." Nichole corrected. "And it's an old wive's tale." When she saw she couldn't persuade her friends, she shook her head and geared up to go. "See ya suckers later." It was at that point that Nichole took her first real look down at the bottom. You would have thought that someone who was essentially risking their ass (literally their ass) to fly down an icy, deep and ominous looking hill would have looked down and changed their mind before making such a big deal about showing who was the pharaoh. Nichole had pride, though. And she was also determined to have fun. Yet that determination seemed to ween a bit when she saw the end of the deep slope looked like little more than an open invite for death and "the world beyond".

Nichole swallowed hard and gripped her layered gloved hands tightly to the side of the sled. Fear seeped into her veins as she stared down at the bottom. She was having second thoughts. The longer she hesitated, the more she knew that her two friends would catch on that she was afraid. Her pride wouldn't allow for them to see such fear; and yet she could not bring herself to dominate her fears and go ahead.

Alex and Jen waited, standing on both sides of Nichole. Seconds…minutes…two minutes passed and Nichole still did not move. She seemed weakened by the second; driven by her fears and anticipation of the pain that would haunt her ass at the bottom of that slope. Alex felt relief circle in as she realized Nichole was beginning to soften to her worries. She was about to reach out a hand and offer aid to safety when a black booted foot came up from behind and rocketed Nichole down the hill. Screams of terror and fright echoed up from the crevice of the mini mountain as Alex turned on the perpetrator. Glaring icicles at her oldest friend, Alex screamed.

"What did you do that for!?!" She demanded of Jen. "What did Nichole do to deserve that!?!!" Upset, angry and confused at such blatant disregard for her friend's life, Alex stood both speechless and seething with anger and astonishment at Jen. What had possessed Jen to be so cruel and send their friend to her ultimate demise? As shock set in around Alex, Jen merely watched with a blank stare; the perfect poker face. When Alex had seemed to calm down a little, Jen finally gave her an answer.

In a hushed tone, Jen replied: "The story was getting too serious. Nichole had to be pushed to make it unserious." Alex stared in bewilderment before the words that were spoken settled in. Retreating back, Alex had to think a moment. Perhaps what Jen said was true…maybe the story was getting too serious.

"…alright." Alex agreed. Staring down at her feet, somewhat embarrassed by her earlier outburst (now seeing that Nichole's descent into icy prison was for "the greater good"), Alex shifted her weight from foot to foot for several seconds. Finally she raised her head and focused her gaze on Jen. "So… what now?"

Jen looked thoughtful. "Hmmm," she pondered. "Wanna….get some cake?"

Alex thought a second and finally frowned. "OK," she agreed. "Let's get some cake."

And arm in arm they walked back to the mansion on top of the Not-So-Spooky Hill, leaving Nichole on the bottom of the icy ravene. "Ow…" Nichole muttered from her disorientated and crumpled state at the bottom of Not-So-Spooky Hill.

Inside, Amy had caught her dearly departed kitty and had also turned on the power via the fuse box (thus ending the life of the dearly departed kitty; but that's a different story altogether). Turning to face the grand entranceway, Amy gasped and let go of the toy cat in her hand. Raising her other hand to her mouth, she let out a startling shriek. The hall was completely covered with corpses. Nearly every inch of the floor was occupied by a dead body. Some were ridden with bullet holes, others had stab markings, a few looked as though they had been strangled and more others were killed by blunt forced trauma to the skull. Shaking, Amy descended the scene. Who could have been so barbaric? How had this happened? Why had she not heard anything? Who would clean up the mess now that the butler was DEAD?!?

As Amy weaved in and out of the dead bodies before her, Alex and Jen returned from their sledding trip outside. Amy didn't notice that Nichole was missing, and Jen and Alex didn't seem to notice the flood of cadavers on the floor. Kindly stepping around and over the dead bodies, the two friends seemed oblivious to the fact they were standing in the midst of a brutal slaughter; one like had not been seen in those last hundred years. Jen and Alex seemed far more intent on talking about the different kinds of cakes they liked, and which one they wanted to eat first.

Amy stared, open mouthed, and completely speechless. Who were these people that failed to see the crimes that were literally staring them right in the face? Who among them could have been so inhumane? Scurrying after her friends in an attempt to spy on them, Amy followed them into the kitchen and dining area for the servants of the house. There, they joined Sally and John who had found a game of Chinese Checkers and were busy playing. Amy wanted to bring up the scene from the hall, but couldn't seem to find her voice. Several attempts were tried before she had even gained any of their notice. In the meanwhile, Alex and Jen had grabbed several different kinds of cake from the refrigerator, as well as plates and forks and spoons and cups for the lot of them. Sitting down, they all dug in while John and Sally resumed their game. It was Jen who first noticed Amy in the room. "Why don't you come and join us, Amy?" Jen asked, pulling out a stool. Instead of joining them, Amy stepped back from them.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!???" She screamed before bolting for the door.


Chapter 11: peanut butter

by Jen-jen

Sally frowned at Amy's outburst, wondering if there was a reason for her antics. Jen however didn't wait to see if Amy could hear her or not, but answered her question anyway. "I'm a robot!" She grinned, and wandered about the room making beeping noises.

Meanwhile, as Nichole stomped back into the house, Amy ran screaming past her, pointing at the floor covered in dead bodies. "WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?..other then me…" Nichole frowned and stared at her carpet. "alright, so it's a bit lumpy, but the color's kinda nice.." Nichole tried. Amy gasped and looked at her. Then, without warning, slapped Nichole across the face. "HEY! WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?! YOU WANT TO FIGHT, CRAZY LADY?!!!" Nichole rolled up her sleeves and Amy shook her head. "I just can't slap any sense into these people." Amy turned to try to hire a new butler to clean up the mess, but Nichole wanted vengence for the slap in the face. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" She yelled, fire spitting from her hair. Amy cast her a bemused look. Suddenly, Amy lunged at Nichole and ran away, running down the hall and laughing maniacly.

"erm..what?" Nichole pondered, not noticing that Amy had just stolen Nichole's powers. NIchole decided to eat all of Amy's food as vengance. So, she marched over to the kitchen where the others were and began devouring the contents.


Chapter 12: He Returns! But who is he?

by jeneth (i'm not taking turns, so what of it? xp)

Amy had Nichole's dragon summoning power, which was exactly what she needed to clean up the dead bodies on the floor. 'now how does Nichole do it?' she then decided she had to call out a dragon's name. Just as she was about to call out the name of a dragon, Nichole head butted her from behind (she'd just realized Amy stole her powers when she tried to torch jen for stealing her cookie) (Jen managed to eat the cookie, so she's megga mad) "Xzzikskulwyun!!" Amy gasped in surprise as her head went forward and the act of Nichole's helmet head smashing into the back of hers made her words jumble into a name she was afraid she recognized…

and there it was…

the twerp faced oogley eyed half wit dragon that thought John really was a princess being held in a castle tower from our last story. The dragon with the unpronouncable name that Amy had managed to blurt….

It sat drooling on the carpet and slurping at the walls as if it thought the walls needed a good drooly wash.

With the dragon came unfortunate Evil, who'd been charged as care taker of this rancid dragon, and the smirk on his face when he realized that Amy was now stuck with this dragon instead of him infureiated Amy. She pulled herself up and tried to fend of a still kicking Nichole who wanted her powers back, and she pointed at Evil. "Just make this dragon eat the evidence and then you two can go away!" Evil shook his head. "Why would I do that? this dragon, if you could even call it that, doesn't even know which way the ground is."

He pointed at the dragon. It was such a dumb, unintelligent mess of a dragon. Teeth at odd angles, breath to kill a poopsmith, one eye would soemtimes wander hazely about in the wrong direction, spinning in akward and grotesque circles. It was the very image one would conjure up at the mention of dragon imbreeding. "ZZzickskulwayun-"Amy tried to pronounce its name, "EAT THE EVIDENCE!" She raised her arms over her head for a scary effect, and the dragon looked at her (with one eye at least) and then nodded. It promptly turned and began chasing after it's tail. "GAHHH!!!" Amy cried in dismay as the flailing and determined tail chasing dragon began destroying her house.


Chapter 13: Dude…Awesome (like totally cool, man)

(Alex's contribution)

Amy turned to Nichole, her eyes turned to mere slits as she glared at the pyro. "WELL!?!" she demanded haughtily. Nichole snorted.

"'Well' what?"

Pointing to the dragon, Amy screamed "DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!"

"What the hell can I do, you meglo-maniac? You stole my damn powers!"

"…oh, yeah."

"Besides," Nichole continued. "Why the hell would I want to do anything about this dragon?" Amy, Evil and Nichole were then joined by the other members of their Super Awesome Friendship Club.

"You don't want to deal with a dragon?" Jen asked, gasping in somewhat horror and astonishment. She stared open mouthed at Nichole before suddenly becoming alert. Reaching behind her, she unsheathed a dagger and stealthily made her way towards Nichole. "Who are you?" She demanded darkly. "What have you done with our Nichole?" Nichole, fearing for her life (and rightly so) put up her hands in the defensive position and took several steps back.

"I am Nichole!" She shouted. "I AM NICHOLE!!!" Jen didn't seem to understand her. It took John to step forward and place a hand on Jen's shoulder to calm her.

"I…think she might be telling the truth." Jen spun around, looking critically into John's eyes. She paused several seconds to survey him until she determined he was not a threat to her. Still she remained suspicious (because that's what Jens do).

"How can you be so sure?" She scrutinized.

"I think I would know," John said simply. Jen grew even more suspicious.

"And whys that?" Murray opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything, Alex stepped forward.

"Because he used to be Nichole's wife." She piped up. There were soft sniggers that were heard from Evil, Sally and Amy. Nichole's face grew red hot like a boiled lobster while John let go of Jen and turned to face Alex. He normally stood just under a foot taller than her, but at that moment, he seemed seven or even eighteen feet tall. His eyes were cold as ice as they glared at her…like two pebbles in an icy lake…that was inhabited by polar bears…(hmm..). All the pride Alex had gathered in coming out with that perfect statement had evaporated. With a humble "meep," she shrunk away from his gaze before transforming into a chinchilla and scampering away.

Yet Jen was the only one left in confusion. After John's anger had subsided, Jen tossed him a wayward glance. "What was that about?" John, keen on not mentioning it again, readjusted his shirt and grumped, "It was nothing." But despite Murray's want to never speak of that embarrassment again, it was Sally's turn to enter the conversation spontaneously.

"At the Christmas party at John's house…he and Nichole were talking about how they met and John confessed he'd been Nichole's wife." Jen, remembering this, nodded her head before stifling a guffaw at the memory. The others, meanwhile, had all turned in surprise at Sally. Nichole (aside from John and Jen) had been the only other person at attendance at that fateful party.

"How do you know that?" Nichole whispered in awe. Sally shrugged noncommittally.

"It's my super power. It's what I do." They all mumbled incoherent babble (not any different than the usual incoherent babble, I'm sure) and nodded their heads making no-nonsense remarks that no one could hear beneath the babble. Amy was the only one who piped up and gained any extreme attention.

"That's a cool power.. I want that one!!" She dove for Nichole and touched her shoulder yelling "No give-sies back-sies!" before bolting over to Sally. She attacked with such suddenness and randomness that Sally didn't even have time to react properly. She attempted to run at the last second, but Amy was still able to jump and catch Sally's ankle. In a sudden flash, Sally suddenly realized that she didn't know absolutely everything in the universe. I mean, she was still really smart (no doubt), but she suddenly had the sensation of being..well…less smart. While Amy danced around in happiness at having all the knowledge in the universe, Sally bowed her head.

"Aw," she sighed. "Now I don't know everything."

"So wait," Nichole started, drawing attention away from Sally's sudden misfortune. "You can take away super powers…but you can only use one super power at a time?"

Amy beamed and shrugged. "I dunno." She replied.

"…you don't know?"

"Tiny Tim is a character in the novel A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, published on December 19, 1843. His only purpose in the book is to enunciate the cruelty and greed of the main character, Mr. Scrooge on Christmas." Amy said, sounding as if she was reciting from a literary text.

"That's nice…" Nichole said cautiously, trying not to sound too mean in saying she didn't care. "But about your ability. What exactly—"

"Adolf Hitler invaded Poland on September 17, 1939; just two weeks after England and France declared war on Germany."

"Yes, that's wonderful," Nichole was starting to lose patience. Pressing further, she tried again. "So how exactly do your stealing powers work?"

"Dihydrogen monoxide is more commonly referred to as water. Yet many hippies who like to drink water signed a petition to ban it on an episode of Showtime's Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, season one. It was originally aired on March 7, 2003."

"AMY!" Nichole yelled. Amy seemed to come back into consciousness at being so rudely~ interrupted. Glaring over at Nichole, she snapped back.

"WHAT?"

"I.Want.To.Know.How.Your.Powers.Work." Nichole said through clenched teeth. Everyone else in attendance seemed to lean in a little closer, all being intrigued to find out how Amy could steal their powers ('all' being everyone but Alex — who was busy hiding…or eating — and Sally—who decided it had been appropriate to fall down in a stupor at losing her powers of absolute knowledge). Amy rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

"I can steal people's powers."

"Yeah," Jen said. "We can all see that."

"How do we get them back?" John asked. Amy let out a laugh. "I'm not going to tell you that."

"WHY NOT?" They all demanded.

"Because~," Amy made a whole production about having to explain the physics of super powers to those people she had brought unceremoniously to someone'sher home. "If I told you that, I would have to kill you."

