Trench Coats And Shadows

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Chapter One: Revenge


I may be the face of evil. A creature of destruction despite my small stature. This isn't how I started out…but no matter. It does not matter who I was but what I am now. This at least is what I try to tell myself while I lie awake at night, still hearing the gunshot, a familiar voice screaming my name…where did it all go wrong? What have I become?

Many years ago I was nobody. A lump of lifeless meat sitting on a plastic middle school lunch tray. But then something happened….

I was spared from my untimely demise by a black bit of clothe that brought me to life and started this insane adventure. A trench coat. I know not who gave me this life, this second chance at things, and I may never find out. I only saw a shadow of them drifting away and next thing I know I'm helping these foolish middle schoolers chase after something they called "The Plot."

I followed their insane adventures, and when I'd had enough of their antics I joined up with their enemies to try to stop their madness. But it was all a lost cause. As these middle schoolers got older and eventually all graduated high school and went to college, they only became more driven to their own insanity. I tried to save them from this fate. I tried to help them, one last time, but it was then that I was shot, that terrible night. I remained barely alive, only to find others trying to finish the job. I was thrown, stabbed, held under water…and finally swallowed. Now I sit in the belly of one of these foolish children and can think of nothing but revenge. And I will have it. I have no more mercy for these children and their relentless search for the plot.

I will escape here. I will find the shadow that gave me this trench coat. And I will destroy the plot and these children once and for all.

Chapter 2: The Time Paradox.

(By Jen)

Time is a curious thing. It is unrelentless and forever pacing in only one direction, but there is something more to it. With time there is change, but would this change still occur if time did not exist? Is time just a measurement of moments and breathes or is it an entity that we do not understand?

What we do know is that it is the fourth dimension, and according to Stephen Hawking's understanding of science and how things work, there are only three ways to travel through time at a faster rate then we are doing now.

The first is the most improbable, but a favorite of many. The first way to travel through time is the only way that going backwards in time may at all be possible, and it is this: there are holes. Just like if you were to look at the seemingly perfect smooth surface of a glass ball under a microscope, you would find tiny holes. Nicks and bumps that are so tiny they can not be seen with the naked eye, but there they are.

Time, too, is like a glass ball. It seems perfect, but deep, deep within it are tiny nicks and bumps. They are one trillionth trillionth of a centimeter and thus impossible for a human to fit through. Although Dr. Hawking did not mention the matter of ghosts, sometimes I wonder if a soul may travel through these cracks and get stuck somewhere in between different times…but no matter.

We have no means to enlarge such a tiny crack in time, and so we shall never be able to travel through it. Not to mention, there is the problem of paradox's breaking all of the rules of the universe. Physics is a wonderful upholder of the laws as I will mention again in the third way to travel through time. What Stephen Hawking proposed as physic's reaction to these paradoxes is that if a wormhole (as such the cracks in time are named) was able to be enlarged so that a human may pass through, and should this human attempt to create a paradox, the wormhole will breakdown and fall apart before the paradox can happen thus stopping the action entirely.

All in all, traveling through wormholes can safely be ruled out as a possibility of time travel. This leaves two more interesting possibilites.

After launching satellites into space something strange was noticed..time is a fraction of a second slower in space than on Earth. How can this be?

It is because time is not a measurement, and it is effected by mass. The mass of the Earth actually speeds time, and so going further away from it's heavy mass time speeds up. How can this equal time travel? It means we must venture to a black hole, the densest thing that we know of. Time there will be faster, and once traveling around the black hole at a safe distance for say, five years, ten will have passed back on Earth. This is not the most efficient mode of time travel of course, and clearly means we can only go forward. So what is the last possibility?

Einstein's Theory of Relativity, of course. This would not be possible without physics policing things, but how it goes it this: The fastest speed possible by anything is 299 792 458 m / s. Nothing can go faster then this, (not even Hermes). So imagine that we were able to accomplish this and travel the speed of light. (Which will never happen since matter simply can't travel that fast) We build a train (probably made by the Germans, they're good at building fast trains)12 and it then travels the speed of light. You might think that a passenger on the train going the speed of light can outwit the laws of physics (blasphemy) by simply running faster, therefore adding the additional speed to the speed of light and surpassing it. Not so. Physics makes sure that this can not happen by slowing down time on the train going the speed of light, so even if you were to sprint through the train you would not be going faster then the speed of light.

This being the most efficient (though still improbable with today's technology) way to travel through time, a week on this train would roughly equal a century outside of it. Better hope robots haven't taken over the world, because there's no going back…

So what does all of this mean you ask? And why am I wasting my time thinking about time and physics (as if that could ever be a waste of time) when I could be finding a way to extract revenge upon those who have wronged me?

Well…you see….the first story these children wrote involved a time machine…and since with all of the reasoning I have done pretty much proves such a contraption can simply not exist, that is the first thing that I must destroy. They are undoubtably writing a story as I sit here toiling away in this prison of a stomach, but now at least I can be assured that this abomination of physics is put to bed permanently.

Step one in my plan for revenge escaping..and preferably not through the lower intestines direction….3

Chapter 3: Defining Evil

(by Jen)

A soft cool room sets the mood for this chapter. Chicken Nugget in a Trench Coat had escaped his human prison unscathed (physically that is) and now he waited patiently for his assistant, or minion if you will.

His assistant was well known throughout the stories, and would be valuable in research and experiments, especially since his assistant was a villain too. Well, perhaps not villains per say, as who is to say what is good and evil in a story? More over, stating that he, Chicken Nugget in a trench coat, is a villain is suggesting that the children who destroyed the plot and tried to do away with him are in fact the GOOD guys and that is simply perposterous and a gross undermining of what is good and evil, hero and villain, protaganist and antagonist, morally righteous do gooder and immoral lawbreaker….but I digress.