"So you admit it!" John declared triumphantly. Crickets chirped as they all stared at John in his frozen heroic state. He wasn't able to move from his position until someone else said something (that was the rule when making a "mind altering" declaration. You have to stand at attention and wait). Everyone there knew the rule and all decided on their own (but in unison) to wait out as long as they could before speaking. The chain was broken, however, with the reintroducing of Alex. Un-chinchilla'd, she walked back to her friends licking the cake icing from her fingertips.

"What'd I miss?" She asked. Everyone groaned and took their turn to cast a dark glance at Alex. Pausing in mid-step, Alex looked bewildered. "What'd I do?" John, in the meanwhile, was happy to be able to move and speak again.

"So YOU'RE the one who murdered all those people in there! All the dead bodies tonight! That was you!" Amy tried to laugh it off but did a poor job of it. She had been caught off guard by the accusation and, after all, she couldn't definitively proved that she hadn't murdered all those people.

"That's preposterous." Amy chuckled, causing a scene at her wayward acting. No one seemed to notice, though. They all had their attention focused on John (all except Alex who had realized what she'd done and apologized to everyone for allowing John back his speech and animation).

"What dead bodies?" Nichole asked. "I didn't see any dead bodies."

"Nor I."

"Nor I."

"I dun go and see nuffin."

John was shocked. Not to mention felt betrayed. He had the perfect accusation planned to attack Amy for the murders of dozens of people and no one else had seen them?! Starting to loose his confidence, his smile began to waver before slowly disappearing. "You," he choked out as he looked from face to face. "Didn't see..them…?" In response, he only got a series of head shakes. Some of them looked concerned at John; or maybe they were just looking too closely into the lights. Amy, who was always quick on her feet and able to talk her way out of a lot of jams in the past, suddenly smirked with a sinister air about her. Catching an idea, she spoke up.

"If no one else saw those bodies," she began. "How do we know that you didn't kill them?" Everyone seemed to catch onto this spontaneous and paranoid line of thinking and they all simultaneously circled around dear ol' Buttons. John instinctively backed away from their would-be murderous gazes.

"I didn't. I swear."

"But how do we know that?" Amy pressed. "You see dead bodies. You must be guilty of something. Why not murder."

"Because I'm not a murderer!" John looked slightly panicked. As his friends circled him, he found himself wondering if he really was the murderer. It suddenly didn't make sense that Amy could be the killer. Could it have been him? Not knowing what else to do, John looked around for an escape plan. Finding one, he seized his chance and ran away in a maniacal fit of frenzied paranoia and fear. The only sound that followed him was the sound of his screams dying out in the distance……..

……..

"Psst."

"HnmmmmHnnmmmm…."

"Psst!"

"Nnnnnnnnnhhhhhh…."

"I said wake up, dammit!" *KICK*

"OW!"

Alex awoke with a start and looked around at the minuscule object that had hit her in the head. She glared for a few seconds before the object that had hit her suddenly came into clear focus. Gasping aloud, she exclaimed: "CHICKEN NUGGET IN A TRENCH COAT!?! NO WAY!!!"

"Quiet down!" The CNIATC hissed. As it gazed around, another realization arose on Alex.

"Wait…" she paused, studying the little chicken nugget. "You're…not in a trench coat."

"No."

"…why aren't you in a trench coat?"

"Because I'm not the chicken nugget in a trench coat, stupid. I'm his younger, more fabulous and muscular cousin, Chicken Nugget with Peg Legs and an Eye Patch." Alex nodded her head knowingly, wondering in the weeeee back of her head if this all couldn't be blamed on subliminal Native American Indian racism4.

"So what are you doing here?" Alex asked, tossing aside her silent wonderings on racism and cultural unity. "And why did you kick me?"

"I'm here to tell you something important." The CNWPLAAEP spoke in a hushed tone. He always looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was busy listening in on what they ought not to be listening in on. "And I kicked you to wake you up, dummy. Now…I need to tell you that the world is in danger."

"The world?" Alex gasped, clinging on to every word that the cousin of the CNIATC told her.

"Yes," the new Chicken Nugget told her. "The world. I have been told that you and your friends have super powers, right?"

"Right." Alex replied. "Well…all except Amy. She has to steal our powers. She's a cheater. A cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater."

"Whatever." The CNWPLAAEP waved that aside. He didn't care for details. "I have been sent to contact you to tell you that you and your friends are requested to go in front of a large-scale committee and be prepped for saving the entire world."

Alex paused a moment to consider. "Mmm…nah."

The Chicken Nugget was baffled. "What do you mean 'nah'?"

"Wellllllll…we're the kind of people who use our super powers for our own personal gain. We aren't in this to help people."

"WHAT!?!" The little poultry delicacy could not believe what he was hearing. "What about the rule of having super powers? 'with great power comes great responsibility' and all that?"

"We don't really subscribe to that philosophy." Alex shrugged. "I mean, if you want to help people, sure. Go for it. And we might someday. But right now it's more fun to create havoc within our own little circle and not have to worry about the consequences of screwing up a job."

The chicken nugget's jaw hit the table. This was astonishing news. It was baffling. Unprecidented. Not to mention it was the fourth same response he'd gotten from smaller leagues of super heroes that same day. He was about to say something— one last plea on the world's behalf — when John walked in. It was then that Alex noticed the sleep she had taken included dreaming up all the events post-turning into a Chinchilla and scampering away.

"What's up?" John asked. Before waiting for a response, John noticed the chicken nugget on the table. "You going to eat that?" Not expecting a reply, John took the chicken nugget and drew it closer to his mouth. He heard muffled screams and threats and demands of some sort, but passed it off as Alex's short-lived attempt at ventriloquism. Popping the chicken nugget into his mouth, he chewed and swallowed. No sooner had he successfully eaten the chicken nugget that he flinched. "I think I have a splinter…" he mumbled, feeling his tongue for any trace of the splinter.

Alex, meanwhile, was staring at John in horror. It took him several minutes, but he finally caught on. Looking at her inquiringly, he shrugged. "What?"

"YOU ATE HIM!" She screamed, tears flowing from her eyes. "YOU ATE HIM, YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER! THE COUSIN OF THE CHICKEN NUGGET IN A TRENCH COAT! MR. CHICKEN NUGGET WITH PEG LEGS AND AN EYE PATCH!! YOU ATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!" With that, Alex bolted from the room.


Chapter 14: What's shakin Bacon

By Nichole5

"Hmmm," Nichole hummed. "Thin Mints." She pushed a whole cookie into her mouth and munched away happily. Then she pulled out a box of Caramel deLites® and started in on those. "Mmmm," she hummed again. "Caramel deLites®." This time instead of pushing the whole cookie into her mouth and munched away happily, she bit it in half and munched away one the two halves. "I love Girl Scouts Cookies."
"Why don’t you share them then?!" Demanded an angry voice from behind the cookie munching girl.
"Mmm?" Nichole turned and blinked. There standing behind her, giving her death glares, was Jen, Amy, Sally, and Evil. "What?"
"How dare you eat those and not offer us any!" Jen scolded the Dragon Master.
"There mine, I don’t have to share with you if I don’t want to!" Nichole stated as she hugged both boxes to her chest.
"Yes you do!" Jen yelled. How dare the dragon twit hoard her cookies! Not only where they cookies, oh no! They were Girl Scout Cookies!! GSC, are the mother of all cookies. There was nothing that could top them, plus they came in thousands of flavors! Why the dragon twit only got caramel deLites and Thin Mints, the world would never know. "It says you have to share in the Book of Friendship!"

"Book of what?" Nichole asked as everyone paused.
"Book of Friendship!" Jen declared again. "What? You’ve never heard of it?"
"Can’t say I have," Nichole shrugged.
"I haven’t heard of it either," Sally said.
"Nor I,"Amy added.
"Are you kidding me?! The Book of Friendship is known by all!!"
"Well, guess it’s really not known by all if we didn’t know about it," Sally wisely said.
"No one asked you, Smartie Pants!" Jen said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I’ve heard of the Book of Villains, the Book of Super Heros, the Book of Evil Wanna-Bes, the Book of Murders, and the Book of Killer Plants, but I have never heard of the Book of Friendship," Amy listed off on her fingers.
"Jen," Nichole asked softly. "Have you been watching Yu-Gi-Oh again?"
"They do a lot of friendship stuff and the power of the cards, so she might have," Sally said.
"That’s the ‘heart of the cards’," Jen corrected Sally. Didn’t she just say she knew everything? Was cartoons out of her limit? Did Sally have a limit? Why did she (Jen) have to have all the thoughts and questions?! What was wrong with Sally or Amy or even Nichole?! "But no, I haven’t been watching it again."
"Alright, if you say so," Nichole said, not believing the girl for one moment. "So…" Nichole said after a moment of silences pasted. "What’s shaking, Bacon?"

Chapter 15: The king is dead..Long live the king!

(by Jen , of course6 xp)

Evil eyed Nichole. What a strange thing to say..does bacon shake? He decided he ought to go find out, so he then left the room in search of some bacon. Little did he know what an ardous task this would be….

"From June through September of 1692, nineteen men and women, all having been convicted of witchcraft, were carted to Gallows Hill, a barren slope near Salem Village, for hanging." Amy went on. Jen frowned at her. "what are you doing Amy?" "oh, using the super power I stole from Sally." Jen glared at Amy. Amy continued recanting useful/useless information while Jen glared at her suspiciously. "What?" Amy finally asked. "you have super powers?" Amy stood up to yell at Jen. "WE ALL HAVE SUPER POWERS!!" "what??" Jen gasped, jumping back in horror. She glared suspiciously at the others, and thought to herself; zomg, if we all have super powers, then someone might be able to read my mind!! not that i think much..but STILL! I'll teach them! I'll think about horrible things until they surrender! Jen then commenced to sit and think about things so horrible she couldn't help but make faces (much the way Calvin does when pretending to be a dinosaur).

"Jen!" Nichole barked. "stop making faces at the table! I'm trying to eat!" Nichole went back to eat her cookies, only to find they had all vanished while she had her back turned. She glared at Jen, thinking jen had a squirrel take her cookies or something while she was distracted, and jen continued to make terrible faces at her. Nichole started scolding Jen and demanding her cookies back, and jen rolled her eyes into her head and contorted her face as if she was about to sneeze but didn't. "HEY!" Nichole snapped. "I'm yelling at you! stop pretending you can't hear me while you make those faces!" Little did Nichole know that Jen was so focused on driving people out of her head that she couldn't hear her, also, the real culprit was obviosly munching on her cookies behind her. Sally had a whole fist full, and happily ate them while she watched Jen make faces at Nichole.

Nichole was getting mad. Jen had stolen her cookies twice now, and was mocking her with disgusting non dinner type faces. She slapped Jen. Jen came to and lunged at Nichole, biting her arm and growling like a rabid animal. "GAH!" Nichole kicked Jen off her arm and Jen flew into the other room, landing on top of a still crying Alex. John looked up in surprise, he'd been poking her with a stick to see why she was so upset about him eating some food of hers. "ello Buttons. What fine weather we're having" Jen remarked, dusting herself off. She saw Alex crying and looked confused. "Did I do that?" "No!" Alex jumped up and pointed at John. "He ate Chicken Nugget with Peg Legs and an eye patch!" she sobbed. "what?!" John yelled. "it wasn't moving!" "he was ALIVE!!" Alex cried back. Jen sighed. "It's ok Alex. We'll buy you another one at the pet store. " "ok.." Alex nodded and they walked out of the room. John normally would have been confused..but..he was used to it.. ^^


Chapter 16: and then alex met the cupcake of doom.

(by Alex DUH)

SCENE: Alex is alone in the kitchen, her friends having left her alone and adjourned into the billiard room for some pool and physics lesson from John on the game. Why? Because John knew more about physics than the rest of them.

There is nothing wrong with your television. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are now controlling the transmission. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can delude you with a thousand channels or expand one single image into crystal clarity and beyond. We can shape your vision into anything our imagination can conceive. For the next hour, we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to…the Outer Limits………………….(please stand by).

Alex glared at the voice over for the intro to the Outer Limits. The voice glared back — or would have, if it had eyes to glare with. But it didn't. It was just a voice. So, finding a middle ground, the voice tried to sound innocent as it cleared it's voice and said, "Err…..what?"

Alex still glared. It took several minutes for the voice to realize that Alex wasn't glaring at him. She had fallen asleep with glaring eyes drawn onto her glasses. She found that her friends tended to leave her alone when she was sleeping with her glaring eyeglasses on. It wasn't until a brief snore broke out that the voice growled and sighed in defeat.

"I can't believe my agent," he grumbled. "What kind of stupid job is this? Doing one-shot gigs at stupid houses for sleeping idiots with drawings on their lenses!" Reaching a height in his annoyance, he stormed away (apparent only from the fading voice). Before he disappeared altogether, his shouts echoed throughout the mansion. "And your hill isn't very spooky!" The heavy front door slammed. The vibration of the dense oak made its way back to Alex in the room she had been occupying. Although the vibrating movements had deluded once it met Alex, it was enough to shake her from her chair so she fell to the floor with a THUNK!

With that, the young girl awoke instantly. Jerking herself up into a sitting position, she looked wildly around her. "What? Huh? What's going on? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?!" She soon calmed down when she realize there was no one around her. Getting to her feet, she straightened her clothes out and removed her glasses to wash the glare off. As she stood at the sink, she wondered for a minute where her friends could be. What were they doing? How many people had been murdered? Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? All those questions wandered through her mind with no answer following suit. Once her glasses were dried, Alex put them back on. She began to walk towards the door to find her friends when a voice stopped her.

"Hey, you."

Alex spun around. She still so no one in the room with her. As each second passed, unease settled in. Forcing a smile, Alex shrugged off the event as her imagination playing tricks. She continued to leave the room when she heard it again:

"Hey, you."

Alex whipped around very quickly; this time acting as though she had prepared herself for it. She wanted to catch the culprit off guard. No matter what Alex's speed, however, she didn't see anyone. Paranoia replaced her unease. She took a cautious step back into the room. "Where are you?" she asked, her voice shaking. "I know there's someone in here. I'M NOT CRAZY!!" She peered under a table when that same voice came from behind.

"I'm right here, stupid head." Alex raised herself slowly and turned around. She was anxious about what she was to see, but her eyes fell on something completely unexpected. On the table behind her, there was a cupcake. A lonely cupcake. With pink, fluffy icing and blue eyes like the kind choice ice cream places put on their self-serve ice cream. Those soft blue eyes were glaring at Alex in frustration. Never before had this cupcake had to work so hard to gain someone's attention. Alex, on the other hand, didn't act as the cupcake expected.

"Who are you?" she asked in wild awe. The cupcake drew itself up in as much of a heroic pose as it could muster.

"I," it responded powerfully. "Am the Cupcake of Doom."

"Wooowwwwwww…" She breathed, her eyes wide as she stared at the cupcake. "I've never met a doomed cupcake before."

The cupcake snorted. "What!?! I'm not a doomed cupcake. I'm the cupcake of doom. I bring the doom."

"Can you bring the frisbees too?" Alex asked.

"Why would I do that?" The cupcake was bewildered.

"Well, if you don't want to bring the frisbees to our Super Special Fun & Happy picnic, then don't." Alex said bitterly.

"What picnic? I don't know of any picnic."

"Fine. If you don't want to come, then I'll uninvite you."

"WHAT!?" The cupcake was about to go on a rant when it suddenly struggled to control itself. Taking a moment to breathe deeply, it muttered: "Don't give into her stupidity. Just relax. She could be our only help." There passed several minutes as the Cupcake of Doom calmed down. "Look, ma'am—"

Alex grunted. "I ain't no 'ma'am'."

The cupcake struggled again to control itself. "Then…..what should I call you?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm………………………………..," Alex thought audibly. The cupcake growled again, but Alex ignored it. She finally came to a reasonable conclusion. "Ooh! You can call me by my name!"

The cupcake waited. No further information followed. Finally, he gave in and grunted, "What's your name?"

"Alex, of course." Alex chirped. The cupcake groaned and said sarcastically: "Heh. Of course. So, Alex…I need your help with something very important. You see, there's this tyrant—"

"What kind of cupcake are you?" Alex asked suspiciously. Getting sick of her antics, the Cupcake of Doom grabbed the nearest object (a ladle) and bitch-slapped Alex across the face several times in order to knock some sense into her.

"Ow," Alex whined, rubbing her cheek where she'd been struck.

"Listen. To. Me!" The cupcake growled. "I seek your help! Me and my fellow cupcakes are being threatened! There is a tyrant that seeks to overrun us and we need to take it down! We need to be the free cupcakes that the Mighty Flour & Sugar intended!" Impressed by this speech, Alex agreed. She also didn't want to get hit by that ladle again.

"Where is this tyrant?"

"Follow me." The cupcake replied mysteriously before starting to waddle off. Alex had to walk only two steps while the cupcake traveled a great distance. "There," he said heroically, gesturing towards a pie.

Alex stared. "A pie is your tyrant?"

"Shh!" The cupcake snapped. "It speaks!"

"Is this ice cream which I see before me,
The vanilla toward my crust? Come, let me savor thee.
I have thee not, and yet I smell thee still.
Art thou not, sweet dairy treat, sensible
To coldness as to taste? Or art thou but
A scoop of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressèd apples?
I sense thee yet, in form as enticing
As this which I now draw.
Thou knownst the plate that I was going,
And such a flavor you would to add.
Mine apples are made the fools o' th' other senses,
Or else worth all the rest."7

"This pie's loony." Alex muttered to herself before falling back into silence. Finally, Alex turned to the cupcake. "This is your tyrant?"

"The pie is a mighty and powerful pastry!"

"It's dessert!!"

Chapter 17: Elvis Christ

(jen monster)

Jen stomped into the kitchen, followed by John, Sally and Nichole. "zomg!!! a PUMKIN PIE!!!!" rabid with joy, Jen and Sally both tackled it and devoured it so fast Nichole or John didn't get a chance to have any. "Hey!" john yelled. "no worries Buttons, one piece left!" she handed it to John while Nichole was trying to paw at it from behind him. At the demise if the terrible tyrant, a soft cheer came from the vicinity of the table. Nichole heard this and her eyes went to the cup cake. Alex saw this from the other side of the table and a glance was shared. Would Alex save the cupcake in time, or would Nichole eat it? They dove!!
and!
AND!!
AAAANNNNDDD!!!!

Splat

the cupcake was smushed between their fingers. Nichole ate the smushed cupcake off of her hand and stood in triumph. "ah..well" Alex sighed. It was useless saving talking food. With eaters like these, they're very race doomed them to a sudden death.

After all the talking food and suspicious tyrants was consumed, they walked past Amy's basement door(Amy was throwing all the dead bodies and the retarded dragon in her basement while they ate all her talking food) and they heard an odd "snoooshkk!!" sound. Jen looked at john, forgetting who had the all knowing power, and figured he was all knowing enough, and asked him what Amy had in her basement. "well Jen, a long time ago an old man used to live here, and he liked to hide little children in the basement so he might eat them later. Little children who liked to dye their hair orange, specifically." he glared at jen and she cringed. She'd never live down the one and only time she dyed her hair orange. "so, then what happened?" she asked. "well, one day he was attacked by a werewolf, so he became one as well." Jen gasped. "Little did he know" john continued, "that this werewolf also had rabies…" (he was having fun with this. Jen's eyes were wide in horror. "but one day.." he continued spookily, "the villagers came to kill the old man for taking their children, and they took him and ran him through with a stake and burried him here in Amy's basement." Amy, who heard the whole story nodded in agreement. "so..soo….you're basement is haunted by a werewolf ghost with rabies?" "yes…yes it is" Amy nodded. Jen thought this over. "then why does it sound like it was sneezing?" "because i have about two tons of pepper down there. It's a good investment for when the world runs out of the stuff..and I will still have plenty!!!!!" Amy cackled evilly.

While everyone went to the billiards room to play pool, Jen stummbled and fell flat on her face after tripping over a dead body Amy missed. She looked at it. She saw the hand…the head….the dead sunken eyes…."OMG!!! THERE REALLY ARE DEAD BODIES IN HERE!! WE'VE GOT TO STOP THE WEREWOLF GHOST WITH RABIES IN THE BASEMENT FROM KILLING PEOPLE BEFOR HE KILLS US!!!!!!!" "you do that" Nichole shrugged and closed the door to the billiard room. Jen stood in the hallway with her face inches from the now closed door, on clenched fist in the air and the other hand pointing at the dead body of what looked to be ………."Jesus?"

Shaking the shock off, Jen picked up the lead pipe and proceeded to the basement. It was dark…very..very dark…Suddenly and without warning (redundant i know) the dragon sneezed again. It sneezed so wildly that the room shook and Jen fell up the stairs, banging her head against the door as she fell through and it closed again behind her. Back in the hall again, Jen shook her head and stood up. Weird..I fell up…and that werewolf with rabies ghost sure has a wicked sneeze…..As she dusted herself off however, she noticed a small cut (probably from falling up the stairs). She turned ghostly pale (not that she can get much paler without looking like a mime) and gasped in horror. "oh my god.." she breathed softly. "the werewolf ghost with rabies bit me..that means i have rabies…..I ..I have to get rid of it!! But how?!" as she paniced, a little voice in her head told her what to do. "thats easy. if you want to get rid of rabies, you just pass it on..it's like tag." "oh, right..thanks, me!" Jen congradulated herself for this and commenced to sneak un noticed into the Billiard room to pass on the rabies…

Meanwhile, as Jen slunk across the floor unnoticed, The others were having the usual game of any sort. Someone was being a smartass, so someone else was threatening them with physical harm. In this case, Alex was the smart ass, and John was the one threatening her with a stick. "no, John, it's not a Que, it's a squanderdoodle!" "i think it's a floodily doo" Sally added. John pointed the stick at her. "STOP MAKING UP WORDS!!!" "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Alex suddenly cried out. Unseen to them as Alex was standing directly next to the table, Jen had just chomped her leg. To make everyone thing that it wasn't her, she sent out a dozen goats all foaming at the mouth to run from out of the table while Jen made a get away and hid behind Sally. "Alex!" Jen gasped as if she'd just walked in the room. "you just got bit by a rabid goat!" "WHAT???!!" Alex gasped. Now how will she ever be America's Next Top Model?

"I don't think goats can have rabies…" Sally pondered. "There are more than two million goats in the United States. However, there is no licensed vaccine in the US to protect goats from rabies. To provide some level of protection, many goat owners can now have their veterinarian vaccinate their goats using a rabies vaccine labeled for use in other species. But these vaccines are not officially approved for goats. Boards of health and fair boards in many communities do not recognize goats as being vaccinated for, or safe from, rabies - whether or not they have been vaccinated with an unapproved rabies vaccine. As a result, some localities across the country have banned contact between goats and the public - during farm tours, at county and state fairs, and at petting zoos. " Amy interjected. Alex, in a panic at having rabies, ran from the room and into the study to call an ambulance.

Little did she know however, that the phone cord had been cut by Nichole who was afraid of spies fibbing on her that she ate too much, and she had attached the other end of the phone cord to a paper cup that she kept in her back pocket. As Alex tried yelling into the phone for help, Nichole heard her cries on the paper cup end of the phone and immediatly was suspicious. "You guys!" she said, jumping up. "the monster from Amy's basement is trying to lure us into the Study with cries for help!" Jen gasped. "the fiend!!" "Come on, I'll call Alex on her cell phone and warn her the monster's loose!" "right, we don't want to tell her in person because she might bit us since she has rabies and all…" Jen frowned.

Nichole called Alex, and Alex, forgetting she had it in the first place picked it up and answered it. "ello?" "Alex! the monster is by the Study! he's going to try and kill everyone! So be careful!" "what!" Alex cried. SHE was in the study!!! Alex threw the phone down and picked up the gun that was lying there. "No monsters gunna get me!" She cried. Meanwhile, from the other side of the door, Nichole was valiantly approaching to slay the monster lurking in the Study. Weilding the candle stick, she walked ahead of the others down the hall. "Nichole, you'd better wear this." Jen gave her a Michael Jakson mask that would be sure to scare the monster and momentarily stun it in horror. "thanks" Nichole put it on and reached to throw open the door.

BANG!!!!!!

The door had opened and Alex saw the face of a horrible monster coming at her. She opened fire and it flew back and rolled up against the wall. Alex poked it with a stick. It didn't move, so therefor, by law of stick, must be dead. Since Nichole was wearing the scary mask, and everyone else ran away when she opened the door (maybe they were afraid of scary monsters..) Alex had no clue that she's just shot Nichole. She decided to hide the monster's body, so she dragged it outside to an abandon car that Jen liked to play race car in and opened the trunk. "GAH!" She cried, nearly dropping the body. Why was the trunk filled with babies? ..they seemed to be alive and sleeping..weird..really weird..jen weird….Deciding against the trunk, Alex heaved the body into the dumpster and trooped back to the house.

She found the others hiding in the kitchen closet. "Is it gone?" Amy asked. "I killed it!!" "hurray!" they cheered. "cake and icecream time!!" "is that all we do is eat?" Sally pondered. "what about Nichole?" Amy asked. Jen shrugged. "More for us!"8


Chapter 18: The Grand Canyon

(Jen)

Nichole, presently being in a dumpster on the darker half of Amy's grand estate (located 2,753 miles from the Grand Canyon) will be ignored, because we ignore people when they're dead. I mean, dead people just arn't any fun. Unless you're dressing them up in clothes they wouldn't normally wear, like clown suits and Groucho Marx glasses, with monocles and bunnie ears. Pink, bunnies ears mind you. And as Jen stepped away to review her mutilation of dead Nichole's dignity, she wondered why she'd done such a thing, and what the weather might be like in the Grand Canyon today.

Ok, so Jen at least didn't ignore dead Nichole, but only long enough to crazy glue the pink and purple clown wig on her head…but Jen reminded herself that Nichole was indeed to be ignored until she undeaded herself.

Marching back toward the house, Jen stopped dead when a strange plastic object thwacked her head and with a eeeiirrooock! landed on the ground. Jen picked it up. "a squeaky toy?" she pondered, looking at the bone shaped dog toy that was now in her hand. Looking behind her, she saw no one. "oi!" She grumped, thinking it was that no good Alex. What a duck face! She stormed over to the window, and saw everyone seated happily by the fire, presumably enjoying each other's comfort. It looked like a Christmas card or something..but..in the corner Jen noticed Amy was trying to hide another dead body behind the couch.

"so it wasn't her after all.." she pondered her other possibilites, and her eyes narrowed at the dumpster where dead Nichole was. Did she undead herself yet? She wanted to tell her that it would take them 1 day and 17 hours to drive to the grand canyon nonstop, but thought against it if Nichole was just going to be dead and throw dog toys at her head. Jen frowned and was about to march back inside to further ignore the deadness of Nichole, when a large bovine came hurteling through the air and landed smack on her face. "WTF?!" Jen yelled standing up. Nichole didn't throw the cow at her, and the others were inside, who the goddamned hell was throwing these things at her?!