The sound of a door opening and the shuffling of feet broke Chicken Nugget in a trench coat from his internal tirade and he looked up at his assistant.

"You're late." Chicken nugget in a trench coat barked harshly from his seat upon the book shelf.

Diablos, whose gray eyes had been scanning the room looking for his new boss, started and turned. "But you never told me when to be here.."

"That's so no matter when you showed up you'd still be late." Chicken Nugget in a trench coat scolded. He had always enjoyed bossing Diablos around.

"Now tell me," Chicken Nugget in a trench coat began, looking cross, "do you know what this is about?"

Diablos figured he meant why he was here and what their meeting was about, but to his surprise he looked up to see Chicken Nugget in a trench coat holding up a pair of dirty underwear. "uhhhmm" Diablos managed,completly certainly wasn't his.

"You forgot to do my laundry. Again."
"But you didn't tell me to!"
"More excuses." Chicken Nugget in a trench coat glared.

Diablos scratched his brown hair nervously. His time as a Navy Seal still didn't prepare him for working with such an inconsiderate, chemically imbalanced and just plain arrogant jerk. Not to mention tiny, and that just made it worse. He reflected darkly how he would be hungry and craving a midnight snack, and who would be hiding in the cookie jar, but CHICKEN NUGGET IN A TRENCH COAT! When he'd try to sleep at night, who would slip onto his pillow and breathe in his ear?? Not his mother, that's for sure, but Chicken Nugget in a trench coat!!

Diablos was broken from his troubled thoughts by the heavy weight of Chicken Nugget in a trench coat's glare.

"what kind of assistant are you, it only takes two minutes for gods sake to call my mother and tell her how I've been, and you didn't even try to book me a table at that expensive new restaurant two weeks ago, and speaking of expensive, I think I've been paying you far too much for the work you do. More like lack of work. In the last two hours since I've hired you, what have you done? You showed up late to a meeting and you still haven't called my mother!

Chicken Nugget in a trench coat took a deep breath to continue his tirade (not noticing the glazed look on Diablo's eyes,) but was interrupted by the phone ringing.

Chicken Nugget in a trench coat picked up the phone impatiently and pressed it to his ear. "yes?"

There was a moment of silence and raspy breathing on the other line. As Chicken Nugget in a trench coat was about to hang up, a creepy drawling voice finally answered; "I….am…….deeeaaaatttthhhh" it wheezed. "We don't want any." Chicken Nugget rebuffed sternly. "I…AM……DEEEEEAAAAAATTHH!!!!" It howled louder. "Listen buddy;" Chicken Nugget in a trench coat frowned; "saying it louder won't make me want to buy it. That only works for Billy Maize."

With regret, Chicken Nugget in a trench coat glanced behind him at his closet and spare bedroom, still avalanched open with 'sham wows.'

"I am Deaaaaatthhh, and I am calling to tell you-" Chicken Nugget in a trench coat hung up. "Stupid salesman."
"Are you sure it wasn't your mother?" Diablos asked. "SHI-" The phone rang again.

"MOTHER I'M SORRY!!!" Chicken Nugget in a trench coat cried. "I didn't realize it was you!!"
The voice on the other line sighed before speaking. "You're next." and then it hung up.
"Mother? Mother?" Chciken Nugget held the phone up uselessly to his ear.

"Are you going to be ok?" The half hearted concern in Diablo's voice was prominant, but unnotted by Chicken Nugget in a trench coat as he put the phone down muttering vague obsenities.

Diables paused awkwardly, then took an envelope out of his shirt pocket and handed it to his boss. "This is our first clue." "AND YOU WAITED UNTIL NOW TO TELL ME?!!" Chicken nugget in a trench coat opened the envelope so viciously, it was shredded into little pieces. He glared at the air as the fell on both the floor and Diablos' head. "PUT THAT BACK TOGETHER!"

Before Diablos could pick up the pieces, a smoke started to emit from the fallen pieces. It's purple plumes met and gathered, and as the two watched in amazement, it joined together to form something solid. A person.

Diablos had to ask, "Are…are you…a …a…a gen-" "no." the once smoky being cut the question short with a grumpy response.
Chicken nugget in a trench coat and Diablos shared a glance.

"So you're nooooot a gen-" "NO!" it again replied, it's blue eyes narrowing into angry slits.

"are you my fairy god mother?" Chicken nugget in a trench coat asked, his eyes widening and looking frighteningly gleeful. This caught the being off guard, and he turned to Chicken Nugget in a trench coat near speachless. "No, I am not your nor any one elses fairy god mother."

"But you have such nice fluffy hair…" Chicken nugget in a trench coat countered. The being sighed.
"So what are you?"
"I'm Nate."
"What's a Nate do?"
"what do you mean, what's a Nate do?" The fluffy haired being was quite unimpressed.
"Well, you came out of the envelope as smoke, so you must do something of use to us."

Chicken Nugget in a trench coat and Diablos stared at him intensly, and Nate felt a little uncomfortable under the combined stare. "Well, I could..take you to my mmrrrybbssubrhh.." He mumbled. "What??" "I…could….take you ….to ..hey look, Jones soda!" Nate held up an assorted six pack of the world's most delicious soda. "That's all very well, but ..what were you saying? and hand me that FuFu berry you have right there.." Diablos pointed, and eager to distract, Nate complied.

Despite the refreshing taste of Jones soda however, he was not distracted for long. "So, say again what use you are to us, or we'll just go ahead and through you in this torture box right here.." Chicken Nugget pointed at an empty cardboard box with the work "torture machine" written on it in crayon. Nate raised an eyebrow, but decided it would be best to comply with his insane captors.

"I'm sort of the property of a gypsy fortune teller." Nate sighed embarrasedly.

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