Jen pushed the cow away (which was unharmed, by the way. It was mostly just tired from it's almost two day travel from the Grand Canyon nonstop. Cows visit the Grand Canyon too, you know) it sauntered off in a Western direction (it was off to see Niagra Falls now, 584 miles that-a-way). "Stop throwing things at me, it's not very nice!!" jen grumped to her unknown attacker. "ookaayy" came the response. "Ok?!" Jen confirmed. "okay." the voice confirmed.

*long pause* "are you still there?" Jen inquired. "yeah." "so…" "soo…." "why can't I see you?" Jen asked. "I'm invisible, can't you see?" came the voice. "Very funny." Jen rolled her eyes. "how about you come in for a dinner party? We're trying to figure out which one of us is a terrible, bloodsucking murderer with an insasiable taste for blood and carnage and suffering!!" Jen thought for a second. "and pie…" "sure, I'll come in. Sounds like fun!" Jen smiled and held the door open, waiting for the invisible one to go through the door. Thinking to herself, bwha ha ha, another victim!

Inside, the others looked up in suspicion as jen marched through the door. "sooo…, where is it?" John asked her challangingly. "where's what?" Jen asked, dumbfounded. "The pizza, damnit WHERE IS IT?!" Alex leapt up from her place by the cozy fire and pointed menacingly at Jen. "I just ordered it you guys..it takes a while…." "BUT WE WANT PIZZA NOOOOOWWW!!!!!!!! Even Sally looked pissed off. Jen whimpered. "but..but..they have to make the pizza, and and and they have to cook it, and drive it here.." "DRIVE THE PIZZA HERE FROM WHERE? THE GRAND FRIGGIN CANYON?" "Uhm..well, yes, actually, even though we're super heroes in the grand super story of ours, the only pizza place I could find that delivers at this hour is right next to the Grand Canyon. " Jen shook her head, thinking please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me.. Amy looked at her clock. "No one delivers at 2 in the afternoon?" "But it's Christmas!! No one delivers on Christmas!" Jen cried. "except for that one pizza place next too the grand canyon?" Sally asked. "yeah.." "so" John frowned. "what kind of pizza did you order?'' "uhmm…" Jen twiddled her fingers, uncomfortably. "well, they don't actually sell pizza…." "Ok..so..what do they sell?" Amy asked impatiently. "blood…" Jen mummbled. "blood??!!" everyone exclaimed. "well, the only place that was open on Christmas was this hospital..so, I convinced them that we were in dire need of blood transfusions…because i couldn't find a pizza place..I thought this might be acceptable.." "WELL IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE! WE'RE HUNGRY AND WE NEED FOOD! WHY DON'T YOU WANT US TO HAVE FOOD, JEN?! WHY??!!" John was about to attack Jen with a pitchfork when as he neared her an aardvark came from an invisible hand and smacked John across the face.

Everyone stood still. "where did that come from?" They gasped. "IT WAS ME!!!!" at that, Darcy un invisibleized to join the party. "Hurray!" Alex cried and greeted Darcy. "another guest?" pondered Amy. "…or another victim?" dun dun dunnnnn!!!

So it seemed, with the arrival of another guest to the strange story of ours, the others were momentarily distracted from their sudden craving for pizza, or blood. ..or pie. But what will happen with this new guest? Especially when she sneezes?9


Chapter 19: FILLER EPISODE, PART 1: The Explanation Behind the Explanation (..of sorts)

(by ALEX)

~ ACTUAL HAPPENSTANCE: In most long series anime, there is something known as a "filler episode". This usually happens when the creator/staff of the anime need to wait for the story to continue in the manga before they can continue with the story in the anime. Classic examples: when Daisuke's cat follows him to school in DN Angel; when half the SEIGAKU team spies on Ryouma and that disgusting girl because they are supposedly "on a date" in Tennis no Ohjisama; when there are horridly cosplayed con artists dressed as the Saiyuki gang and get villages to praise them and give them things in Gensomaden Saiyuki. Or, even a better example: the entire series of Excel Saga10. Being that these infamous stories had their start out as manipulating anime casts, I figured this would be a good side-show section.~

Amy stood up, feeling as if she had not spoken or been in the spotlight for a while (even though she had been the last one to speak…that's irrelevant). "People," she said powerfully. Everyone stopped mid-breath/-step/-eating to look up and pay attention to the weirdo who was addressing them. "We have an issue."

"You're damned right we have an issue." John grumbled. He sent a sideways glance in Jen's general direction and mumbled something that sounded like "fucking Grand Canyon." Everyone ignored his remark as Amy continued.

"We," she declared, still liking the pause after the first word to search her friends with an air of great importance. "Are, as of right now, eleventh in place on Google." There were sudden gasps of horror and astonishment. There were murmurs throughout the gathering of "impossible!" and "how can this be?" and "who stole my acorn?". Amy nodded her head gravely, showing concern as well as understanding in their present situation. It was unfathomable that this was the truth. John was especially upset by this news. Google was his friend; his buddy. He loved Google. How could it have betrayed him? Especially since this was his website? There were whispers and mutterings between the friends, all wondering what to do, but not knowing how to tackle their foe. Sally was the only one who thought to ask a sensible question.

"What's ahead of us?"

"That," Amy paused. "Is the question."

There was once again silence among them. They all stared at Amy, waiting to see if she would give them some wisdom on the matter. After all, she did seem so powerful up there on her pedestal. But several minutes past without a mere reply from Ms. Lynch, and some of them started to shift uncomfortably in their seats. Sally sighed heavily. She knew if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself.

"Yes. I asked a question." Sally grumbled. "Now what's the answer?"

"There," she paused again; her longest pause yet. Sally glared at her in impatience. "are several sites that Google has prioritized over us."

More silence. More waiting. More unanswered questions. Sally was gritting her teeth and clenching her fists in order to keep from charging Amy. "So. What. Are. The. Sites?" she asked. Amy opened her mouth to reply, but there was suddenly a sneeze heard from the back of the group. Jen froze, her eyes opened wide with fear. She glanced sideways at Darcy, who had been standing right beside her. She saw someone who looked like Darcy, but no longer had elegantly long dark hair. Instead, her hair had turned yellow-blond and of the '80s-styled persuasion11. "MEEP!" Jen jumped out of the way immediately, ending up behind a conveniently placed boulder. The newly founded blond Darcy clenched her fists and stood glaring angrily over at Amy.

"Will you stop acting like a poor excuse for a William Shatner-ed Captain Kirk and answer the damned questions!?!" In a fit of Launch-esque rage, she sprang toward Amy and took her out in a flying leap. Amy was not killed, but she was a little dazed. In her place stood a stereotypical male view of a PMSing woman: short tempered, easily riled, and blond. "We shall annihilate all those sites before us! We shall be number one on this Google search engine! We will prevail! Whose with me!?!"

The rest of the friends who had been watching simply stared at Darcy. They weren't sure what to think of her little presentation. Darcy usually wasn't so forceful. Or that blond. A few of them wondered what had happened to make her want to bleach her hair? She did look a little fabulous.

Before she could gather any supporters for her dictator-ish scheme, Jen suddenly got a brilliant idea. Running up to Darcy with a pepper shaker, she threw some at Darcy's nose. Blond-Darcy got pissed off and attempted to attack Jen, but the sneeze that broke out put a stop to her would-be assault plans. She blinked several times, her hair having returned to it's original black shade, and she looked around meekly at everyone. When she saw she had taken Amy's place and Amy was lying on the ground dazed from the attack, her right hand went to her mouth. "Oh, no." She replied quietly. "I must have sneezed again…"


Chapter 19.5: FILLER EPISODE, PART 2: The Subliminal Messaging

(still by Alex….last I checked)

"THIS HAPPENS A LOT!?!" John demanded, jumping to his feet. He couldn't take it anymore. First he had been deprived of hunger because the only pizza place Jen could find open was actually not a pizza place in the Grand Canyon, and then he was betrayed by Google; and NOW they had yet another psycho on their hands. Although this one probably was clinically psycho. At least half the time. It then occurred to John that he had never seen her before now. "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN COME FROM!?!"

"Well, I was invisible at first." Darcy started to explain. "And then I started throwing things at Jen because I was bored….and then Jen assured me it was safe to come out….so I became visible… and then—" John raised his arms in surrender, showing he didn't care anymore for the explanation. That she was there didn't matter to him; he was just going to have to accept it as an inevitability. At least she was now at stake of getting her soul warped by these stories as well. Shoving his hands in his pockets, John stomped off to go contemplate some more on why Google had betrayed him.

Meanwhile, Jen de12

Chapter 20: Destroyer Of Eggs

(by jeneth)

(Meanwhile, Jen de)clared to everyone who would listen that the easter Bunnie was coming, and he had to be stopped. Well, for a lot of reasons. 1, he is a notorious chicken egg thief, and his evil expirements on Chickens themselves to make them lay both creamy milk chocolate eggs or bright plastic eggs with jelly beans inside them can only mean he has been doing UNSPEAKABLE THINGS to these poor, defensless Chickens. UNSPEAKABLE THINGS! 2, he is somehow associated with the Christian religions holiday of Easter, in which Jesus was horribly beaten, tortured, and murdered all at the will of his blood thirsty father, so he could rise again and save everyone from…something…their sins? and 3 somehow all of this added together means that Jesus wants Easter eggs and he's not willing to share. (and Jen is blaming the Easter Bunny for this.)

"But….I thought it was Christmas?" Darcy asked, wondering where the time had gone. "Damnit, that was four months ago!" Jen stomped her foot and waved her hands angrily. "oh….so ..when's dinner?" Alex looked impatiently at her watch. It said Dinner Time. Where was the food?

Amy opened the door to the fridge and they saw it was indeed empty. The cabniets were empty. The freezer was emptry. The Cubbert was empty. The Pantry, the walk in closet, under the bed, the celler, the attic, amys pockets,- "ok, Jen, stop it, we get the point!" Sally, waving her fist at the current narrator, marched to the door and opened it, leading a small army of persons who now felt obliged to leave and go buy some food.


Chapter 21: Jesus Christ: Butt-fiend

(Jen and Alex)

Sally, Darcy, Alex, Amy and Jen (they left behind John since he was still raving mad and Nichole since she's dead) wandered into the large super center located in Amy's garage. "Ok, I'm not paying for anything." Amy declared, and suddenly got very hungry. She stared at something brown and lumpy, in the shape of a turkey. But it was not a turkey. It was, in fact, a TOFUrkey. It lived a life of lies and hated itself for being such a liar. It was very sad and stared back at Amy with a saddened expression. Alex and Jen wandered off to get some Ice cream, only to find the freezers were completely empty. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Alex demanded. A hapless sales person happened to be wandering by just then, and Jen grabbed him by the cuff of the shirt. "LISTEN, BUB. " She pointed at where the Ice Cream should be. "WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE THE TASTY FROZEN DELECTABLES ARE!!" The clerk gasped as he was being strangled to death by two girls who really wanted some ice cream. Jen put him down and Alex glared menacingly with a baseball bat in her hands. "There was a teacher's conference-" he gasped, "they ate it all!" he pointed towards a group of figures mingling near a water cooler on the right hand side of the store.

Pushing the clerk out of their way, the terribly ice cream hungry frog and duck stomped over to the group. The first two people they met in the shadows were two infamous people from Jen's and Alex's past. And Amy's. Oh, and Sally's. Ok…….so everyone mentioned at the beginning of the chapter knew the infamous beings that Jen and Alex first spotted. …except for Darcy. We're not sure she knew those two.


…….
……………..
OK. So everyone who was there (except for maybe Darcy) recognized the two not-so-villainess-villains.

There was a collective gasp among the party members. Jen and Alex gasped more horrifically than the rest (mainly because they were the ones who were centered at the section of this scene than anything else. But, hey. We don't need reasons to be cool). All of them pointed in an almost Grease Lightening-like setup and exclaimed: "YOU!!!!" with power and emphasis and foreboding.

The two people being addressed slowly turned. Holding styrofoam bowls and plastic spoons in hand, they both had ice cream in their possession. As their focus turned to Jen & Alex (as well as the other members of their little mob), a sign of recognition fell on both of them. One of them smiled, even, and said joyfully: "Well, hello Jen and Ali. How are you?"

It was none other than the frog queen herself: Ms. Morgan (and her accomplice, Mr. Stash). Mr. Stash pointed menacingly at them, and they saw that there were other teachers there that they recognized. Mr. Boggs, for one, who immediatly admitted that the situation was "very suspicious" and Mr. Blonde, ( we never actually knew what his real name was, only that he was blonde and believed to be a vampire.) There was Mr. Linstedt, Mr. Burnam, Mr. Mathews, Mr. Fancher, Mr. Forbes, and also Mr. Bartasious. Very evil teachers indeed. "Hey you girls!" Mr. Forbes exclaimed apon seeing everyone. Amy, coming onto the scene, shuddered at the sight and ran in horror towards the produce department."Let me d the mad cow for old times sake!" and at that, Mr. Forbes began shaking and pretending to be a cow with the mad cow disease. With blank stares apon their faces, Jen and Alex edged toward the safety of the frog queen and Mr. Stash.

"why are all of you here?!" Sally wondered, looking at all the people from their past lives in the SAD15 school system.

"And why aren't you torturing kids on a daily basis back at Gray-New Gloucester?"

Mr. Bartasius shrugged and replied to this one. "We just got bored, I guess." He muttered. Mr. Mathews sent him a strange look before returning his focus on a few of his ex-HS students.

"We're here for a teacher's conference."

"IN A GROCERY STORE!?!" Jen exclaimed, a note of hysteria in her voice. Mr. Linstedt shrugged.

"We wanted ice cream."

"But you ate it all!" Alex said. Not one teacher among them raised a concern with this statement. They all had to agree. Yes, they had eaten all of the ice cream. But they were some of the evillestgreatest teachers Gray-New Gloucester had to offer (despite it's current fascistic rule).. why shouldn't they allow themselves to take over the frozen dairy section of a localized supermarket and consume the ice cream at their own will? They had enough power and intellect to take over the world; why pony-up to some half-wit, nonsensical Wiki authors all the ice cream they had to eat?


Chapter 22: Are you ready for this? We don't care.

(nej yb)

They sat despairingly outside. Not having any ice cream was just down right depressing, and everyone now sat on the tared driveway leading to Amy's garage/Super Center. Jen had dragged Nichole out of the dumpster (disobaying the rule of ignoring dead persons) so that she might sit and be miserable with them. John even sauntered outside to see what was the matter when he saw the growing clouds forming around the estate. Clouds of down right sadness, damnit! John scratched his head and looked everyone over. Other then Nichole, they all appeared unharmed, just sad. He decided to sit with them and try to look miserable too. He made his best sad face at Alex who looked near tears. Alex, not expecting John to feel sad about ice cream too, somehow felt the situation was very humerous indeed. She giggled. John grinned. He somehow made someone feel better, though he was hoping Alex wasn't giggling because he looked sad…that wouldn't be very nice…

Sally looked at Alex, wondering what on Earth could be funny when there was no ice cream to be had. Not that she even cared for any at the moment, but it was the principle of the matter. Those teachers ate it ALL. They couln't even save any for well, anyone. It was like they physically stole all the ice cream from their hands…those bastards! Sally crossed her arms, and watched as Alex was fighting laughter while John kept making fake and overly sad faces at the lot of them. Amy and jen exchanged glances. Should they be sad about the ice cream? Is it worth ruining their whole day, just for some frozen, tasty delectibles? As they were nearing their conclusion, Darcy suddenly jumped up and pointed at something flying in large circles overhead.

"what is it?!" She gasped, and they saw something very strange indeed land in front of them.

A large bird, a goose, yeah, that's it..with abnormally large eyes, and when it opened it's mouth, it's mouth opened very, very wide, like a snake unhinging it's jaws just to say hello, it could open it's mouth so wide, in fact, that it looked like the upper and lower of it's beak were barely attached to each other. It's feathers on it's head were ruffled and stuck in several odd directions, but mostly were swept straight back and up, so it looked like it had a feathered horn on the back of it's curiously angled head. One leg was longer then the other, and the shorter leg was actually a peg leg with a goose foot (presumably it's own) on the end of the pegged leg. Most astonishing (aside from the kick ass sunglasses that failed to complelty cover it's enourmous eyes) was a huge gleaming, sparkling broadsword (was it covered with glitter?) that hung over the giant fowls shoulder.

"………………………………………"
"…………………………………….."
"………………………………………………."
"………………………………………………."

-_- "………………………………….."
"What the fuck are you?" Alex asked.
The goose thing gave her a glare, and pointed to a sign that stood next to Amy's garage.

"Welcome Amy's Garage Super center. Beware of the Abdominable Snow Goose. Thank you for shopping with us?" Sally frowned as read the sign. Everyone looked at Amy. "uh..he was free with the building…" she shrugged, and they looked at the giant bird. They grew impatient as nothing happened. It meerly gawked at them. Jen threw a rock at the bird. "DO SOMETHING YOU STUPID GOOSE!" enraged by the rock that hit it's head, the goose, turned and before Jen could react, hit her painfully on the head with it's glowing, glittery sword.

poof!

Jen frowned, momentarily stunned and with a large bruise forming on her forehead. She looked down Amy's hill with a glazed expression on her face. "uh…Jen?" Amy asked, unsure of what happened to her. Jen looked back at them and gasped in delight. "Crikket!"13She chirped and moved toward her friends excitedly. Focusing on Sally, Jen began narrating her scenario. "look at this folks, there's a pack of grazing lions right here in my back yard!" The impact of the sword had made Jen think she was the Crocodile Hunter, and her friends are now a pack of animals. (heh heh xp) "Jen, this is my back yard" Amy scowled. "And lions don't graze " John remarked.

Jen gasped "this is such a rare event, I need to find a camera!" With that she ran into Amy's house to find a camera to film her adventures. Everyone else frowned at the goose. "what did you do to Jen?" Amy glared, and also threw a rock. The goose again retaliated, and Amy dodged. The goose swung the sword in another direction, and this time Amy was not able to dodge in time. He slapped her with the side of the sword across the face, and Amy stood flabergasted.

Her eyes became foggy and far off. Sally approached her. "Amy? Are you ok?" Amy smiled, and began singing. "Great green gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts,-" "what?" Alex frowned. She turned and pointed at the stupid goose. "-mutiliated monkey meat, chopped up birdie feet!" Amy sang while Alex and Sally picked up a stick and ran at the goose from two sides. Darcy joined the fight, and John, not caring to be left out, picked up the lead pipe lying nearby and also began attacking. While the chaos ensued, Amy sang on; "French fried eyeballs mixed in with baby mush,"

..there was a massive poof!! as the others were hit by the glitterey sword…

"I for-got my spoon!"

For a moment there was silence as the goose, victorious in doing whatever it is he does, flew off into the distance. Then Amy broke the silence,

"So I'll use a straw!!"

As Amy finished her song, she wandered back into her house (not knowing it was her house, as she has dementia now) and commenced to get lost within her own kitchen closet.

Sally looked as the others, and now thinking she was a beaver, stalked off to do beavery things, like chew holes in Amy's table.

Darcy now thought she was both Erik from Phantom of the Opera and Christine, so between sneezes she animatedly did both parts.

Alex, grinning and laughing wildly raced into Amy's attic, where she would begin making potions in Amy's secret laboritory that would help her take over the world.

Nichole was still dead, but Jen found her and decided to hire her to be her camera person while Jen went about filming all the things happening in Amy's house. (The video camera was actually a box of Cheezit's)

John found himself as Sherlock Holmes, and he knew there was a deffinite mystery afoot! He managed to find Amy in her closet, and believed that she was actually Watson. "Come on Watson! We must hurry and find the jewlery thief before they escape!" Amy responded with "that's nice Charlie" and followed him out of the closet.

What will happen to our beloved super heroes? Who was the Abominable Snow Goose? Will any of them remember who they are before some sort of villain comes into the story and does something bad? Find out next time, Right here in the Grand Stories! (Or else we'll blow up the grand canyon.)


this is where that jerk ali's post used to be. but she deleted it for her own selfish purposes!

just wanted everyone to know….14


Chapter 23: Melodramatics at Their Finest

(by Alex; who is not at all upset about deleting her last post, because this one will be so much cooler).

"Chaaaaaaaaaaarrrrllllliiiiiiiiieee…" Amy chanted in an eerie, cult-like tone. John (who was busy being Sherlock Holmes and had somehow managed to acquire a pipe that blew bubbles) was busy ignoring Amy-Watson. He couldn't understand why Watson continuously called him Charlie, or why she kept asking if they were at Candy Mountain yet. He was determined to find the jewel thief.

Meanwhile, there was a large explosion that blew off half the roof covering the attic. Debris and wooden planks could be seen falling down from the sky. Following the explosion, there was an outbreak of maniacal, glee-filled laughter. "COOL!!" Came the shout that could be heard from above. Almost immediately afterward came the rapid footsteps of a crazed mad scientist rushing down the stairs. John and Amy were quickly passed by a still smoking and ash-covered Alex, who was laughing in glee at having destroyed half the roof. No one knew exactly where she was going. And, after all, who cared? She was bananas.

John-Holmes and Amy-Watson continued on their mission. Jen was still outside, attempting to catch a glimpse of the once-thought-of extinct Quasioptisaurus— a dinosaur from the Cretaceous Period who believed itself to be the great distant-thrice-removed-relative-Uncle-thingy of Quasimodo of Notre Dame. Nichole was doing a sloppy job of being a cameraman. She had no eye for shots. She didn't move the camera around to get various angles or superior footage. She just sat there. Jen was growing frustrated. Of course, Nichole was simply a corpse with a Cheez-Its box— how creative could she possibly be? Yet Jen would've been frustrated even if she hadn't been bewitched by a sparkly sword carried by the Abominable Snow Goose.

Darcy, meanwhile, was busy entertaining a group of empty chairs in the dining room with an "I love you/ I hate you!" rendition of Erik and Christine. There was an evil monkey in the corner who had acquired a pepper shaker from the pantry and would routinely throw it at Darcy to encourage her to sneeze. The monkey hadn't been bewitched by the goose to do this— he was just a jerk.

And Sally was busy gnawing away at a piece of debris that had found its way inside the mansion.

All these individual antics were brought to an abrupt close when the familiar sounds of the Paddywagon crew were heard. Amy stopped midstep from following John and her ears perked up to listen. Suddenly she raised her hand to her mouth and yelled, "COPPERS!!!" And just like a bunch of drunk teenagers at a rave, everyone scattered. Each one ran about, arms flailing above their heads and screaming in lunacy. No one wanted to get caught.

But there was always one idiot who would ruin it for the rest of them. Always that one dumbbell who, either ignorantly or douche baggingly, risked all of them getting caught.

This entry's idiot was Alex.

While her friends were occupied with freaking out, Alex went up to the front door and opened it to a dozen cops standing crowded on the porch. Alex smirked at them. "'ELLO!!"

Her friends froze and stared at her, dumbfounded. Was she really that much of an airhead? Was she mad? All her friends agreed unanimously that Ales was nothing more than a scatterbrain'd fool. She must be stopped! Rushing up to stand around her, they all tried to stop any incriminating thing Alex said from igniting the cops' attention.

"What's going on here?" The middle (obviously the leader. I mean, c'mon. He was in the middle) cop asked suspiciously, furrowing his brow in a suspicious manner.

"We're having a party." Jen, John, Amy, Sally and Darcy hurriedly said before Alex could respond. The cop's eyebrows raised, but he didn't ask any further details. They were all dressed kinda funky…maybe this was a costume party. But wait..it wasn't Halloween!

"How come half your roof's missing?" The cop asked, this time taking his time at examining each one individually with his scrutinizing, searching gaze.

"There's no hole in the roof." John, Jen, Darcy and Sally all covered. Amy looked up at the ceiling in wonder.

"There's a hole in the roof?" She asked. Sally kicked her. The action went unnoticed, however, because at that same moment, Alex chose to pipe up.

"I did it!"

The leading cop's gaze snapped to Alex as his bushy brows fell over his beady, condemning eyes. "What did you say?" He breathed. Had he been a dragon, fire would have licked those words as they slipped from his mouth. The tension in the room was astronomical. They all felt it. Except Alex. And Nichole. But she was dead15.

Alex opened her mouth to repeat what she'd said, but John instantly slapped his palm over her mouth and muffled her reply. A nervous bead of sweat slid down the left side of his face as he chuckled in nonchalance at the officer. "Don't listen to her," he urged. "She's a lunatic. Really. She's supposed to be locked away in a trunk most of the time, but we let her out for some fresh air every now and again." The cops still looked suspicious. There was a long drawn out silence that fell between all those present before they seemed to accept it. They must have decided that Alex was indeed enough of a lunatic to be condemned to a trunk without further question. They tipped their hats and were about to turn and go when Alex, who had just pulled away from John's grasp, blurted out: "WE HAVE A DEAD PERSON SITTING IN THE LIBRARY!!!" She was referring to Nichole, of course, but the very idea of a corpse being present in that mansion didn't bode well with the cops. Whipping back around they all glared at Alex.

"Wanna run that by me again, little girl?"

But the group of time-old friends were having their own dispute. Amy, disgruntled by this turn of events, faced Alex and sighed in disgust. "Great job." She snorted. "Now we have to kill them, too!"

"What?" The cops were torn between arresting them all on the spot for even suggesting such a thing, or being utterly confused. It would have done them better to act on their initial instinct, because this was not a new scene to these friends. Amy sighed, accepting what she had to do and knew there was no use in resisting or bitching Alex out for it. At least not then. She, Sally and Jen mobilized and they had soon killed the dozen policemen. With the help of John and Darcy (Alex was fascinated in watching the scene, but not helping, and Nichole was busy being dead), the new corpses were brought into the dining room. They were all positioned in the chairs because, hey: as long as they were dead, they might as well make nice and be decoration. Jen even got a brilliant idea and provided cards, so it looked to the untrained eye that they were just playing a friendly game. Satisfied with the scene, the five friends walked back into the main hallway of the mansion. They found Alex playing with a yo-yo.

"Hmm," Sally pondered aloud. "Did anyone else notice that we're no longer bewitched?"

"Yeah," The rest of them all agreed, appearing thoughtful.

"Maybe the cops showing up was like a buzz-kill." Amy suggested. "Like we sobered up from the experiences." And thus, the explanation was born!

"But what about Alex?" Darcy asked, glancing her way. "She doesn't seem cured."

"Well, we'll fix that." Jen stated. She grabbed an obnoxiously large hammer and snuck up behind Alex before clubbing her in the head with it. Alex fell, remaining incapacitated throughout the rest of this post. "That'll teach you to steal my cereal! Trix are for kids!"

And, with that declaration, the post ends.


Chapter 24: Alex Refuses to Play Nice and Allow Someone Else to Post Before Posting Again. XP

(Alex is writing)

Amy was sitting in the study sipping tea. All was silent except for the crackling of the flames in the hearth. Amy breathed deeply before letting out an elongated sigh of content. She was pleased.

Tea cup and saucer in hand, Amy's cheerful eyes surveyed her surroundings. This study was not anyone's typical study. There were numerous ancient books lying around that one could find in any ordinary study; books that looked ancient and, thus, important, but when you got closer you realized that they were books that had titles like The Day Mrs. Pond Frog Married the Prince of Wales or All the Words that Start With 'Z' or Name That Igloo!. Not very exciting.

No, the reason this study was exceptional compared to all others was that this study had random body parts lying around as decoration. One hand was holding out the sugar cube cup for the tea set; a torso and arms set were sitting across from Amy in another antique, Victorian styled study chair to keep her company. There were random body parts on display; something you would find in a study, but of animal parts instead. The scene was not creepy. It was actually quite cozy in there. It was Amy's favorite room in the whole house.

At least, until Jen stumbled upon her in there. She walked in, intent on asking her advice. With a MAD magazine in hand, she was surveying the most recent Spy vs. Spy. "Amy, I was wondering if you knew how this could.. OHMYFREAKIN'GOURD!!!!WHATISTHIS!?!?!?!" Jen's reaction, needless to say, was not a subtle one. She stared bug-eyed at the images around her. Her vision circulated around the room before landing on Amy who, aside from being annoyed at having been disturbed, was sitting calmly in the center of the room in front of the fire. Poised tea cup and saucer in her hands, she eyed Jen with a look of impatience.

"What do you want?" She asked grumpily. But Jen was too busy gawking at the scene around her. How could this be..? How was it possible? Because it was Amy, it explained a lot of things, of course. But how could this be?

And just like that, it hit her. Jen glared suspiciously at one of her oldest friends and took a step back in caution. "What are you?" She asked darkly. "Are you one of them taxidermists?"

Amy's eyebrows rose in shock. She didn't even knew Jen knew what that was. After the momentary surprise passed, she set down her tea cup and saucer on the table beside her chair and smiled a little as she sighed. Patiently, she folded her legs together and placed her palms in her lap. She surveyed Jen with a look that wasn't entirely superior (but wasn't entirely not). "No, Jen," she replied calmly. "I'm not a taxidermist." But Jen, who had just recently seen Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 movie, Psycho, chose not to listen. She looked around the room, convinced that everything made sense now. The masochism..the sadism..the love of animals..Amy was a stuffer of things!!!!

And then it hit her; like a bunch of rocks in a grocery bag. When Jen's focus whipped back to Amy once again, there was definite fear in her eyes. Amy was as much confused as she was intrigued. Walking backwards slowly towards the door, Jen tried to evade detection and keep Amy at a safe distance. They held gazes for several minutes before Jen, who had just reached the door, yelled: "I WON'T LET YOU SKEWER ME IN THE SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!" before bolting out of the room and down the hallway to the bathroom. Amy, meanwhile, frowned in thought. She had never even considered the idea of skewering Jen in the shower. That would be an awkward moment. Walking in in an attempt to kill Jen while she showered? She would rip the curtains back and they would both scream and then Amy would be left holding the knife in a pseudo poised, threatening way while the seconds ticked past like hours as dead silence gathered between them.

Nah. Amy wouldn't bother. Picking up her tea cup again, she took another sip before allowing the smile of contentment to dance across her lips again. "Ahhh… good ol' English tea." She smiled.

Meanwhile, Jen was busy boarding up the bathroom in an attempt to keep herself out. If she could keep out of the bathroom, she could stay out of the shower. And if she could stay out of the shower, she wouldn't risk Amy killing her in the shower. It was bulletproof!!!

After Jen had finished sanctioning off the bathroom, she turned around and leaned against the boarded door. Hammer still in hand, she smiled like a maniac. All her teeth were showing as her eyes, fueled by madness, were looking around her for a sign of movement. Eventually, the crazed behavior wore off a little and Jen was able to relax. The bathroom was boarded up, and Amy couldn't harm her in the shower.

Another realization then crept into Jen's psyche: she was in a mansion. Mansions have more than one bathroom!!! Picking up her nails and equipped with her hammer, she bolted up the stairs three at a time to find every bathroom on every floor and do away with it.

As soon as Jen had disappeared into the madness, Alex appeared in the front hall (having recovered from her previous injury to the head by Jennifer because that infliction only lasted the rest of the previous episode, and thus did not carry on to this one). She headed towards the bathroom in order to wash her hands from the stickiness of the orange she'd just peeled and eaten. She instinctively reached out to take hold of the doorknob and enter the bathroom before she realized: there was no doorknob in her hand! Inspecting the door more closely, she discovered what was preventing her entry. Alex took a step back and pouted. "Heeeeyyy……."


Chapter 25: Admission is free

(by jen monster)

While alex was busy trying to get into the bathroom (and imagining that her hands were getting stickier by the minute) Jen was trying to board up all the bathrooms (they kept popping up, and she boarded off the kitchen and a few other rooms as well) Amy was sitting serenly in her favorite room, and everyone else was sitting in the hall (they haven't sat there yet) and were discussing politics with dead Nichole.16But little did they know, that one policemen had escaped their earlier massacre. It was the great John Cleese, police chief, and he sauntered on in, uninvited, and began making an inspection of the house. When he came to the hall, there was a mixed reaction. Horror that there was a copper in the house, delight that it was John Cleese, and deeply troubled that they would have to do away with him. Or would they?

John Cleese poked a stick at Nichole and gave them a scolding look. Thinking quickly, John informed John Cleese "we're closing for lunch." Hoping that would make him go away. It didn't. "I'd like to make a complaint." He said. "about her? why? what's the matter with her?" Sally asked, looking over at Nichole. "I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my lad. 'She's dead, that's what's wrong with her!"

a nervous glance was shared…

"No, no, 'she's uh,..she's resting.'' Darcy piped up.

"Look, matey, I know a dead person when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

"No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable person, Nichole, idn' she, ay? Beautiful plumage!" Sally remarked. "plumage??" John asked her in confusion. Sally shrugged.

"The plumage don't enter into it. she's stone dead!" John Cleese countered, regaurdless.

"Nononono, no, no! 'She's resting!" Darcy squeaked.

John Cleese marched over to Nichole. "All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up! (shouting at her inches from her face) 'Ello, Miss Polly Pocket! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts for you if you show-" (just then Sally pushes Nichole so she moves), "-There! she moved!" She cried.

"No she didn't! that was you hitting her!" He turned his glare to Sally.
"I never!"
"Yes you did!"
"I never, never did anything!"
John Clesse began slapping Nichole silly, "ELLO PERSON! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your 9 oclock alarm call!" He then picked her up and begins to hit her head on the floor. Then he throws her up in the air and she lands, quiet deadily.
"now thats what i call a dead person!"

`silence`

"no, no..you stunned her.." John said.
"STUNNED?!"
"Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Nicholes stun easily, chief." Darcy exclaimed.

"Um…now look…now look, mates, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That person is definitely deceased, and when I inspected this place not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."

John shrugged, "Well, she's…she's, ah…probably pining for the fjords."
"PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did she fall flat on her back the moment I got here?"

This time Sally tried again. "The Nichole prefers keepin' on her back! Remarkable person, id' she, squire? Lovely plumage!" "stop saying that!" >< John hissed at Sally, who ignored him.

John Cleese gave her a wary look. "Look, I took the liberty of examining that person when I came here last inspection, and I discovered the only reason that she had been sitting upright in a chair in the first place was that she had been NAILED there."

`silence`

"Well, o'course she was nailed there!" Sally suddenly retorted, " If I hadn't nailed that person down, she would have nuzzled up to those bars," (she pointed at the bars on the windows) bent 'em apart with her teeth, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!"

"VOOM?!?" John Cleese cried, "Mate, this person wouldn't 'voom' if you put four million volts through her! 'She's bleedin' demised!"

"No no! she's pining!" Darcy tried to explain.

''She's not pinin'! She's passed on! This person is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet 'er maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, She rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'her to the chair she'd be pushing up the daisies! Her metabolic processes are now 'istory! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, She's shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PERSON!!" John Cleese raved.

`Silence`

"Ah.." Said John. "Well, I'd better replace her, then." John looks in the closet. "Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Nicholes."

"I see. I see, I get the picture." John Cleese glowered.

"I got a slug." Darcy said, holding it up.

`silence`

"Pray, does it talk?"

"Nnnnot really." Darcy smiled and held it up.

"WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?"

"N-no, I guess not." Darcy looked like she was about to cry.

"Well."

`awkward silence`

"do you…do you want to have some tea with us?" Sally asked quietly.

John Cleese looked around, was about to say yes, but just then Alex ran through the hall screaming "WHERE DID ALL THE BATHROOMS GO?!?!?!!"

He looked at them, raised an eyebrow, and marched out the door.

"aw, way to go Alex." Darcy frowned. "we almost had tea with John Cleese…"


Chapter 26: And the Aliens Said: "Bring me to yo Cheese Whiz, bitch, for I require a cracker."

(by Alex, Representative Duck of the Fourth Quadrant, Sector 17)

So everyone was bummed. And why wouldn't they be? John Cleese, comic and actor extraordinare has walked out of their lives yet again!, and it was all Alex's fault.

Or was it?

..bah. Who has time for the constant rhetorical questions anymore?

At first, everyone except for the *cough*DEAD!*cough* Nichole were set to attack Alex. It seemed like a good enough plan. No one needed an excuse to attack the duck. But once they had cornered her, they realized she..er..wasn't all that claustrophobic. Jen pushed her into a corner and blocked off all her escape routes. Alex stared blankly at her.

Jen glanced sideways at her would-be captive. "This.. doesn't bother you?"

"Nope."

<silence>

"Hunh.."

Next, Amy grabbed the nearest box and, with Sally's help, stuffed Alex into it. They closed the lid on her, trying to make her feel fear. Something. Anything. They weren't sure what was making them do this. It was possibly the result of wanting revenge on her for chasing away John Cleese. But that wasn't the whole thing. Perhaps they were just bored, found an oddity in their misfits club and decided to exploit it. Alex, however, wasn't all that frightened by the closed box. It was actually quite roommy. She stretched out, relaxed, looked around, and suddenly started flipping invisible switches. She started talking to herself within the box. "Uh, Houston, I think every thing's clear here. If there's no further hold ups on your end, we should be set for take off. …huh? Oh, none for me, thanks. ….yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I am going to Jupiter. I don't think Domino's will deliver that far. ..oh, you asked them? Hmmm…… You know what? I'm gonna stick with a 'no' on that one. ..yeah, I believe you that they deliver to Jupiter, but you know, if they do deliver it, it'll probably be cold by the time it gets there. And I like cold pizza and all, but not that cold. Thanks, anyway."

Outside the box, her friends were sharing strange glances. "She's going to Jupiter?" Darcy asked, confused. Jen looked jealous. John was befuddled.

"No one can survive on Jupiter," he muttered to no one in particular. "It's all gaseous. There would be no where to stand!"

"Alright then, countdown from ten.." Alex spoke from within the box. "Nine… eight….seven…"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Amy suddenly shrieked, causing everyone to jump. "I FOUND THIS BOX, I SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING TO JUPITER!!!!"

"Five….four…"

"No, no, Amy. You don't understand." John shook his head and waving his arms about in a 'don't do this!' motion. "There is no where to stand on Jupiter! And with all the storms!! I mean, if you can't stand, there's no hope of sitting, and without that, no one can ever learn to play Checkers. What kind of life would that be!?!!" Amy, as usual, ignored John and ripped off the cover of the box just before Alex could say "Two…"

Alex looked up in mild surprise, apparently not expecting anyone to simply open the top of her rocket. Before she could ask Amy why she was interfering in her Jupiter mission, Amy screamed: "GET OUT OF THE BOX!!!" In one swift motion that allowed for no logical thought to pass through, Amy tossed Alex from the box, leaped inside and shut the box just in time for once-invisible engines to turn on and propel Amy into space. They all watched as she left. All were amazed. It was a marvelous sight to see a 21 year old maniac flying off into Jupiter and beyond in a large TV cardboard box. Some wept, some sighed, others saluted and wished her well. And as soon as she was out of sight, Sally turned to face them all.

"Well, she'll be back in about twenty minutes. What should we do until then?" Several suggestions were thrown about in answer to that question, and it was soon decided they were all going to have tea. It had been a long time since they'd sat down for tea. They had almost got the chance in the last post, but missed it as their guest had disappeared. So, waiting for Amy to come back and the supposed bloodshed to supposedly continue, they all adjourned to the library for tea and discussion.

21 Minutes Later

"You see, I really disagree with that," Jen said, talking to the sitting corpse of Nichole in the modest love seat by the window. Tea cup in hand, Jen continued her argument. "I don't think the dish ran away with the spoon. It makes no sense. I mean..how could they ever have babies?"

"They could adopt." Darcy suggested from across the room. This tore Jen's attention away from Nichole in order for her to continue the argument with Darcy.

"That's not even the point," Jen insisted. "It's true that they could adopt if they wanted to, but they aren't even of the same set. I mean, wouldn't it be like they're of different species? A dish and a spoon simply can NOT run away with one another!"

"Who are you to say that?" Sally inquired; not in a patronizing tone, simply out of curiosity. "I mean, they could very well make a happy couple."

"So could a dog and a cat." Alex chose sides with Jen. "But the point is, their love is forbidden. I'm all for breaking societal rules that are bogus and irrational…but congregating with another species is not one of them."

John sat there, feeling like his brain was going to mush. He debated for several minutes to ask what was on his mind but, in the last second, decided: fuck it, he was going to ask anyway. "You do realize.." he began cautiously. "That you're talking about a dish and a spoon? That this never actually happened? It's a little kid's nursery rhyme."

They all took a moment to glance over at John and stare at him; almost sizing him up. After the silence had enough time to settle between them, Darcy spoke just as cautiously back to him.

"Are you a kitchenist, Mr. Murray?"

"What!?" John was appalled. "What the hell is that, anyway?"

"Someone whose racist against dish ware and other kitchen-like appliances."

John stared. He wasn't going to say it. No way was he going to take the bait. It was too easy. It had to be a trap. No way was he going to fall for it… but just like Eric Cartmen fell for the (albeit cruel) Jewish slur against Kyle's cousin, John couldn't help but impulsively say what his mind was screaming at him to keep quiet about.

"WHYWOULDIBERACISTAGAINSTKITCHENS?THAT'SWHEREYOUWOMENBELONG!" He crouched low in his seat, covering his head for the obvious attack that had his name written on it. He had hoped that saying it all at once in a quick motion would possibly lighten the effect of his statement and perhaps even confuse the girls long enough to allow him an escape route. There past several cruel, long and excruciating seconds of John Murray's life and, in the end, he slowly crept out from behind his arms' shield and cautiously looked about him.

None of the girls were standing over him with their individual weapons, waiting for a surprise attack. Relaxing a little, he decided that he was going to live through this. Yeah…he could be OK. After all, it was a joke. They knew that, right? Even though Jen took to being provoked by those jokes every time he mentioned one, it wasn't as though they were an angry mob scheduled to kill him..

And then the front door open. Horray! A distraction! In walked Amy. She was drenched from the rain, dirty from head to foot, her clothes were torn and fringed in some areas, her hair was a mess…and there was the biggest smile shining on her face. She looked crazed. But a happy kinda crazed. Like a mad bunny on steroids who discovers it's in a field of yummy, fresh clovers. Alex saw the grin and pouted. That rocket trip was supposed to be for her.

Meanwhile, out of impulse and direct loss of control, Sally stood up from her seat near the door. Without any apathy, she picked up a nearby wooden chair, walked up to Amy, and smashed it over her back. Everyone else jumped back in defense as the body of Amy crumpled to the floor. Blood started coming out of her shoulders, where the blunt of the blow took place. She looked dead. To be sure, Jen stepped forward with a stick she carried around with her for just such an occasion, and poked Amy.

She didn't move.

Jen looked sadly around at all her friends. "She's dead," she spoke solemnly. Instead of saddened faces breaking out among the friends for the loss of one of their good mates, there was mixed emotion. A few were confused, some were empathetic and another (Jen) was just pissed. Jen's eyes flashed as she glared across the several feet of floor space between her and Sally. "What'd you do that for?" She demanded. "Now how can we have that dopple-ganger fight later without Amy's dopple-ganger?" Sally said nothing.

Meanwhile, Amy came skipping into the room. She stopped in the frame of the door and looked around cheerfully at her friends. "What'd I miss?" She asked. When she noticed the mixed emotions, she knew something had gone out of plan. It wasn't until she spotted her dead dopple-ganger on the floor that she sighed and groaned. "Sonuvabitch," she cursed. "Now I can't play in the fight."

"I TOLD YOU!" Jen pointed accusingly at Sally. But little did they all know that Sally was a—

Chapter 27: Witch Hunt

(by jen)

Little did they know that Sally was actually a robot. They found out when Jen decided to shoot Sally for being so thoughtless17
and out of Sally's robotic head popped Chicken Nugget in a trench coat. "*gasp!!!*" cried Amy, pointing at the little fiend that glared up at them for foiling it's plans. The dust from the gun shot and the robotic pieces splattering everywhere had gone right to Darcy18and she soon turned into evil Darcy. Before anyone could stop her, she gave Chicken Nugget In a Trench Coat such a tremendous kick that he flew through the ceiling and straight for none other then Jupiter. "I HATE TALKING FOOD!!!" She screamed in a rage, and began shooting at everyone. John however, though quick and threw her in the basement full of pepper. There was a tremendous sneeze, and she came up not knowing what just happened, or why John had pushed her down the stairs.

"Hey!" Alex grinned, picking up a treasure map. It had treasure map crossed out and instead said "Sally map". "we should find her." Darcy said, and the others nodded their agreement. Maybe they would find treasure too!!!

The map lead them outside of Amy's house to a deep scary wood. There was a trail they were supposed to follow to get to where Sally was being kept, and our heroes bravely started down the path. They didn't get far before John got annoyed at the racket Jen was making. She was dragging Nichole by her foot behind them, which was causing her to break every branch they came to and rustle all of the dead leaves. "Would you carry her or leave her there?! We're on a rescue mission! We need to surprise our enemy!!!" Jen frowned as John yelled at her, then leaned Nichole up against a tree. "We'll probably be back for you." "Ohh!" Alex exclaimed. "I'll leave her a trail of lollipops to follow if she ever becomes alive again, then she'll know where to find us!" Everyone shrugged their consent, and Alex pulled out a HUUUUUUUUGE bag of lollipops. They returned to walking, with Alex dropping lollipops for the dead Nichole to wake up and devour.

"WHAT?!" Jen gasped.They had come to a clearing, and it wasn't what she had been expecting at all to be located in some deep scary woods. It was a poorly built shaky little house with candy nailed all over the sides of it. "It's like a poor version of the ginger bread house in Hansel and Gretel" Darcy noted, and they nodded. "better eat the candy off of it and find out who lives here." Jen said desicevely, but John pulled her back. "Don't eat candy off of other people's houses!" "why?" "just..BECAUSE I SAID SO!><" Jen sulked behind the rest of them as they went forward to interrogate the owners of the house.

It was exactly who we should have been expecting folks. They same villians as the other stories. Diabloes, Vern19(the alien), Queen Frog20, Boggasaurus, and Mr L the android. The looked up in mild disappointment when they saw it was "those troublesome kids" and put their conspiracy papers down. "well?" Diablos asked. "Well nothing! we demand the return of Sally!" Amy yelled, shaking her fist. "We don't have Sally." Queen Frog remarked at the glowering group. "Then why did the map point us here?!" Alex asked, waving the map. "i dunno." Mr L shrugged, not really caring. Alex, John, Amy, Darcy and Jen exchanged looks. "Maps don't lie." John glared. "So she's here." Jen added, and began to flip over boxes. "Stop that!" Vern pushed Jen out of the house to stop her attempt at destroying their house. "Why is there candy nailed to the walls?" Darcy asked, noticing the splinters sticking out of some of the chocolate nailed to the ceiling. Casting the "kids" a careful look, Boggasaurus cleared his throat, "a hem" and decided they might as well know. They were all proud of what they had captured after all. "We are trying to attract fat little greedy children so that we can feed them to our new man eating paper clip."

"……man eating paper clip..eh?" Amy asked suspiciously. "yeah! it talks, so it must be man eating." Mr L said knowingly. They pulled a curtain off a cage, and there sat Sally. "SALLLY!!!!!" Jen dove at the cage. "NO! IT'S DANGEROUS!! AND MAN EATING!!!" Queen pushed her away. "And Sally's not a good name for it. I was thinking Clyde." The evil teachers began arguing over the paper clips name, and Sally smiled at the others. "The Abominable Snow Goose came and made them think I'm a paper clip. " Sally shrugged. Darcy frowned. "How does it feel to be a paper clip?" "cold" Sally said. "we should get you out then."

"we want to buy your paper clip." John told Diablos. "It's not for sale. We need that paper clip. We have a lot of papers we need it to hold together." "What do you want for it?" John pressed again. "Do you really want to know?" Queen Frog asked, a smile crossing her lips. "yeah!" Jen yelled.

"a scavenger hunt." "a scavenger hunt?" "yeah. We'll put what we want into this hat, and each of you will have to find that one item. " "ok…" Alex, Amy, Darcy John and Jen shrugged. how hard could it be? They each reached into the hat to see what the evil teachers wanted to get in exchange for Sally. "The holy grail??" John looked angrily at Diablos for some kind of explanation. "I want it ><" Diablos pouted. "ok..so John has to go get the holy grail, and I have to get…Kermit the Frog??" Amy looked at Queen Frog, and then smiled. She'd wanted to kidnap him anyways. Alex was a bit jealous, but then she saw her own. "you want..the heart of gold? The space ship with the infinite improbability drive from Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" "Yes." nodded Mr L, rubbing his hands together. Jen gasped when she saw hers. "You want jaws? but..like…that wasn't a real shark…" "No, Jen, it was a real shark." Boggasaurus said cooly. Jen shrugged. "Ok, Darcy, what do you have to get?" "A magic monkey fist.." "Yeah! it was on the Simpsons, and it grants you three wishes!" Vern chirped. "hmm" Darcy nodded.

"well, we do have super powers, so I guess we can do this. " Jen patted Sally's head goodbye ("that's a goood man eating paper clip!") and they turned to go on their little missions. Unless, of course, they get sidetracked…

"wait!!!" Sally cried. " I have to tell you, -


Chapter 28: Intervention!!!!!!!

"—that this is all a hoax."

"Whaaaa?" was the collective inquiry. None of them were quite sure they had heard her right. Jen had definitely not heard her right, for she was the one who pointed at Sally accusingly and said in a loud, deep, tenor voice:

"We are not 'blokes'!"

"Oh, gawd." John groaned, facepalm-ing himself. The others ignored Jen's mistake. They all knew she had refused to get a hearing aid when they'd told her to…and it would have only been a matter of time before she made a silly, stupid mistake like the one she had just made.

Sally sighed heavily, opened her mouth to say something, but decided at the last minute not to bother. She had a sneaking feeling that Jen wouldn't understand anyway. Turning to the others, she decided addressing them would be more efficient. "Seriously, guys, we need an intervention."

"An inter-what?" Alex asked, slightly confused. Sally glared at her for a few beats before she snapped her reply.

"'Intervention'," she began. "Noun. Comes from the verb, 'intervene'. It means to interfere with force, or a threat of force'."

Alex gasped. "You're threatening us!?"

"No," Darcy stepped in for Sally, who looked like she was about to scream at Alex and Jen for being nutters with no brains to speak of. "It doesn't mean she's going to hurt us, Alex; an intervention happens when a person or group is doing something harmful or wrong, and other people come to show them their wrong ways."

Alex frowned, trying to work this out. Meanwhile, Jen was trying to help her. Meanwhile times two, John had wandered off into the corner to prevent himself from attacking Jen and Alex out of self defense of his own withering sanity. Meanwhile tripled, Amy decided it was time once again to be an Intellectual One and faced Sally.

"What needs intervening?"

"Us." Sally said simply.

"Us?"

"Us."

"Hmm…" Amy tapped her forefinger to her chin in thought. "But why are we the ones who need intervention. Are we all on drugs that I'm not aware of? Are you worried we had one too many Pepsi's in our time, and now our stomachs are singing Pepsi tunes? *GASP!*" Amy gasped loudly. "Are these about all of Alex's stupid and Gawd-awful parodies of Shakespeare soliloquies!?"

Sally shook her head. "Nothing like that, dummy."

"Oh." Amy was not-so-secretly disappointed. She had wanted to see Alex pay for those horrid things. They weren't even funny. Well….. except for the one that happened when John turned into a princess in the previous story. That deserved a chuckle. But the rest, no. They sucked.

Meanwhile, Sally was still talking. "We need to get back on the line of the plot." At this statement, everyone collectively gasped in loud, mangled horror. All the air seemed to be sucked out of the room. Each one in turn were gaping obnoxiously at Sally. How dare she suggest they need to get back on plot! They never had a plot! That was the whole plot behind all there stories!!! Nevertheless, Sally seemed immune to their shocked and betrayed stares. She had seen all her friend's tricks before, and could not be persuaded off-topic. Knowing what her friends were thinking, however, she decided to meet them in the middle. "I'm not talking actually turning this story into something that's exactly like everything else. You know…like an actual, linear story line and three dimensional characters, with a strong emotional connection at its core….those types of stories are for sissies." This comment was received with the group nodding their heads in approval. "But, we started this story with some type of idea; and that idea is the one we need to get back to. This was all supposed to be about a murder. Revenge. Heartache. Insanity. Crazed madmen and even a waltz or two. I ask you: where has that idea gone!?" They were all silent and perhaps even a bit ashamed. A few of them glanced down at their shoes or shifted their weight from one foot to the other. They knew she was right. Meanwhile, Sally was getting fired up with the inspirational speech. "We need to get back to that idea! We need to take charge! Stay on track! No more of this silly business with chasing down teachers and weird paper clips! We need to make this a murder mystery! And then murder the plot right out of it! Who's with me!?!" At the brilliant end to this speech, all were energized. They all whooped and hollered and made monkeys out of themselves as they cheered on. Smiles broke out across each one of their faces.

That is, until Buttons had to go and ruin that for them. Walking over to his friends, John glared at them all and stamped his right foot, acting like the little clone of Frank Burns they all knew was in him somewhere. "What the hell are you doing!?" He demanded. The cheering stopped and they all stared at him in a mixture of confusion and shock. A few of them forgot he was still there. "I have been saying for months how you need to follow a plot line and need to better organize all this, and do you listen to me!? Nooooo!!!!! But then Sally comes in and you listen to her when she says the same. Damned. Thing!" John vented for a few more seconds about things on the same basic subject. When he was done and the smoke had finally stopped seeping out from his ears, they all continued to stare at him.

It was Alex who made the next move.

There was a single 'bang' and a surprised look came over John's face. He crumpled to the floor a few seconds later.

Each one of them took a turn to stare at Alex and the smoking gun in her hand.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!!?" Jen demanded, grabbing the gun from her. Even Amy pushed Alex in punishment. Alex simply stared blankly at the fallen body of her friend and said nothing. Jen continued to bitch her out. "HE HAS ALL THE MONEY! HOW CAN WE GET IT NOW, HUH!!!?"

"We could always loot the body." Sally suggested. Jen froze.

"…good point." She crouched down to do just that, but John's arm twitched when Jen's hand moved closer to his pocket to steal the wallet hidden inside. Jen shrieked and jumped back. Seeking refuge behind Alex, she wailed and screamed: "Shoot it! Shoot it dead!" Alex, not needing to be told twice(even though she was told twice) pointed the gun, aimed and pulled the trigger. Another shot rang out and John remained still.

"Why do you keep shooting him?" Amy demanded. Alex shrugged.

"It's fun?"

A look of curiosity painted itself across Amy's face. "Ooh, is it? Lemme try." She made to take the gun, but John twitched again; this time, it was his left foot. So Alex repeated: Bam. Lay still. Get bitched out. Twitching. Circle around again…

"Why won't you die?" Alex growled between clenched teeth. "You're not Captain Jack Harkness21, so just die!"

"You're shooting me with a kid's air gun, you moron!" John said right before he got shot again.

"Then just pretend to be dead! We don't exactly have a lot of corpses laying around right now."

"What are you talking about?" Amy asked. "We have all those dead bodies from earlier. You know…the ones lying about in the front hall of this mansion and no one noticed them…plus all the ones in the freezer in the kitchen. Not to mention there's Nichole…"

"Oh, yeah…" Alex's voice wandered off. She glanced over at Buttons, who was still laying on the floor, staring up at her. He looked slightly miffed.

"Will you stop shooting me now?"

"No." Alex replied before shooting him one final time. He lay motionless and this time did not twitch. But he wasn't dead. He had just decided that he had enough of this for a little while and was going to take a nap. Maybe if he slept, he could get this stupid story with over with. Meanwhile, Alex turned to her friends with a smile spread across her lips. "Comrades," she addressed. "We have a body."


Chapter 29 KBoom

(by Nichole)

"Not for much longer!" A voice cried out before the hut exploded open. As the smoke cleared the band of friends looked around themselves and wondered how they were still alive after that. The hut was no more, burned away from the explosion and fire that always follow after. Much like that of a love sick puppy… but we’re getting off topic. Glancing in front of them, they found Nichole. There she stood, a smoking rocket launcher resting on her shoulder, a big grin on her face because she got to make something explode, but other wise seem to look just fine. She didn’t look dead, she looked healthy, which is strange, seeing how she was SHOT IN THE FACE!! No blood. No bullet hole. Nothing. "Yo."
"What the fuck was that for?!" Alex screamed, more upset that a rocket was shot at her than her friend being alive.
"I wanted to make an explosive entrance!" Nichole grinned. "But this was the best I could come up with." She shrugged.
"Well, I guess it worked," Jen said then shrugged as well.
"Did you see that chemical reaction?" Mr. Lindstedt asked as he glanced around.
"Um, no?" Alex said.
"I did!" Nichole cried out.
"We know you did, Pyro." Sally said as she crossed her arms over she chest.
"Oh, well as long as you guys know!"
"So," Amy said. "What news do you bring to us?"
"Uh, it rained lollopops."


Chapter 30: Mocurtle: It's a Mocking Turtle. Kinda Obnoxious. Glad I Don't Have One.

(by Alex)

Nichole was alive!?! How could this be!? They had killed her! And yet she lives….

But not for long. Still holding the gun in her hand from shooting John earlier, Alex walked up to Nichole and shot her. She fell. But unlike dear ol' Buttons, she was not faking death. She was dead. Someone had switched the air gun to a real gun, apparently, somewhere in between.

So Nichole was dead. But the mystery of how she lived still remained. It was a unique mystery for a Clue type plot: trying to figure out how someone lives instead of dies; but what the hell. We've never been picky. So the Case of the (Once)Living Nichole began…

To find out how Nichole lived, we go to EARLIER…

Nichole gasped for air as oxygen flowed through her lungs. She could breathe…she choked on the air, feeling as though she had not breathed for ages. Once she had gained control over her basic motor skills once more, she squinted her eyes to look around her. She was in a darkened area…it was probably very small, because it felt extremely cramped for space. There was little light available for her to see by, but she did her best. The more seconds that ticked by, the more her eyes were able to successfully adjust to the darkened light. When she finally made out where she was, her eyes narrowed. "A broom closet!?! What the hell am I doing in a broom closet!"

"You're with the brooms." came a voice from behind her. Nichole shrieked and batted in the darkness. She knocked around a couple of broomsticks and made some noise. Not only that, she unintentionally injured the person who had spoken to her. There was a lonely little arachnid that had been sitting on the wall near her right arm. Her shot-in-the-dark-attack had dismantled him from his web and with an "oof," he fell to the floor. Nichole, never knowing she had been talked to by a spider, simply dismissed the entire event as soon as she no longer heard a voice talking to her. She automatically attributed the noise to hearing things, and easily moved on. Climbing over a bucket or two (or three…) and shoving more than one broom out of her way, she struggled to the door. Hand resting on the doorknob, she turned it and ripped it open before falling into a darkened hallway. Shadows were cast all along the floor,

but that will be a story saved for later, because EARLIER…

Jen was looking at a tea pot. She was in the kitchen. Standing in front of the stove. There was a tea pot on the stove, a cup by her hand and a tea bag string dangling from inside the tea cup. Jen stared angrily at the pot. It wasn't whistling. It had been sitting on the stove for eleven minutes and wasn't whistling. There was nothing. Little did Jen know that the stove top was not turned on…

but this story is pointless, so for a change of pace, we go EARLIER…

John was dead (or seemingly). Sally was satisfied because an intervention had been put in place. She had finally set this misunderstood and largely bogus story back on some linear track and all those people who hated non-plot'd stories would shut up because of her valiant efforts.

Yet although John was dead and although they clearly had a body to conduct a mystery… they all simply stood there. Staring at each other. "Sooooo….what do we do?" Amy asked. They all shrugged and muttered a collective "I 'unno."

"Should we check his temperature?" Darcy suggested.

"Poke him with a stick?" (Jen)

"Feed him to the crocodiles?" (Alex)

"I'm not dead…" John grumbled from the floor.

"Hush," they all said, silencing him. John groaned and sighed, rolling his eyes and covering his arms over his chest in defeat. And there he lay; pouting.

"Oh, I know!" Sally said with glee. And as they all watched her in curiosity, Sally rushed to the other side of the room. She ripped off the cover of a Hasbro game and tossed it to the floor. She removed several pieces from inside the box and rushed back over to her friends before dividing what she had out among them. They all stared in wonder at what they had been given.

"Paper?" Jen asked.

"Pencils?" Alex continued.

"It's Clue." Sally smiled. "The point of the game is to solve the mystery." They all continued to stare at her blankly. Sally sighed but a smile played on her lips as she hurriedly explained the rules of the game. "All the rooms of the mansion, the weapons, and the people involved are listed. It's your job to go from room to room and make accusations, trying to figure out who killed John."

"But I'm not dead." John repeated from the floor. His statement got ignored.

"But who are these people?" Amy asked, looking at those listed out. "They aren't us. Whose this 'Professor Plum'? And why is he named after an old person fruit?" Sally waved that away.

"Those are just the players of the group. Substitute yourselves into the game."

"I wanna be Mrs. Peacock." Jen said, etching out the name and writing in her own. The others followed suit. They all split up the eight names to cover the five of them, leaving the other eight black. Jen became Mrs. Peacock, Alex was Ms Scarlet, Amy was Colonel Mustard, Sally was Mrs. White and Darcy traded places with Mr. Green. Right before they all split up, they heard a light tinking outside the window glass. Amy went over to investigate. After pulling back the curtain and peering outside, she muttered a noncommittal "Huh."

"What is it?" Alex asked.

Amy turned back to them and shrugged. "It's raining lollipops."

And because this part is getting much to long…we move to right after Nichole appeared…

Alex had shot her. Nichole lay motionless on the floor. She was a ghost now. Much like what had happened to those in Stardust. But she refused to be a ghost. Those other ghosts of the mansion were so pretentious; she couldn't stand them. Shoving herself back into her body, she rose up from the floor and glared at her friends.

But there was no one to glare back. They had all wandered off to go accusing! Nichole glanced down on the floor, hoping to at least have Buttons to talk to; but he had wandered off too. Right after his friends had disappeared, he'd slipped away to the secret entrance hidden behind the painting on the wall of some old dead dude. As long as he was going to be dead, he might as well be hidden.

Nichole stomped her foot and pouted. She wanted to be the center of the murder mystery. After all, she had been dead for real. Why were her idiot friends paying more attention to someone they pretended was dead instead of the twenty people in the mansion who were actually dead? Storming out of the room in a huff, she went to search for her friends.

Which might not do her any good because LATER…


Chapter 31: DEAD BODIES AND SNOW CONES!

(by Jen and Nichole)

Well, not later, more like immediatly, she stumbled apon Jen who was trying to catch the raining lollipops. "NICHOLE!" she exclaimed at seeing dead Nichole. "look at all these lollipops! Know what we can do with them?" "I don't care right now! I want revenge on Ali!" Jen frowned at her not caring. Luckily, Darcy was still nearby to care about what Jen wanted to do with the lollipops. "What would we do with them? Other then eat them?" Darcy asked. "We can steal babies from candy!!" At this statement, even Nichole had to stop fuming and look at her dumb friend. "WHAT???" Jen straightened her jacket huffily at their outraged remark, and assumed they thought she was pure genious for such an evil plan, not outraged at her stupidity like they really were. "See, people usually do it the other way around, but if you really want to make them unhappy, you get a good candy pile going, and then wait for all the babies to come. They'll come, too. Them babies can sniff this stuff out like a shark smells blood under water. Just a drop and they'll know where to go to find it. But we have to be careful now, because there might be too many babies, and they'll come charging too, once they know where abouts all this candy is. They're like crocodiles! Slow moving, but damn, they'll take yer arm right outta the socket!!" Jen was waiving her hands around while she said this, and Nichole and Darcy exchanged glances. "well…I'm gunna go stab Ali to death or soemthing, but you let me know how that goes, mmkay?" Nichole marched off and Darcy followed.

Meanwhile

"A CLUE!!!" Amy tore the piece of paper out of


Chapter 32: Saucy Ladies.

(by just Alex)

(Out of) her own hand. She got angry at herself for snatching the paper from herself, so the hand that was previously holding the clue stole the paper back from the hand that took the paper. This continued for a little while, allowing Amy to get angrier and angrier at her hands fighting. Finally, it was time for some intervention.

Sally came in and hit Amy over the head with an inflatable hammer she won at the fair. Amy snapped out of her fighting and blankly handed over the clue to Sally. Sally took it and opened up the envelope. Feeling much like a presenter at an awards ceremony, she cleared her throat and presented the clue in the traditional fashion. "And the clue is…." Sliding open the envelope, she removed the manila piece of paper from inside. Her eyes scanned the writing on the paper before she frowned. She glanced up at all her friends, who were looking up at her expectantly. A sheepish smile snaked across Sally's lips before she read off the contents on the paper. "'Congratulations. You now can save up to $25.00 on new oak furniture for your living room…"

"Living room!?" Darcy asked. "What about the clue?"

Sally shrugged and disgustedly tossed the piece of paper to the floor. "I guess there wasn't a clue at all."

"Oh, but there waaaaasss…" An evil laugh echoed from behind the group of friends. They all turned and stared, open mouthed, at …at….AAAAATTTTT……

*LE GASP DU HORROR* "Nichole!!!" They all exclaimed in unison. Nichole smirked mischievously and held up an identical envelope to the one Sally had just thrown away. She stuck the envelope in her mouth, grabbed a nearby rope and swung like Tarzan over to her friends. She would have sticked the landing, but her sneakers slipped on the wooden floor and she fell with a CRASH!


Chapter 33: Bail?

(by Alex; agreed by by Jen22)

After Nichole got up and dusted herself off, she looked around at all her friends. They were all staring. All contemplating. All…wondering

Where had their story gone? What had gone wrong? I mean, sure, there were other things that would prevent them from writing in the story. Even though Nichole was once again alive(-ish), she never updated. And Jen, well. Jen's a college student now. She's taking the college student approach and procrastinating (and Alex is not judging. Alex applauds). And John's too scared to even read our stories anymore. And Alex's excuse? Well, erm…she doesn't really have one.

So they all stood there in the silence, in the mansion atop the not-so-spooky hill. Each pair of eyes turned and gazed at the other pair of eyes. They all stared. Suspicious stares. Mysterious stares. Worried stares. Scared stares. Awkward stares. Horrid stares. Angry stares. Mixed stares. Finally, to break the cycle of weird staring competitions, Amy frowned slightly. "Bail?" she asked. All eyes turned to Amy and looked at her quizzically. Jen was the first one to agree. She frowned as well and nodded her head. "Bail." Each of them in turn nodded their head and agreed.

"Bail." "Bail." "I'm thinking bail."

And with that, they all gathered up their things and left. The lights shut off in the mansion, the doors closed and locked…and the story was over.

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